You know God is not on your side when :-

You thought you have found the right path..and when you've decided to take that path,...soon after,you realised it's a dead end..

sigh..

You know you are getting old day by day when you realised that all you want to do after class is go back to your own room and sleep..

i'm no longer the energetic angkhian you people once knew..at this moment,when i'm getting this entry typed,i'm yawning and yawning..it's not like i sleep late at night..in fact,i sleep around 2 every night..and my classes are late everyday..8 in the morning only je mar..but then,after class,i'll get very exasperated and the only thing i want to do then is to rush back and get to my bed..and i can actually slip in between classes..boy!...

These few days i've been getting very tired of pretending..i want to let it all out by telling the whole world that my past is catching up on me~...i'm starting to miss...u know who..u know who...oooo boy...(please don't leave vulgar words on my tagboard,please..pretty please...)

and guess what..i have ICIS test on the 10th of March and it's held at night!!(8.30-9.30)...Ms.Ainol..i LOVVVVVEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU so much...*PFFT!!!!..

A note to someone i care alot..:-

 Dear,

.....

You are always on mind...though we are miles apart,but yet i can't stop myself from thinking of you..Classes are no longer important to me coz at that time,i'll not be able to concentrate,...how can i make u understand?Hopefully my heart will be able to talk to yours and tell u how i'm feeling right now...

do take care,my dear...You'll always be in my thoughts...

signed,

khian...

I just received news from a friend..my batch..who came from the same school as i did..she's been facing some problems lately..apparently her blog has been read and she was asked to do a public apology due to one of her entries containing some issues with some people..after listening to what she said,i'm certainly pissed off with the person who went and tell the public about my friend's blog..her blog was read in the public and now,thanks to this certain f**king person..my friend's reputation is tarnished and come to think of it,my friend was kinda popular back in high school..sigh..

just because my friend's blog is in FRIENDSTER..and it's meant to be read in the public..doesn't mean that,that particular person has the right to go announce to the whole world about the contents of the blog right?A blog is supposed to be an online journal-where everyone is able to read about one's thoughts and also views..although it's an blog and meant to be read by millions of people around the world,but that doesn't give the liablity to this certain person to announce to the whole world about the contents right?

oh,sue me..if u are reading this entry..sue me please..please...go and tell the whole world about this blog too..go announce it to the whole school or whatsoever...i don't mind getting into some trouble myself too..ask the person in charged to send me a letter..ask me to make a public apology..bring me to the authorities..go..make a big havoc la..go!..at the age of 18,i've already received letter from lawyers..attending courts..so,i don't mind a few more sessions in court..i guess that's why u are still not 18 yet..because whoever who has done this to my friend,must have a pea brain la..small small things also..want to go tell the whole world..small small things also..can't handle on your own..good la..good..

and yes,you have no right to tell me whether i'm doing the right thing or not..coz right now,i'm doing an engineering degree in UTP..and i'm gonna be a future engineer..so..too bad la..u are not even the same par as i am...(those who are in UTP..sorry la..ter-angkat bakul..)

BUT WHERE CAN WE SENIORS BLOG WITHOUT HAVING JUNIORS INTRUDING OUR PRIVACY?!!!!!

*SCREW YOU...

mind you,we are seniors..at this point,we once served the school with all our sweat and blood..and this is what we get in the end?..please...don't make the standard of the school drop for no reason..(*if my blog goes out in the public,for all means..please do..so that MP knows i've been blogging about MP..)..good!!!...

COME ON..DO GROW UP...whoever you are...

and yes...i love my old school...till this point..even at this point,i still do...just...please..petty stuffs..don't have to take drastic measurements..if have time,go improve the school la..better la...

*rolls eyes*

What would you do if you have to make a choice between your own happiness or the smiles on your friends' face?

I HATE ADULTS..well,urm..not ALL but a few..don't get me wrong..i do have friends from the adult-world..ranging from lawyers,doctors,accountants,the people working at the coffee shops..even the apek who pumps petrol for me back in ipoh..i can mingle around with practically everyone,ranging from 8-year-old kids up to 88 year-old men..(psst..that old u know)..why?..well,don't ask me..ask them..ask my friends why they would prefer my company at times..haha...

the point is..though i'm merely a TEEN-ager now..(19 still teen ok..),yet i can talk to adults like they are my friends..i can joke around with lecturers..with anyone..and even the 'ah soh' who cleans my hostels each day..and the passer bys..i can talk to each and everyone..and u know what..my mum doesn't really like the idea me taking the cab..coz i'm over-friendly at times..i talk to cabbies..(taxi drivers who are usually man around 40s to 60s.)..and the saying 'Don't talk to strangers' doesn't apply to me..why?i don't know..maybe i talk to much..heheh...

but..some adults..really have pea brains..u know..PUNY brains..coz their brains never grow since the last century..always maintaining that size only..no wonder la..even K-I-D-S like us can think better and do better things...and to know that these adults are given the authority to manage an organization...u can imagine the outcome la..

pea brain = no work done+ crap!

thank goodness my parents are not like that..

"Incomplete" by BSB

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

i'm writing non-stop..probably excited with the fact that the net connection is very fast..

hehhe...bear with me,people!

guess what?..i am in my own blog page,yet i can't pour my feelings out in this blogpage of mine.Knowing i have my readers..random ones..and what's playing in my head now..i don't really want people to know about it..sigh..sickening isn't it..?to have a blog,but i can't be writing down everything,in fear that someone might end up reading how i'm feeling..

Yiling,u remember one of your entries about what your mum..?the one about your crisis..err...i think you know which one la..i can't actually state this out..err..if you have any enquiries,u ask me la..which entry was it..it was that time when the thing happened..THE THING..u know or not?..it's happening to me la..sob..i hate this kind of feeling la..really terrible u know..sigh..maybe i should start another blog la..i don't want people to read about this la..

i'm nowhere near anywhere..coz every turning point i take,it's either a road block ..it bothers me alot that i'm moving nowhere up to this point..

sob..fuck this feeling..*lately my blog contains a lot of vulgar words la..sorry hor..the real angkhian doesn't even say any foul words..so..don't have this impression towards me that i love using this kind of language alright?

i want to stop pretending someone who i am not..

i don't want to force myself to be happy when i'm not

i don't want to smile when i feel like crying..

i don't want to talk to you when i don't feel like doing so

i don't want to look at you and continue laughing when all i want to do is tell you how i'm feeling right now..

i don't know what;s wrong with me...

i just want to be who i am meant to be..

i don't want to fake my smiles and laughters and my jokes anymore..

i don't want to pretend that i don't care though i really do..

i don't want to hide in the shell anymore..

i want to be myself..

i want ANGKHIAN back in me..

