this morning..i was up early..to have breakfast with nyet,pooiyeng and kyean..the time promised was 9 am..so i took the EFFORT to wake up at 8.15am to get myself ready..but then..when the clock struck 9.10 am..i knew that nyet has yet to wake up..hahha..so i called him and no one answered..so i hung up in despair..seconds later..,my phone rang..and it sounded as if a grunt at the end of the line..i knew it was nyet..turned out that he hasn't wake up..dang!!9.20 and still happily rolling on the bed..so around 9.25 am,kyean came with pooiyeng and picked me up to nyet's place..hahha..turns out the guys had a hard time to wake up..tsk..tsk...4 of us went to oldtown for breakfast..and we sat there for 2 hours,talking about what's happening in acs..MOSTLY..hehhe..but i certainly had a wonderful time,listening to nyet's version..(his stories are hilarious..with him adding effects,u know..) somehow,i wonder,whether i've made the right decision by leaving form6..i know i'll enjoy myself in form6..afterall..it's still school life..people are not so complicated..life's more exciting..and people there are all my group of friends..i guess it's too late to actually think of all these..i mean,i've made the decision to leave ACS..there's no way to turn back..guess..i'll just have to continue walking till the end of the path and see where it'll lead me..huh?..

so,how did i spend my new year's eve..?at 1st,my family which consists of my dad,mum,aunty,aunty's son,aunty's daughter and boyfriend and I went to sitiawan to visit my uncle who just had his operation.besides the visit,we also went for makan-makan..eat seafood mar...and came back in the evening..had plans to hang around at meiling's place with tin,mel,yeesan and foo at 1st..BUT..then sookmin called me last minute..telling me to go to jiunshyan's house..coz they are also celebrating maylee's birthday..so,it took me a very long time to decide..and then i made up my mind and went to sookmin's instead..(*tin,foo,yeesan,mel,meiling..if u are reading this..i'm sorry for pulling myself out last minute..i'm so sorry...throughout the night,i was thinking if i'd offended u ppl for ffk-ing last minute..i'm terribly sorry..)

jiunshyan's place was well..fine...the people there was almost all sixth formers..some who i've met earlier when i was still in ACS..some who i have absolutely no idea..when i arrived,i was like 'shit!' did i make a wrong choice of coming to this place coz i don't even click with them at all..but turned out perfectly fine..maylee and meiyenn was a great company..as well as the others..didn't really feel left out ..which is great..it was a long time since i've been to a BBQ party..and yesterday's were fun!can't help to think what if i've been to meiling's instead..maybe next year?..i don't know..we had a superb countdown..with maylee's and meiyenn's time 4 minutes later than the actual time..so we had 2 different countdowns..hahha...jiunshyan's place had great food,great company..and great hosts..(sookmin and jiunshyan)..=)

i wonder as time goes by...when i'm in my twenties or thirties..,will there still be parties for me?or will i be invited to them?..i wonder how i'll spend my holiday events..alone,with a special person..or with a large group of friends?..?..i'm afraid that as i grow older,my circle of friends reduces and in the end,all i'm ended up is with a soul mate..i see this happening to many of my older group of friends..when they no longer click together because everyone is too attached to their other halves..which in my opinion is not a very nice thing..i mean..it's alright for u to be attached with anyone u like,but..don't get so attached till u live in your own piece of world..your life doesn't revolve only u and him/u and her..u've gotta have other people to complete your puzzle of life..now i understand why my dad doesn't encourage me to start a relationship at this age..coz he wants me to have fun before being tied down to one particular person..i'm not saying that everyone's like this..but there ARE people who lives in a world with ONLY THEIR other halves..

HAPPY NEW YEAR...AND A BLESSED YEAR AHEAD TO EVERYONE...MAY THE YEAR 2006,A YEAR OF HOPE AND HAPPINESS..AND NOT A REPETITION OF PREVIOUS YEARS..(i certainly don't mind retaking SPM though...)

1st day of the year..and i'm bored...aww man!..

i'm running out of things to write about actually..except someone has already lost her phone..and it's been 2 days since i last talked to her..missing her already..how leh??

i'm bored..bloody bored...

i seriously need a drive..need to drive..be behind the wheels and just drive non-stop..till the oil meter states empty..and that's the time to put more petrol and then continue driving..

maylee just asked me a question..:-

1st day of school...mum and bro are away for school...dad's working..and me..?..left alone..at home..

let me share what i've done today..

9am-wake up to open the door for the cleaner..

9.10am- get back to sleep

10.40am- wake up to watch the drama series

11.45 am- switched on the computer,check who's online..hahha..no one was on..

11.55 am- got back in front of the tv..

1.00pm- telephone rang..wrong number..get back to the tv..

2.00 pm- mum came home with bro..went  out for lunch with mum..

4.00 pm- switched on the tv..watched CSI for an hour

5.00 pm- finished watching.went to my room,saw my bed and get some sleep..

6.00pm- woke up,watched drama series

8.00 pm- went out for dinner..

need i say more?....i'm rotting my assbutt off...and i believe i saw algae growing on my hands this morning...my gawd!!...

calling anyone who's out there,still on holidays..text message me and free me from this boredome..PLEASE..anyone out there...!!

taken from yeesan's page..

Start with 100%, and take away 1% for
everything you've done/that's happened to you on
this list. Put the percent you got at the bottom
with your name. If you did ONE thing
you would put 99%.

-Smoked.
-Drank alcohol.
-Cried when someone died.
-Been drunk.
-Had sex.
-Been to a concert.
-Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
-Been verbally/s exually harassed.
-Verbally/s exually harassed somebody.
-Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
-Laughed so hard something came out of your
nose.
-Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
-Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
-Been to prom.
-Cried at school.
-Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
-Went streaking.
-Given a lap dance.
-Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
-Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
-Slept over at someone of the opposite sex
-Kissed a stranger.
-Hugged a stranger.
-Went scuba diving.
-Driven a car.
-Gotten an xray.
-Hit by a car.
-Done drugs.
-Played strip poker.
-Got paid to strip for someone.
-Ran away from home.
-Broken a bone.
-Eaten sushi.
-Bought porn.
-Watched porn.
-Made porn.
-Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
-Been in love.
-Frenched kissed.
-Laughed so hard you cried.
-Cried yourself to sleep.
-Laughed yourself to sleep.
-Stabbed yourself.
-Shot a gun.
-Trash talked someone and then acted like their
best friend the next day.
-Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
-Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
-Watched an animal die.
-Watched a person die.
-Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with
at least person present.
-Pranked somebody.
-Put somebody in the hospital.
-Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room
after being out.
-Kissed somebody of the same sex.
-Dressed punk.
-Dressed goth.
-Dressed preppy.
-Been to a motocross race.
-Avoided somebody.
-Been stalked.
-Stalked someone.
-Met a celebrity.
-Played an instrument.
-Ridden a horse.
-Cut yourself.
-Bungee jumped.
-Ding dong ditched somebody.
-Been to a wild party.
-Got caught stealing something.
-Kicked a guy in the balls.
-Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
-Went out with your friend's crush.
-Got arrested.
-Been pregnant.
-Babysat.
-Been to another country.
-Started your house on fire.
-Had an encounter with a ghost.
-Donated your hair to cancer patients.
-Been asked out by someone that you never though
you'd to be asked out by.
-Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
-Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
-Sat on your ass all day.
-Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
-Had a job.
-Gotten cut from a sports team.
-Been called a wh ore.
-Danced like a wh ore.
-Been mistaken for a celebrity.
-Been in a car accident.
-Been told you have beautiful eyes.
-Been told you have beautiful hair.
-Raped somebody.
-Danced in the rain.
-Been rejected.
-Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
-Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

hahha...58%...

I'm sitting alone,with no one to think of except for myself..

i think of all the times which i spend to think for them...the times which i've wasted on thinking about the people that's not worth my time and attention..i recollect all the times when i've actually cried myself to sleep..cut myself..sat down and whine..hurt myself,emotionally and physically..

the times when actually i could use to do more things..like getting some serious studying..or..indulge in some activity that benefits me..or going for mamak sessions happily,instead of sulking in a corner..think more happy thoughts instead of pulling my friends to suffer together with me..

*punchee,thanks for sticking by myside all the time..i miss you alot..and i know u must be cursing God for having me as your room mate..3 weeks after school starts,i've been giving u loads of problems..thanks for being an understanding person..who never despise me..and u love me for who i am..thank you..i could never wish for more..

*pinky,i know..i know..mum..u are always there for me..scolding me..to wake me up...i know..i know..i'm finally awake...but dunno how long it will last...thanks for being there for me too..u and punchee..i'll never forget the times when u 'slapped' me back into reality..only to realise that i go back being the depressed khian the next minute...

*shiouting,though u are not always around,but i'll never forget about your theories...i'm glad i don't have to use them on you so soon..but u take care alrite..?don't make harsh decisions..and no man's going to wait for u that long..

*carina&sheateng&sharon..,thanks for being there..whenever we have mamak sessions..we'll be drunk just by drinking teh tarik..and we would drown our sadness..(or mine,at least..) with teh tarik and roti pisang..hahha..thank you..i hope in the years coming..we are still faithful neighbours..and everytime i want to start studying,carina,..u shall be knocking on my door...thank you..

*aiting&jiamin..,i don't know what happened to us..since when,..we have talked lesser to each other..i wonder why...but..it's alright..we  have 4 years together..i hope..we can still have our little gentings session..to strenghten our bond..

*kenneth&tzeyang..thank you!!..don't have to say more...u und...

*ivan..thanks for being understanding..i could never ask for more..

