1st of May, what was more important is it was a public holiday, and we really need this holiday to catch up with work. 1st of May, 21 years ago, we hear a baby was born (actually quite alot of other babies lah, but I wanna zoom in abit), this baby tore her mummy's [insert the right term] to come out and see the world.

Ok, no need so dramatic. It was Carina's birthday, so we went down to Ipoh, Halo Cafe to celebrate lah.

The singers.

The girls. Or wait, it's housemates!

I shall leave the details out because simply, I am having period cramps that I am having cold sweat the moment. It's so damn blardy painful! Please love your mums and grandmas..damn, they must have went through hell in those days without painkillers!! (I popped 3 painkiller pills this morning itself!)

Wrong positions lah!!

The girls syok syok hugh each other, leaving me alone with the boys..apa ni....

Then the night didn't end there for us. The boys went TONG SUI KAI for supper, whereas the girls..urm..went boogie-ing in SINCERO. Just round the corner only mah..plus it was LADIES night. Damn packed okay..hehe..

Apa nak jadi ni..the guys went to some decent supper place whereas the girls went clubbing. Deng..

Not being able to deal with the upcoming test this Friday.
4 hours on the phone, with minor breakups in the middle.
4 hours of pure fun chatting, 4 hours of catching up.

It has been a long time since. Thank you.

I didn't sleep the whole night.
Nevermind the insomnia attack. Nevermind the heat. Nevermind the hamster running on the treadmill.
But fuck the blardy the period cramps. I really need the pain to stop for the rest of my womanly life. And it attacking in the middle of the night, apa kah salah saya??

So, this morning bridge presentation which WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT 8AM..urrr...I woke up at 8am. Dragged my ass up, and reached the lab at 8.15 morning. 15 minutes just to get ready okay, it takes alot of practice, trust me! I saw most of them still hanging outside the lab, cool, means I was not late.
We waited another 15 minutes, only to see the lecturer walking up and down, trying to look for the technicians to open the lab doors. 5 minutes later, he exclaimed that he needs to find the SECURITY people come unlock, which he took another 15 minutes to just walk to the department.
He came back to the lab, only to scream, saying that he has no idea what time the bridge testing is going to start. He can't give a time frame, asking us to not pressure him.

We only managed to enter the lab at 9.35a.m.

And I thought we could do it in around 20 minutes the max. It was just a bridge testing, you put load onto the bridge and voila!, the sustained load can be seen, and if we pass the 100kN test, then we get full marks for this project. BUT..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..The lecturer went on to saying that he's happy with the performances of the class, that we followed the rules, and specifications, that in Engineering field, the client is the boss, and in this case, he's the boss..yadda yadda yada..and he went on about whatever he was saying lah. I was so fucking pissed off, that I wanted to throw the bridge at him. No, of course I didn't do it.

After all the "pep talk", he then proceeded to giving us a piece of paper each, asking us to line the bridges on a table, and everyone has to choose the best one.

We were like, "HUH???".."IS HE KIDDING????!!"

So, after the hardwork we put in, at the end of the day, we are judged by our coursemates. And we looked at our group's bridge..
(toooooot)



Our bridge was probably the most miserable looking one. Not only the bridge was not painted properly, (because itu cat sudah abis~), the edges were not properly cut, in short, it was as if the job was done just last night. In actual fact, this was finished about 3 weeks ago. So, with our coursework marks in jeopardy, we resorted in asking people to vote for us, and we will return the votes to them as well. Kira, tukar vote lah..we vote for them, and they vote for us.

Kira macam beli vote lah..

You tak paham ke..?

Ala..kan dah biasa kat negara..ni...

Oh wait, I was just adding unnecessary statement..

That was our only chance. Not only were we not given a chance to present our bridge, the reasons of our simple truss design, the reason why the paint work is not done properly..you know..sure won't kena selected lah right.

After that, we went for lecture, having to return to the lab at 12pm to test the bridge. This time, the test was to apply load on the bridge and if the bridge can sustain 100kN, we would pass this project. Kira lah got 100% lah..

We were sceptical at first, whether the bridge we took a week to complete, would be able to give such high performance or not. And ours was a simple truss bridge, not those big arches and cables bridge, and we only used pure basalt wood, unlike the others who used meranti, durian wood, and basalt mixed.



The first few loads were painful. We expected to hear the bridge crack as soon as it reaches the 50kN load. But thank goodness the bridge didn't fail us. 10kgs and it was still going strong, but the optimum load which the lecturer wanted us to apply was 10kg, so 10kg it is!

