I just read eewan's blog(this is the other eewan..not that yeewan, yeewan)

~feeling rather happy for her, after her long never-ending drama.I thought it would never end,at least not so soon. But now,after her latest entry, she was determined to move on,and somehow she got promising results.WOW! i tell u,she has a promising future ahead if she continues to be like this. Somehow, after reading her blog, i felt this invisible energy pushing me ahead to do as she is doing.To channel my entire energy of disappointment towards my education; do not worry everyone, i am trying already.

Had this big fight with someone in my campus last night.I know he will be reading this blog page sometime soon.SO, i was thinking of bloggin about it.

I was bombarded with swearings from him out of no reason.It was in fact my first time to be swore at(but of course, he did this via the phone,sms). I told him that it was redundant to use harsh and rude words because his mood was off.He told me to do a reflection of myself before passing on a judgement of him.In actual fact, i did not do anything which offended him the last night.So, it was an exchange of words which it's not appropriate to list them out here. I was actually disappointed to see such a childish act in him.(There were many things that we talked about but it should be kept discreet) I was disappointed that things always turn out this way between the both of us. It's like when we are really close,we are really close, and we can talk about almost everything under the sun. But when we are in an argument or some sort, things would be really ugly between both of us. I don't know why. But i have never ever treated my friends this way.i have never raised my voice to anyone or as a matter of fact,use harsh words on someone or even scold someone directly.But it's always this way i'm angry of him. And u know,to be scolded by someone,with swearings and all.,it adds up to the anger.

Things have changed a lot since you know..The distance we have after....i trusted you with a lot of things but then,somehow,i'm starting to regret.Prolly you don't realise about the changes, but as a third party, i can feel it.Not many will tell you about the changes, because no one wants to get at the wrong side of you.But I, i care.I do not want our friendship to change because of something which we might laugh at, in the years to come.

Finally got to meet up with Eewan last night.The last time when i met up with her was..err..wayy back..in August..during yeesan's birthday party?..and..erm..few months back lar..Nothing sentimental because usually whenever i'm online, me and eewan would be talking..so doesn't make any difference also..One thing i realised that the people who comes back from the overseas have better skin complexion than those who stay put in Malaysia.Hmm..1 good point for me to do my degree overseas.

I (finally) got to meet up with Shereen though she has been back to Malaysia after a month.She changed a lot lar, in the sense of her looks..Long hair man!Finally got to see the femenine side of hers.hehe,..whoa.,which means everyone's waiting for mine,eh?Hahha..guess what,the same old question popped up again last night

" Angkhian,when are you going to wear a skirt ah? "

=.=''

Nothing better to ask me everytime you people see me huh? I can tell you this lar- the place where i'm studying now; in UTP, many are anticipating for the moment i finally get myself in a skirt..Probably during my convocation? But too bad, yeesan told me last night that during convocation,we have to wear long pants beneath the thing we wear outside.So,..i guess..too bad la huh?

So, last night, the whole day met up with Eewan, Yeesan, Shereen and Hoiwan. AND also the whole day was makan-makan day.First we went to 'Precious time' (?) in Ipoh Garden East and then we went to Bercham,thought of having the (claypot 'tung fun' with crab) but there was too many people. So we ended up staying in Eewan's car for an hour or so,because everyone was too full..SO,in the end, we went to Anika Selera and had our dinner there.Wahliao.The whole table was full of food.

I finally realised that me and yeesan LURVES..calamari,octopus, pat jao yu..whatever you call it lar..heheh..finally there's someone who i have to wrestle with for the last piece of octopus on the plate..hehe..

Then, after sending yeesan home, we were on our way to send me home,right?When i made up this suggestion that we should probably go for another session of yumcha somewhere nearby my place.So,there!we drank the 3rd glass of water that night.hehe..

Probably coming back next week to see Eewan again.

hmm...