..went to watch 'Cheaper by a dozen 2' today with a couple of friends..waizin,euqueen,kwong,eujon and ban..the movie was alright la..not what i've expected..,but it was worth my money..student price mar..i don't know about you out there...but i think it's fine..so after the movie,we went to have our late lunch in pizza..(mind you,we had a long discussion on where to have lunch..)..after lunch,we decided to do a bit of indulging in INdulgence..hahha..u've heard it right..Indulgence..(we must be out of our minds to be there..)..Anyway,the reason why we were there coz euqueen's friend is meeting her there..and secondly,i want to see adeline,my friend who is currently working there too..at 1st,when i was there..i saw someone who looks like my friend..just slightly plumpier..and i wasn't too sure if it was her..coz it has been a long time since i last saw adeline..so,euqueen,waizin,kwong and eujon wanted to like approach the girl la..but i was afraid what if it was a mistake..so i text messaged adeline,asking her if she was at work..but the reply was she was not yet at work..and she told me that her sis was also working there..and the person was probably her sis..wahlaio..so big difference..i must say..akhem..adeline looks slightly better looking..and prettier..akhemz...compared to her sister la...(adeline,next time yumcha yours k..?i help to promote u wert..hehhe..)

had plenty of laughters today...enjoyed myself very well..

it has come to my notice that adeline has said something about friends who actually stick to you when you are happy and long gone when you are sad...well..sometimes truth hurts..but yes,i've to admit that 99.8% of friends in this world..are actually there with you when you are celebrating..but few come out to stick with you when u are falling..i can't say that i'm a very loyal friend myself..as i too,do bitch about certain people..(no names mentioned..u people know..)..i can't runaway from the fact that i am a normal human,with many flaws and i dare not say i'm a true friend...for the fact that i have not had one..in my entire life...i find myself,spilling all my problems to everyone..(remember the one we had during tzy yin's BBQ party?)but somehow..everyone treated as if it was one big joke..this is my point of view la..of course,they did listen to me..but how many came up with the solution to my problems..?(or perhaps my problem was too sophisticated..ok...scrape that example then!)..

we are normal beings and we can't runaway from the fact that we have to put ourselves as the priority of our lives..there are many situations when you have to save our own butts before looking out for other people's butts...i still remember when we were still kids,..we often jot down on people's biography book.."friendship forever","friends for eternity","friends for life".."friends for bla..blabla..."..i never believe in those lines..but i can't deny that i've written plenty of those lines in books before..why?it seems to be a fad..coz everyone's writing them down..how many of you out there who means what you've written?..the ones that u said 'friends for life'..did u actually keep in touch with them?or are u still in contact with them?..come on..be honest,dear...

i never do believe in having friends for life..maybe for the fact that my parents think that i shouldn't be putting my friends first..i should be the important one instead...or maybe for the incident that happened during form4 about girl guides..yes,..it's still fresh in my mind..that's why i was never in a group..i was constantly flying from each different groups of friends..never stuck to one only..because i never seem to fit in any one of them..hahha..i had a very pathetic schooling life..the only one who  really trusted..has proven my point..left me..so..why should i trust anyone of u out there?..well..of course..when i was down,..there was a couple of friends who were there for me..to console me..talked to me..(*yiling..thank you)(*goh..u too..)..but how about the nights when i was alone..?when all of u were asleep..?..who went through the lonely nights with me?..see?..there was no one..i was all alone..by myself..which now comes to my point..no one can ever be with u even when u are at your lowest point..because everyone has their own problems to deal with..all they can do is just to listen to your whinings and then..offer a few words of sympathy..and that's it..u are all alone again..it is at this time..i believe..parents come in..for my part,..my parents understood the pain i was going through..though they had no idea what the problem was ..but they knew..i was hurt emotionally and physically..they were there all the time,checking on me whenever i stayed home during the weekends..brought me out to meet more people instead of leaving me alone at home,in my room..this is when i learned to appreciate my parents more..

so,adeline..don't lose hope in finding a friend who listens to you..but never expect more than that..coz i'm sure..there's a limit in everything..there's no such thing as they will be there throughout your lonely nights..but if they are nicer enough,they will probably get you more boxes of tissues..so you wouldn't run out of supply during the middle of the night..

HOWEVER,...angkhian is always a good listener..but of course,..i do talked alot..all the time..so..if u want sensible advice..(with a slight humour)..you can always come to me..

Because of you..:-

• i dare not listen to leehom's songs..everytime i listen to him sing,it automatically reminds me of you..
• i dare not enter my own room,coz everytime i sit on my bed,i see images of you everywhere..
• i dare not go to places at my own hometown,..because when we were together,we went to almost everywhere in town..
• i dare not go to secret recipe..because the cafe is the place where we spend the most time together..where we shared a slice of cake together..and tomyam noodles..now the sight of them makes me cry silently inside..
• i can't listen to love songs..because every song contains our story..
• i can't listen to our songs..because it automatically makes me cry..
• i dare not go online that often,because i fear to see your nick..that appears in my msn..
• i dare not look through our old photos..because i can't bear to see your picture,knowing that u are no longer mine..
• i dare not hang out with your friends..because everytime they want to hang out with me..they would likely be bringing you along..
• i dare not pass through Yik Foong..coz i remember the times we spend there before tuition starts...
• i dare not talk to my parents because i fear that they will bring out your name..
• i dare not clear out my cupboard which contains all your letters because i know i wouldn't be able to control myself from reading them..and get upset all over again..
• i dare not hang out with friends from Australia..because the name of the country reminds me of you..
• i dare not go to the movies alone,because each movie i watched with u..is still fresh in my mind..and each time i look beside me,..it's not you there..
• i dare not get sick..coz everytime when i fell sick..u'd be rushing to my place with a bottle of honey lemon...and now..i've nothing but a glass of water..
• i dare not use my phone that frequent coz it reminds me of the time when we use to sms alot to each other..and now the ones that i smsed to..is not u..
• i dare not even think..coz i know..u'll pop out,out of nowhere..
• i dare not step out from my house,coz i fear that i'll meet you outside..but at the same time..i dare not stay at home..coz there are too too many memories..
• i dare not love again...

aiting just told me tha results are going to be out on the 12th...

die la this time..

anyone knows any bomoh who can jampi-jampi my results abit??

i just checked..that i'm so gonna retake my 1st sem..

• maths- all answers hanging halfway..
• physics- all answers are created solely by me..
• moral- entire paper which i've crapped..the new notes which i'm sure it's not in Mr.Yusni's notes..
• thinking skills- the only paper which i smiled throughout the exam..because i didn't know what else i can do to it.
• chemistry- die la..
• sport science- the paper which i tembak-ed all my answers and didn't do a single essay question..god,please save me..
• english- sigh..

die la..which bomoh????

read adeline's blog this morning..she wrote some chinese stuffs,which was dedicated to me..but heck..!i was from MGS..with a mum as a chinese teacher..and a tiny weeny bit of chinese education back when i was still a little child..i'm already lucky for knowing a lil bit of chinese..and now,..ade's out there,torturing me with her wide knowledge in chinese..asking me to read something with so many chinese characters..hahha..seriously..chinese characters to me,..have so many strokes..which seems to be an art to me..hahha...*no offence though!..but her point was to ask me to let go..sigh..another yiling,goh,dai,..everyone..hahha..*thanks for the advices k?*

yes..people..i'm already letting go..i'm proud to say..i'm almost to the finishing line..reaching SLOWLY..but yes...i'm almost done...(gee...is it going to work that way if i keep psycho-ing myself into believing i can?)

people,today i woke up with a heavy heart..some memories crossed through my mind all of a sudden..and somehow i dreamt about the past..weird eh..?(how come i never dreamt about the future?...)it's not nice to put up what i've dreamt on this blog..but hey,anyone who wants to know.can ask me..maybe i'll share..

stuck in the middle today..wanted to talk to someone..but dunno who to go to..i guess..this is the 'without-a-friend-to-talk-to' syndrome..haha,..serves me right for not making a real friend when i was young..

sigh..to those who are studying far away from your hometown.. i wonder if u experience the same thing i do..erm..like when u are back on holidays during your sem break or whatsoever,do u feel that maybe it is not a good idea to spend holidays back in your hometown..?well..yeah..u are back at your own place,with your own family..and you have good family food for once..but besides that..where would you be spending time then?are u the same like me..?..when you are back,u don't know who to tell to that u are back..or u are probably thinking that they(your friends) doesn't even care whether you are back or not..so,in the end..you'll probably be spending your break at home,counting the days for the holidays to end,and can't wait to get yourself back to college..

do you feel the same way i do?

hahha..if you do,..i'm glad to tell you that you aren't the only one..i'm here,leading the same crappy life you do..everytime i come home,..i have no idea who to tell..when they have  plans..somehow i'm left out in a few ocassions..some of you might be thinking that it's my fault for not telling them that i'm back on a holiday..but sigh..do u understand the feeling of not having anyone to actually say that 'i'm back'..?

ish..i'm whining about petty things over and over again..hahha..

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.............i just don't know what to write to explain today's mood..just text message adeline..asking her whether she's at work..but there's no reply..waited for 10 minutes already..but still no reply..i guess..she's working..sigh..

need to talk to someone badly..

had a row with mum earlier..it was just because of a very small matter..and yes..being a nice daughter..i didn't throw her back with harshful words..and instead..i kept quiet and slammed my room door..i was nice right?..then i blasted my radio..and mum called from outside..asking me to turn it off..and i was like 'what the heck is your problem..and yes..i respected my mum..and so i shut down my radio..and yes..amazing as it sounds..i opened up my physics text book..and started to study..then for no reason..mum continued to scold from outside..saying something that if my results not good..she asked me to beware..some sort of threat la..bla bla bla...i didn't really pay attention to what she was saying but i was really mad..

i was like..'wtf woman..i'm studying la ni..sheeesshh..' then i text messaged my dad..'i hate mum!'

dad rushed back from his golfing sessions..asked me what's wrong..and i told him the whole story..and he agreed that mum's probably having menopause..(this,i add myself la..) but he asked me to be calm la..don't worry.he'll settle it..so in the end..i earned a treat to sushi king..hahha...dad's really a nice guy..being our middle man for the past 19 years...*muacks,dad!..i'm so looking for a boyfriend with my daddy's material..anyone out there?

die la..

die la..mati la..

sei la..

sei la..

my whole conversation with ivan was that..

exam results out on the 12th..

sei la..

sei la..

..psst..if u happen to see me online..or my blog updating...big chance that it's not me alrite..it's just my soul....

just read about someone that has found hope..hahha...i wonder when my 'hope' is going to come by..

*people..i'm terribly sick..

...and i thought i was feeling better...

..i went out with my parents today for dinner..was very hungry..was so sure that i could finish a cow myself...but then..when my dad parked his car,he suddenly shouted out and said.."hey,isn't that MP's dad's car?"..i was surprised with the suddden commotion..and i looked..yes..indeed it was MP's dad's car..and my mum had to add in a line.."i wonder if the family is also here to makan.."

so much for a happy and quiet dinner...

when i entered the shop,i scanned through the place with my eyes..part of me wanted to see MP,but part of me does not want to see that particular person..sigh..so..in the end..my appetite went away...and i ended up with a glass of orange juice...throughout the whole dinner..,my parents kept asking me what had happened..why can't see the family..why this...why that...why MP didn't come and look for me during the holidays...

aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhh.....!!

they have to dig through my wound and put salt all over it...AGAIN AND AGAIN....