At least this bridge was worth it. 3 days of hard work and effort, and ya know what, it was the same par as those who spend almost a month to complete it. Heehhe..gembiranya hatiku...

People were laughing , were mocking, but in the end, I guess we had the last laugh..

Khian, stop thinking too much. You've got a freaking killer subject test tonight, and you are not even halfway through. What the hell is wrong with you??

Stop thinking so much. It's not going to work. Stop fantasizing. It's. Not. Gonna. Work.

FUCK!

"HOI!! Why are you smiling suddenly???"

"Eh, apasal ni..nape you tersengih-sengih..."

"Errr..what's so funny..why are you smiling...?"


I hate the fact that you can make me smile. To myself.

>>Would you be there, when I need you?

Another test just ended. Got a headache while doing the test. Screwed it.
Tomorrow's another freaking paper. 8 in the morning. I need sleep badly. Gonna screw it too.

I have run out of paid posts to write, so since I am rotting till moss's growing all over me..(ok, I've finals next week) but I am still running away from reality..deng..so, I shall complete an interesting TAG..by Pinky, of course.


Rules:
You have to come up with 8 different points about your perfect guy/girl.
Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
HAVE FUN DOING IT.

Ok,let's get this started..!

Ooo..first thing's first..should I come out with points about a perfect guy..or urm..a perfect girl...hmm...hehe..I shall try to be as general as I could be..haha..but I still ain't sure..

#1: Romantic
He has to be the most romantic guy on Earth. Well, maybe not the most romantic, but at least, he knows the right words to say, the right place to stroke, the right moves to make. Well, it seems unrealistic these days, because it's hard to find such guys come by..but well, they do say if he loves you, everything he does, is romantic.

#2: Street-smart
He can be just a normal, random guy, who doesn't score the highest CGPA, or owns a degree, or PHD, but he has to be street-smart. He knows how to walk the walk, and talk the talk in public. As in he should know what he's doing, and not some stupid guy, walking around, till his ass kena cucuk also blur blur..

#3: High tolerance, towards me.
I have my time of the month. I have random mood swings. I have a bad temper. I am a walking bomb that goes off anytime, of the day. So, to suit me, he has to tolerate, very much. He cannot question why I yell at him, he cannot question why I decided not to talk to him that day. He can be confused, but he has to understand that it's me, he's together with. He's gotta understand.

#4: Loyalty
Eyes only on me, and on me only. Look at some other girls, have random wet dreams, jagalah..

#5: Outgoing
He has to be someone who goes for outings, parties, clubs with me. He drinks ocassionally, knows how to party like an animal, but always go back to a decent guy the next morning.

#6: Macho, manly
Tall, Dark, and ok-ok only also can. But must be macho, and man. Cannot be sissy, do all the stupid girly movements. Cannot be 8 pohs like my coursemates. Must be serious in what he's doing, must focus on work.

#7: Random surprises
He has to be someone who sweeps me off my feet, with surprises. Doesn't have to be daily, but once in a while would do well for the relationship.

#8: Loving, Caring, not only to me, but to my family.
Need I say more? He's gotta be a man to be able to do all these.

It's hard to have such men come by these days. I am still single, and hunting. But then again, these are all what I picture of a perfect guy, however, I am no perfect girl myself. So, the best thing would be the guy would accept me for who I am first, then these criteria can slowly be negotiated..

p/s: Know any of the guys with such criteria..hook us up! Hehhe..

Am watching Gossip Girl while typing this entry.

Most of my friends are stuck in the university, trying to study for tests next week which are held during the study week. And in less than 10 days, my finals is gonna start, but am not in the mood to do anything academic-related.

Currently, I am home alone in Ipoh, parents not around. Wanted to do something naughty tonight, but no one's back home. I can't possibly go clubbing alone, it would look weird. I guess I am just gonna curled up into a ball, watch a few episodes of Gossip Girl, then hope to bump into a few people online who's willing to chat with me.

Have you recalled something which happened to you, that you regretted how it turned out in the end? I did alot of thinking, and I regretted for whatever had happened before. I wished you knew.

You made me stay awake the whole night.
but I know some things have changed now.

Just don't change yourself. For I've seen the greatness you have inside.
And the greatness that have made me different lately.

 

Dead bored. Dug out the pictures that are stored in the folders, unseen.

