Entries for November, 2007
November 1st, 2007
1144
Posted by khian at 01:09 PM on November 1, 2007 in .
I officially declare that MY LIFE IS ROBBED AWAY BY MATLAB.
I was never good with computer codes during Structured Programming, yet the lecturer kept saying that MATLAB is much easier than the previous subject, but I do not see the difference really. Well, I am of course, speaking from the perception of a computer noob.
However, that doesn't change the fact that I have a lab test tomorrow and it's friggin' annoying that everyone keeps telling you that it's scary and all. Damn. And the GA's are sooo not friendly, and they keep staring at you and your monitor. Darn.
So now, I am rushing my codes, referring to some of my friends' answers while trying to figure out a way out to cheat. Yeah, have to resort to cheating, or something, or else I wouldn't be able to pass this lab test.
Another field trip to Kelantan+Terengganu this week. Whee~, can't wait.
November 6th, 2007
1145
Posted by khian at 12:11 AM on November 6, 2007 in .
Tired but enjoyable.
Eager to come back, but got disappointed.
1146
Posted by khian at 12:20 PM on November 6, 2007 in .
Alil something something to get the mind boggling..
Ask me questions. I shall answer them.
November 9th, 2007
1147
Posted by khian at 08:06 PM on November 9, 2007 in .
Ought to be studying right now. The time used to countdown is getting lesser by the day. Had dinner with the Rotaractors that day, and we went for drinking after. Most of them smoked, and they were trying out cigars, and one of them offered to me. I tried. and I got hooked to it. Straight after I left them, I went to 7-11 and got myself a pack of ciggies. Salem Mentol.
Not strong, but just to get something to ease my system. I guess it's the time again. When I am stressed out, but there's no other output but to hide my fear. Damn. I guess I am a weakling.
November 11th, 2007
1148
Posted by khian at 03:45 AM on November 11, 2007 in .
Most of you, who are still in Malaysia, I am not sure if you know about this piece of news but just this afternoon, there's this gathering which is known as "Perhimpunan Bersih" in Kuala Lumpur. All I know is people gathered in Masjid Jamek, Masjid Negara and Sogo before walking to the Dataran Merdeka and to the Istana Negara to hand in memo to the Agong. And all they asked is a clean and just election next year.
How did I know about this gathering? This is when most of them came and asked me whether I wanna join their lil trip to KL and participate in the gathering. Most of them who cared, were Malays. And sometimes, I am amazed that they have the semangat and jiwa berkobar-kobar to defend their country, even though for UTP students, finals starts in 2 day's time. However, I regretted to have missed such action as I have not seen a huge gathering in the country before. Perhaps, something is running wrong in the country to have triggered that?
Why can't the country live in peace and just try to live in tolerance? I mean, isn't it bad enough that we have to deal with the rise of fuel, and the price hike of most of the goods in the country, and now, we have to duel with the difference the rakyat see in one another? Just hope that people can live with differences, or just bear with it.
Apa ni yang saya merepek saya pun tak pasti. Dah pukul 4 pagi dah, ayam dah nak berkokok, apa lagi saya boleh buat. Nak pi tidur la ni..
1149
Posted by khian at 01:55 PM on November 11, 2007 in .
Do you remember your First Times..?
How silly can we get in a Concrete Quary?
The first time you start peddling on your 4-wheeled bicycle? Or the first time you started to step into pre-school? The first time you leave home to somewhere far? The first time you fell and hurt yourself? The first time you turn disobedient to anyone? Or the first time you got pressured by your peers and you did something really horrible? The first time you step into a new world?
So many first encounters that probably bring an impact to your life and you realized that just because of one incident, your entire journey sorta diverge from the 'arranged' path that you planned.
or how silly can you get with your shades?
Or maybe something sexual for instance, your first kiss, your first sexual intercourse, the first time you tried anal sex, or maybe the first time you decided to not use the condom..Or maybe you wanted to try some other kamasutra position instead of the boring missionary position that the two of you have always practised.
It's rare to get a group of people together in normal school days, let alone take a nice picture.
And all this first times, probably lead to another path of life. And often they say, you will always remember your first encounters. For example, when you got yourself hurt for the first time because of some love issues, the next time you got yourself in the same situation, you would tend to be more caution to preven the same thing from happening again.
So, at this point, I am thinking about my first time when I stepped in the exam halls, and regretted the times I wasted on not doing anything to prepare for the exams. Some may have reflected on their mistakes and repent and some of us, like myself, tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
Make one silly mistake and you might regret for the rest of your life.
Countdown to Finals: 3 days left and I barely started on anything. I guess I am just a procastinator at her best.
What is your first time which left an impact on you?