Many of you must have wondered why Angkhian can update her blog everyday..without fail..or..will be able to post so many entrieS in a day..some of you might think i'm a very free person in University..and some of you may have the wrong idea that University students' schedules are kinda free..hah!nope..u are so wrong..we are in actual fact,very busy with our hectic schedules.Ask any one of the uni students,and they will be able to tell you the times when we had to rush from one building to another..i guess,all our leg muscles are built up by now..hehhe..back to my story,i'm not really that free actually..oklar..i do take some time off (all the time,mostly) to do my personal stuffs la..and the only place i can go to..is to my blog..without fail,the first page that i always load when i'm in the computer lab,is my blog page..see how dedicated i am to my readers?..

But what do i usually write about?..

Crap,mostly they are...but then,this doesn't mean i'm a CRAPPY person alright?in fact,i'm a very serious person..totally opposite from the person i am in my blog..Where do i get the idea of writing everyday?..err..i must say..ideas came from everywhere..all the time..and especially the time i bathe..hmm..(nothing obscene)..whenever i'm bathing,i'll think of what to write today...

my roommate said "i just love reading your blog..You write a lot.."

hahah..another silent reader...or maybe she was afraid of being thrown out of the room together with the bed of hers..*SMK BANDAR SUNWAY,let me repeat myself..Your ex head girl is my room mate...*..hahha...i guess i have my own style of writing..usually focusing on one particular subject...but i guess..nowadays,the contents have been changed..so..GOH,are u feeling happy reading my blog???..

unrelated note.

My phone has been awfully Silent these few months..really!..in the past,i can't live without my phone,coz it'll be ringing every consecutive minute and you can always see me pressing my handphone..almost 24/7 if the phone didn't have to be charged and me having to charge myself with some sleep..but lately,it's been awfully quiet..and i can now leave my phone in the room while i attend classes..coz i know it wouldn't be ringing or anyone will try to reach me on the phone..what makes things harder than my awfully quiet phone is the sound of my room mate's phone ringing..i WONDER WHY her phone rings so much..and her smses come flooding her inbox..what happened to mine??it's quiet...and i didn't switch the mode back to ringing mode and kept it in 'silent' mode instead...coz i don't want to wait for my phone to ring..but every 2 hours i check my phone and happen to see a message icon or a misscall icon there..i'd be pretty much delighted..seriously,..i will be..

* i hate this silent phone of mine la..i feel so lonely without having to press my phone to reply messages..and everytime i see the happy face on my room mate's face whenever she receives a sms..i feel like..feel like..feel...feel...feel like...throwing my pillow towards her face!...(blueeekk!!)

How to pretend that you don't care though you know you can't do it?

Can one study while blogging at the same time?

the answer is: NO.

"BUT THIS laptop of mine..u know..somehow when i want to study right,it comes out from the cupboard itself..and hops onto my study table..somehow,magically plug itself to the power..switched on itself..and voila!..my msn is connected and the internet browser is on..and the next thing u know..i'm already in front of the computer;my books on the bed.."

my answer to my roommate when she asked me why am i always staring at my laptop screen..

"Really la..i really bertekad want to study hard this sem la..but dunno why..the computer lor..always on itself..jump jump jump from the cupboard wor..and put itself on the table comfortably..like that also nevermind you know..then ah..forced me right..to go infront of  it and press press the keyboard wor..and the u know what..miracles do happen..coz u know..the mouse also plug itself there wor...trust me la,punchee..i didn't on the computer gah..u don't believe me..u ask it la.."

~giving her the innocent look at the same time...

Aww..i find myself full of crap at times...well..some time...oklar..don't push it ok..not all the time...

*now,can someone train my laptop to get itself back to the cupboard?

3rd of March~

came down to Ipoh with Yang,Pun Chai Chee, Pinky, and Sharon.The original plan was somehow changed because earlier,we planned that there will be 2 cars being driven down at the same time..Kenneth,Carina,Shea Teng and Edrea in the other car.However,plans were altered when Kenneth's group decided to move on their own..and me,Sharon and pinky were left being the 3000k Watt of the day..(just a little joke,shared by us lately)..We planned to have our lunch in Sushi East at 1st..but as i've said..plans do change..Pinky decided that we should have our lunch in Pizza Hut instead.So,that lunch costs me rm18.50..(sigh!) After lunch,we went shopping..but u know what,actually,Sharon and I have decided earlier to not spend a single $ shopping..and sigh,once i stepped into Jusco's entrance..i bought 2 watches.and then hor..bought a pimple gel from Body Shop...and erm...i did my grocceries..sigh..speaking of saving money...sigh..

we watched Casanova-and also another 'movie' which was happening consequently with the the movie..The movie was fine..really should go and watch for those who have yet to see it.After movie,more shopping and then we had our dinner in Anika Selera..err,..when we reached Utp,it was already 11 something..but sadly,my day didn't end there.I'm a very busy student this semester..and when everyone is busy unpacking their load and checking out the things that they have bought, i,on the other hand,had to take a superly fast shower and walked to v4(6 minutes of walking from my place: v1) to attend Rotaract meeting which was supposed to be at 11. For those who don't understand why the meeting is at 11..alright,let me explain.it's a normal thing for Meetings to be held at night in Utp.So,u can imagine how tired i was coz i was out the whole day and then,having to attend meeting at 11.30..i was really exhausted.The meeting was a draggy one,due to many things that were supposed to be discussed.April is gonna be very busy month for me,i'll probably be involved in Convofair this year..and sigh..don't ask me why i'm putting so many things onto my shoulder..u ppl know why..i'm keeping myself busy,doing something to get my mind off some thing..or..err..people...The meeting ended at 1.58 a.m.

Walked back to v1..but this time,Shamini accompanied me..nice fella!..and so,when i reached my room,i dropped my stuffs and went down to meet with sharon,pinky,punchee,tzeyang and carina.As usual,at 2 in the morning,we were going to go mamak but for some reasons that were obvious,we didn't go that night.We sat on the ground and talked till all of us were ready for bed.