Guys, I am doing this for you. Today, I'm gonna reveal this guy who's known to be a true Kelantanese, who knows not even a single Chinese, only Hokkien, a guy who has the highest pointer in the faculty, a guy who always annoys people without even realizing it, a guy who often got scolded and ass-kicked by the girls, a guy who's everything but nice..

A guy, whom I would like to call, "Noisee-munkee"

You be the judge yourself. I don't even want to tell you what he was trying to do. You just conclude your own story lah.
Pssstt..Joshua always tell Noiseemunkee that he's very good looking..Hmm, which part I wonder..

It's a wonder how Noiseemunkee and I can be really good friends. Of all people, I would tell him about my problems, or the crap I go through at times. The times he doesn't annoy me, he can be really nice, but other than that, I just wanna stranggle him..
But nonetheless, I still remember the way you sang to me, with your guitar during Foundation 1. Hahha, (it was for drama lah..) but still, it's things like this which will stick to my memory till convocation!

Your birthday is just around the corner, so this entry is a 21st birthday present to you. It's not easy for you to be featured in some "famous blogger" website - quoted from KahKing.

Apologies for always touching your ..errm..erm...shhhh...hahahaha...but ya know, we are buddies! *knuckles up*
(can never find myself attracted to a munkee..neither can you, attracted to a lenglui like me..) hehe..

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WHENEVER IT IS... but I know it's in MAY lah..

and of course, HAPPY 21st birthday to NONY, my housemate, a.k.a SIFU. Always there whenever I am in query of something..haha..


Me, Calvin, and Nony. (In Water Treatment Plant, Parit, 2008)

The only picture we have together..hehe..ok, this means we have to camwhore more!!

Happy 21st birthday, and am having my fingers crossed for you to call me out for clubbing tonight in Sincero! Hahha..

So, there you go, am running out of things to write, yet I am seated in front of the computer for 5 hours straight now. Damn. Damn...

*So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don’t need to be alone
I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity*

>> iTunes currently playing: Boys II Men, On Bended Knees.

It has been a horrible wait the whole night. There are so many words which I would want to tell you. I'm searching the right words, the right sentence, the missing words to fill in the blanks.

>> iTunes switched: Boys II Men, I'll Make Love To You.

Someone up there must be kidding with me. Songs like these shouldn't be played at this hour. Makes one person emo for no reason, though I sorta figured out. The picture seems clearer now.

I wished I have the guts to take you away, but I shall keep everything inside suppressed. One day, you will realize that I am doing all these for a reason, only you would understand.

I hope you read this, since I am pretty sure you still drop by. Hope this explains everything.

>> iTunes acting up: Terriyaki Boyz, Tokyo Drift.

Weird song to end this. I am guessing the unanswered calls/text messages is a sign of ignoring and avoiding. I get it.

Taking some things off mind, I decided to give face to Pinky, and do her TAG.

Apa ni Pinky..kan saya selalu update blog saya..nak buat TAG lagi..nanti readers I turned off pulak, sebab update terlalu cepat..hehe..


8 things I'm passionate about:
*1. Handphones. I can't live without mine, and surprisingly, I can't stick to one too long. I've gotta change mine soon. Getting tired. Though I don't fully maximize the usage, but then again, it's all about having a new one. Hehhe..
*2. Driving. This is a must! I don't get tired of driving. Give me a fully-furnished sports car, with all the turbo and specifications, I think I might just be another "Minah-rempit" in town. Drive car of course, got klasss one okay...
*3. My Camera. Nowadays, you always see me bringing it around, whenever I makan, whenever I jalan, whenever I tido..but not when I go for classes lah..sebab..urm..because..my handphone got 2 MegaPixel camera liao..cukup lah tu...for classes only wert..
*4. Keeping In Touch. Whenever I go home, Would try to meet up with people for every reason we've met before. For instance, friends from High school, friends from hometown,different highschools, random friends whom I met in clubs, even when I am back home for a break, would try to drag my ass to different places to meet up with them.
*5. Food. Coming from Ipoh, the "Chicken and Beansprout" community, and all things nice community, I guess, Food is one thing that I find it's something which I would divulge myself in. Nothing can bring us apart.
*6. Money. Without money, nothing can possibly function in my life. Screw the theory, if money can't buy happiness. Wait, hello..you think use car, pakai solar energy? You think the car drop from sky? You think handphone I ask from Santa Claus??
*7. My Family. I wouldn't consider them as "things" but obviously, I am running out of things to be passionate about. I am not chooser okay..
*8. Aaahh.. my iPod nano. Damn, one day without music like live on top of trees okay..so ulu like that..

