Taken from www.angkhian.blogspot.com ..
One part of it was,

"First, we were supposed to talk about Buddhism in Moral Studies that day..and those who were interested are supposed to prepare their powerpoint slides, and go in front of the class to present. As usual, I wasn't keen to embarass myself in front of a class of 70 people, compromising of Juniors and Seniors, so I put the work off. Plus, I am a free-thinker and wouldn't imagine calling myself, a Buddhist, as I don't really understand what I am practising with my family members. So, I vowed to sit quietly in class and only listen to what the other Buddhist have to say about this religion.
However, surprises never fail to come to me. As teehooi already prepared the slides till 2am the night before, and she wanted to go out and do a little presentation..but she feared to go out alone, so, as usual, me and Shiouting, the "Yi-Hei" ones, decided to step up and help her out. But mind you, we know nuts about the slides and I know nuts about Buddhism. We went out, and made a fool out of ourselves. During a presentation, it's a PANTANG to read from the slides, but teehooi insisted that it will be alright..but it's just not right for me. So, we sorta had a minor discussion while the presentation was going on..and C.S.L yelled at us, in a good way..asking us what we girls are doing while in a presentation. So, we quickly finished it up, by reading the slides. It was damn embarassing and I know, it was wrong for us to step out at the beginning. I sat in front of the class, looking like a walking clown, while feeling fucking furious inside.
At the end of the presentation, C.S.L said,
"People, this is why you have to learn Professional Communication Skills. So that you don't read from the slides and you don't argue during a presentation."
(*at that very instance, i rolled my blardy eyes..)
In my mind, I just wanna fuck her with a stick! It is not bad enough that we have to go out and do some presentation which I know fucking nothing about, and she had to add in such a sarcastic comment. Like who asked her right?If we are fucking that good, we would be lecturers, instead of students. Fucking woman! I was so angry that I just wanted to throw my newly bought W850i onto her face..that explains how furious I was inside."

More updates available in www.angkhian.blogspot.com.

A few nights back, a friend asked me, what do I want on my 20th birthday..
I smiled upon her question, and proceeded in telling her what I would want.

A swatch watch
A Nike backpack
A leather wallet

And she replied with one word: "Mengada!"

She did ask me what I want, right? and I was just answering her question. I mean, if anyone were to come up to me and ask, what would you want, of course I would tell you what I would want to have, but couldn't due to insufficiency of cash. And I wouldn't want anyone to buy me things which I do not need and waste anyone's money for that matter.

Another friend came back to me and said, "Mm guai ge dou mm kong!.." (you mentioned all the things which are expensive)

Well, this goes all the way back to the original question, "What do you want on your birthday?"..and if you were to want me choose something cheaper, you would have to rephrase your question like
"You know lah, I am student, you are student, so both not working, what do you want leh,..less than RM10?".

Then perhaps, my answer for your question might be entirely different.

My point of this entry is not to hint anyone of you out there..like I do not need anyone reminding me that I am already at the peak of my teenage years or perhaps, not even at the peak anymore, it's going downhill now. My point is, I appreciate those who remember, and those who came to me and sincerely asked me what would I want.

And yes, I love you people for that.

But whatever you can provide me, are all materials. Materials that wouldn't last for a century. Materials that are only lasting for probably 2 weeks before the fashion changes. Materials which I can buy on my own, eventually when the piggy bank is filled.
But what makes you think what you gave me, is what I really want?

Perhaps I am asking too much.
And if you were to come ask me again, what would I want..

I would tell you that I want my daddy's sickness to go away. I want my mum to live long to take care of my dad and even longer, for me to take care of her. I want my brother to stop being a pain in the ass for everyone in the family and start respecting all of us. I want my granddad to live at least another 20 years. I want my grandma to be happy and continue being proud of her grandchildren. I want my extended family to be united and happy together.

My selfish side would want her to come back. My selfish side would want time to turn back for one moment so that all mistakes that I have done could be corrected. My selfish side would want to obtain my degree and Masters as planned. My selfish side would want my parents to be happy and proud of their "ah girl and ah jack"...

So, when you come to me, and I tell you that I would love to have a NIKE backpack, or a SWATCH watch,..maybe from what I really want, it's cheaper to get me those instead.

I am still hyped about my birthday..and all the hyperness aside, I have to thank a alot of people whom did manage to remember my birthdate. Although everyone is still busy with their own schedule, they took a few seconds to text, call me.

>The first person who texted me was Ong Kee Hui. (Pundek!)..He texted me at 9.00p.m. on the 9th of March 2007. 3 hours earlier man..
>Then in chronology order would be:

Goh Chen Yeng
Ong Shiou Ting
Chong Ailee
Chai Kian Chiew
Chim Wai Zin
Kenneth Chai
Lydia Tan
Choo Seong Chen
Chew Fanny
Eeo Ai Ting
Yap Pun Chee
Geraldine Cheong
Liew Yoke Yee
Ooi Kar Mun
Freddy Teo
Lee Tze Yang
Carina Gui Su Ping
Chong Jiang Mun
Chua Han Jim
Benny Sia
Lim Yiling
Wong Yoke Lee
Lai May Lee
Toh Jia Lin
Suan Tee Hooi
Dahineswari
Ong Wen Sher
Chong Sook Min
Michelle Yew Yee San
Lau Ting Yi
Yeap Lee Xiang
Goh Yoke Mun
Lim Hwei Ping
Sin Wai Yen
Yong Chee Weng
Leong Pei Chie
SomPhong

Those were the ones who texted me.