This morning,as early as 9.15,we had to wake up again..we were supposed to go for this ICC competition at 9.30..so,we were sitting on the bed,deciding whether to wake up or not ..but then,come to think of it,the organizing the chairman is our friend,and we certainly could not disappoint him.(*ICC stands for International Cultural Club or something like that la..)..so,we quickly got ready and reached the venue at 9.45..see see..the other groups have yet to arrive..so much for being punctual..wat la the juniors..hehehe...

and now,i'm already in ipoh.thanks to tzeyang.

hmm...i finally have plans for midsem break!!..Kian Chiew is going to come down to ipoh to see me...!!!yippee!!...hehe..not really happy la..but at least,i won't feel bored la..actually we have decided to go down to Redang together...but then,he said he wants to save the trip for someone special.ish..bedebah!..but then he also said,he might save the trip for me lor..hehe..he's hinting something la..

hate this singlehood.me and sharon both do..

sob...

I've been reading alot of blogs lately,complaining about either their elder sibblings or the younger ones.

i Think i ought to say something for my case.

i know everyone's gonna be shocked when i make this statement but then,yeap,as long as my parents have been telling me..i AM the eldest in the family..surprising isn't it?the way i potray myself AT TIMES really does show that i'm a spoil brat with a lot of people giving in to my needs.oo boy..i am the eldest in my family..with a sickening,younger brother..UNFORTUNATELY..

Many who knows me since i was here in ipoh,might have heard about the stories concerning me and my bro..my bro..is the weirdest fellow i've seen in this world and many times,i've asked my parents whether he is from my mum or he was picked up from somewhere coz he's so different from us.He has no brains.

My brother yells at my parents if he wants something.He's a rude bastard.He treats my parents as if they were there to serve him.When he wants something,all he has to do,is just come over and take it..he doesn't have to care whether you are using it at the moment or not..He has thick skin and he cries whenever he lose in an argument..He's an asshole..seriously he is.!He checks my messages in the phone.

On the other hand..

He's a sweet kid..at times.He's protective over me and whenever i go out till late at night,he will call me and be the one waiting at the doorsteps for me.Whenever i did something wrong,he'll not cover for me,instead,he'll not let my parents know about it.He returns my room whenever i'm home though he has self declared that my room's gonna be his room now.He gets me souvenirs whenever he goes away for a trip..

Well..in a nutshell,he's a great kid and probably he's just jealous of me being the centre of attention in the family..wat to do..the *cutest ma..hehhe..errm..the only regret i have is that now,though i'm in tronoh..and i'm rarely home during the weekdays..which actually brings us apart..Now,whenever i'm at home during the weekends,we seldom talk though he's just sitting right next to me.I wonder why.

note to the others who complained:-

I know you might be hating your sister or your brother right now..i feel you..coz i went through the same thing..Everyone does..but then,as you grow older,when your parents are no longer here,THEY are your family..the only family you have which is close to you are your sibblings..though you may have your own family in the future,but then,nothing beats to have your own sibblings with you.It's alright to have fights with your sibblings..(i did fight with my brother all the time..in the past..not just verbally but also physically..till both of us were bleeding and in blue black) but then,as time grows by,we will grow out of all these..No family member is able to be angry at one another for a long period of time.Please treasure the times you have with your sibblings now,don't be like me..i totally regretted for not being able to spend more time with my brother and look what's happening to us now.

We no longer talk.

i hope things will change for the better..i must certainly remember to get him a birthday present this year.Can you believe that i've never..EVER gotten him a present for 15 years of his life?

it's time to change.How about you>?

i fell asleep:-

1. with my head lying on my laptop's keyboard
2. my glasses still on.
3. my chemistry text book which was originally on my lap was then lying on the floor..
4. my handphone at the edge of the table
5. my laptop with the power on.

man..i'm exhausted...pooped..!!

now,time to get some sleep..but now,on the bed,of course..

i just went through a nightmare at 8 this morning..

CHEMISTRY TEST 1..

sigh..enough to pull me down..

i just felt like writing something..but i have nothing in mind..

i'm just typing nonsense at this moment..

i just finished completing my addendum..took me one whole hour to complete that..

hopefully i get the aid i want to...

Things that should be completed this week :-

• Do the budget thing for MPPUTP (CCW)
• Get the expenditure form, claim form, approval form and cheque form from the treasurer of MPPUTP before she leaves for her mid-sem break
• Do the budget thing for Rotaract Club Installation Day
• Think of ways to improve Rotaract's club
• Get my proposals ready
• Get the quotation for the Name cards that have to be used during DRA
• Meet up with Frankie and pay my DRA admission fee
• Meet up with Tim to get the soft copy of budget 2005
• Finish my drama's script
• Attend MPPUTP's meeting tonight at 10.30 pm
• Practise on my Excel, Access and Words for lab test after midsem break
• Study for my ICIS test for this FRIDAY!!(pfft)
• Study for my PHYSICS test next tuesday
• Study for my E'maths test next Wednesday
• Read my lab manuals for both my physics and chemistry experiments
• Get more sleep
• Shower less (have been showering 3 times a day lately..it's damn hot!)

you can see that i'll be handling a lot of money this year..sigh..doing budgets like dunno what only..sigh..and now..to get ready for a nap...

Everytime i listen to leehom's song, i can't help but feel sorry for myself. The memories that i tried very hard to erase, suddenly as if a waterfall, come rushing to my mind. Don't have this idea that i do not like this talented,young,charming singer..in fact, i heart <3 leehom..but then,everytime i listen to his songs, let it be on air or on my mp4 player,..my mood would turn 180⁰ around. Do not ask me why i still have his songs in my player though it's affecting me emotionally..Call me silly or whatsoever you want,but yet though i know the way me keep harping about MP and our pasts seems to put off a lot of people..i can't help myself.

Especially leehom's latest song : 'Kiss Goodbye'

those who listens to chinese hitz,please do try and listen.It contains a lot of meaning in each line..

*my apologies for bringing up such an entry again.

i just came back from my meetings,surprisingly it ended earlier than expected.

oo boy..it's all coming back to me now..for the umpteeth time..it's never gonna stop haunting me..i have tears in my eyes now,but it is a good moment to express my sadness now as my roommate is not going to be back any time soon.(you know la-how love birds are).i have this feeling in me that i'm not going to move on anymore.Yet being as jolly as i can be now,but then it doesn't erase the fact that i'm only lying to myself and the rest of the world. Itried accessing into the blog..but i couldn't.I know pictures have been posted and i know i'll see many intimate pictures but yet i couldn't resist myself from clicking into 'myspace'..Blessings in disguise you may say, because due to the slow connection in UTP,the page couldn't be load.

It has been a long time since i last cry.i remembered making a vow never to cry because of that particular person..but i guess,promises are meant to be broken..To make matter worst,i'm crying all alone.