Do you think about a certain person..in the middle of the night..?

the minute you opened your eyes and you just can't stop thinking about that certain person?...

when in actual fact..the certain person is not really close to you..but you just can't help but to think about that particular person...?

or when you hold your phone the whole day..and just don't understand why the certain person never send you a sms..or reply your miscalls...

hmm...i think i'm going through a phase again..

i just received a heart-breaking news...turns out my car is not going to come back this month...not next month either..not on march too...but it's only returning on APRIL...!!sob..sob...i soooo hate the mechanic..

when he was telling me the reason.,i was in fact burning hot inside..i wanted to scold him,telling him that the car has been there for almost a year..and now,he's telling me to be patient..AGAIN..for god sake..i'm a driving lover..and it's alright i ended up in an accident..and have to put up with the fact that i can no longer drive in school anymore..that's alright..i've been in UTP for almost 4 months now..and yes..the bloody car still needs plenty of attention!!..and he had the nerve to promise me earlier that the car was going to be ready in January...*well..screw u,old man!!!...arrggghhh!!!!...so inefficient..and the people in charged of the traffic department..want to approve my fixed car also take 3 months to do so..and now,because of this a**holes..i've to wait till April till i get my car back..kenot be more efficient ge meh?work more hours la..all u have to do is to drive down to ipoh from kl,come look at my car and sign the goddamn paper..that one also so difficult meh?!..

oh my...my hormones are getting inbalanced,i think..getting pretty emotional lately..

i guess..it's just because the results for finals is going to be out on the 12th....

sei la..........*curse the mechanics!* 

..let me clarify...what i meant by me going through a phase..is that..i'm in serious boredome now..and i really need someone to spice up my life...

get it?

Guess what the UTP's 2nd sem foundation students are fussing about?

 WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO GO BACK?

haha..stupid aren't we?..before the exams ends,we discussed when to go back..and now,when the holiday is coming to an end..we are discussing when is the right time to go back..coz we can't come to a perfect date when everyone can come back at the same time..at the same time,we are also freaking excited that the holiday is coming to an end...and they can now see ANGKHIAN in campus once again..good isn't it?they just can't wait to see MUA! 

today...i took an opportunity..a risk actually ...to drive down to Kampar with my mum's car..without the 'P' sign...with my cousin by my side...and he's barely 18...while my mum went down to sitiawan with my aunties..to visit my friend...haha..shocking isn't it?me..being a rebellious kid..driving all the way down to Kampar without my parents beside me..and to drag along an innocent kid...haha..yes..i wasn't thinking properly..all i needed was a long drive..to be behind the wheels...free my mind..and just to have lunch with a family friend..that's all...and i told mum i was going to spend some time in jusco alone..haha..she's so going to kill me if she checks the mileage..

in the end..my poor cousin had to endure..a 1 hour journey there..with my cd player blasting 'Heaven Knows' continuosly..and he kept hinting to me softly that whether it was alright if he switched to a faster pace song..all i did was continue humming the song which i think he got the answer..and he sat quietly throughout the journey,pressing his handphone..i guess he must be cursing me to his girlfriend..hahha...anyhow,we reached Kampar safely..and it took me just a few minutes to reach my friend's place..coz she was staying at one of the shophouses there..opposite the market area..so..it didn't take quite long..chatted with my friend..while my cousin went looking for his..coz his side of the family is from Kampar..so..got friends there la..hmm..Kampar is a very small town..(bigger than Tronoh though..) and the food there can be considered cheap...had a great lunch..and a very good laughing session..should doing this more...

at 3..started my journey back..coz seong chen promised to take me out for tea...so i decided to rush back..blasted 'Heaven Knows' again..and this time..my cousin decided to just sleep through the song..i soo wanted to wake him up..but then..kesian him la..have to endure the painful journey....i drove him back safely..and managed to parked the car nicely..before mum reached home...sei seong chen..didn't call or sms me..so i guessed that there'll be no tea..sigh..so much for rushing back...dang!

to sum it all up..i had a great fun of driving today...and yes,..i'm starting to get sick of the song...

i miss you..yes..you...

You are reading this message,aren't you..?so it's you who i'm missing alot..

i'm really thinking about you..ALOT..can;t explain it either..but i just want you to know that you are spending awfully alot of time in my head recently...i dunno why but i'm liking it..

=)

what am i doing online at 3.20 in the morning?..

couldn't sleep,talking to adeline..about my old problems..haha...i'm not crazy yet,ade...i'm wide awake..

and it's all wei ern's fault..for not tending to me ...and i guess she's fallen asleep..hmmph!

Do you have someone who lets go of his own dream of becoming a pilot and continues staying back in the same university u go to just because u told him that u wouldn't want your boyfriend to be a pilot?

Do you have someone who was there for you whenever u say that u don't understand a certain chapter in your text book..and goes an extra mile to look around the library to find another book with an easier explanation,just so that u can understand better...?

Do you have someone who lends you his cd player with slow songs in the library so that you fall asleep faster and then be fresh again to study?

Do you have someone who cycles to your place just because you said you were bored?..

Do you have someone who cycled to your place at 2 in the morning,just to be scolded by you due to some petty stuffs...and stood there quietly,waiting for you to burst everything out and in the end,apologised for being a jerk...?But in actual fact,he was very upset inside coz he has just received news that his grandparent has just passed away..?but all he did was to keep all the sadness inside without letting you know,and you bluntly continued shuffing your anger to his face..?

Do you have someone who kepts calling your friends about your condition..whether you took your lunch or dinner..whether you drank water..because you were avoiding his calls..?

Do you have someone who brings you a red rose,just to make you happy and ask for your forgiveness for something which is not even his fault?

Do you have someone who knows your lil secret but doesn't care about it and all he does was to ask you to move on and he constantly gives you encouragement?

Do you have someone who endures all the pain inside,knowing that you actually love someone else,or still have someone else in mind,but he doesn't gives a damn and is still waiting for the day you return to him?

Do you have someone who took his time,folding 101 stars and put all of them inside a bottle...and each star strip contains all the words he wanted to tell you all along? 

Do you have someone who will walk a distance just to pick u up for dinner and sends you back safely and then walks back all alone?

Do you have someone who walks to your place,just to teach you something that you don't understand and after that walk back,alone at night?

Do you have someone who drives down all the way to your hometown,just to see you,take you out for lunch and dinner..wanted to watch a movie together but then he drops the tickets?

Do you have someone who goes through a 20 minute session,meeting your grandparents without understanding a single word of chinese?and end up having to eat all the things served?

Do you have someone who is constantly trying to please you though you are always discontented..and kept asking him to change into a better person?

well...i do...

just to please wei ern...

Last night,i was ABANDONED by

LOBAK MERAH

hmm...do you have someone who is the dream guy to everyone..and this guy seems to be 'pupus-ed'...and everyone thinks that you should keep him?..haha...

hmm...have u experienced this before:-

You've been playing with an old toy and suddenly it decided to break..it's been your old toy since you were born,and when you see it break,your heart was shattered and you just can't help yourself from being upset and you just sit there,cry and cry your heart out..Your parents are worried,coz you just can't stop crying..and everyday,you sit there..staring at your broken piece of old toy..so,in the end,your parents decided to get you a new toy..a better looking toy,with more fun in it..but then..you don't wan..u kept insisting to have the old one..You keep crying and crying..,longing for the old toy...

*i know..there's this saying that goes like this :-

'If the old one doesn't go,how can the new one comes in?'

..it just doesn't work that way...

Good news...i don't have to retake another sem...

Better news..i did more than i've expected...

Bad news....i did terribly bad compared to the others...

sigh...

Nothing seems to matter anymore...not at this point..

i just finished my 2nd bar of chocolate..a 200grams of chocolate...oh man..and i don't think it's helping..

What the hell is wrong with MSN these days??????

it just keeps signing me off..****

and i so wanted to talk to that certain person ..BADLY..

darn..

i just found out that i did terribly bad...

all of them have 3.75 and above...how can this be?

tzeyang kept saying that he is happy for me,considering the fact that i'm always studying last minute and always in for mamak session...(is he hinting to me that i should stop mamaking this year?)

maybe i should ...

i'm out with my cousin right now..he bought me out to celebrate his good results..my gawd..he is in the DEAN'S list..sigh..i feel so left out..feel so small suddenly..but then,i'm looking at the bright side..at least i get a free treat from him at Friday's..hahha..he came and picked me up at 9.00 and then...we went to parade..at 1st,wanted to watch a movie..but then,all that was on was only 'CILOK' and 'VENOM'...blah..wat movies are those???then..no way i was going to watch the chinese tall story again!...hehhe..in the end,me and him just went walking around..coz he wanted to get a jacket..but at last..we just had to leave..coz parade was closing..

hahha..then we went to Fridays..had this 'dIJORN lamb steak'...and a chewy chocy rocky'..i don't know what dessert la..hmm...haha..*thanks,jeff!..hehe...sigh..anyway,after that..i ended up here..i'm at IMAX in greentown..hahha..nothing else better to do but to update my blog ..nothing else better to do..

anyway,i saw someone like pooiting here..sigh..miss her la...dunno when she's gonna be back in ipoh leh..hehhee...CNY perhaps..haha..

erm..nothing much to write..i guess...

oh yeah..why is no one online at the moment?!!!Angkhian is boring her ass off!!!

FOREVER LOVE by LEE HOM is playing in IMAX here..

sigh..reminds me of MP..

sigh...i love MP a lot ah...can't erase MP from my mind..sigh...

sob...why are my eyes filled with tears all of a sudden..???

i'm listening to each lyrics..

sigh...

i think ade is really right..i really live in the world of my own..confined to my own space...haha.i was just having dinner with my parents..and i was eating happily..then,all of a sudden..i went blank..my dad had to get up from his seat,and actually had to walk over to my side..and shake me on  my shoulder to get me back to reality...he asked me what i was thinking about,but i can't told him,i was thinking about MP..so..i shrugged..and said i didn't know what happened..in actual fact,i was thinking about the times when me and MP spend in Macdonalds..haha..and..then ..i thought of a lot of stuffs..sigh..sad isn't it?just can't erase MP from my mind..somehow..MP has to be in it..!..sick..

ade has rejected me for the 4th time..sigh..so susah want to ajak her go out la..always also say have to work la..this and that..sigh..haiz..want to see her..also susah...the only way i can see her is to go to her workplace..but everytime i go,sure use a lot of money coz she's working in INDULGENCE..haha..where FOOD comes in a very expensive price..haha...anyway,this whole week..i'm stucked in my house..waking up as late as 12,wait for my mum to be back..stucked in front of the tv...and yes..i'm not eating my food...it has been like 3 days since i've solid food..and yes..minus the day i went to Indulgence for lagsane..but other than that..my appetite is gone..but the strangest thing:my fat is still stucked onto my body!!!!oh man..how to lose fat leh?!!sob..sob..

i just come to find out that a friend of mine has some serious frustrations and problems..and i'm worried about her..what disappoints me is that she doens't want to talk about it..i mean..it's alright if she doesn't wan to tell me anything..but i'm very concerned about her..sigh..pray that she'll be alright soon though..*praying*..just want u to know that i've always come to you when i face any problems..and i hope you'll do the same too...don't keep everything inside..as i'm here to share the load with u too...ok?

by the way,fang will be leaving soon..and yiling wants to have a farewell dinner for her..and yeesan wants yeesang..so anyone interested,please msg me or yiling..coz the dinner will be on the 2nd day of CNY...have to make reservations la..ok??