Friends..
Yes, i do have friends.Plenty of them.
Loads.
But,I always question myself,how many of them are true?
How many are willing to be there whenever I break down?
How many will there be to correct my mistakes or keep quiet whenever I did something wrong?
How many will there be who will stand up for me when I'm being framed or something?
How many shoulders will there be for me to lean on whenever I cry?
Such questions I'll never be able to answer, not now,not tomorrow,not even the days which are yet to come..

However, I guess I've been pretty selfish all these years.I've been questioning myself what my friends are able to do for me.I have not say something which I am able to do for the others.I did not realise the fact of my self-centeredness till recently when another major fight has broken out again.It's amusing that no matter close you are with your friends,fights are inevitable.Trust me!..Can't be avoided because you know you have someone close to you who's doing something wrong but you aren't able to keep quiet because you do not want that particular person to regret or something.

I have to admit that at times i can be very insensitive at times.Probably due to the tone i use in my conversations.It can change at any time,seriously.One minute my tone would be slow and soft,and the next,it'll turn high pitch or perhaps in a rowdy tone,as if i'm angry or something.Trust me,it's really nothing like that.I guess,being the commander for Guides can turn your voice to an amplifier?hehhe..it amuses me at times.Anyway,it's great to be honest about how you feel.To me,to solve a problem especially one which is about your friendship, it's better to sit down and discuss the solution.It works.-if the rests are willing to be calm and accept the harsh truth.We talked.finally.When everyone is calm..and willing to accept..it settled.Every single problem.

No doubt there will be scars after the wound heals.But i guess it'd be better to treat the wound than keeping it wide open and get infected huh?In this latest argument, i guess i get to know a lot more about myself.How selfish i can think for myself at times.How i wanted the attention,without knowing that in this world, there'll always be someone giving and also someone taking.No way there'll be all takers.And certainly,no more names-calling.Looking back,the problem was kinda small and we made a big deal out of it.See?it's something which we will probably look back and laugh at.

I am glad that things worked out in the end.I want things to be back when we were still bachelors and bachelorettes..but then,when the group of people expanded,i guess we probably have to adapt with the fact.A fact which I'll not be able to erase.

As we grow older, we no longer say " don't want to friend you lar!"

All we do after an argument is to say "I'm sorry."

I know,..my blog is getting a little boring lately-all words and no pictures.Haih,what can i say,man?

Anyway, remember when I fell down that day?

The area behind my thighs..

My knees..

At times when we run out of words,when words are scarce at times of sadness,A picture say a thousand words.

(my eyes are blardy small..oo boy..)

Oh man..i think i have gained weight.

This morning,i skipped 2 tutorial sessions: physics and engineering maths;both equally important but i didn't have the will to wake up from my comfy bed.So, this morning, around 7.50 am(my tutorial starts at 8), i text messaged shiouting to come over to my room and get my lab report which was needed to be submited by today.I continued sleeping right up to 10.30 am when i again, text messaged jiamin,asking her the time and venue for the next tutorial.It was at 11 am.Oo boy, lying down on the bed,took me quite some time to figure out whether to go or not go.In the end, I woke up again at 11.30 am.This time, for real.Turns out that Tutorial for engineering maths was cancelled.Hoo-haa..i don't have to write any letter then.

Punchee just told me that there will be a holiday next Monday.Due to the Prophet's birthday.But my mum said it's on Tuesday.So, i was thinking that UTP is being generous by taking an extra day off on MOnday.Plans have yet to be made.Probably going to penang?or to kl?or maybe just some quiet time alone,with my family at home?

Feeling rather lazy lately and finals just a month away.sigH,time passes by rather quickly..u know..

(*oh yeah,don't jump into conclusions about the relationship with me and the guy in the previous pic-stop bombarding me with questions,k?) 

What happened to the saying " Home is the safest place "..?

Which in actual fact, can seem to be deceiving at certain times.