8 things I say too often:
*1. Cibai..(dunno where I picked this up..) [must change already lorr...]
*2. Yeerr...so sien lah...
*3. Aaaarrrrggghhhhhhhh..[technically, this cannot be said, but rather an expression..]
*4. Ok, chillll....chill..
*5. FUCK!
*6. Sorry..I am sorry...[another bad habit]
*7. Motherfucker....!!
*8. Diiiuuuuuu....

8 books I've read recently:
*1. Traffic and Highway Engineering by Nicholas J. Garber
*2. Structural Analysis by Hibbler
*3. Advanced Soil Mechanics by Dass
*4. Basic Fundamentals of Soil by Pearson
*5. Principles of Soil Mechanics by Muni Buddhu
*6. .........
*7. ..................
*8. ................................

#Now, don't give me that look. You were the one who tagged me.
 

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:
*1. 1000 Penipuan, Farah Asyikin
*2. Is it you?, Cassie
*3. Low, Flo-Rida feat. T Pain
*4. Hold On, KT Tunstall
*5. Freakshow, Britney Spears
*6. Give It To You, Eve feat. Sean Paul
*7. Love Will Come Through, Travis
*8. Beautiful Possibility, Lisa Parade

8 things I learnt for the past year:
*1. Allocate more time for yourself. It's your life afterall!
*2. People around you are just waiting for you to crumble. Be strong.
*3. Stop apologizing for things you didn't do. You don't owe them anything.
*4. Find the person you really love, and go for him/her. Don't let barriers set you apart.
*5. Life is too short to be nice and pretty. Go Wild! Drink, Smoke, Get High before it's too late.
*6. Life's not about scoring the highest GPA. It's about touching people's lives.
*7. Talk less, listen more.
*8. Ignore bitches and bastards. They are there, as hurdles.

8 people I would like to TAG:
1. WeiErn - I know you having exams, it's good to take a breather.
2. Changzzz - Man, I think you were scolding me lah..so chill chillll...
3. Mel - Since you said you missed me in your previous entry, there you go!
4. Yiling - Don't ask me when you can do this, since you don't have internet in the workplace, pandai-pandai lah..
5. MeiLing - Having holidays right? Lagiii bagus!
6. Faiker - Aah, since you didn't update your blog..pandai-pandai lah...
7. Dahines - The one in Moscow. Trying doing this in Russian!
8. Michelle Lee - Long time didn't chat lah...

I would be glad to post some pictures of the UCITY General Meeting 2008 here, but honestly, I look nice in none of those, so I would rather jeopardize my blog looking all wordy, rather than having you guys snigger on how I looked.

The New and The Old.

It felt just like yesterday when my name was announced during the last annual general meeting for UCITY. To be honest with you, I really (x5) didn't expect to get this new position, something which I didn't want in the first place. Pssttt.. I didn't even know why this society existed in the first place, and have absolutely no whatsoever idea is this society about.

I just remembered that TeeHooi dragged me and Harpreet to this interview conducted for UCITY, and I just walked in, with a blank mindset, and just crap during the interview.

Interviewer: So, which department are you interested in?
Me: Ermmmm...what departments are there?
Interviewer: (Probably wondering what the hell I was seated in front of them at that moment)..Erm..bla bla..ProAct, MedBrand, Acad, ComWel....
Me: Oooo..I want to be in ComWel..which...urrr...stands for....?
Interviewer: *Cough* (probably to cover up his annoyance) Communication and Welfare..
Me: Ok, so I think I wanna be in that department.!

I went on, telling the President and the Secretary of the club, then, how much I "wanted" to join this society, how beneficial it was to me, and the club, and all sorts of goreng style I could think of then. They were probably impressed with how I answered, or maybe there was a quota for how many seats are reserved for Chinese, Malay, Indians and other races..I don't know what's the system, but when they announced my name during the General Meeting 06/07, I was in my room, doing my work. I got to know about it when TeeHooi texted me, saying I won, without contesting. They chose me!

So, what the heck I thought. It would be great for my CV. I needed to be in an Academic-based club, and UCITY, might just cut out for it. It turned out to be most of the HiComs and Executive Committees were my coursemates, and so, we got to know one another well. In classes and during meetings.