I have applied for a scholarship which i doubt i'll be able to get it.Everyone i knew is going for the one offering for overseas but only me,i guess, who's stupid enough to settle only for a local degree. Many of them has approached me,asking me the reason why i would prefer to settle down in such a crappy country,Malaysia even though the standards are incomparable to overseas',not forgetting to mention that we the non's don't get much privillege here in our own country.Usually i'll just keep quiet and try to change the topic.

It's not like i'm not being able to afford getting my degree overseas.I was given a choice,between form 6 or getting my degree in NewZealand/Australia.Australia was a bit tempting as MP was there and i could have made the decision to go there.who knows what the outcome will be now, no?Anyway, i didn't have to think much,as i straightaway took form 6.Some of you might be questioning my ability to think properly because i made a wrong decision,a very silly one in fact.i had the biggest opportunity to get my degree overseas in one prestigious university which might be the top 10 in the ranking, but instead, i chose to attend form 6 in ACS..how stupid and naive i was, you may say..

Now,let's get this straight.i am not stupid as you may think i am.i know what i was doing and i know perfectly what i am doing now.Choosing to be in form6 was something i had to do,because i do not want to burden my parents with unnecessary expenses.god knows how much i will need just to get a foundation cert if i do it overseas.alright,you may say i can do my degree in a twinning program-thus,cheaper and yet, i still get a certified cert from the States or from any other universities overseas.No,i can tell you this: COllege too,was never,ever my option.(i can feel the amount of daggers heading towards me at this instance).ok,my family's standard of living is pretty average,alrightla..slightly higher la..but if i were to study overseas,they might have to watch out with their expenditure.They will not be able to splurge on luxurious items or food.no,I don't want to change my family's lifestyle,which explains why i'm still here,in Tronoh. Let's not forget about my brother,who's still in high school..He'll be needing a large sum of money when he comes out from SamTet.Wouldn't i be selfish if i were to take up the money and he might end up doing something locally.?To be honest,i believe my brother will be able to excel better in his studies compared to me.Therefore,why risk the chance of me wasting away that sum of money if i am sure of my brother's capability to do well?All i want is for my family to maintain what they are used to have now,and they can splurge on anything they want to,without having to worry about my academic fees.

Somehow,it's not only about the financial part that refrained me from going overseas.Don't laugh,alright?But i would like to serve the government upon graduation.Even though i know that the non bumi's will not be able to get any special treatments of any sort but yet,i just want to work for the country.No, NS has nothing to do with this angkhian coz i already have this mindset since i was very young.I want to be a part of this developing country.Maybe one day,when Malaysia is FINALLY developed,i can look back and tell my upcoming generations proudly,that i was a part of this.Many of you can say that i can obtain my degree overseas then come back and serve Malaysia la..but then,who's gonna come back when you settle down there?When you are so used to being there,you start to compare and then,you may think that Malaysia is nowhere good compared to the country(insert country's name) in terms of everything.(let us not kid ourselves)

I know i've always given this impression that i know nuts about what i want in the future and also being the joker even in this Uni,shows that i'm not a serious person.But when it comes to this,i am in the clearest state of mind in what i want to do in the future : contribute towards the development of this country.

~Wen Kiat asked me to join the politics.hahah..but who's gonna vote for me,eh?

pls: Tzeyang,this is not my addendum.it is just a random entry.

I know many of my friends who have been in the overseas such as Australia and UK,etc.They come back and start to do comparison.Most of the time,they criticize Malaysia,our motherland.Why?If you don't like it here,don't come back then.Stay there,consider migration.Why come back,land in KLIA,kutuk-kutuk..till the day you depart again.?No wonder the people there kept having this bad impression towards Malaysia la ..No wonder it is not developing la..If you don't want to help,please do not bring down Malaysia.You come back,You don't like it,Keep your bloody mouth shut,dread the days you are here silently and then take the next flight back to wherever you want to be la.

When at this point of life,when i'm going to be 19,when i'm already in a university,when i'm doing my degree locally whereas most of my friends are leaving to their respective country soon,some may asked whether i regretted making such a decision before.The answer will be a firm No.I don't care whether TOm,Dick,Harry wants to go overseas or do whatsoever there..just the next time you come back and you see me,do not tell me how good that country is or what what what...just tell me about how much you miss Malaysia,your family and the range of food they have here.

sigh..

Can i trade all my friends and have you instead?..

Am i someone who is thoughtless?

Am i someone who scowls at you for no reason?

Am i the one who is boastful?

Am i someone who looks down on you?

I am the someone who is stupid,who has no brains,who isn't up the standard as all of you people...i know i am incapable in my studies..i know in this large group of people..i am a total idiot..i wonder how i got into this university..i know you look down on me..i know i didn't score 4.0..

but what did i do wrongly to deserve such a treatment from you?

why is it so hard that everytime i try to strike a conversation, you show no interest in continuing to talk to me? i didn't forget to smile,did i?because if things were to be better between us,i would be glad to hang a smiley face to talk to u..

Maybe i should consider changing varsities..

feel like an idiot here,full of unnecessary pressure..and i thought after today,when i finally made up my mind to settle down for Civil Engineering,i have already decided which department to graduate in.No,i just don't want my life here to be miserable.

Thank you, for making me feel as low as the pigs..cows..or maybe i'm just full of stupidity.

Reaching the age of 19~seems to be a process of a blink of an eye...it was just like yesterday,the day which i turned 18..and now,i'm at the border line to becoming a young adult..

There was no birthday bash for me..just a small and short gatherings..not to say gathering la..we just gathered at the small car park..and they shouted 'Happy Birthday'..hmm..then they gave me small tokens to remind me of my age..and then,15 mins later,i told everyone to return to their rooms because the next day,there will be a test for all of us..plus aiting and jiamin was pretty tired and sleepy..so that lil gathering ended quite early..but surprisingly Sam remembered my birthday..haha..it was pretty pathetic la..coz it was so awkward and i was lil shy,having to face so many people..and i didn't know what to do except to return to my room..Then i suggested to go mamak and have supper as i was hungry...so the usual mamak gang go la...nothing big..it was as normal..haha..

can't wait to go home..there,probably friends are warmer..and probably..a fun time having them around..Just can't wait,..heheh...

Happy Sweet 19 to me..

*thanks to those who remembered..~!

kitty lee taha came and asked me what i meant in my previous entry..

he asked me whether it was about me being tortured on the morning of my birthday...

hahha...to those who do come to my blog..the answer is NO..nothing concerning about me being tortured in front of a group of people whom i call friends...hahah..thanks for having a 'bash' for me..heheh..