Have you ever fell into liking someone that is impossible to be together with?and to know that it's just a waste of time,waiting for that to happen..?

Right now,i can't sleep..i don't know why..i just can't..i'm thinking of a particular person..which i wonder why..why?!why is it all happening again?what is wrong with me?!!

*u know who u are..i read your blog d..and to know that u are facing such problems,really breaks my heart..i dunno why..somehow,all i want to do is to rush down to ur place and give u a big,long hug..Every end of the rainbow,there's this pot of gold..get the pot of gold,and give some to me..ok?every step u take,every move u make..i'll be here for you..just don't ever..ever..cry without telling me the reason why..i was this close....(showing my fingers:the thumb and the fore-finger)..this close..to grab the next bus ticket and come down to look for you..which shows that i really do care about u..k?and i'm sure everyone does to.. *hugs*

my gawd..it's all coming back to me..AGAIN..i've gotta stop thinking about this particular person already..it's driving me nuts..!!seriously..*get out from my brain cells!!*

HAIHS...haihs....sigh!!!!

have to pack my bags and books again..coz i've less than a week before moving back to tronoh..and to V1..but i don't think there's much packing to do..as 1 month ago when i came back,i didn't unpack any of my stuffs..only the clothes..but..oh well..i can just dump everything into the bag and just unpack them in UTP..hahha...the books and stuffs are still in the boxes..so no hassle la really..i think i'm going to miss home this time..i'm so used to having my parents around this holidays..and to think,that i never feel lonely here..sigh..even when the MP mania comes back..i have my parents around me which makes it feel slightly better..and i wonder,whether the mania will come back and haunt me in UTP..sigh..i'm having my fingers crossed that it will not..

these few days..mum had a hard time dragging me out from the house..she was surprised as i'm usually out from the house,..but not this holidays..she kept asking me why am i hiding in the house,should go out to lepak-lepak mar..i dare not tell her that i'm trying to lower the possiblity of meeting MP..i just told her i didn't have enough cash to lepak-lepak..and u know what,she went to her purse and get me a rm100 note..i declined la..told her that i don't want the money..she was like."are u alright?..this is not a fake note,u know.."..haha..i guess she knows the reason..but she kept quiet..just that day,when we were at INdulgence(i've been spending an awfully lot of time there lately..)..and she saw adeline..and i was telling her that me and adeline was going to hang out one day..and then she asked me la..how i know adeline..and i was like..through MP*COUGh*and then she asked la..why me and adeline go out,never ask MP along also..and then..guess what..i kept quiet during the whole meal..i didn't know how to answer her...and mum asked again..how's MP and the other half..all i could do was fake a smile..and man..it was REALLY REALLY  a fake one..coz i can feel my cheeks being numb after that..i wish my parents can just drop the MP subject,somehow i feel it's gonna make the process of forgetting MP a whole lot easier..

sigh..*hey you!get out from my mind already!*

***You Have a Choleric Temperament***

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior. (huh?where got...)

What Temperment Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whattempermentareyouquiz/

so true....hmm....

***Your Brain's Pattern***

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatpatternisyourbrainquiz/

i spend my day with adeline today..we had a hard time,deciding on which place we should be having our lunch..so,she drove to ipoh garden east but none of the cafes were opened..(why ah?!)so..adeline drove back to greentown and we went to Filling Station instead..so,i had my lunch there..but the spaghetti was not nice at all..abandoned my lunch half way and we switched to another place to continue our chit-chat session..in Maria's and speaking of that,..this reminds me of the vodka drink that Foo was supposed to treat me..it's already 2006 and still no vodka to be seen..akhem..so,me and ade..chatted for almost 3 hours..80% about MP..and the rest was about us..haha..this was the first time me hanging out with ade actually..didn't know that she's such an enthusiastic person..coz she seems to be excited with what she was going to say next..it was funny and also..i appreciate that someone was enjoying herself in my company.. thanks ade!I come to realise that Adeline is in fact, a mature person..who has her own point of view about everything..she seems to know alot about the cruel world..since she spend almost a year in Australia..haha..i believe Ade is going to succeed this 'dog-eat-dog' world out there..haha..she sat there,for 3 hours..enduring the times when i talked about MP...and i can see that she really listened with full concentration..although i know it can be frustrating sometimes to listen to the same old thing over and over again..but she was there..all along..by the way..she was telling me that i've changed to a more girly side of me..she was under the impression of me being guyish characters..and she said that she always have this impression that i'm a very outgoing person,laid back..and flirtateous..and i can give up on MP easily..and today,only she found that i'm so madly in love with MP and though after all the things that were done to me,i was still able to have feelings for MP..sigh..life sucks,really!hanging out with Ade today..was fun..although i was in deep pain inside..coz..i was not feeling well..but i think ade didn't know..so..i didn't spoil the fun la..haha..

*thanks ade..for being out with me today..i certainly hope we will spend more hours talking..coz it was absolutely fun being around with you!imagine that we were never in the same school,never talked before..and we never actually hang out before..and yet,we can still like spend 3 hours talking..i..*cough* cough* love*cough*cough* love you...hehe...maybe..ade..next week,before i leave..maybe we should come out again..i don't know..i somehow feel that i'm going to miss having you around..and don't worry..i'm not going to tell anyone that u are a direction-idiot...oopps...did i say something?

I'm thinking of someone badly now..don't know whether should tell this person or not..coz someone reckoned that i should not..she asked me not to jump into the black hole again..coz i'm already in one..hahha...

anyway,i shall write here for public-view and if anyone of u reading this feels like it's for you..then,it is!...

"i'm thinking of you now.."

"can you feel it or not?.."

..tell me if u do..

"..i didn't realise your love for .....is that deep..coz all along,i always thought that khian is someone who's outgoing,can let go things easily..can always find another one to replace a certain person..but you've proven me wrong..and i guess..this is true love...but somehow..it just doesn't work one way..it works two.."

"so..i was giving you the impression that i'm those who can forget easily la..?aww man..u just hurt my self esteem.."

"no lar..i just didn't know..but now i do...maybe i was thinking from ....'s perception..not from yours..i didn't know that both of u lasted for 2 years already..it's quite surprising,really..."

"i really love ....with all my heart..just that i admit my jealousy can be terrible at times..and i did controlled.......like alot of time..but it's all coz i don't want to lose ....."

"You should have trusted .......i'm sure if .....were to be commited to u..definitely..u know..both of u were struggling.."

"i know..i just..i don't know..."

"LDR is not easy...doesn't work most of the time.."

"i know..but if both parties were to be commited into one,i'm sure it'll work..too bad.....decided to give up on us.."

i have this friend of mine...

whose English name happened to be 'Carrot'

and The Malay name happened to be 'Lobak Merah'

and the Chinese Name is 'Hong Luo bAK'

well..this is an unrelated note actually..just a random entry..coz i'm talking to his carrot stick now..and it's not responding..which resulting me in getting hungry..so instead of talking to a carrot stick,maybe i should just eat it..haha..not a bad idea isn't it?..

i just find the names amusing that's why i post it up..if i happened to die mysteriously tonight..u people will know who to go to..alright?...

" the carrot!"

my eyes were wide opened since 4 this morning..as i lied(or is it lain) on my bed,numerous thoughts strucked me...and it's all coming back again...i think of all the times when MP treated me so perfectly fine..and i tried to balanced up with all the hurtful things that have been done towards me..u know..like putting up the yin and yang..to balance up but that...i started to turn weak inside again..i was so emotional and i could have swear that my eyes were wet,..once again...i don't know why..maybe meeting up with adeline was a mistake..or maybe it was just a mistake to actually talked about MP with her...coz it sure did bring up a lot of unwanted memories...

sometimes i just wish that the ground would just open up and eat me alive...

at 11 something,i text messaged wei ern..telling her that i once again,am having suicidal thoughts...i dunno why off all people,i would tell her...coz i really had no one to go to this time...i don't want to go to kenneth,pinky,punchee..or whole lots of UTP students out there..coz i know..it's going to be annoying..i don't want to go to yiling,goh,dai..coz i know they are not around..i can't talk to my inner self,..i just can't communicate with it..

i remember adeline saying that i was a fool to do so much things to hurt myself..coz MP doesn't knows and even if MP does know,u think MP would care?..

i just don't care..God is pretty unfair..letting me go through all this at the age of 18..i can't enjoy life anymore..coz this will surely haunt me for the rest of my life.....'thank you'

It's the time of the year again...when mums try to put their daughters in pretty dresses...or at least..it's just my mum..hahha..today,she brought me to jusco,in hope that i'll at least get something girlish to wear for CNY..but,i wasn't in the mood for shopping so..just to make her happy,i glanced through some clothes but nope,i wasn't interested in any of them..in the end,mum brought me to the supermarket..my favourite place!..so,i just grabbed loads of chocolate and junk food..i think that's the only time,my mum saw me smile today..my gawd..i think i'm gaining weight..

will be meeting tzeyang tomorrow..for japanese food..coz i told him i've this sudden craving for sushi..and nope,he's not treating me...(damn kiamsap fella!)..ish...

i need someone who i can talk to..i texted ade..but she told me she was grounded..and no replies after that..and lil carrot a.k.a weiern has gone out..so..don't want to disturb her la..i'm left with no one now..except my blog and I...:/

going back to UTP this Friday..or maybe i should stay till Saturday...or maybe...

AM I FAT?

My mum said i am...sob...