~well, here how my story goes:-

..Went out for dinner with Sharon, Punchee, Kenneth, Carina..the usual group of people i hang out with..like usual lar..lock the door before i leave..normal la..came back after dinner..they went into their respective rooms and i went to the small small area where there is a couch and newspapers to be read..So,sat down in comfort and started to read lor..suddenly i heard a loud shriek,someone was calling out loud for my name..sO being my usual self, i tried to ignore it,thinking that it was nothing important..i can always tend to the matter later...Then, a few minutes later..my name was being called aloud again..Thinking that something must be awfully wrong, i rushed back to my room and see what was happening..Hmm..

Turned out that there was a little bird in my room..Ok..many of you may think what is the big deal of a little bird..err..ok,you have heard it from me now..i'm an avianphobiac..und?scared of birds..hmm..stupid and nonsensical phobia ..but it's true..So,the sound of a bird in my room,was enough to drive me nuts.I stood at the entrance of my room for a second,just long enough to see the bird's head coming out slightly from punchee's cupboard..tHE NEXT thing i did was to leave that place..I told punchee i really cannot handle it..So,sHE WENT in,armed with the broom,trying to shoo the bird away..The bird was stupid enough to hit the fan..several times..landed here and there..till finally,pinky went in and shooed it away..

3 hurrah's for pinky!..

In the end, me and punchee had to wipe the room clean..coz there were a couple of feathers here and there..and i swear i saw a few on my bed!!..sigh..i have no clean sheets here..i need to change this weekend..AGAIN!!..

tHE mystery still remained unsolved as we put nettings on our windows..so there was no way the bird could have come in.and the door was locked.hmm..my friend tried to scare us,saying that there might be eggs in our room and the egg hatched..hah?????

die lor if like that.

See..and i thought i can feel safe in my own room..Look what's now coming into rooms...

BIRDS..bah!

I know i have to start studying by now..
But then, I came online to check my mails..Today i have 41 new mails in my yahoo account..Sigh..Rotaract stuffs are always flooding my mailbox..can this be called 'spamming'?

I was asked to send a picture of myself plus a little details of mine to freddy-the vice president of the board..so,i had to take my memory card out from my phone..and insert it into my laptop..my pictures are all inside it..So,as i was waiting for the pictures to be loaded..,i saw my other memory card..and i itchy-ly took it and inserted it into my phone..oh boy, did i regretted my move..

Inside were the videos,pictures, and the recordings of our conversations..in this case,our means MP..i looked back and i see that ..i really miss MP alot..till now,i'm still relunctant to delete all our memories away..There were a couple of times when i wanted to do so,but then,i couldn't bring myself to do so..sigh..

i just wanted to hear MP's voice again..i mean..i want things to be back like how it was SUPPOSED to be..

*if you still remember, there was once i was crying on the bed with you beside me...you snapped a video of me..and you said " khian just finished crying "..when i wanted to delete that video,you said no and you said the next time you come back to Malaysia, you would want to see that video again on my phone.Guess what, it's still there..i'm still holding onto the day you come back and watch that particular video again,with me by your side..
But now,probably you have forgotten about what you said to me..sigh...

call me silly..call me nuts..call me khian..-the fool in love.

..Sweaty as i am typing this entry..i perspired too much now,than i had last week..alright,i'm just back from a badminton match.

This is being held every semester in UTP-we call it Intervillage Games..So, this semester, i'm in for the women doubles.I just had my 1st match with V2 representatives..

alright,let me brief you about the system in UTP..how we are placed..
There are 6 villages in utp ( basically a village is just some sort of taman lar..) so there are vil 1,vil 2, vil 3, vil 4, vil 5 and old vil 5..i heard rumours about vil 6 coming up but that's beside the point.So,i'm from v1..and i had my match with v2's representatives just now..and we are supposed to be there again..tonight at 8 pm to continue the rest of the game.This time, with v5.

oklar,v3,v4 and v5 are usually for the international students or the seniors.coz they are nicer buildings with wifi system as well as there are in an apartment system whereas the rests are just exactly like hostels.hmm..