>And, there were also people whom left me a message on MSN when I came online.

Wellson Yong
Chen Hwan Jean
Michelle Koo
Wong Pitt Wai
Lai Pui Yeen
Chen Pei Chui
Penny Chin Wai Yee
Chin Wei Jin

>And also, there were also people whom left me a message on Friendster, testimonials and comments..

Issac
Wong Seong Yoong
Wei Xuan
Chan Khai Whum
Wellson Yong
Ho Ching Shearn
Bravo Looi

>Let's also not forget those who called me..

Chang Ee Wan (UK)
Sanjeev Kumar (SP)
Jacqueline Thong

>People whom met me face to face and greeted me..

Low Pooi Yeng
Chua Mooi Lan
Chan Hoi Wan
Tan Ginn Yit
Wong Pitt Wai
Foo Yen Ne
Foo Jun Ne
Ping Qing
Ooi Mei Loo

>Oh yeah, the ones who greeted me with an entry in their blogpage..

Teoh Mei Ling
Chang Ee Wan
Lai Yan Ling

I am pretty sure I didn't forget anyone..and IF i really did, I am so sorry. I am turning the Big Twenty, with only two big candles this year, no more small candles..boo hoo...my memory can not be functioning like how it used to be..=)

Thanks everyone, for making my day.

On the downside, the ones whom I was waiting to greet me, didn't call or text..fuck.

I am RM100 poorer today.

I reversed my car and I didn't see there was a car behind me. I knocked into the car. At that instance, I drive the car back into the parking bay, while cursing myself for being so careless. I was already late meeting Shereen, Karmun and Hoiwan in Jusco. I missed the car, partially because I was rushing..The lady parked her car, and came out. I was stunned for a second. She was, urm..gorgeous?.. I looked at her, smiled awkwardly, but did not apologise. I asked her "So, how?". She wasn't sure what to do either, obviously she was perhaps 2 years older than I am. She had to call home and asked her parents what to do next.
I told her I have only RM100 to offer. I explained that my Kancil suffered more, and her car only had bits of paint torn off. She smiled and said, "It's okay..". She asked for my number but I declined. I told her I wasn't local so it would be troublesome. At last, she took my RM100 and she went off. I sorta regretted now. Should have taken her number!  

But yeah, I am RM100 poorer. Dad reckoned I shouldn't have gave her that much. Should have told her I have RM10 only..but nevermind, pretty girls have extra advantages!

Lol.

One sexy picture of me and Meiling.


and you know what, this picture name, I saved as "Me and Meiling Licking"
OH MAN, SOUNDED SO WRONG...so wrong....hehehe..

but yea, Meiling, how many years of friendship..? I am losing count myself. Since we were 7, in Standard One? How many friendships last that long, and both of us are still ALIVE? God's blessing..hehe..

" I have lose my trust in you, and to think that it should have been between the both of us..."

I am here, 3 minutes to another group discussion.
3 minutes to stop whatever I have been doing for the past 10 hours.
3 minutes for me to stop and breathe in the Saturday air.

2 minutes more for me to think about what I have written earlier.
2 minutes more to think whether it was worth the trouble.

1 minute to wrap this up.
1 minute to say goodbye.
1 minute to tell you, I have made up my mind.

0 minute to tell you, "I love you.."

"Let's assume you were walking in a shopping complex, and you happened to see something which you like. The price wasn't a problem, but you were not sure whether it's worth buying it or not.Whether it requires a lot of attention, or whether it will spoil in just a matter of second. So you sat down and think. You walked around the shopping complex, browsing a few other more things, but eventually, you stop at the same shop again. You looked at the thing once more, wondering whether it's time to pay and just get it instead. You approached it, and touched it for the first time. In your heart, you whispered to yourself that it's time to purchase it and move on. You gave a few glances at it, telling it, without verbal words that you wanted it. You didn't tell anyone that you wanted to buy it, but maybe you did, but they don't care. You made effort, walking around, comparing prices, but the thing which you wanted, was just so perfect. So perfect that you hate yourself for doubting. Have you not let go of your old thing? Is it still occupying your shelf back at home, you asked yourself. You shrugged alone. You weren't sure. You are pondering. You placed it back on the shelf, and continued walking around. You were uncertain whether to buy it or not. This is not something about a matter of a few dollars, in fact it is much expensive than that, and probably requires a lot of your time. You sat near the thing, still considering. And then, you finally made up your mind, grabbing your wallet, going to pay for it, and then, you realized it's too late. Someone has overtook you, and had gotten to it earlier. What can you do? It wasn't yours to begin with, it wasn't anyone's. It was left in the open, anyone could have gotten it. Who should you blame? Who should you be angry at?"