The first meeting was hell. I got tired of hearing how ambitious they were, with what kind of stuffs they wanna do for the club, and I was like, "Hell, grow up!". In the midst of juggling with my Rotaract Club and EDX, UCITY is a club which I thought I could just stay, be quiet and hopefully get myself a recognition at the end of the term. I was soooo wrong. And soooo dead.

The first project gave to me was a Charity project to Kampung Baru, in Bota. It was a malay kampung, which I think they discriminate women, so I passed the responsibility to my committee member, Mior. He did a fine job, considering all I did was the proposal, and a little supervising.

I have to admit that the whole journey with UCITY was not really a smooth one. At one point, I broke down, and wanted to quit this club badly. I felt so bad for not being able to commit into the club, plus I was torn into so many pieces every night that I didn't have time for my own work. I even have no time to talk to myself. I broke down, I got depressed for a few nights, until the President, Nasrul, came and talked to me. He was a nice guy, who I assumed, to understand after I told him the hell I was going through. He gave me some advice, saying that it's alright if I wanna quit, but after talking to him, I felt that it would look bad on me, if I were to quit at the middle of everything. I am not quitter!

I stayed. And managed to pull it off. Though there were minor disagreements, and alot of bitching about one another, we pulled through it, and on that night, on our UCITY General Meeting 07/08, I felt as if I was going to leave something important behind. The depression I went through, the people I meet and know, the lessons I learned, it was something to do with this club. I felt as if I wanted to contribute for another term. Ok, maybe the last part was not necessary, but you get the flow.

Thanks Nasrul, Syafri, TeeHooi, Noreha, Cossa, Harpreet, Aimran, Yazid, Fitri, Lutfi, and ME. For the perfect term. For everything. It was my pleasure working with you. It meant everything to me.

Thank You..

Felt silly.

Waited patiently for one text message the whole day, only to read its content :

"hehe. gona sleep d.nite"

And mysteriously, iTunes playing: Is It You? by Cassie...

I wonder if the feelings wrapped inside, for this 2 years, finally errupting..

And this is for you. If you ever come by this page, this is for you..

Classic...

Spotted in a conversation,

Random#1: Eh, fuck you lah..!
Random#2: You want isit...??
Random#1: Errr...hehhe....

Sometimes you would wanna say Yes to somethings, but we just don't know when's the right time to say it.

How often do you get His Royal Highness to your Instituition?

One GOOD thing about UTP, is that every semester, we get people to come talk about the current issues in the country, general issues about human's psychology, etc. In the past, we've the Chancellor, Tun Dr. Mahathir coming in, talking about the independance of the country, and how far we've pulled through, we have Dr. Khoo Kay Kim, coming in, telling us about the history of the country, etc. This time around, the university managed to invite, HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, Dr. Nazrin Shah. Pemangku of the Sultan Perak to give this Special Lecture.

So, you can guess how grand this event was, with all the preparation done, days earlier.. and the security is so tight, as early as 8am, the police and security guards were seen standing by, clearing all the parking bays, and all sorts of things. At 10.20am, the roads were blocked and in order to enter the Chancellor Hall, students were asked to park a few blocks away, and walked to the place. Hello, the entire car park was blocked, for what, I don't know.

Yellow is the royal colour yo~! Everywhere he steps, is yellow. Even the normal buggy we have in the campus with blue top, was changed to yellow. haha..banana is the royal fruit!

What was scheduled to be a 10.30 lecture, the Guest of honour only turned up at 11.20. Not only the event started late, but the hall was so packed, made me felt suffocated. Plus, we were told to represent UCITY, and were asked to dress in formal, but no seats were reserved for us, and we looked like fools, dressed in formal, whereas the others were in casual smart wear.

It was a grand opening, with the choir singing the Perak Anthem and the university's song. Then in the midst of waiting for the guests, the Gamelan team and the brass band played a couple of songs to keep us entertain. Well, thumbs up for the Gamelan!

So, a picture of His Royal Highness on stage. No upclose picture.
I can't exactly comment about his lecture, because unlike the previous case, my head is on the line right now..

Ampun Tuanku.
Sembah Patik, harap diampunkan.

Kakkakakaka...Maziah's tuition class berguna jugak!

And now, the biggest question is,

"Are you still available??"

No, not His Royal Highness, but you. You..you...yoooouuuuuuuuuuu.....

Thank You..
Thanks for showing me a sign. I am backing off now.