So,now,i'm supposed to have a break to prepare myself for tonight's game but being someone who wants to pour out everything..so,here i am,updating my blog with a hungry stomach..

oo..btw, st just told me that ivan's seeing someone..and she asked me whether i was disappointed..oo..ok..can't say that i am,yet can't say that i am not..well,he's a nice guy..but personalities just can't fit you know..i guess,it's time for me to find a new one though..couldn't believe he's already moving on..hahha..well,..by the way,someone said he was turned off by me..coz i do not wear a skirt and i always hang out with guys..

but..mr.so and so..21st century girls not necessary have to wear skirt right?or heels..so what if you have this typical thinking that girls have to wear skirts..coz i'm not going to do so just coz you think that way.and puh-leez..who says that i have some kind of infatuation towards you?..
~Dream on, kiddo..

right now, all i want is Chad Micheal Murray..or ..perhaps i'll just settle for ryan mckenzie..

*drools..

back from the 2nd game..ok..we lost..

sigh..now was supposed to do my tutorials for maths..but got stuck halfway,so i threw the paper onto the floor..on strike against my papers..call me childish but the questions bullied me first!!

*stuck my tongue out!!*

hmm..tomorrow will be the 3rd match..in the afternoon..so i have the whole morning to myself..i guess,i'll just sleep through it?heheh..erm..finals in 6 weeks time..and i'm still here..sigh..

Was supposed to attend this chinese prom night last night..but then,the dress code was formal wear and i'm pretty sure the guys do not want me to turn up with shirt and tie..plus the ticket was priced at rm50 each..*how i wish i have that large amount of extra money right now*..plus everyone was going with a date..hmm..i do not want to be there alone;would be rather pathetic..so..i opted to stay back in UTP..surprisingly,many of the rests decided that this year ain't the year for proms..so..ended up only 17 from foundation semester 2 attended.

Being the 'happening' group in UTP, we decided to go for this other function held in UTP itself..which only cost us rm7 per entry..ok, do not be deceived with the price of the ticket coz we really did enjoy ourselves.

So, we attended :-

== International Colourful Night - organized by the International Students society..

The event was supposed to start at 8.30 pm..but you know..UTP style is the VIPs arrive an hour later one..so instead of sitting on our seats fiddling our fingers..we decided to take pictures of ourselves..as the dress code was 'casual smart'..we decided to take the dress code into another level..hehe..

We were entertained by 2 wonderful emcees that evening..

We have performance from 17 countries in one night..The crowd was superb as everyone was cheering for their own country..WE had performances from Thailand, Indonesia, Egypt, SOuth Africa-Mozambique and Equitorial Guinea, Indonesia, Cambodia, Vietnam,Iran and not forgetting,our own country, Malaysia.We even had our own magician from UTP: dAVID Lai..( i don't know whether his magic tricks are true or not..but it seems to be awesome) and we had a band in the house.

For more pictures of the event, kindly click :
here..! ( PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE QUALITY OF THE PHOTOS.I TOOK IT WITH MY HANDPHONE )

The whole thing lasted for 2 whole hours which we certainly enjoyed.I didn't know we have so much talents in UTP,especially the band!..man!you should see them sing!tHE crowd was exhilirated..and well, things happened..

After the whole event, apa lagi lar..take pictures lar..hehe..the usual sampat group..

Overall we had a great night as they had me for company..heheh..no lar..but then..it was better than paying rm50 and get drunk at the end of the event..right?

Being the usual mamak self, we went to Jarum Emas though it was raining with tzeyang driving us there..Upon sitting down,we ordered our food and drinks and as usual,flirted with the mamak-lous..hehe..we were practically laughing throughout the whole session till carina had difficulty in breathing..hehe..We ate as if there will be no tomorrow and in the end, my bill total-ed up with a sum of rm6.20..wahliao..that's a lot for mamak ok..?

sigh..had a lot of fun last night..hehe..