*blushing*

p/s: my room mate is beside me..doing some coughing sounds..HINTING me to hurry up with my updating..coz she wants to read her boy-boy's kitty lee taha tzeyang blog..

shall update tomorrow..see what goodies i;ve received ok?

it's times like this i want to cry out loud and say what a total idiot i am..

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

~feeling slightly better..

time to move on or dwell??..

Another statement,telling me that i'm stupid,ain;t deserve to be here and too slow to understand anything..

Yes,i know i am stupid.

Thank you for telling me that.

PEEPS IN KL,

I'LL BE COMING DOWN TO KL,THE BIG CITY, ON THE 18th OF MARCH AND I'LL BE CRASHING TO WAIZIN'S PLACE.IT WOULD OF COURSE,BE FLATTERING IF ANYONE OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH ME COZ I'LL PROBABLY BE FREE ON SATURDAY NIGHT.I'LL BE IN KL,TILL WAIZIN DECIDES TO KICK ME OUT FROM HER ROOM.

IF ANYONE OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE MUA..SEND ME A TEXT MESSAGE,K?

It has been quite some time since i last updated about what's happening..or is the time passing by rather slowly..?

i can't wait for my midsem break to be here,which is just next week..and then,perhaps i can throw my books away for one week..i beh tahan the sight of books mounting on my table..and did i mention campus is pretty quiet these days as the undergraduates are having their midsem break now..sigh..no gorgeous guys in sight..

i had my physics test today which is terribly (x8) sucky..i don't even understand the questions and there was insufficient time for all of us to complete the questions..and who the hell told me that physics is easy?oh man..and i have this major maths test tomorrow and to tell u ppl the truth,i have no idea what sequence and series are..oo boy..i guess it's time to burn midnight oil tonight la..and seriously,i don't want to retake this test..damn malu la weh...

and now,to converge or diverge??

Dear someone who i like to call my soulmate,someone important in my life..someone who was with me for the past 2 years,who still loves me but in a different way now..who knows i still bear feelings within but do nothing about it..i <3 you very much..

KRU - Babe (beb)

Perasan tak muram air muka?
Eh...mungkin tidak kerana ku dah kau lupa
Jauh di mata....apatah lagi hati
Riuh tetap sunyi bila kau bersendiri

Oh patutlah lagu tidak semerdu
Puputan bayu dah tak senyaman dulu
Ku pasti kerana tiada pelengkapnya
Ketiadaanmu dirasa

Jangan serkap jarang hidup ku bahagia
Memang berat tak ku nafikannya
Walaupun cintamu rapuh dan keyakinan runtuh
Dengar ku bicara

Oh babe, ku masih menyinta
Oh babe, ku masih setia
Pilu...lara...hiba dijiwa
Kelabu di kalbuku

Oh babe, ku makin tersiksa
Oh babe, ku makin terasa haru
Bisakan disembuh andainya kau disisiku
Oh babe ku masih perlukanku

Sehari dua mungkin boleh ku harung
Masuk ketiga berlewah ku termenung
Selepas seminggu fikiranku bercelaru
Meruap-ruap bimbangku

Ke sana-sini terpinga tercari-cari
Petanda kau masih menyayangi
Walau cinta kau pudar, kan ku teruskan jua
Rontaku dijiwa

Luahkan saja sebabnya
Punca kita tak sehala
Akan ku ubah sikapku
Seperti yang kau mahu

Katakan saja kau pinta
Walau tuk hujan diradah
Agar tak basahi cinta kita yang goyah
Kembalilah

this song is dedicated to you,my dear...

i'm deprieved of sleep.

4 hours a day-enough to carve wrinkles on my face.

Took me the whole night to understand physics..and now,it's time for engineering maths.

oo boy..

i really need some sleep.my eyes couldn't even open itself..and i seriously think i should not be doing engineering.

Perhaps a better course which require no studying?

i did this like very long entry and then my internet connection failed.

when i thought i would be spending this very particular day alone..

when i thought that i have no one special to spend this very special date with..

when i thought i was going to be lonely and upset..

People do remember.People do care.People do think i'm cute..(oklar,this i add in myself)

I was 'tortured' by this small group of friends on my birthday morning..very early in fact. Was asked to go to the parking lot and there,i saw my small group of friends.it was weird when i saw the look that have on their faces.i knew something was going on.Little do i know they had something up their sleeves. It was tormenting to be surrounded by a group of people with one kind of look.You know something was going on but yet u don't know what is it. I had a very special day of celebrating the coming of birthday,so special that i received a tomato,wrapped with layers of newspaper, as a gift. i was surprised but yet,knowing that people do remember this special date,makes u forget that tomato could also be a choice of gifts too.After being wished 'Happy Birthday' yada yada yada..i suggested that we should perhaps go for mamak-ing as i was hungry. Some left to their rooms and of course,the rest went.

The usual mamak gang. Pinky,Carina,Pao,Shea teng,ME & PUNchee

*yawn..the usual guys we hang out with..*yawn..tzeyang and kenneth..a.k.a my sister..the session ended after mamak and we went back to our resting nests as we will be having lectures the next day or rather later that day.Plus we were going to have an ICIS test that night.oh yeah,did mention that Sam came to my lil group gathering in the parking lot?He was the only guy who remembered(with exceptional of tzeyang and kenneth coz they are still uncertain with their gender..teehee..oopps..)

So,that day,before ICIS test,around 3,my friends came barging into my room,while i was lying on my bed and again,they told me that they purposely fooled me that night.They gave me my real gifts and i was excited.oklar,at least much excited that receiving a tomato right?AITING and JIAMIN gave me this pair of womanly shoes from Vincci, PUNCHEE,PINKY,SHARON,CARINA and SHEATENG got me this nice womanly shirt from Samuel and Kevin, SHIOUTING got me a piece of rugged belt, TZEYANG gave me a nice mug and PINKY gave me herself..oopss!..it's actually a pig-shaped piggy bank..not pinky herself la..and i noticed that everyone got me this womanly stuffs..signalling me to change my outlook,is it?not nice meh>>?

So,after the test,i received another surprise..when Sam told me that he's gonna come pick me up after he showers and he brought me for a ride on his bike.We went to old v5 and got an ice cream each.We talked the whole night,practically about everything and got ourselves a bottle of choc milk each when we were thirsty.His treat.It was rather surprising as me and Sam are not really close though we are in the same lecture.So,it was surprising when Sam took me out for a ride.He brought me to so many secret hide-outs in UTP and do u know there's 3 semi-D's in UTP alone?That we didn't know coz it's on some sort of a hill,hidden.me and sam talked through the night,way past 12 when the mamak gang came and dragged me to Mamak stall.