Because of you, I can't think straight.
I've a test tomorrow, yet I am not even mentally-prepared for it.
Aaaaargggghhhh....

原来你真的不懂我爱的人就是你..

Gonna have this test in 30 minutes time. Aaahh, everything is so last minute nowadays.
Gosh, my mood can be swayed so easily these days. So emotional aahh!!

Have to set my priority straight d lah...deng!!!!!

I wanna T_T...Wanna T_T ..

Why, Happy 21st Birthday, Noiseemunkee...


Damn, why your expression so like...r*tard one...hehehe...

And of course, we remembered your birthday...

So, you know what to do lah...3 buckets and 1 bottle, all under you..okay? okay?? this Saturday?? 2 days before finals? Okay??



I would love to write about the birthday gimmick, but as you see, I am running out of time, and no time to write about your celebration. So [[emo]] lately, yet I made it to your little celebration okay..

Say Thank You...



Awwwwwww........Munkee, you sure you and I...hahahahahahaha....2 bottles now! You hutang me!

Is it that obvious that I am [emo]-ing?

After returning to UTP a night ago, I am again back in Ipoh. Today's my mum's birthday.

Didn't buy her anything, but dinner was on me. I guess that should be enough.
Must think of something to buy for her. Afterall, Mother's Day is on its way, plus she's a teacher, 3 celebrations in one month!

After dinner, had a drink with Mel. Her break was about to finish, so it's about time we meet up before she thinks I no longer exist. The last time we met was during her birthday, like 2 months ago. Not long lah actually, but considering we always meet up during the holidays, make it compulsory for us to actually come out, have a drink and update about our boring lives. Well, at least one of ours is..

The usual (expected) question would be: "So, Khian, are you in a relationship now?"

How cliche.

Could've just printed the answer out, and let her read.

But am glad, that I could've asked her opinions about some issues. It was nice talking to Maylee the day before, but Mel is supposed to give better advices. She's doing Psychology mah!

By the way, Mel, I guess someone's really backing off. T_T

Jiang had this wild idea of going fishing and having a picnic. In Frasier's Hill. Hello, hills can go fishing meh?!! I told Mel, why don't we just go to a nice club and just chill..

I can't wait to chill in a club okay. No one wants to go this Saturday. They say Monday is finals already worrr...

Ok, mine starts on Monday also..




See what I said about me, not having my priorities set correctly?

Ignore the pictures. Unrelated with this entry. These were taken in Christmas last year, in Stairway Bar. The girls just couldn't get a table, so we went to a minimart, bought our own can of beers and stood outside, chilling to the *annoying* chinese liveband. Guess what, we bumped into the ACS gang, which was a total coincidence and surprise!

p/s: I miss the short hair. So neat and clean. Weather's freaking hawtt.. Hotter than Serena, in Gossip Girl. Man!!

Must be a fool to place your picture on my desktop. Now,everytime I use the computer, all I see, is the way you smile at me.

By the way, I've alot to talk to you about. So, don't be scared, hear me out.
Running away is not a solution.

Today, I am gonna hit the books.
Perhaps, I should do that already.

Been re-reading the same blog the whole day today.
Guess some things are hard to let go, and you get this sweet picture in your mind, the whole time.

Hope *you* would be able to read that blog one day. But the day wouldn't come by so quickly, you've probably forgotten about this blog. I think.

Anyway, I've been trying to study the whole day today, but this ain't a smooth ride for me. Structural Analysis is just waiting for me to screw it. Even one question took me an hour. And that's with reference by my side.

T_T
(Mati tak berkubur)

A weird song to be played at this time. A song which wasn't heard a long time, suddenly played in iTunes today.

The Veronicas - Speechless

Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you

I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

You leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
Oh no
My everything to you

You leave me speechless
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless
(it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby

You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
My everything to you

Try it weh...

Had an hour worth of phone conversation, with Penny today. It has been a long time, since we last talked. Ever since she went off to Aussieland, we barely talk, and although we tried communicating via MSN, but it was either she was away, or I was too busy to entertain anyone. So, I took the innitiative to call her, though it's a Long Distance call, and you know how absurd the rates are, yet, I felt it was the right thing to do at the moment.

But when I called, she was working and only managed to pick up for a while and promised to call back.

She did. Like about 11pm, her time. So, I was hanging outside of the library, trying to get good reception, while trying to understand this Australian slang of hers. 3 years away from Malaysia, she has already became a totally different person. The way she talks, the way she speaks, it was like someone whom I barely knew. It took like about 10 minutes for me to get used to the way she talks, and also trying to register the fact that she's Penny, the senior whom I have known, ever since I was 15!