Love hurts..
Love scars...(something like that lar)

I have been listening to the same song for the 4th time today on air..is God telling me something? I just realised that i mentioned about my ex : MP for the 6th time today to carina,sharon,punchee, or anyone who was near me today..even as I was studying this evening,my mind was changing images of MP..i can't help but feel a slight disappointed of myself..what happened to my will of moving on and never look back? Every second when i open my eyes,the first thought would be about MP..I tried telling myself to move on but subconsciously, i still talk about MP as well as I kept having a vague image of MP..

Last night, in the badminton court, i was drinking out of a water bottle.Then, unexpectedly, i asked sharon whether she knows how i got the water bottle..
Sharon : Where you get it lar?
Me : There was once,MP came back and we went to the pasar malam.But before that MP was there with the family..and MP bought a navy green water bottle without telling me anything..Then,after that,MP came and drove me to the pasar malam again;this time with me..and we walked past this stall selling bottles and i told MP that i needed to get a new bottle..MP and I approached the stall.Without thinking much, i fell in love with this navy green bottle and told MP that i wanted that bottle.MP paid for it and then told me that earlier,MP had bought one too.The exact one.
Sharon : (Amazed)
Me : (Subconcsiously) I very sayang the bottle one ok..I do not want it to get dented one la..so sum toong..
Sharon : Suan le ba.MP also i think not keeping it anymore la..
Me : hah?!!!How u know?I wonder whether MP still has it or not..
Sharon : *shakes heads* no more ge lar..MP moved on already..Change bottle also lar..
Me : (In tears..)
Sharon : oklar..joking only nia..actually i think this is what they call 'true love' ah..Both of you have such chemistry..can feel what the other is feeling..
Me : sob..yeah..we can't say it's coincedence coz happened a lot of time already..
Sharon : DO NOT think so much.It's over already.
Me : (In tears again..)

sigh..sad..till now i'm still thinking of this la..mind can't stop flashing images of MP..how i wish God would just send down a piece of gun and let me shoot myself dead.
Stop my agony and pain.This instance.

I didn't want to update anything on my blog actually..because i need to study for my engineering maths test, reading and writing test on wednesday which is just a day after tomorrow!!!!..

But,being my nice self, i remember dai's birthday...dai's 19th birthday which means there is something to celebrate for..dai's finally getting older!!..hurray!!..

Happy Sweet 19, dai..i guess u don't need anything from me..coz u have the best boyfriend in the world, no? I guess the most important thing now is some love..at this point in life,there's nothing more important than love itself..trust me!
I wish you a very nice birthday and a happy year ahead..you'll need all the luck you get from me coz STPM is just a few months away..*shudders*..hehe..I'M JUST REMINDING YOU THAT STPM IS AROUND THE CORNER...CORNER!!.....

hehe..*hugs*

(see how naughty she was is....)

[GROW UP..DAI!!..]

2 tests, 3 hours, in the freaking hall, cold, alone, with no one but you and your paper..

guess how i did in the end?
 
ok..i also have no idea..but it was indeed horrifying lar..

know what? i was so sleepy the whole day today..both me and sharon..and i swear i had sufficient sleep the previous night..i was supposed to have test at 9 today so woke up at 8 lar..went and took my test..then came back and slept for 1 hour plus..and got ready for another computer lab..so walked there...and class was cancelled..then nevermind la..i HAD TO come back and sleep for another hour though i was going to have a test at 5..and i had no idea what was going to come out for literature...sigh..

when at 5, i stepped into the hall,looked at my paper..the next 10 minutes,my head was already on the table..my gawd!..my vision was blurred..and i really had to lie down and close my eyes for like 15 minutes..everyone was pressured,thinking that i had finished my paper in that short period of time.

in the end,both me and sharon came up with the conclusion that we took the chocolate containing alcohol the night before.It was really strong weh..Remy Martin lar..now still abit dizzy lar..hehehe...

chemistry quiz this friday.Organic Chem.
*SHUDDERS*

Your Birthdate: March 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations. You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you. Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans. You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot. Your strength: Your ability to gain respect Your weakness: Caring too much what others think Your power color: Orange-red Your power symbol: Letter X Your power month: October

I wonder if i have any regular readers around besides the few people i know who comes barging in every now and then..u know..silent regular readers..haha..something good or something..erm..bad?
Can't really blog about something to private but then this is my blog page?Why shouldn't i be blogging about my private life..?