The next morning, we went down to Ipoh to get my birthday cake,as tzeyang has promised me one BIG big one..So,we had our lunch in Sushi East and proceeded to Secret Recipe in Jusco.Was surprised to see Kwong Hoe there,together with Carina and Kenneth and yes,Kwong Hoe bought Lying tuan along.i got to choose my desirable cake but the cake i wanted didn't have this one whole cake so,we resorted to anything which is in the whole piece in the freezer.So there were ME,punchee,Kenneth,Tzeyang,Pao,Carina,Kwong Hoe and Lying Tuan.

my 2nd birthday cake in my entire 19 years of living.Usually the norms have this 'Happy Birthday' wordings on their cake.Mine was extraordinary.Mine was written,' 19 years of Avianphobia [ CHIAU ]² [TANG].Don't ask me why,k?i also have no idea why i have friends like Kitty Lee Taha who doesn't like greeting the normal way.Hence,the cake.

me posing with my birthday cake.

As stated above.

Kenneth got me a nike shirt that has this big caption ' Drink lots of water'

After that,Tzeyang send me home and i had to take a quick shower.I was going to meet another group of friends,whom i can't possibly live without.These people crack stupid jokes which you can't stop laughing about all over again.Was supposed to meet them in Friday's,nothing close to T.G.I's but then we were supposed to meet there.However,when i arrived,all of them wanted to change the venue but it was rather embarassing as my cake was still in their refrigerator and they were occupying their seats for quite some time already.So, someone suggested to order one plate of onion rings just to erase the bad feeling and also we had to wait for phooiyee to come and pick us up.I kept thinking how all of us were gonna fit into one big Iswara.There were ME,Phooi Yee,Maylee,Yeesan,Gerald,Wei Ai & Mei Yenn.Anyhow,we managed to do so.

With Geraldine sitting on the front seat.

We ended up somewhere for dinner where fried noodles were sold.It was my first time spending my birthday meals in such a way. It was rather interesting and i was getting sick of western food myself.

The food served was

and also chicken feet and baby octopus.slurrpp...

When we finished with our dinner,we proceeded with our next venue: Mamak Stall and we spend our remaining night there.i had mt 2nd birthday cake of the day.

thru out the whole night, we talked a lot,mostly alot of catching up was done.i know i can't possibly live without having them around.Thank You guys!The night ended pretty early that night.

All in all,i had a very pleasant evening with them as well as the UTP-ians who came down all the way to Ipoh to celebrate it with me.Thank you guys!Gerald and Maylee got me this nice bookmark.

sigh..thank you for not leaving me out at this crucial moment.Thank you

*bows down*

Mid-sem break.

Time for rejuvenation.

or maybe i do not need any.i just need to relax myself and go back to that f**king place again,with f**king people who i have to smile each time..

i think period is approaching.Hormonal Changes.Pimples breakout.Fat layers up.

it's totally not helping at all.

Engineering is totally not my field at all.Any chances of backing off this minute or is it too late??

Returned to Ipoh with not more than RM10 in my wallet.

lol..

i just came home from KL and i stayed with Waizin in Pangsapuri Apartment,together with her 2 other roommates, Dorin and Adeline. I went to a lot of trouble,finding a place to bunk in coz my roommate's place which is in Sunway was way too small to fit me in.So, i went around asking my friends who are in KL whether it was alright for me to bunk in for a few days..It was terribly embarassing to have to go around asking for a place,coz i know how troublesome it can be for people to have one extra person living in the room.At last Waizin offered me a place in her room,with one condition: i don't snore while sleeping.cis!

*a lil note to those who i've went forward to ask for a place to stay.Sorry for the inconvenience that i've caused and u must understand that it took me a lot of thinking before going to that extend of approaching u people.Thanks anyway.

So, i reached kl on saturday together gether with punchee and sharon.We went straight to Sungai Wang for lunch and u know,the shopping spree began. We walked with our large bags but no,we didn't care.Stopped by at every shop lot,in search for things to buy especially clothes.!i bought myself a pair of new pants from Romp!..Then,after that,we(punchee and I) had to abandon sharon in Sungai Wang coz i need to reach SS15 by 5 to meet with Waizin and get the keys from her.She had to leave us the keys coz she was supposed to be spending a night at a hotel in Kl with her parents.So,that night,me and punchee went out to pyramid for dinner in Kim Gary's.Both ordered cheese baked rice and yes,we were bloated soon after.Went around to do some shopping but nope,no $ to spare.That night,i met with punchee's sisters and her mum..the family la..together with her sister's boyfriend..i came to this conclusion that punchee is picked from somewhere coz she's nowhere the same as her other family members.The whole family,including the mum is so sampat..cracked jokes like dunno what..except for punchee.i had a lot of fun,listening to their witty jokes,laughing my ass off..

The next day,we woke up early coz the main reason i was in KL was to celebrate Punchee's 19th birthday.So,we walked to the KTM station,waiting for tzeyang to arrive from klang and took the cab to 1U.the 1st time i was there,after the new wing was built.ok,i'm very ulu.Went jalan jalan and had lunch in Bakerzin.the reason i wanted to be in 1U was also to meet up with pooiting but alas,she was out for this function.bedebah!.Had a very expensive lunch there but the cakes there are superb.!went walk walk and watched V for Vendetta.Walk walk again after the movie and went home.Everyone had to go home early,coz punchee had this dinner date with the family and i was supposed to have dinner with michelle koo and waizin.So,went back and took a quick shower and went to asia cAFE again for dinnerWent back after dinner,did a bit of catching up with waizin,and then had to go out again with punchee and her friend's.gUESS where la..Asia Cafe.

Let me see..i Went to Asia Cafe for 6 times during this 3 days in KL.

The next day,was supposed to meet up with punchee to go for breakfast but cancelled last minute coz both of us refused to wake up so early.I woke up in a hurry coz i promised yiling to look for her..and yes,again,in Asia Cafe.I took my breakfast there with her..and yes,went 1U with punchee again.to see pooiting tis time.Went there,sat in bakerzin for 2 hours while enjoying the cakes.Went home also,had dinner with Waizin and Dorin.After dinner,punchee came with a car,picked me up,go back to her house and her mum cut my hair la..not exactly cutla..but trim lor..abit..had loadza fun time talking to her sisters and her mum..so casual and funny la..After that,went to Asia Cafe for yumcha session and talking session continued.

tHIS morning,went to KTM Station with punchee and met up with tzeyang.Went to Time sQUARE AND had breakfast in Starbucks.Went LOWYAT and got myself a couple of treats.Wished i had more cash,then i can buy more.

tiring holiday but a fun one!..

can't wait for the next holiday to come..and in the mean time,it's time for lottery tickets.