The phone call dragged till an hour, with so many things to update about one another, yet there was so little time available for the two of us. I had to get back to my books, and her credit was running out, it seems.

I cleared out the cupboard last night, and found a stack of letters that were exchanged between the two of us, when we were way much younger. I was then 14-15, and she is 3 years older. Urm..17/18 like that lah..
Boy, so childish okay, the things we wrote..haha, it was as if we were in a relationship or some sort like that..but honestly, we were not! In fact, we have witnesses to prove that we were just pretty close and we did care for one another.

But as till now, she still makes me feel like how I felt when she used to be around me, back in high school.

The one hour phone conversation was enough to brighten up my day. And just so you come across this, Penny, thanks for everything..even your existence, reminds me that if I do fall one day, someone's gonna be there to pick me up.

It's 4 in the morning, and yet I am doing things which are not important.
Let me remind myself, that it's 3 more days before FINALS!!



Do you remember this??

These were taken in the YEAR 2005, when we were in FOUNDATION.
Many has changed since, like more wrinkles on our faces have formed.

and we looked awfully thin/slim last time. Except for Aiting lah..haha, now she's slimmer!

Aah, who can forget about this? Our first drama poster, and thanks to TzeYang who wrote a magnificent drama script, the drama took a twist at the end. Very nice poster actually..Our theme was "SMS".



Our first LANTERN Festival in UTP. The 6 girls who were stuck in a group.
Have we changed somehow?



Our first FORMAL wear for Thinking Skills Presentation Project. Stella Anak Jagah was missing in action, but our umbrella was da bomb! I wished I still have the picture of our designed umbrella.

Last but not least, a picture of the Drama team. Who would've guessed we survived Foundation and made it to 2nd Year?

Many things have changed since, but thank goodness we have pictures to remind us about how it was, once upon a time.

Uh-oh...someone found out about the blog now..Man!!

I was writing a story halfway, when I reached a point that I could hardly find a suitable word to picture my feelings, I stopped. It would do me injustice if the word I used, does not visualize my feelings well.

I remembered it happened when I just went into tertiary education, after my high school. I could even remember the location so well. The Auditorium. She walked in with the current head prefect, and another girl as well, and they sat with us. We were all brainstorming about the Teacher's Day which we were supposed to organize. To think about it, Teacher's Day was the only event I've ever organized for this school. I didn't stay long enough, hehe..
I knew her, when I was wayy much younger. I think I was 11 then, when I first heard her name. Boy, you don't want to know what we do back in primary school. Hahha. When we moved into High School, we drifted even furthur apart, the status and the societies, made it even more difficult for us to bump into one another. Or even if we did, I am pretty sure we would just smile and move on. So, when I saw her the very first time in that auditorium, it felt strange for me. The way she smiled. The way her eye twinkled behind her glasses. The way she laughed at every single thing we said. It felt different that day.

She was not the girl whom I would brush off if I were to bump into her in school, that day. I wanted to know her more. I took the trouble to search for her number, and just send her random text messages. I wanted to tell her I felt different after I see her that day. What seem to be a harmless friendship took a different toll.
The feelings for her grew stronger, each day. Even after we've met in school, the first thing I do each day after school would be to text her.

Some called me a two-timing prat. I have someone waiting for me, 3 hours flight away, and here I am, uncertain with how I should feel. Some admired me for my courage, to tell the person how I actually feel. Some told me to becareful with the way I handle people's hearts. I told myself to do the right thing.

As always,  the wrong thing seems so right at that time. Everything fell into place, and we were going on so well. So well, that I doubted whether there would be another person able to replace her in my life. She finished her STPM, and had plans to leave the small town. By then, I had already made my way to UTP. 30 minutes from home.

Things took another twist when I left Ipoh. I became a jealous, controlling freak, that I must know where she goes and what she does everyday. Some may not like it, but like I always say, people do silly things, when they are overwhelmed by love. She felt controlled, and to a certain extent, I was labelled, a soul sucker.

She told me her plans of leaving home, to a new place. I didn't really like the idea that she has to leave, yet being an ego person, I acted like I didn't care. Up to a point which I blatantly said, everything's gonna go back to how it was, when she left.

There were so many things which happened in between, best if it's left untold.