AngKhian, no one. No one. You can only be angry with yourself.

Good to know that you drop by once in a while, to know how I feel.
Glad to know that you understood several hints I put in between the lines.
Overjoyed to know that you did think about what I have said.

Sad that you actually drop by to see how I am doing, coping with the rejection.
Upset to know that you've told most of your friends about what was said.
Disappointed to know the chances of "it might have been" is near zero.

You told me the problem isn't me, but you.
You told me that you didn't want to hurt me, and to lead me on, but it was I, who have chosen the path I wanted to walk through.
You told me that you weren't seeing anyone, but you did like someone else before me.

You told me so many times, only when I have stepped into the hole.
When I have found out, it only makes it more difficult since I am already half-in.

So many words I used to coax you to standing by my side, but you didn't fall for it. You said you were immune to it. You said you felt nothing for it.
I was disappointed. God, they say I am the worst sweet talker in earth, and no one could resist it. But you, you are the one who I wants so badly to fall into my arms, and go deaf with my sweet talking.

It didn't work.

I told you sincerely how I felt about you, everything and the current situation. That I don't give a damn about your past, but only focusing on the present and future.
You said you are heartless, didn't want to hurt me.

The truth is, I want to be hurt. Just by you.
The blatant fact is you are already hurting me, by turning your head away.

I know I am incapable to compete the rests who are more appealing than me. Who stands a better chance in treating you better...
Who can assure you a long-lasting relationship..
Who probably just the right type of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with.

I have nothing good in me. The only things you see, and feel, is what I really am.
The fact that you told her, that you would jump on me with a few regulations, made me feel estatic for the rest of my night. (I am a great catch, I know!)

I may not be able to give you the feeling of security, which *akhem* can provide you.
I may run of sweet words to coax you to sleep every night.
I may not always be in the same class as you do.

But, dear..,

I can assure you that you are my first priority.
I can assure you that you are the only person I see, each day.
I can assure you that I would be there for you,all the time,

IF ONLY YOU WOULD OPEN UP YOUR WOODEN DOORS AND STEEL-BAR WINDOWS, TO LET ME IN.

I wrote this during Solid Mechanics Lecture....:-->

" Solid Mechanics is a bit out of my league. I don't understand. Or maybe I just didn't pay any much attention that I should be. I am sitting right in front of the lecturer, but as clueless as the boys at the back of the class. Worst, maybe I am the only one.

I used to remember Mdm.Lam saying that I have my own writing style, which is quite true in fact. I looked back to my previous entries at times, and I realized I have developed a flair in writing.Maybe not as good as the other writers, but certainly, my entries have a certain "Angkhian-ness" in them. I hope Tabulas lasts for at least another 20 years, then I could probably show the entries to my future extended family. Maybe I will laugh about some things that I have written, or maybe feel silly to have my emotions affected me so easily.

Uncle Joshua asked me one night, why am I so into blogging. I can actually postpone my workload, only to be caught writing online, with absolutely no marks obtained, money received, or recognition of any sort. Even funnier, he said I was utterly exposing myself to the whole world, naked in emotions. Heck, someone might even use what I have written today, and use against me, for all I know. However, I don't really care.

Today's one of the most aimless day in the week itself.
--Lost in class.
--Lost in the campus.
--Lost in finding myself.
--Lost in doing anything.
--Lost in you.
*Coincidently I have Sugababes, "Too Lost In You" playing in my Ipod. Aah, they do come in handy at times.

The day started in a gloomy state, with no Mr.Sunshine showing himself right up to my face. The clouds were most probably covering "him". Was it because the sun felt the exact way I am feeling today, the aftermath of last night's incident?
The talk turned out to be enlightening. There were no barriers. But something was still hidden from me. It was clear that I wasn't allowed to know more than I should know. It doesn't really matter. Good enough that you see smiles in just one night alone. The conversation was honest. No absolute answer was given. There is still hope, that way. Enough to keep me going on.

Excuse me, I am not in denial. The fact that there's confusion going around, unconfirmed answers, unsettled feelings to deal with. Just need to be a little persistent. And patient. And maybe a dose of sincerity.
Hopefully things would change for the better.
No matter how heartless one may declare himself to be, deep within, if there's a blood flow, the flow goes through his heart, which means his heart works then.
(Things I come up with at times..hahahahah..)

Aah, 5 minutes more. Long await. The agony. Mr.Aber, can you stop talking already?  "

                                                -end-

Long weekend ahead. Heavy workload. Do I care?

This morning, I woke up, with black hair, with slight bronze highlight which I did a few months back.

This afternoon, I came home, with a bright red hair. I look like a traffic light,except that there's no amber and green; only red.

WTF.

Who the hell told me that I needed a change?Who the hell told me that it's time for me to change? Who the hell told me that they are getting bored seeing the same Angkhian..?

Fuck...

I ended up having a bright red hair. How to go to class on Monday????
I will be the laughing stock!!!...

I wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I look like Pink, except..I look like a fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afraid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true"