November 16th, 2007
1150 (Insomnia)
Posted by khian at 05:44 AM on November 16, 2007 in .
This is one of those days when I am blardy tired, but I can't get to sleep. So freaking disturbing to know that my next paper is in a day's time and I just can't sleep. I can't study either because I know nothing's gonna enter my *toot* brain now and I will probably wake up tomorrow and forget what I did today. It's 5.32a.m., and the Malays are going to wake up soon to do their morning prayers. Aiyo..
I went to the bathroom earlier and I saw one of my housemates sweeping the floor. It was at 4 in the morning,what was she doing?? I am in need of sleep and I need plenty of sleep. Gosh, this is like the situation when you do something, you die, don't do something also die. *toot-toot*
At this ungodly hour, I kinda miss everyone who's abroad. Whose timeline is the opposite of Malaysia's. Damn, people in UK. How are you doing? So long didn't hear from Eewan, wth..At least Yeesan initiated conversation with me via Gtalk but that was about it. Short conversation because she always catches me at the wrong time, but she made an effort, and that's something to applaud about. What about Dai? Dai's in Russia, and I guess she has no internet connection? OMFG. EuQueen asked about me that day too. And I bumped in YiFang in Jusco, so random. She came back to dance apparently. I don't know, don't ask me. Ask her. And PuiYeen in the US. OMFG. So long. So long.
At least I got to meet Lydia and Izzat during Raya. And just a few days back was Deepavali. OMG. This is the first Deepavali I have not been to Dai's ever since Form 4. OMFG. So different things are now.
People in Malaysia. Mel..Mel!! MeiLing. Foo was on papers, I knew about it, from Yiling. Mel's friend, what's her name..Yeah, Jiang Mun.. like what the hell..sudah tak kenal saya lagi..takpe takpe..*jaga lu!*
Maylee texted me the other day about the BBQ in Suling's. I couldn't go. Was supposed to stay at home with family for dinner..it's been a while since I went home. Heard that Cheng Chien, Mei Yenn, Sook Min were there. Bet there were many of them. Aaarrgggh.. speaking of which, Wei Ai texted me a couple of times but I didn't have the opportunity to reply them yet. No time. No time..Aaarggghhh.. Wai San texted me too..and no reply to her as well..
I can't believe I am saying this, but Seong Chen..Seong Chen also I didn't see him anymore. What is this..suddenly everyone's missing..Gawd..and Ming Nyet..really la...
Damn, people, get your fat asses back to Ipoh as soon as you can. New Year's coming soon..MeiLing, Mel, Jiang Mun and Lydia, we are gonna do it again this year?? We have to do it again. Pull Foo along..(Foo, already place you on the table, so you better show face)..Sigh..
Michelle Lee, just because you have Si Shimmy, doesn't mean I am not alive anymore. Get your Persona and come find me at my place. Shereen Chan. Where art thou in Singapore?? Where?? Hoi Wan, Cheh Shing, Pooi Yeng, Wai Zin, Wai Yen, Ting Yi!!! Goh, tak payah lah.!! already saw her...aaarrgghhhh..make yourself available..
Shouldn't have taken Teh Tarik Besar just now. Fuck. I miss everyone now.
So depressing pula.
Damn, 6 papers on their way, and I should just go get some rest.
*Call me people. I miss all of you..
November 17th, 2007
1151(Read this, tell me what you think)
Posted by khian at 10:43 PM on November 17, 2007 in .
Everyone is vigorously using the internet because at 12am, the service is gonna be cut off due to some maintanence thing. Aaargh, life without the net, cannot be pictured. So everyone's downloading everything from DC++, to avoid boredoom later. It's Saturday afterall, you see..People don't study on a weekend night, at least not me. I AM NORMAL..
My parents always say that I care alot about what people think of me.And I agree with them totally. I may look tough at the exterior but actually, I have a problem with self-esteem and it matters to me what people think of me.
You think I don't know people going around calling me a tom-boy?
Just that it hurts so much that I would rather ignore the whole statement and pretend that it doesn't happen. And people are shallow enough to see me as a half-girl. But who am I kidding, the fact that people still talk behind my back, and some were daring enough to say it to my face.
All I can do is just laugh the statement off. But who knows how I feel deep down inside?
Today, something happen again, with my coursemates. Let's call them A and B. and there's also C and D. It's about the final exam paper which I was supposed to have today. So, the night before, everyone has this tips thing passing around, so it reached me too. I only got to know about it the morning after. So, since I got to know about the news, the good Khian decided to pass this little tips around to her housemates and some of her other coursemates. So, it was supposed to be kept hush-hush as I am not sure whether the tips was real or just a hoax. Anyway, I didn't tell A and B, because I was told that C knew about the tips, and since A and C are pretty close, I assumed C would have told A everything. And if A would have known, B would eventually find out from A too.