Just read Carina's blog..she seems to be disturbed..looking at her blog, doesn't reflect to her usual self..i guess she faces the same dilemma as i am..no matter how cheerful we are in the outside,we are often in sorrow in the inside..
*carina, if u are reading this,..i'm glad that both you and sharon are best friends and i envy the closeness both of you share..i have never had a best friend before so i do not share your joy..but i know it's something better than me having none.Do come to me if you want to talk or something.Although i'm always giving you the impression that i'm a sub--woofer( loud and loud ) (ironically), i do not share people's personal problems in the public,if u get what i mean..i'll always..(always) be there for u..erm..

there's nothing out of the ordinary to blog about today..at least for this hour.i just returned from physics lab..and my room mate is still sleeping..haha..prolly i should get back to bed work..no..bed ok, ok..work..chemistry big quiz tomorrow and i still have no idea what is it about..sigh...

~i still ain't sure whether i'm qualified to go KL..the officials have yet to call..(sob..)

Funny.I saw a pair of couple arguing in the middle of the streets today. You can see that they were not in good terms because of their eyes.Sharper than daggers.[coz they were usually 'sticking' close to one another all the time] I looked at them for a moment and looked away. I was in disguist.To me, it was definitely stupid to be arguing at that moment under this hot weather,where everyone was able to view their actions, let alone listening to their conversation..

I smiled to myself.

Horrible am I?..Coz i certainly think that it was stupid of them to be arguing when they get to be together. They have the chance to be together..TOGETHER..do you know how many ex-couples and divorcees wished that this will happen to them?Why would you want to disagree with one another if you have that particular person right beside you?Why want to waste time disagreeing when you can be expressing your love at that moment?Life's short, ladies and gentlemen..why would you want to waste the unnecessary second to actually cry and howl?Wouldn't it be better if those times were used for showing actions of love??..

Some freaking people just would not appreciate what they have till they lost it.

Dear those who think they are deeply,madly and truly in love with their loved ones,
Do not do anything stupid right now.Do not wait till they leave you only you wake up and realise that the most stupidest thing is to let him/her walk out on you.Love them as how you want yourself to be loved.Take it from me.Been there.Still there.
-khian-

I'm supposed to be studying at this moment..for the quiz in chemistry tomorrow..but guess what..i was holding my lecture notes on my bed,and the next 5 minutes,i had my notes covering my face instead.i guess my roommate who was studying must had a great time looking at me with my notes on bed..sigh..and i woke up coz i had this hard jabbing pain on my head...i wonder why..

f**k..i'm not in the mood to study or do anything of that sort...i think everyone is studying that arse off and i'm here online,typing something into my blog page..wow...

say bye bye to my 4.0?..

oh man..i hate cyber cafes man..
little kids are roaming around,shouting their freaking lungs out..shouting about what..hmm..i wonder..prolly the generation gap..haha..(yes,i'm that OLD)..hehe...

Do ask me what i'm doing in a cyber cafe back in Ipoh.Coz my phone line has been cut off and i've nothing better to do but to come online..so,i came to this blardy cyber cafe..and frankly,i'm regretting my decision..i can hear the foul-est words used here man..i'm terrified..and i'm worried that some kind of fight will happen here..die la..me trapped in the middle..so now, must quickly update quickly and get my clean ass outta here..

sigh..i'm back in ipoh for the weekend..to meet up with EEwan ( from uk) so..i guess..no studying could be done this weekend..sigh..miss someone badly..yes,u've got it right!..MP..

alright lar..all i'm hearing is '****','******'...all sorts lar..die..i'm freaking scared..alrightla..shall only update when i'm back in UTP..at least my phone line won't get cut off!!!

sigh...3rd time of sighing..