It's a wonder why i'm still alive at this point..coz i went to do something which i never thought i would be doing...i took pinky's and jiamin's advice and went to the doctors..with loads of hesitation and..after enduring my mum's disappointment..for hiding the fact for so long..i was forced to consult a doctor..For those who have no idea what i'm talking about..well..here goes..:-For the past 2 months,i've been getting blood coming out from my body..through the nose and from the coughings..i wasn't sure if my coughings contain blood but then..i believe i saw something which is like blood on the tissues i use..but then..there was no doubt in the blood dripping from my nose..for the 1st few times,i thought that maybe i was a lil 'heaty' inside..so i ignored it..drank lotsa water..and u know..took in lots of fruits and veges..but then..the bleeding came more frequently..twice in a week..which scares the hell out of me..but no,i decided not to let my mum knows coz she was at the edge of recovering from her dengue fever..so i just kept quiet..pinky and jiamin was pretty worried when i told them that i was bleeding ..haha..and i remembered me telling them..there should be no worries..something like monthly period only mar..just that the blood comes out from a different place..hehhe..

anyway..i went to the doctor's..and he thinks that i might be 'heaty' inside..and needs to be cooled down..he asked me whether i was feeling stressful lately..i looked at mum..and nodded...the doctor told me to simmer down the heat ..and come back if the bleeding occurs again..and i hope i don't die due to excess bleeding..haha...

*don't worry..michelle lee..u get to have my mp4

and the rest..i think u know goes to who...my handphone(nokia 3230),my cash,my savings in the bank,my insurance compensation money, my love...all goes to the person i love most...

*just in case i can't live till tomorrow..GOodbye and good day..

i woke up with cold sweat today..again..and the next thing,the very thing i did when i woke up,was to check whether i was having a nightmare all along...but no,reality check..:it was no nightmare..gawd!..and the very thing i did after i stepped out from my room was to switch on my computer..i don't know why coz usually..i don't go online that early..but then,something..urged me to go online today...and sure enough..there was something online..or at least..someone was..coz..the minute i was connected to MSN,i saw someone coming online together..MP..sigh..speaking of fate..or is it?i don't know why this happened..but then,i can't explain it either...there was once,when MP has returned from Australia,i remembered that we were both sms-ing each other..(that time,the nightmare has already begun)..so we were having a casual talk..and then,all of a sudden,i felt MP's presence..i could feel MP was approaching..and that time,i was in a car mar..so..i looked up and out from my car screen..and i saw this unfamiliar car coming towards me..i didn't know why and something asked me to look INTO the car..and guess what..i saw MP's mum,driving MP...speaking of the devil...MP has send me a msg thru MSN..MP has asked me to go yumcha tonight with Adeline at Indulgence..should i go or should i not?i've not promised MP but i told MP that i'll see what i can do about it..should i or should i not?

*yiling,or anyone out there who has read this entry before the sun sets today,can you text message,telling me which is the correct decision to make?i'm just worried after tonight,i might have a serious breakdown in UTP later..or if i don't go yumcha and see MP,i might regret my actions later in life..coz Ade reckoned that i should face the reality by now by seeing MP..:the cause of my pain...so how?i feel so helpless..

OH why...must MP be online?????and why are my feelings and MP'S are connected still?....

i didn't go..

plans were cancelled last minute..coz Adeline was not around..

pfft...

*thanks yiling and goh..u all made it..managed to sms me before sunset..muacks...

yiling's advice..-entirely up to you..but i know u want to go.if i were you,i will go

goh's advice..- don't go.

haha..luckily plan was cancelled..or else..i'll have to have a voting process..hehhe

i think this might be the last entry that i'll be posting before heading back to Tronoh-the place which i'll be spending my next 4 and the 1/2 years..i don't know whether i should be happy or upset with the holiday coming to an end..one part of me is glad that i can finally be back in UTP,meet my friends,hav emore and more mamak sessions..but one part of me is afraid with the upcoming semester..which i'm sure the workload would be double..and to make things worst,my timetable for this semester would be a hectic one..all my mornings are full..my earliest class will be at 8..and that's like 3 days in a row..my gawd!..no late mamak sessions during the weekdays..but looking at the brightside..i'll be free after 11 on friday..no more classes in the evening on friday..which means i can come back to ipoh after 11..wahhaha..but also..the assignments..and this sem,we'll be doing mostly on electric stuffs..sigh..sei la..and also..for the 1st time,i felt heavy-hearted to leave home..u know..i'm used to having mum and my bro and dad around..sigh..die la..

i'll be leaving on Friday morning..i don't know whether i'll still update my blogpage..maybe only on the day which i use the computer lab..so there'll be no FREQUENT updates from angkhian=no depressing entries=u guys don't have to read my solemn entries..such a joy!..hehhe...

but people,let us keep in touch with the amazing SMS service..do text message me whenever u feel like it coz i'm dead sure i'll be bored in Tronoh..let us not forget that i'll be burried under piles and piles of books and..yes,i need to buckle up on my studies..i vow to have my gpa higher than 3.75 this sem..(i'm praying damn hard!)let us pray together ok?this year will be a major year for me..and also to all my other sixth former friends..STPM is this year..let me repeat once again..STPM IS GOING TO BE THIS YEAR..!..hehhe..don't kill me k?spare me!..

oh yeah..my digi line will be back to service starting next week..so any digi users can get me through that old number of mine..so..save money la..which means no excuse for not texting me..ok?

i'm so gonna miss everything here during the holidays...going to miss eewan...and lobak merah a.k.a wei ern..these people are the ones who were there when i come online at night..(although weiern is always the one abandoning me halfway.but wat to do...)and i'll certainly miss reading blogs..and also updating mine..sigh..i'm going to miss adeline when she returns to Australia..no more talking to her through the phone or through MSn..*ade..we keep in touch through e-mail la..ok?u are the best thing that resulted berween me and MP..and as hard as i've to admit this,but i'm going to miss MP..sigh..sigh...and also..i'll miss home cooked food!!wah wah...sigh..have to eat IN USM cafe..die la..die la..means..nothing la..i'm already fat..sob..

i'm so looking forward to CNY holidays..coz i get to come home..and let's not forget the part when the gambling comes in....haha..*suetmei,ur place izit?we use indo currency versus ur sister's aussie dollar..k?then shopping spree ?*and also *yeesan,no reunion la..i think..no one is free also*..and *yiling,how?either we have you or yeesang*..*goh,gambling session at jin naa's place?or judy's place?heheh..don't want atan's..*..*dai..we go nyet's place..see your in-laws*..ok...??hehe...

*sigh..

DEATH?

it doesn't really matter to me..coz i believe that my life has been predestined..and there's nothing i can do but wait and see what that has been planned for me..

i was just telling my mum about this..and i said..if i were to leave this world all of a sudden,i wouldn't mind..coz..i don't really care how my life works out in the end..and my mum scolded me for being a very selfish person..abandoning my family and friends..

i don't know..it's just a matter of perception..i guess..

it's almost one when i'm writing this down..i've nothing better to do..just felt like coming online all of a sudden,and no,..no strong feeling this time..just a simply online mode..wanted to get something done through the net..i know,i know..i said that was the last entry,but heck,u can't stop a man...or a woman,in this case from writing..rite?

anyway,i woke up early this morning..surprisingly i could..coz i slept a t 5 yesterday..woke up around 10..coz i was supposed to return to MGS with hwanjean,fanny and yokelee...and yes,..all of them are my juniors,u see..hehe..sometimes,hanging around with them,kinda reminds me of the times when i was still a ranger..u know,like those carefree days..with nothing much to think about..all we need to think was what to gossip in the next meeting..haha..not entirely true la..but..still..back then,people were much simple then..i still remember that we have our guides meeting every saturday at 9 am sharp..but we,as in me..,ting yi,pooiyeng,may mei,maylee,sometimes mei yenn,sookmin,tzy yin,chengchien,sometimes michelle koo,..(somemore got who ah?) always reach school at 7 something..haha..quite semangat la..coz got guides meeting mar..but in actual fact,all of us ran over to Yi Fatt for breakfast..and then to discuss our plans for the meeting..haha..and yes,we never stop bitching about some people..hahha..thinking about this,kinda bring tears to my eyes..coz at this age,i could no longer bitch about anyone..urm..u know..want to talk bad also must see who i talk bad about la..later..my face kena acid ah..back then,people were much innocent la..no doubt,there were a few 2-faced creatures..but then..they meant no harm..but these days..people are getting more and more 2 faced..society are more complex..sigh..so being an innocent angkhian..of course kenot la..simply talk about people la right?..later my face kena acid;do facial also no use d la..hahha..so back to what i was saying,i went to school this morning with them la..went to the canteen,hwanjean ate a plate of nasilemak..cost her rm1 something only..wahliao..1 something..outside food where got so cheap man!haha..but then,i'm so used to not taking breakfast already,so no appetite to eat..in the end,drank a glass of air tebu which cost me rm0.20..haha..chatting with fanny,hwanjean and yokelee..brings out my inner child..u know..i don't have to be serious to them or anything..just practially laugh at everything..today,i saw a lot of the juniors..haha..just a blink of eye..2 years have already passed..and i even see students with our coloured name tag range!...haha..so fast d..and i still remember the times when i joke around in class when i was in form 2 and form 3 ..(oklar..form 4 and 5 also got joke la..but not that often mar rite?)..and i saw pn.wan khairani..(my form 3 class teacher)..and she remembered me..not my name,but she remembers my face..haha..and she was like.."sekarang kat mana?" and i was like.."petronas university.."..and she was like.."oh..yang multimedia punya ke?"..and i was like.."bukanla..yang teknologi punya..hahha..yang kat tronoh..dekat je.." and she was like.."bagus bagus..sana dekat..wah..angkhian..nampak semakin cantik..takde macam dulu.."..wahliao..me last time not pretty meh..then i just smiled la..a lil offended jor..haha..then i said.."ya ke?terimakasih cikgu.."..and she was like.."betul la..dulu ada pimples banyak.."..and i said.."sekarang pun ada la..." and laughed..sigh..i knew she would remember me..coz last time,when i was in form 3..i always buat bising in class one..somemore always joke around with her..somemore my science marks last time not so good..so the most bising and the most tak pandai one..plus 3 Cempaka was the naughtiest class in the whole form la,..yeah la..with izzati and lydia around..bring maggi mee la..nasi lemakla..plus eat in the class pula..sure the whole school knows la..class got prefect la...only one..jacqueline thong!..but no use..i remember our class last time was seperated by this small door and the next door was 3 anggerik..haha..so apalar..always open the door..and say hie..haha.the teachers were always annoyed..wat to do lar.rite.??kenot control us anymore la...sigh..and also that year,when i was 15..ting yi was called 'yister',peiwen was 'wenster' and khian was 'khianster'..all named after hamsters!!wahlaio..so cute la weh...

wanted to see tengku and asma today..but when i called them,there was no answer..so i guess they were busy teaching..hahha..tengku wor..they all say i'm her favourite student..haha..why?..u may ask..as usual la..joker of the class..coz last time..she always marah marah our class..konon la..best class..with the most prefects..but then..the naughtiest ,nosiest,cheekiest,and all sort of names la..i'm pretty sure we made a history impact towards MGS la..no such students after that..anyway,..u see la..coz Tengku taught us BM mar..for 2 years..then always also kena tegur..and when she tegur man..like meleter only..can last for 1 single period..and sometimes more wor..so..when she started to scold..some sure tak berani buat kacau one mar..but always also..i smiled at her lor..and made funny,nonsensical jokes..hopefully can turn down the heat..but usually..it turned on the heat la..and she will continue to bla more..but then..i'll jst give her the innocent look..haha..and then..it'll simmer down the heat lor..besides that right..everytime..during a BM period..sure she will talk about her cinta-cinta stuffs one la..and always ask me what are my plans..and the same answer i always gave her.."apa lagi cikgu..kahwin lepas spm la..nak buat apa lagi?"..honestly when she asked for my future plans..i really didn't know what i wanted to be..i didn't have an ambition back then..all i wanted was to finish my spm..and that's all..no one could have expected to see me graduating with an engineering degree in 5 years time..hahha..till now,sometimes when i returned to MGS,i'll always look for tengku..see whether she has finally tied the knot..haha..apparently the last time we met,she was still in engagement..i dunno la..when..