Apparently, I was wrong. C didn't tell anything to A, which leads to B not knowing anything too. I only managed to find out 3 hours before the paper starts because I asked a question to A and somehow A didn't know about the tips. As soon as I knew about this, I quickly send the tips over, and texted B too. So the two of them got the tips 3 hours before the paper.
Little did I know that the two of them held grudges at me, saying that I intentionally hid the tips from them. And I purposely kept the tips and send to them late. Of course, this bitching was done behind my back, but I could see from their faces that they are angry at me.
I was so tensed that I felt so guilty because it somehow seems to be fault that they didn't know anything about the tips. And I quickly tried to redeem myself by apologizing to them, via text messages and Gtalk. B was fine with me, kept telling me that it's over so I should moved on. On the other hand, A went offline instantly when my message got through.
How should I feel about this? It's just not my fault that the news didn't get to their ears because everytime something like this, they usually don't tell me stuffs. During our first paper, both A and B went to see the lecturer, and I didn't know anything about that. So should I be angry and mad at them instead? I did not. Even though it's not my fault, yet I still apologized. And now, they made me feel stupid and silly. It's not my problem to begin with.
But I can't help thinking that someone is mad at me. I just do not like the feeling of people wanting to tear me apart. So frustrated. When the same thing happens to me, people will tell me that they do not have to share everything with me. But when I know something, I must tell everyone. And I did. Just that I thought C would've told A since they always knew things and hid them from me.
Now, I am feeling darn miserable. I need to get this incident out of mind.
Will smoking help?
November 19th, 2007
1152
Posted by khian at 10:38 PM on November 19, 2007 in .
| | " at least we have some sweet time before that.. | | | | better than not even one sem mah.. | | | | u very cute lah. | | | | hehe... | | | | thanks for those time.. | | |  | | | | really mean it.. " |
|
I came into UTP 2 years ago, and met with a couple of people whom I really do respect. Like when I first stepped into UTP, I knew a couple of seniors, such as Suet Yeng, San Nien, Khai Yi, Ming Hwa, Chee Fai, Xiao Qi, Jackie, Melvin, Ong, SanJeev, etc. So many of them that I have to apologize if I ever forgot any of your names and failed to mention you here, because simply, my heart is too weak to actually tear for everyone who has left and gonna leave soon.
The above message was left by Peichie while I was talking to her through YM and it struck me that suddenly, time really does fly. It was just last semester when she was there for me, almost everytime when I needed someone to talk to. Partly it was because of EDX, and she needed someone to hear her out at times, so it's not an abnormal scene to see the two of us, talking at the staircase till wee hours in the morning. We talk about everything under the sun, really, and the moon. Just almost everything , and am glad that she trusts me and vice versa.
And now, she's about to leave for Industrial Training for 8 months, and then be back for a year before she graduates for good. So is Suet Yeng, San Nien, TsaeYng, Jackie, Chee Fai, San Yin, and most of the people in July '04 batch. Ask me whether I will be able to get used to the fact that they would not be around, and I can tell you "No". Definitely not.!
Just talking about them leaving, makes me feel something is detachhed from me. I guess I will miss Peichie the most, out of the whole lot. Mainly because she managed to leave an impact in my life, and thanks to her, I got back on track with my life. *Oh, not to forget, babi Si KEVIN, for being my DJ, recommending me nice songs and clipz..haha..Congratulations again, to you and Peichie. 
November 20th, 2007
1153
Posted by khian at 03:19 AM on November 20, 2007 in .
I officially declare war against people who treats me like crap.
Seriously, everyone is hunting me down for money now, and it's the exam period, for goodness sake. As much as you would want to take your money, I also need the spare time to study. And you think in order to get the money from the club, it's a easy procedure? I would have to beg Elangesh(whose signature is compulsory) to sign the goddamn form and I would have to queue at the bank with the super-tortoise service provided. You think it's an easy process to go to the bank and just put in the card, and withdraw the money?
And yes, you might ask why do I do it now, why not earlier? Hullo, you really think I work full time as a treasurer ah? You really think I serve the club 24-7? I have to attend classes too. And to go to the bank, takes up a lot of time. And for me to be available, and wait for Elangesh to be available, it takes up a hell lot of time as well. To add into my burden, I was highly involved in EDX and UCITY, that I have to attend god-damn meetings EVERY NIGHT, without fail. I don't even have my personal time, and I tried my best to do my job already, yet people are still complaining.