Meme02

So many what ifs we ask ourselves each day..

what if this..?what if that..?

but how many sits down and actually count their blessings?

how many cares about the dying old woman by the streets? what about the limping dog who goes to door by door in search of food to survive another day?..what about the poor man who sits by the stairs,asking for some sympathy?..how many cares for the victims of flood and hunger?

i guess,when it comes to us,no one cares about this.

all we care is for the latest fashion to come out to the mall.the latest phone model to come out to the market.the latest mp4 player to be sold.

or

we care about who and who is together in the entertainment industry.we care about the somebody who died the other night before.we care about who's hot and who's not.

but we do not care for the dying man on the streets.

why? so many what if's but no one cares for no one.

Do you,at a certain point of life,just wanted to talk to someone at that moment?..that very moment?..

You picked up your handphone,you dial his/her number,patiently listening to the dialing tone..

toot-toot, toot-toot,toot-toot...

no one answered but because you needed to talk to someone badly..you took a deep breath and dial the number again..

toot-toot,..toot-toot,..toot-toot...

and then,somehow God heard your prayers and answers them.you heard someone answering on the other end of the line..

"hello?"

Your heart beat fast-fast because u finally found someone to talk to..

" <insert the name of friend> ah,..hello!!"

" <insert your own name> eh..hey..i'm watching tv at home..free leh"

"wei..<friend's name> you know what..today......"

interrupts.. "erm..i have a guest at home."

[got the hint that it's time to end the conversation]

"oh ok..bye bye"

KNNCCB. MCB.when i wanted to talk to someone..this is what i get in return..see la..blardy girls with their stupid boyfriends..

when i want something, i often get it.

no,not because i'm the only daughter in my family, not because my daddy loves me, not because i stomp my feet on the ground,not because i throw my tantrum,not because i threatened to runaway from home if i don't get what i want..

i don't know why.i just get what i ask for.

but when the time comes which i don't get what i want,i'll get pretty disappointed and of course,disappointment turns into anger.

i'll get very very angry.

so,let me warn you people beforehand,before anyone of you decides to fool around with me.

it's those times again when i do not get what i want.

the man of my dreams..

i was talking to him and suddenly he stuck his tongue towards me..

aww..so cute...i've never seen him doing this before..not to anyone..but me..!!

he's so nice..there was once,when he carried me all the way down the street coz there were this ferrocious looking dogs..and i was so freaking scared...so he carried me instead..

so sweet....

oh yeah,remembering the way he stuck his tongue at me while we were talking just now...ahh...i just melted...

*ahh....my dad's really one sweet fella..!!

*mei ling,i'm back.i think i made it.but i have to go to kl for the final thing.do not ask me anything online.i want to keep this discreet.anything u want to know.u come to me.via phone.ok?.don't let those 8 po's find out what we are talking about.do not let them know.hehhe..let's laugh together loudly.let the public get jealous of this personal message.hahahha..

hmm..i'm back from something rather important.today'll be the last day of my one week holiday as i've to pack my bags and get my ass back to UTP..sigh..back to the place where ******* are breed.sigh..i think being a ****** is not easy,coz i certainly can't be one.no matter how much i've learned,how many years of being in the presence of *****,i still ain't one.Is that something good or bad?i think i'm a failure lor..coz still can't become a ******..hhehehe..

i think i'm going to miss holidays.i've none in the coming 2 months..and April is approaching man!..means trips to KL and Morib..plus the events..wahliao weh..oo..die la weh,if i've to go to KL and also Morib at the same day..wahsei..kesian la sikit..

Some people told me that day that i've became very 'Chuin'..what;s the exact word for it in english?..Arrogant?bossy?bitchy?..hah?!me wor..cute innocent angkhian wor..none of the words stated above can be used to describe me man!!..chuin ah?!me chuin meh??

Another entry on me getting older..

Having to be blog-hopping earlier,i've came across blogs with many pictures being posted with the writers in them mostly.Most of them were people i knew..since young or from my secondary school years.

I can't help but felt a tad sorry for myself.As i looked at each pictures of the people i knew,i noticed that they have in fact changed a lot.Not only in their looks,but the way they presented themselves in the society.

Me, on the other hand,still look like i'm still fresh from high school.

I went to the mall for the past few days.As i compared myself to the other kids who were around,i notice that most of them are infact mature than i am.The way they dress and the way they talk.i felt small.

i realised the fact that i'm slowly approaching 20 but i'm still not dressing as my age,still not acting the way i ought to be, still jumping around like how i was 4 years ago.How long do i still need to grow into the young lady my parents want me to be?

No,wait..do not laugh k?

To add to the injury,i went back to school one day and met with Cikgu Tengku and Cikgu Asma. Tengku said that i didn't change at all and she mentioned about shereen..u know..shereen chan..She said she changed in the sense of fashion.I know,shereen has been wearing heels and skirts lately..and me?i'm still much comfortable in jeans and shirts.

Do not ask me why i'm still stuck in jeans,shorts and shirts era. In fact, i wear shorts and shirts around in Ipoh all the time. Casual mar. But honestly,even attending formal functions,i resort to long pants and shirt.Much like a guy.No skirts or heels.Do not even ask me about make up.

Why i asked myself?Why am i still stuck in being comfortable with guys' wear?

Walking around complexes,my mum,dad even my friends, would ask me to get that skirt,this skirt,in hope of me getting into one.But nada,no..i can't bring myself to slip into one.why? let's not even go into the heels part.

Sometimes i ask my mum whether i was meant to be a guy.

Khian, your OC crush is Ryan

While he's not exactly the boy next door, he sure is a hottie. And you heard it here first: You and Ryan are a match made in OC heaven. Like your feisty and fiery crush, you've probably got a bit of a wild streak that sets you apart from the rest of snooty Newport Beach or anywhere else you happen to hang.

An independent spirit, you're not one to follow in the steps of the herd. No sir. You do your own thing and trust your gut on important matters. Lucky for you, it's usually spot on. And that's what makes you such an awesome addition to the OC or any scene. So, keep staying true to yourself. You're sure to be a star.