Is there a nest in the room?..coz this time, i was in the room when this blardy bird flew in again.i'm not sure whether it's the same bird but then,all the birds are the same..i had a terrible fright,as i ran out from my room,went to pinky's room which is located opposite mine and went shouting to punchee for help.Yes,i was so scared that i think i was gonna pissed inside my shorts.(*of course that didn't happen)

Unrelated note: Was back in Ipoh for the weekend, and met up with Eewan.We went to Jusco, and met with wei ern and agnes.Ok,both of them have nothing to do with me,coz they were from eewan's previous school.So,four of us were there,drinking this sort of dessert..and then,the atmosphere was pretty weird.Coz it was a gazzellion years since i last met up with wei ern and i do not know agnes beforehand.So,we had nothing much in common,so being my USUAL self, i was quiet throughout the whole meet-up.

Later that night,went out again with Eewan and also hoiwan to Maria's. Talked crap,and being shot by hoiwan(as usual)..so...not injured or anything lar..hmm..that night,was the last night me meeting eewan..she's gonna be back around june which is 3 months from now?hmm..not a long time,but yet totally miss her gua..hehehe..

going to Morib this friday.for DRA..haihs..just so many things to be done in a short amount of time.sigh.

Just read Carina's blog.She said:-

T-A-K n FRIENDS!

Feel like an outcast here,even in the group of my friends.

My parents have pre-warned me that i might not be accepted into the society here in UTP.I might be alone all the time due to the differences that set us apart from one another.Or at least it's just me alone. I entered into UTP with my hard-earned results,and also with my dad's hard-earned money.Every single cent and dollar which was spent on me,i'm sure it's due to his sweat and blood.Unlike most of the students here who received scholarships,i,on the other hand, have to survive on a small amount of money from my dad.When everyone can spend their scholarship money anywhere they like,i have to be careful of my expenses.I do not mind being looked down.I do not mind being called a 'private student'.I do not mind when i do not do any better compared to the other students here.
However,
It hurts when everyone assumed that when you are not a scholar in UTP, you are most likely some big shot with loads of money.When your dad drives a Pajero, you are automatically a rich kid.When your mum drives a Kia,you automatically have some cash stashed at home.When you are use a nice gadget, you are loaded with cash.You do not have to do any budgetting in your expenses(e.g: you spend a lot on food) means you have loads of money in your monthly allowance.

I remembered when someone was pissed with me when i made a remark about them being scholars in UTP.The situation was when we had to get this fella a birthday gift and we thought of getting him something nice(which means costs a bomb la).I immediately call the idea off as honestly i do not have any extra cash to spare.Yes,it's my duty to get the person something for his/her birthdate but when it's off my budget, i really can't do anything about it, no?

So, i said something like " eh,i really can't afford such extravagant gifts coz unlike you scholars,i do not have extra cash in hand.

I guess i did offend some people with what i said.But hey, you have to think properly.It's true eh?

Recently, 3 of my friends, including me planned to spend Sultan Perak's birthday in Penang.Kenneth will be driving down the day before,which means they will be staying over a night in Penang.So,being my usual self,i calculated how much the whole trip will cost me.and guess what,a whooping rm150.That's only the lodging and the transportation money.OK,that's half of what i have in a month.I know i had promised them earlier that i will be going.Affirmative.But yet,i had to decline.Due to some financial problems.Plus i'll be going to Morib this Friday.so,i had to get a rain check.

I know they are not happy with me backing out last minute.I know it affects their plans.bUT i can't help it.

I can't help it when people look at me as if i'm some rich kid with nothing better to do than to spend my 4 years getting my degree here.I can't help it if my dad decides to drive a pajero to work but hello,he's an engineer who needs to do site-visitings every now and then,so he needs a 4 wheel drive right?I can't help it if my parents love me and decides to give me extra money for food so that i do not have to cut down on them.I can't help it if i have my new phone and MP4 player after all the hard work i put in my SPM and that was what i got as my reward.I can't help it if i give the impression of me being loaded with cash but in actual fact, i'm nothing like that.