Asma on the other hand,taught us sejarah..a.k.a most boring subject of the year...haha..but then..since she has a loud voice,most of us are always awake..until the end of the class..especially when i was in form 5..when me and pooiyeng sat the most front row..wahliao weh...the frequency..dunno how many decibels la..haha..the eardrum still vibrating wor...hahha.. i certainly miss her la..coz those who tend to fall asleep..will kena her cubitan la..omg..her pinching ah..wah..menusuk ke tulang and the the saraf man..wahsei...haha..kena a few times la..but not painful la..coz she was doing in for fun..oh yeah..let's not forget Lailatul..my moral teacher..cool teacher la..kenot offend her..coz if u do,,..die la..instant fame in the staff room..she'll tell everyone ..or the teachers atleast..haha..oh..by the way,i saw madam lam today..from far..haha..i'll not forget the times man..foo and lydia..our lawyer of the class!the daggers of the eyes..and also..her lashing ah..aiyo..sometimes one whole period only see all of them fighting..haha..and yes..her class made me the joke of the year..

well..u see ..that time..madam lam was scolding the whole class..or is it?i dunno lar..was scolding some people la..everyone didn't dare to make any noise..just look at the arguement mar..then..at one point,i found the whole thing to be hilarious u know..coz madam lam was being unreasonable..and the things she scolded were ..well..just unreasonable la..no one dare to laugh..but then..i couldn't control myself la..so..it turned out to be a wide smile la..tried so hard to stop myself from laughing u see...then..i thought maybe she kenot see one la..so absorbed in the battle..and all of a sudden...:-

madam lam(ml): ANGKHIAN!!WHY ARE U LAUGHING?!!

me:..(deep down..shit!!!i was so terrified u know..all eyes were on me..some were giggling softly..and i was frantically looking for an excuse..)....*silent*

ml: ANGKHIAN..!!WHY WERE U LAUGHING?!ANSWER ME..

me:..ur...coz..my mouth is always like tat la..erm..coz i'm wearing braces mar..so..my lips were supported by the metals..(deep down..dunno what i was crapping..)

the whole class,..upon hearing my excuse..which was i believe to be a lame one..,laughed(SOFTLY)..and i swear...madam lam couldn't control herself too..haha..but then..she just let the case go..or else,i'd have to see pn chan..the discipline mistress which means one thing..die die die..!!

HAHA...speaking of pn chan..wahliao..like tigress u know..if u kena catch without a pas keluar,roaming freely..means..die la..die instantly..instant death..!!but u see la..4/5 sc1..where got care about pas keluar one..teacher not around..means roaming time..means time to go visit mr.toilet..and not only one or two students missing u know..sometimes..half of the class is in the toilet..sometimes..we wave to the CCTV..haha..it's surprising that pn.lee ah kim never ask for us..haha...man..we were really naughty back then..and now..where got time to curi-curi go toilet one..if want to go...can just leave the lecture hall..aiyo..no fun la..

haha..and also..who remembers pauline chang?..my form 2 science teacher..another OLD tigress..we dreaded going to the science lab because of her..during her class,..there's no voice or sound to be heard...must be absolute silence..or else..die there la..sure kena firing teruk-teruk..so..we go to the lab,in a line one mar..right..?coz she said kenot like bertaburan go to her class mar..so we waited for everyone to queue up before going lor..then ah..we purposely walked slowly la..coz want to kill time mar..haha..stop at each red door we see..(red= stop mar..traffic light rules) and..then wait for 5 minutes..only continued walking..haha..so immature back then..but we really enjoyed it..Anggerik..best class...!!got para-para dance somemore..haha..funny la wei...

sigh..one blink of an eye..already 19..maybe next time when i'm free..i shall write more about my secondary experiences..there are hilarious and...wahliao..kenot believe it myself too...but now,i shall have to stop here..coz have to go jusco with mum...but CNY clothes...and get ready to go back to UTP..can u believe it..i still haven't pack ah..!!

Went to Jusco today with mum..supposedly to buy all the necessities i'll need and bring it back to UTP..and also to get my CNY clothes..so...we reached jusco at around 1 something..and mum was in a good mood..coz she offered to bring me to Sushi King..usually..i have to DRAG her in there..coz she thinks japanese food is not nice..but today..she was the one who pushed me into the shop..haha..prolly coz i'll be leaving soon..and i can feel that she's already starting to miss me..*yes,i miss u too,mum..

so,after lunch...we walked around shopping for my new clothes la..at 1st the momentum was quite slow la..coz dunno what to wear ma..all also same design..so..just got myself a nice shirt la..a top which costs me rm99..wahliao..must be some top coz it's from U2..oklar..U2 is supposed to be expensive..ok..acceptable..so..continue walk-walk..reached Padini..went inside..saw something which is quite nice..but..erm..don't like it on me..so took off..continued walking..reached giordarno..saw mei yoke..(mei loo's sis)..but nothing in giordarno was nice..so..tarak beli apa-apa...haha..then..stopped by in a lot of shops la...levis la..then in Espirit..wahliao..Espirit..the price tag got problem la..so many numbers one..sometimes up to 3 numbers at one tag..*sure bankrap one la..* BUT..BUT...mum bought 2 tops from there...each cost rm200 over..wahliao..wanted to ask her to get me one watch from there..but..dare not open my mouth la..so..went into PDI..bought 3 tops from there..all also damn expensive..now i know my parents DO love me afterall..hehe..oh..i bought 2 pair of jeans...one's from levis..one's from PDI..haha..so..i guess..i was in a shopping mood today,huh?..and mum was still asking me..so..when are u getting a skirt..??haiyor..kinda sien listening to the same old quetion over and over again la..haha..but then..today..i felt..extra happy la..to be able to buy so many things..oh yeah..now i remember..i've to get a pair of shoes!..

in the end,i didn't get to buy the necessities i need for UTP..so,after we left jusco,mum had to fetch bro from school..so after dropping him off..,we went to THE STORE..second round of shopping la..went to get my grocerries done..and also bought my stationeries..bought so many test pads la..haha..shit!forgot to buy hair dryer tim..die la..die la..went to buy some undergarments la..and ..yes,a few piece of shirts..kakkakaka..money was not a problem today!..(only today.. )hehhe...and then..went to Oon Kee..EAT 'NGA choi kai'..was supposed to eat with Kwong,Lung and Sam geh..but then..takkan i abandon my mum right?so..i guess..Lung and Kwong have to endure the pain of not seeing me..ahahaha..wait la guys..3 more days to go only nia...

hmm...now to decide...which day is the perfect day to go back?Friday or Saturday?

by the way,will be meeting with Adeline for breakfast tomorrow..she asked to bring MP along but i declined...Reason?coz i don't have the courage yet..haha..Ade was disappointed..but then..nvm la..it's either me or MP..so..she chose me!..haheha

i'm soooo on my way back to hell...

i bet there will be loads of...

• Assignments..(with a capital 'A')
• Presentations
• Paperwork
• Tutorials
• A drama presentation..
• More Assignments..
• Group work...(means more argument)

die la...and 2nd sem..is sure a hell lot of work..and lectures are all..ALLLLLLLLL..in the morning...blardy hell...!!!

shouldn't 2nd sem be more easy-going?since i'm only taking 5 subjects this sem..and when i took 7 subjects last year..my time-table was not that hectic..got plenty of time to mamak..and go for squash and badminton..now??now??now???aiyo..all my mornings are fully..and i mean..FULLY..booked..and my evenings are kinda free...so..so..that time is for us to complete our assignments..and..this mean..lesser time for me and punchee..a.k.a my roommate to chit chat wor..like that not good la weh..

sob....i want my MUMMY.....

sigh...

it's saturday night and i'm still around updating..this is due to the fact that my parents are not letting me return to UTP..so,i ended up shipping quarter of my stuffs there..and then,mum drove me back right after i dumped my stuffs..i drove back to UTP today...the traffic flow was oklar..not many cars..so can speed a little la..A LITTLE only la..coz mum beside..and the car was hers..so..if kena scratch a bit..angkhian's head..can be gone..just like that!..haha...anyway,when i arrived in V1D today..punchee,carina,pinky&shea teng was already waiting for me at the staircase..haha..and then,when i got out from my car..everyone cheered..dunno whether they were surprised to see me drive..or maybe it was my new look la..-new haircut ma..

carina said i looked more girlish d...pinky said i no longer look 'yeng'..shit la now..have to choose between girlish and 'yeng'..how to choose wor..but punchee said i looked nice in that haircut..haha..so i guess that look stays la..anyway,i also have to wait for the hair to grow longer.,before trimming it back to my 'yeng' look..hahha..

well..they were pretty nice..oh okla..VERY NICE,SUPERBLY NICE,AMAZINGLY NICE..to help me carry my stuffs back to my room..my new room anyway,is located at the 1st floor..so now,must climb stairs d..my room is facing the field..so got big scenery..and opposite my dorm..is the guys' building..wahlao..now change,must close the window and pull the curtain shut leh..no fun la like tat..but looking at the bright side..i can now see who has big,strong abdomen muscles and who has guitar strings only..hehe...i guess..kenneth and tzeyang..will be coming near our dorm every night..,throw pebbles to our window,asking us to go mamak ge la..hahha..