*so true wei..so true...Michelle..don't get jealous k??

ok,this entry is in fact,very embarassing..

i was wearing this piece of long pants and a shirt..u know..the button-up ones..oklar,have to admit la..i was a bit boyish lor..the way i wore it..plus,i was wearing a  pair of leather shoes..not exactly leather la..i think it was PVC..those who know me well,it's my NIKE black shoes..u know..

so i was wearing that outfit coz my dad wanted me to meet some of his colleageous..so,i wore that lor..u know..formal+casual a lil mar..so i wore that..so after meeting with his friends,i went around jusco with that outfit lor..coz no time mar..have to quickly grab somethings before moving back to UTP..so,there i was,walking with my parents..browsing every stalls..and suddenly,far ahead,my mum noticed her friends who were walking towards us.

So,there was this auntie..(stupid+blindla)..came and say hie..so..i smiled at her la..then she went and asked my mum this stupid pathetic question.

" oh,..you have one son and one daugther right?where's your daughter ? Your son quite yeng wor.."

KNNCCB,MCB,PFFT...PFFT...(but have to give credit to her ABIT LA..said i yeng mar..)

My mum glared at me..and explained..it was as if my fault that the auntie was blind..dahlah kena misund..somemore kena marah for something which wasn't my fault..where is the justice i ask u??

today,marks the historic event of my life.

i drew a 5 series BMW..my dream car..

i drove it around..alone..for 30 minutes..then picked up my parents..and again drove it again..

wooohhhhhoooooo!!!!!the feeling behind the wheels was overwhelming..

how i wish my granddad will leave that car to my name in his will..

wouldn't that be superb??

picture this..:-
Ang khian with her black glasses,blasting the stereo with some songs...booming..wind the windown abit..wah..seriously..the feeling...better than scoring all A's for SPM leh...

One big patch of blood on my left knee,bruises which i'm sure will turn blue black tomorrow.A hard jab somewhere on my thighs, small cuts on each of my fingers and i swear i can see dry blood at the edge of the cuts.Scratches on my knees. 

All because i want to do some exercise in the sports complex.When i was so excited to play a good game of badminton after such a long time away from the court.I was walking towards it when i suddenly missed a step and fell onto the tar road.According to tzeyang,i missed the step but i was so sure that i stepped on the curb of the road.The last thing i heard before my fall was tzeyang's voice saying, " Angkhian, becareful!" and everything was blurry after that. I fell as if there was no tomorrow.I can swear that this fall was indeed a painful one but different from the past, i no longer have tears,but i picked myself up though it was painful.It hurt a lot.,very much.

I picked myself up though i know i can just sit down there and cry my heart out.But no,i did not,..i hid my pain inside and walked slowly towards the sports complex.How i wished that i have my daddy and mummy beside me at that moment.When i can run towards them,crying and they will probably comfort me and say it's alright to fall once in a while.Being away from home has taught me to be more independant, brave and to keep all my emotions inside.No more crying in the public,no more cursing the curb for not being there when i was walking and certainly,no shouting aloud at the tar road for being so hard.

i'm fine though at this moment,which explains why i'm sitting here in front of my computer,typing this entry. Though my ass hurts awfully..i'm sure it'll prolly hurt twice the pain tomorrow,but that's life!.It has to hurt u twice.haha..

I'll be having English test tomorrow colliding with ICIS lab test..both are at 2pm.Good lord!

i wonder whether God is testing patience now.It has been a sudden craze lately that almost everyone is listening to Leehom's latest songs.Why?

Leehom ---> the person in Melb. both of them are related.so you should probably could guess the tormenting i go through each day.I have however,prewarned my roommate to keep all Leehom's cds out of my sight.Was only joking,but she took me seriously.Apparently she understands me well to let me have tears again.*aahh..

i have nothing much to update about.i'm just gaining weight as day goes by.but what else is new?

i can't stand the thing about Johari Window la..so i have my own window la..

My window la- (something like johari's)

Pardon me!

woke up this morning, as expected, the nightmare has begun.

My whole body started to ache, from every part of the body.tHE scars on my knee and leg were more obvious than ever.i could hardly type on the computer now as 2 of my fingers are in plasters,thanks to the long cut on each of them.

feel like going home all of a sudden.

Probably will be meeting eewan this saturday; either for lunch or dinner.She's back from UK for 2 weeks and yes,getting the whole season of 'The L word' from her..heheh..meeting up with shereen as well as hoiwan too..hopefully the pain has subsided by then..or else..plans might be cancelled.

Too painful to walk even to classes.Did i mention that i have class in the new academic block today? which means i have to walk another extra mile!..

pfft.

-time to get back to sleep.3 hours before the listening test starts.

bila ku menjadi begini?
sejak bilaku tidak dapat mengawal diri?
kubenci diriku yang lemah
ku tak dapat lepaskan diri dari cengkaman emosi
kubencikan diri ku
seksanya aku merinduimu

rindu akan seorang yang tak faham erti cinta'pengorbananku
buat apa aku tanyamu?
buat apa ku membazir tenagaku?

Namun begitu, ku gagal mengawal diri
aku masih rinda akanmu.

Hanya mu seorang saja dalam ingatanku.

Mungkin itulah kuasa cinta.

Wait..
I have been waiting for someone to return my call from the past 2 hours and i am still waiting.
Patiently.

i hate dislike seeing couples lately.

The sight of them turns me off.

Why can't everyone be single as how it is supposed to be?

the whole afternoon was spend by watching the whole season 2 of One Tree Hill.

There goes my friday again.

My condition is getting worst,as i'm getting a terrible flu and my entire body is shaking as i'm typing this now.I have a meeting at 6 later and also a badminton game tonight.I wonder if i'm able to pull this off.

*dear someone,
     I've never say that it's wrong to love.
                                            Lotsa love,
                                               ~khian

Why did God created both man and woman? Sorry, bakayaro, i'm a non-believer free thinker.Don't ask me why.

Lately, though i'm in a group, sometimes i don't feel like talking.Prolly coz at times, you get so sick of the people you have around you that u probably want some time alone for your ownself. I need to meet new people.Have lunch with the people outside from the usual click i hang out with. I need to stop seeing doubles,and see singles instead.I know i'm probably being mean right now, to all the couples who are around me,but then, things couldn't be explained, you see.You just prefer to hang out with singles than having a pair tagging along at times. i'm speaking in general terms though.

Perhaps it is just me.i just need some solitary time of my own.

and now, to start with season 3 of ONE TREE HILL.