My mistake was I misplaced the receipt you gave me into the other pile. And I thought you did not give me. And I asked you in a proper way whether you did give me or not. And you shot me remarks which are so rude, that it's as if the club owes you millions of ringgits. Padahal only RM10. RM10 only okay?
I try my best to suit everyone, but no one thinks of my condition.
Please stop making my life miserable. And I hope someone who is in the commitee comes across this and relate this to the president or something. Worst come to worst, I quit my blardy job and live to my dream to obtain 4.0. Otherwise, the club has to tolerate with the way I work. If the President is not complaining, then the rest shouldn't be.
Fuck my mood. It's the estrogen.
And he has to make it worst,by putting this on his Gtalk Tagline.
" ajitpal87: i dont like ppl who dont do their work properly...especiallly wit money
and you know what? I don't bother to censor already, because this is my blog, and I don't have to care what you think of me.
And this was the way I replied.
i know u are talking about me
fyi, i am not only handling issues from racutp
i am also invovled in ucity and edx
so i am abit busy
plus now it's the exam period
and everyone's asking money
not only from ur department
the least i would ask is people to be abit more considerate and understanding
There you go.
November 23rd, 2007
1154
Posted by khian at 02:13 PM on November 23, 2007 in .
"PEOPLE WHO TALKS ALOT USUALLY AREN'T THAT SMART..
I SHOULD STOP TALKING AND PRETEND TO BE SMART.."
Just nowhere else to vent, but here. Everyone's probably packing their bags, waiting for the bus to go back, but as usual, I am stuck here.. The 103 of us are stuck here, waiting for our last and final paper on Monday.
Yeah, tell me about it.
November 24th, 2007
1155
Posted by khian at 10:58 AM on November 24, 2007 in .
The first time I stepped in UTP, I came to know a few close friends. There were 6 of us, and day in, day out, we hung out together. That was during foundation, when everything was still easy-breezy, no one was taking precaution of anyone. Until one incident happened, people cried, and somehow, we drifted apart due to differences.
I stepped into Undergrad, people were divided into their respective courses. Close friends who were once my colleague, now became someone whom I would only see, walking past to class. They met new friends, and so there I was, mixing with the people whom mostly from my faculty. The gap started to grow bigger, thus our differences make us stood apart.
Then, there were housemates whom I chose to stay with in a 6-room apartment-style hostel. First year was fun, with less work, and more play. We would waste hours, yakking about the same old thing, playing cards, going for mamak sessions till wee hours, even during Final season. But that was first year. That was before everything, including extra-curricular activities started to pour in. When I was in 2nd year, I was barely in my room, at night. Meetings needed to be attended every night, I am not kidding you. Barely have time with my assignments and tests, so where do I find time for mamak and hours of yakking?
So, again, the hectic schedule was our differences and we drifted apart. Them, closer than ever, and me, going off meeting new people. There's still coursemates, but most of them have their own clique of friends. So, there I am, left with new found friends, whom we would meet for meals.
Along the way, we probably have offended one another, which we did intentionally and unintentionally. We were brought up with different culture and different beliefs which lead us to our differences. Yeah, sure we bitched about one another, (sometimes behind our backs!) but now, when we look back, all we can do is chuckle and laugh at our silly we were.
If you were to ask me whether I miss those times I spend with my foundation friends. I would answer yes. If you were to ask me whether I miss those times I spend with my housemates. I would definitely agree to that.
But who am I kidding? Such moment will not come back anymore, because people move on as time goes by. People start to get used to not having you in presence anymore. By the time you realize that you drop out from the group, it's probably too late. You and them just don't share the same passion anymore.
It's either you grew up, or they just refused to play with an adult.
I wish time could be turn back, and I would have refused the jobs given to me. It not only taken up my time, but also taken up my social life. True as they said, the more you grow, the smaller your circle of friends is. I used to deny that, but now, looking where I stand, I have no choice but to agree that, all I can do is just to treasure the times I have with my current colleagues and just go on to living the way He pre-destined.
Well, forgive me but I would like to mention the friends whom have drifted apart, and would tell you that if it's my fault, for being emo, deatached or something like that, do make sure we make up to it before graduation.
Pinky
Aiting
Jia Min
Carina
Pao
Cres
Tzeyang
Kenneth
Benny
Sam
Peichie
and many more whom I am pretty sure I would have forgotten to name them.
*2 more papers to go and I am still emo-ing.
November 25th, 2007
1156
Posted by khian at 05:39 PM on November 25, 2007 in .
Sigh, distractions..
Oh c'mon already..holidays already..I have one freaking last paper on Monday..come on..holiday..holiday!!
note to self: thighs getting bigger in diameter each day..fuck