today..after dumping my stuffs,felt heavy hearted to leave la actually..coz 4 of them were planning to go PASAR MALAM...!okla..tronoh pasar malam..nothing one actually..the whole pasar malam also dunno got 50 meters or not..but the point is being able to spend a night with the girls is fun!..i miss those nights la..and just now,when i called pinky at night..she told me that she was sitting outside their dorm,on the tar road,talking to lennis and punchee ah!!man!..hamsup lou also came back d..wanted to go back immediately leh!...so miss hamsup lou la..hahha!!...sigh..

tomorrow morning..ivan will be fetching the 4 girls down to ipoh,picked me up and my remaining luggages..and then,go jusco for lunch and the girls want to shop around..aiseh..which means..my 4th day in jj la..this week..haiyor..want to cry d la...Anyway,today i met Ade for breakfast..was supposed to meet her in front of Indulgence at 9 am..but then,when i was almost reaching,she suddenly text messaged me that she might be late for around 10 minutes la..so,oklar..nevermind la..wait for her lor..nothing la..so..she reached around 9.25 la..oklar..so we went to Oldtown Kopitiam in Ipoh Garden South lor..went there..,the stupid parking meter was not functioning well..put 10 cents,the thing move a bit..,put in 20 cents,the thing also move abit..i put 50 cents,the thing also the same..in the end,Ade put all 10 cents..since it moves equally mar..aiyo..we put our meter for 1 hour lor..so,we walk walk to the Kopitiam la..sat down to order lor..order d..eat d..talk talk for 1 hour d...i asked Ade whether want to order another drink or not..coz apparently,we could not stop talking la..so order another drink lor..talk talk for like 2 hours plus..my mum called lor..said today can't go back UTP..coz her friend's mother in law passed away d..have to go to the wake la..so..i said nevermind la.i'll find my own entertainment lor..and ask her to rush back before 4 la..coz i insisted on going back..so..Ade was being such a nice fella,..said that she was going to accompany me and we went to jusco lor..so..when we returned to her car,..i saw a ticket stuck to her window shield..oh gawd..!kena saman la..rm20..i offered to pay half la..but she said it was alright..man..so expensive la the parking fee today..haha..so,we went to jusco lor..We thought of watching Memoirs of a geisha geh..but the earliest show was 2.45 and i need to go back to UTP..so we watched another movie..'Shopaholic'..cantonese show la..1.10 pm..so..bought tickets d..went shopping lor..(some of u must be muttering softly: "huh?shopping again ah?" )..not really la..i just went,accompanying Ade la..she went to the girls' department..and then..she came to a conclusion that going out shopping with her other friends are better coz i show no interest in the types of clothes she wears..hahha..*sorry la ade!*..walk walk until the show time..so went in and watched lor..then..in the middle of the movie,Ade's sis called..asked her why still haven't pick her up from the workplace...To shorten the story..,WE left the movie halfway..to pick her sis up..(*no worries la Ade..can watch the movie anytime..)..overall,it was fun to meet up with Ade again..she told me alot of stuffs la..which i can't tell la..but has something to do with the person i love la..haha.. 

sigh..holidays coming to an end..no more fooling around..BEhold...this is the NEW Angkhian!....with a more serious look and no smiles...and no more hamsup po ok?

New Angkhian...!

~If i happened to die in your arms..,will there be a kiss for me,before i leave,forever?..

-there's never ending in my love for you..coz i've reached the point that i can never let go..(i hope u are reading this..)

*sorry ade..i know u must be disappointed of me..*

*sorry yiling,goh,everyone who's queueing up to slap me now..angkhian is just a failure..sigh..

Mel just asked whether i'm free on the 3rd day of Chinese New Year..= CHor 3..reunion and lou sang would be on that day,i guess..i'm not so sure..furthur plans..have to wait till yeesan finish her exams..only can talk..right now..all she sees is her books..hahah...hopefully something does come out in the end la..i dunno la..

oh yeah..*wei ern..sorry la..kept asking u to stay longer..sien ma..online no one also...*

sigh..last night to come online so freely d..really last entry for this holiday..sob..got tears man..!..

GOOD DAY TO ALL...

i'm in the comp lab now..trying to register for my lab and tutorials time..kee hui and lennis are around..hehee..trying to use this computer..hahaha..but my blog page is more important than them regiestering for their courses la..right?heheheh..damn teruk la me.!die la..later sure kena kill...haha..erm..i really miss home la..since..i don't know..so not used to this new hostel..i shall write more when i return..

i'll be back on friday..in the afternoon..so...anyone,..can start calling me out then?..ok?

sigh...

*eewan..hang in there alright??it's just..a phase!...

ok..have to let them use d..later..sure tinggal tulang..(which might be a good thing la..now so fat d..)

i'm finally back in ipoh for the CNY holidays..finally..after a week of hectic schedule..sigh...but i was back in ipoh on thursday which was yesterday to watch 'Memoirs of a Geisha' with tzeyang,punchee and kenneth...Yang drove down to ipoh at 3,right after our ICIS lecture..we reached ipoh at 4 something,went for makan-makan in Ipoh Garden,then proceeded to Jusco..the movie was at 5.45..habis movie around 8 something..me and yang were practically freezing during the whole show coz we wore shorts..man!we turned into ice blocks soon after the show..sigh..so damn kesian la..after the movie,we went to Anika Selera for dinner and drove back to UTP around 10 at night...reached UTP,we had to go out again..to send Carina to the bus stop..her bus came at 11.30..so u can imagine the 8th of us lepak-lepak at the bus stop,waiting for Carina's bus to come..hahha...i can swear i saw tears in her eyes,maybe overjoyed to see so many people sending her off...haha..starting to miss her already..

The subjects which i'm taking this year..also known as the 2nd semester for foundation...

• Chemistry 2
• Physics 2
• Engineering Maths 2
• English 2
• Intro to Computer System(i'm not sure what the course is..but for short..it's called ICIS)

5 bloody subjects this semester..and all our lecturers sucks big time...well,except for my ICIS lecturer..she's a malay..with an excellent english accent..which i find rare nowadays...unfortunately....UNFORTUNATELY...my chemistry and physics lecturers are..well,..urm..not as good as my previous ones..(except for my physics lecturer la..)...i have this 'La pek' Malay man for my chemistry lecture..and this african guy as my physics lecturer..sigh..so..u can probably feel how dead i'll be this semester..guess..i've to double my study hours now..really have to be persistent and consistent liao..(pinky and punchee will have to pull me away from the computer harder,much MUCH harder)..nothing much to elaborate now..since tutorials and labs have yet to start..so..can actually laze around la...sigh..3rd week and quizzes are already lining up..and guess what..my physics lecturer(Malik) have already gave us our 1st assignment..siao ah!there goes my holidays..

anyone who wants to see me these days..DO...do...do..DO...give me a call..and please don't call me,just to ask for angpow k?...me no married yet...

Took a few pictures when i returned to UTP last week..but couldn't upload them..coz this bloody computer doesn't read my pendrive..so..tak boleh la...i shall upload them when i'm back in UTP..when i'll be having my ICIS lab...hahha...

die la..just remembered that i'm supposed to study for my quiz on ICIS,chapter 1 and 2 for the 3rd week of school..dead meat la!...and i'm so busy with 'the oc'..tak boleh ini macam la..

this evening,went to Megamate..this company selling computers...asked for the price of my new desktop..i wrote down the specs i want and asked for a quotation..and guess what..this new computer is gonna cost me rm3100..wahliao..so i asked the guy whether i can get it cheaper,and where can i reduce the price..and he said..maybe i shouldn't get the flat panel LCD 17'' screen..and get a normal computer monitor instead..wahliao!..definitely kenot la..if i get a normal monitor,it'll take up my whole table's space and where do i do my assignments then?..on the floor?..so i said.."no..no!!the flat panel definitely needs to stay!"..sigh..so..i guess..dad will have to pay more..so i called punchee to ask for a 2nd opinion..and she said it's wayyyyyy too expensive wor..but then..i'll be using this desktop for 4 years..and..maybe..it's a good investment leh...but i'll be getting a new laptop during my 1st year..which i believe is going to be end of this year..hurrah!!..so..professional engineers like me..must have 2 computers mar..right?..(actually..i only use them to watch drama la..sei lor...)..hmm..dad said..get the rm3100 lor then..what to do...so..yippe!new computer then!

went to jusco at night,after dinner..had dinner in Ipoh Garden East..was supposed to have dinner at Indulgence..even made reservations..but mum said she was getting bored with the place..so reservations cancelled and we ended up at some place named 'Ola-ola..'..they serve nice lamb chops by the way..worth a try.and it's definitely cheaper than Indulgence's...haha..so..after dinner,went to Jusco..did last minute shopping..guess what..i bought 3 additional tops..and i was so tempted to get that new sport shoes of Nike's...sigh..but dad was giving me that look that i'm burning a hole in his wallet..so..mum had to DRAG me out from the shop...sigh...hehe...exaggerating abit la..but i really had my eyes on that pair of shoes lor...sigh..sigh..SIGH!...can u imagine the crowd there was in jusco..we were like sardines,PACKED in a can...sigh..everyone's buying as if there's no tomorrow..aiyo..i queued up for 20 minutes,waiting to buy Macdonald's ice cream..and when i almost reached the counter..the fella had the nerve to tell us that the ice cream has already melted..so no ice cream...wth!cannot tell earlier ah?wasted my blardy time..i could have gotten Baskin Robbins instead of waiting for 20 whole minutes like an idiot..!but then..maybe it was a good thing la..mum.(and dad) reckoned that i'm getting fatter...sigh..no more mamak ok?no more JE!!!i've been having roti planta,roti pisang and roti planta again for the past one week..my gawd!!!!...don't ask angkhian to go mamak again!!!!..and sharon pao..when i said i want to share half of the roti pisang with u..means SHARE half la..and not letting me finish the whole big piece and then ask me about your half coz it's already inside my tummy..and generating excess fat!!....darn...fat fat fat...!!must go jogging d...*carina?badminton every evening?

i hope everyone's back now..back safely..in their hometowns...sigh..me for one..is beginning to love my own bed..