Dear whom it may concerned,
IT's not like that i do not want to join with whatever activities there are but being the daughter of MR.Tang doesn't permits me to do so.I have to take care of how i spend though i may not show it in the public.Maybe a few dollars of mamak sessions i do not mind spending.But when it comes to a few hundred,i may have to rethink.It's because the money is not mine,it's my dad's.I know it's hard for him to support the whole family and it'd be better for him to not have me as an extra burden.
I do not want to be a party pooper.No,i do not.But yet,sometimes when i'm forced to choose between my dad and the friends which i might lose because i never take part in their activities,i just want the whole world to know,my dad is everything in the world to me.

Sometimes things are not as easy as how u view from the outside.I hope you guys would understand the things i'm going through now and i hope you will have a wonderful time in Penang.
-khian-

OVERVIEW: One of the things that matters most to you is keeping your promises. That will go double in early 2006, as a friend will undoubtedly rely on you for something quite important. You've reassured them for months now that they have nothing to worry about, but as soon as the year begins, you'll have a chance to prove that your word truly is your bond.

At the same time -- and straight through mid-March -- you'll also find that several high-ranking, influential coworkers and authority figures will be looking to you to follow through on your word. They may even need a bit more of a commitment from you. Not to worry though. The heavens will be more than happy to help you keep on task, and you'll be rewarded for your honesty, integrity and hard work in a very big way. Sit tight, do everything exactly as you know you should and prepare to experience a wonderful feeling: well-earned, justified pride in yourself.

Obviously, after all that hard work and discipline, you'll be more than ready to have some serious fun -- and the universe has some of that in mind for you too. You'll have all kinds of chances to do some long-distance traveling this year, and if there's any way at all that you can make a reality of one of those trips, don't pass it up. You've probably been itching either to go home for a visit or to return to a place you've always loved. Do it now, and take your favorite travel buddy along. (Just be sure to carry everything you need right on your person, in case of luggage delays or other annoyances.)

If you feel like a relationship is changing -- and not for the worse, so don't worry -- you could well be 100 percent right. Things between you and a certain someone will deepen considerably by the end of the year, if not before. If you don't already have someone in mind, a family member may introduce you to a potential sweetie -- someone they've been telling you is 'just perfect' for you -- around the end of July. You may have to put up with an I-told-you-so after a few weeks, but if things are going along that well, grin and bear it. It will be well worth it when you take a look around you by New Year's and realize that you've got everything you could possibly wish for!

LOVE: Cupid will reward you for this year of personal discovery and good behavior -- you've been paying all your dues and working hard! In all, your pride in your work will give you a sense of calm assurance that will be extremely appealing to that special someone. The universe will be tossing you opportunities for fun all year long, leaving you laughing and full of quirky stories that will keep anyone intrigued.

If you are single in the midst of swimsuit season, be open to blind dates set up by those you trust, because it's quite likely that one of those awkward moments could turn into a deep and joyful relationship. Sure, you'd have to put yourself on the line -- but with the rest of your life going so swimmingly, it's a small thing to risk! Besides, your success at work and your loving friends will keep you busy and make you even more desirable.

If you are already in a relationship, your radar will start to pick up some interesting changes between the two of you. Don't be afraid, even if you like how things stand. By the end of the year, if you embrace those changes, you could find that a good relationship has ripened into something truly terrific.

Whether you're single or committed or somewhere in between, this year will bring self-confidence and wildly attractive relationship opportunities. You may even get to travel and send lovelorn letters to your sweetie from exotic locales. That is, if you aren't traveling together, which is also a possibility. In that case, you may find that hunting for sunblock and trying out strange new foods gives you both a serious case of lovesickness. And far from home, you'll feel uninhibited about expressing your devotion or enjoying your partner's high praise. So let yourself be rewarded as you deserve.