1151(Read this, tell me what you think)
Posted by khian at 10:43 PM on November 17, 2007 in .
Everyone is vigorously using the internet because at 12am, the service is gonna be cut off due to some maintanence thing. Aaargh, life without the net, cannot be pictured. So everyone's downloading everything from DC++, to avoid boredoom later. It's Saturday afterall, you see..People don't study on a weekend night, at least not me. I AM NORMAL..
My parents always say that I care alot about what people think of me.And I agree with them totally. I may look tough at the exterior but actually, I have a problem with self-esteem and it matters to me what people think of me.
You think I don't know people going around calling me a tom-boy?
Just that it hurts so much that I would rather ignore the whole statement and pretend that it doesn't happen. And people are shallow enough to see me as a half-girl. But who am I kidding, the fact that people still talk behind my back, and some were daring enough to say it to my face.
All I can do is just laugh the statement off. But who knows how I feel deep down inside?
Today, something happen again, with my coursemates. Let's call them A and B. and there's also C and D. It's about the final exam paper which I was supposed to have today. So, the night before, everyone has this tips thing passing around, so it reached me too. I only got to know about it the morning after. So, since I got to know about the news, the good Khian decided to pass this little tips around to her housemates and some of her other coursemates. So, it was supposed to be kept hush-hush as I am not sure whether the tips was real or just a hoax. Anyway, I didn't tell A and B, because I was told that C knew about the tips, and since A and C are pretty close, I assumed C would have told A everything. And if A would have known, B would eventually find out from A too.
Apparently, I was wrong. C didn't tell anything to A, which leads to B not knowing anything too. I only managed to find out 3 hours before the paper starts because I asked a question to A and somehow A didn't know about the tips. As soon as I knew about this, I quickly send the tips over, and texted B too. So the two of them got the tips 3 hours before the paper.
Little did I know that the two of them held grudges at me, saying that I intentionally hid the tips from them. And I purposely kept the tips and send to them late. Of course, this bitching was done behind my back, but I could see from their faces that they are angry at me.
I was so tensed that I felt so guilty because it somehow seems to be fault that they didn't know anything about the tips. And I quickly tried to redeem myself by apologizing to them, via text messages and Gtalk. B was fine with me, kept telling me that it's over so I should moved on. On the other hand, A went offline instantly when my message got through.
How should I feel about this? It's just not my fault that the news didn't get to their ears because everytime something like this, they usually don't tell me stuffs. During our first paper, both A and B went to see the lecturer, and I didn't know anything about that. So should I be angry and mad at them instead? I did not. Even though it's not my fault, yet I still apologized. And now, they made me feel stupid and silly. It's not my problem to begin with.
But I can't help thinking that someone is mad at me. I just do not like the feeling of people wanting to tear me apart. So frustrated. When the same thing happens to me, people will tell me that they do not have to share everything with me. But when I know something, I must tell everyone. And I did. Just that I thought C would've told A since they always knew things and hid them from me.
Now, I am feeling darn miserable. I need to get this incident out of mind.
Will smoking help?
My parents always say that I care alot about what people think of me.And I agree with them totally. I may look tough at the exterior but actually, I have a problem with self-esteem and it matters to me what people think of me.
You think I don't know people going around calling me a tom-boy?
Just that it hurts so much that I would rather ignore the whole statement and pretend that it doesn't happen. And people are shallow enough to see me as a half-girl. But who am I kidding, the fact that people still talk behind my back, and some were daring enough to say it to my face.
All I can do is just laugh the statement off. But who knows how I feel deep down inside?
Today, something happen again, with my coursemates. Let's call them A and B. and there's also C and D. It's about the final exam paper which I was supposed to have today. So, the night before, everyone has this tips thing passing around, so it reached me too. I only got to know about it the morning after. So, since I got to know about the news, the good Khian decided to pass this little tips around to her housemates and some of her other coursemates. So, it was supposed to be kept hush-hush as I am not sure whether the tips was real or just a hoax. Anyway, I didn't tell A and B, because I was told that C knew about the tips, and since A and C are pretty close, I assumed C would have told A everything. And if A would have known, B would eventually find out from A too.
Apparently, I was wrong. C didn't tell anything to A, which leads to B not knowing anything too. I only managed to find out 3 hours before the paper starts because I asked a question to A and somehow A didn't know about the tips. As soon as I knew about this, I quickly send the tips over, and texted B too. So the two of them got the tips 3 hours before the paper.
Little did I know that the two of them held grudges at me, saying that I intentionally hid the tips from them. And I purposely kept the tips and send to them late. Of course, this bitching was done behind my back, but I could see from their faces that they are angry at me.
I was so tensed that I felt so guilty because it somehow seems to be fault that they didn't know anything about the tips. And I quickly tried to redeem myself by apologizing to them, via text messages and Gtalk. B was fine with me, kept telling me that it's over so I should moved on. On the other hand, A went offline instantly when my message got through.
How should I feel about this? It's just not my fault that the news didn't get to their ears because everytime something like this, they usually don't tell me stuffs. During our first paper, both A and B went to see the lecturer, and I didn't know anything about that. So should I be angry and mad at them instead? I did not. Even though it's not my fault, yet I still apologized. And now, they made me feel stupid and silly. It's not my problem to begin with.
But I can't help thinking that someone is mad at me. I just do not like the feeling of people wanting to tear me apart. So frustrated. When the same thing happens to me, people will tell me that they do not have to share everything with me. But when I know something, I must tell everyone. And I did. Just that I thought C would've told A since they always knew things and hid them from me.
Now, I am feeling darn miserable. I need to get this incident out of mind.
Will smoking help?
5 said..
YilingL
life in uni is like that i guess... competition among each other. but anyway i think it has to work both ways la. if your friends doesnt share tips with you, then why should you share your tips with them? but if your friends are somewhat like you, generous and open about sharing tips, then you should do the same.
and no pls dont smoke.
*hugs*
chang
cheshy
chang
khian