Reunion dinner is finally over..well..grandma did a very good job..AGAIN..and as usual,we were served with prawns,fish,chicken,mushrooms,sea cucumbers,her special rolls,abalone soup and green vegees..at the end of the meal,we were all generally full..and no one wanted to leave their seats..but grandpa was shoo-ing all my aunts to clear the table..and the rest proceeded to the living room...usually the females are supposed to help out in the kitchen..but me,i always cabut and hang out with the guys...luckily grandpa never say anything before..so,everytime,after our dinners,he'll ask me to accompany him in the living room lor..hehhe..so,i don't have to do the dishes...(now do u all people understand why i hate washing up soooo badly?)..so when everyone gathered around in the living room,everyone's eyes were practically glued to the tv set..no one was talking except for my lil cousins who were young,jumping here and there...the adults were quiet..obviously there was no chinese new year mood around..so i kept quiet myself too and read Mitch Albom's 'the five people u meet in heaven' at one corner..,while trying to send Chinese New Year greetings with my phone..but i think the lines are jammed and my phone's operating rather slowly..so..got pretty frustrated la..read a couple of pages and grandpa decided to distribute the angpows..u see..my grandpa has been giving us angpow during reunion dinner night every year..i asked him why once..but he didn't answer..hmm..i wonder why...so,..got the angpow d...kept quiet again..and sat in one corner..continued reading...the children continued with their little games..and yes,the adults are glued to the tv set..10 minutes passed and my 2 uncles and their families left..,leaving only my family..my gawd..so early d..they left my grandparent's place..where is the spirit la?!..so..my dad decided to leave too lor...and dropped us at Macdonalds to get ice cream..i had the chocolate sundae..which i absolutely love...and then,he drove us back home..sigh..after finishing the sundae..i took my dad's keys and drove his pajero...i told him i can't stand it anymore..and needed to clear my mind..so..i drove around the whole ipoh...from pasir putih to bercham..and then..to menglembu..falim...and then..pasir putih...i even passed by indulgence to see whether it's open coz i so wanted to indulge in a piece of cake..and hopefully to see adeline..but no..it was not open .. i saw the shopping complexes full of people but i passed by greentown..but it was empty..not like the usual crowdy areas..there was no one..not even a car...especially the place near  Excelsior Hotel..sigh..i drove alone,while blasting the cd player..and well..my mood didn't come back..i was obviously not really keen that CNY is approaching..well..there are the red packets to look forward to..but..other than that..what else?there was obviously no new year spirit at home..no fireworks..and..while driving,i was thinking of calling someone out to have a drink..but who?...everyone's probably busy enjoying themselves with their family..i passed by houses and the way they decorated their houses and judging from the amount of cars parked in front of the houses..i think they are having a great time..i felt a tinge of jealousy in me...

something weird happened today..my uncle offered me vodka during dinner tonight..but i declined..haha..everyone at the table were shocked and surprised...they were like.."janice...are u alright?..it's not like you to turned down a drink..especially alcohol.."...wth...am i giving the impression to u people that i drink all the time??!nolar..alright?..i'm a very nice girl..who barely drinks..actually...*innocent look*

As i was driving,i wanted to have little genting sessions..but with who?..where?...my gawd..it's the gambling sessions that i'm looking forward to every new year..well..not that i love gambling.but it's for the fun of it..sigh..and no one has been calling me..i guess perhaps the lines are all jammed up,that's why the calls are not reaching...so..

*waiting for someone's call..i heard she's coming back today for New Year..but no call/sms geh?...

(do you feel lonely even when u are surrounded by people?)

it's the 1st day of CNY..and yes,i guess..angpows are at their usual amount..but i've yet to check the contents...well..it doesn't really matter about the content...(yeah.......)hmm...i dunno..it was a routine..went to grandparents place..and then have breakfast...and then went over to my grandpa's brother's place..and then,collect angpows..and then go to my uncle's place(my mum's bro) and continue the mission of getting more angpows..and then,i saw no lil genting session..so i left early with my dad's car,leaving the rest of my family,getting a ride home with my aunt...hehe..i'm such a meanie..but then,i really didn't feel like sitting there...so..i drove again..i soooo love driving u see...i dunno why...

while driving,i kept thinking about my life..how did it turn out to be this year...?how was it different than last year's...and somehow,i have this empty feeling inside me..last year..i came back from NS training..for a few days..but then,it was only for a few days that i could see MP before seeing MP leaving to australia..i remember MP's last day in Ipoh,i spend all the time with MP...we went to PArade,saw pooiyeng and kyean...and we walked around and around pArade...both hessitated to leave but then,..we had to..we took a lot of pictures together..in MP's room...in MP's car..at my place..with my phone..all 36 films of the roll were finished,all with our pictures..and yes,it's still there on my table..i dare not open to look into them..coz i know i won't be able to control my emotions..back to me driving,i wanted to pass by MP's place so badly..but i can't bring myself to see MP..what if MP's standing outside..and saw me?..wat shud i do then?...

then i received a msg from tze yang..asking me whether i've a friend from australia..and he stated the name..my gawd..it turns out that tzeyang's family and MP's family are friends..so much for moving on..and forgetting the past..so,i told tzeyang everything..and no..he didn't condemn me(or at least he didn't do it in front of me la)..i don't know..i so wanted to call someone out to yumcha..anyone...i want to lift my mind away from all this crappy feeling..i don't want my mood to be ruined on the 1st day of new year..i really need some time away from malaysia...away from everything...

on an unrelated note,dad's promised me to get me a brand new laptop..!hurrah!..so..don't have to buy desktop 1st..and now..don't have to use pinky's to watch movie liao..yippe!!...

i'm still feeling upset though..who's in ipoh and opening gambling sessions..please let me know...i just don't want to be stuck alone at home..want to go out and meet people..!!

aaarrrrggggghhhhhhh..............

~it's damn depressing when you realise the only thing that makes u happy is to see the person you love,smile...

ooo boy...2nd day of CNY..and i'm boring my ass  butt off already..went to my aunt's for lunch..and she cooks the best 'chicken wine'..hehe..so after lunch..went to my eldest aunt's place..and then the 3rd aunt's place..mind you,..my mum has 7 sisters and 4 brothers..haha..u can imagine the amounts of red packets i get every year..whoa..hehe...urm..then came back to my grandparents' place for dinner..i turned down quite a few invitation to go out coz i remembered adeline saying that she would ask me out tonight..but i waited so long..but there was no calls or whatsoever..so..i guess..she's not free..or probably because of something i said the night before..sigh..

so right now..me and puiyeen are talking..online..she suggested to go to east tonight at 10..but sigh..the BIG problem is..i've no transport to get my ass there..ish..just when someone asked me to go out..and i can't make it..blardy frustrating...

going house-hopping with michelle tomorrow..so..hopefully things will be get better then..sigh...BIG SIGH...

Parents just left me and my brother alone at home..they went outstation already..so..i guess..they will be back only at night..so....

today's plan includes..:-

• house-hopping with michelle...the places are kong's place,su ling's place and crystal's place
• get drunk with crystal at suling's place and yes,win lots and lots of money..
• ta pao lunch for my brother,just incase if he's not enough with the food prepared by my mum..
• come back in the evening to do a bit of studying for ICIS coz quiz is held NEXT freaking week!!...
• go to Indulgence for dinner with grandpa and grandma and also my daddy and mummy tonight..already made reservations and luckily i did..coz that person in charged told me that it's fully booked the night before.
• go to yi fang's place to send her off..i mean..having a farewell party for her at her place..and perhaps..more gambling session there..coz Mel promised me to let me win all her angpow money..
• go drinking with my cousin's friends..who i've no idea who they are..my cousin's setting me a blind date..hehe..having my fingers crossed that one of them are leng chai..
• come home,take a short rest and probably come online...
• after logging off,time to watch Desperate Housewives season 2
• whoa...go to bed la...

u see..i've the whole day planned out in front of me..so..no boring my ass off then..(hopefully la)..hmm...

*income this year..not so good leh..i think the economy not so good liao..sigh...there goes my brand new handphone then...sob...

erm..what i did today..

• woke up at 10..went to su ling's house with a bunch of people..played chor dai dee and blackjack with them...lose don't know how much...
• 2nd destination..went to K.C Leong's place..which was near mine..took our angpows..and left..fyi,K.C Leong is a physics teacher in ACS..was my tuition teacher back in form 4..and also a brief physics teacher of mine when i was still in form 6..
• 3rd destination..was jusco..and wahliao..so many people..we had lunch there in sushi king..and my lunch alone costs me rm36.24..ok..don't be alarmed..i'm not a big eater ok...just that the price is way too high...
• 4th destination..Tesco,..coz maylee left with my house keys..so.i had to dropped by Tesco to get my keys back...
• 5th place,..Infinity..the cyber cafe in East..coz Oon Kee was waiting us there to lead the way back to his house..
• 6th...Oon Kee's place..to get angpows actually..but his parents were not home..so prolly heard that we were on our way there..so..cabut cepat-cepat la..haha..ended up playing with his PS1..and the dance game...
• 7th...went home,took a quick shower..parents were home..got ready to Indulgence for dinner
• 8th...Indulgence...dinner there was expensive..6th of us eating..and the bill came up to rm240.00...there goes half my allowance
• 9th...to Yifang's place..farewell party..reached her place..around 9 something..everyone was about to leave..dang!so no give face..gamble for a few rounds only..and took pictures..will upload when i'm free...
• 10th..ginn yit's place..the girlfriend fetched us there..reached there..already started to place in bets...lose!
• 11th..finally reached home at 1 something..thanks to seong chen..haha..and right now,i'm in front of the computer...

i'm pooped..and need my beauty sleep badly...tomorrow is another long day...10 in the morning,going to atan's place with jin naa and everyone..then after that,michelle said want to fetch me,see yeetin wor...then,mel just told me that she might be having lunch with foo,tin,and meiling tomorrow..then at night,got dinner with family..got steamboat to makan...then..at night,maybe go yumcha with mel..or seong chen might be bringing me back to his place to gamble again...apalar..don't know which one to choose..

and my assignment's still left untouched..and my ICIS book is still left unread...die la..this time..

You told me that you will call me yesterday..but i waited..and waited..for the call to come..i actually waited beside the phone..but no..there was no call..no sms or whatsoever..but you promised..You really did...!!I made an effort to call you,but u seem to be relunctant to talk to me..Am i really that bad?A jerk to you?..When i asked why you didn't call me to tell me that you are back,you told me you have forgotten my number...but when i asked whether you've called the rest..you said u remember the rest..but not mine..Wtf..why are you doing this to me?..where did i go wrong?i just want you to know that i'm always here for you..that's all...but you are hurting me la..i really don't know why you are doing this to me...i send you multiply e-mails..but i got no reply from you...BUT why?..Why do you have the time to update your multiply page?..but no time for even a short message through the mail?Crystal's been asking me whether you've contacted me since you returned..but no..NO...i didn't know what to say..but keep quiet..

(f**k you for making me write this entry..i really have no one to talk to about this..)