My point of saying this, is to tell you guys that sometimes, it doesn't really matter who you love, or what you love, is about meeting the right person, and then telling him/her your feelings and let everything falls into place. And when you really care about him/her, don't be relunctant to tell him/her how you really feel, because you might regret to know, just because of your ego, you might lose a person who means a lot to you.

I know at times, she drops by randomly in my blog and I hope she reads this. Because at this point, I want her to know, I am thinking of her.

And it never changed. It never did. Never will.

Every word, Every sentence. It's here. In my head. In my heart.

 On a unrelated note, "Mel, there's nothing to talk about. There's someone else. The blog's been taken down. I think I know why.."

And now you know why I am in a moody state?

Despite me being [emo], I am not going to be a bitch and go off without saying this to my 2 silent readers.

Hahha, how quaint it is, even you two never commented on my entries and even leave a mark stating you were here, yet, I know who my readers are!
Hehhe, but it's alright, as long as you feel comfortable by just reading and trying to understand what's going on with my life.

Anyhoo,

Happy 21st BIRTHDAY TO TING YI!
Happy 22nd BIRTHDAY TO PEICHIE!!

Ooopppsss..Peichie..maybe I shouldn't have mentioned your age. Lolz..

The two of them are non related, and I doubt they know one another, but just a year apart..hehe..which just goes to show how small the world is. and now, you can know one another and make friends! hehehe...

and am listening to Heartbreaker, by Will.i.am, feat Cheryl Cole.
I think iTunes having a conspiracy against me! It keeps playing weird songs at the wrong time. Just one of these days, I am going to delete you! iTunes, beware!!!

Alright GUYS and GIRLS back in Ipoh, or in KL, or if you are going to jump onto the next flight home, PLEASE, PLEASE..give me another 3 more weeks, before I can actually come out and play.

I know, it's torturing enough with the EMO-ness I am currently going through right now, and to top that, I have this major stress going on, that I am actually so numb with FINALS..I have no fucking mood to do anything academic-related at all. And you people called to ask me out to Jusco, out to movies, out to chill, and worst still, a few actually called today to ask me see them in KUALA LUMPUR. That's my friends to you, Ladies and Gentlemen.

I honestly believe it was an honest mistake for calling me at this time, and they are not trying to rub into my face that their holidays have already started. Therefore, before I can come out running and play, it's gonna be another long 3 weeks, 21 days before the fun begins!!

In the meantime, please be patient. Pray that I pass through this hurdle and hopefully, HOPEFULLY I don't have to retake any papers. I seriously think HE has a lot of work to do for me, since I am obviously in a state which I can't even control myself anymore. But just pray. Just pray for me.

I need to go do something now, like flipping the pages in my textbooks. I must at least do something, to prove I am trying.

Oh, did I mention, IronMan is super cool? It's a really good movie for us, especially the Mechanical Engineering students. Everyone went "oooohhhh" and "aaahhhh" throughout the movie, but I find it unbelievable really. How can the man remember the ways of assembling parts of machines and the formulas to count them??

I can't even remember how to count a simple Stiffness matrix factor. Damn. That's Tony Starks for you, I guess. Movies, bah~

Feeling suicidal now.
Wish the smoke will just kill me.

I need friends who love me, and yes, they are all around me, all these while, and I failed to see.
Thank You.

p/s: Sometimes at one point, you sit and wonder whether it's worth it or not. I've tried my best, but maybe my best isn't good enough.
But you know you should be alive, when the whole world hides the pills away from you, they put steel bars on your window, and they take the lighter away from you. Aaah...

pp/s: Is your entry for me? If it is, then the answer would be yes. Just show me a sign that the entry is for me.

It was her 21st Birthday.



One of the oldest friend, you made in primary school. I think our paths crossed in Standard 4? or was it Standard 5? Anyway, that's friendship for you, about 10 years? I think it was Standard 4 lah, coz I remember playing masak-masak in class with her.

OMFG. Did I just say that?

Got a call from Maylee, saying that they are throwing a surprise birthday party for her in Breeze Cafe. Ok, though I am still in the midst of Finals, but I needed something to distract me, so I agreed to go lah..
I thought I was late, but then, most of the guys were even later than me.

Hehhe, everyone said I was looking great..which is a boost to my ego! Finally get to meet up with those who left to their respective universities. And we hear about their experiences again and again..



The girls and the birthday girl. Wah, malas wanna name one by one lah...

It took us like a minute to arrange ourselves. But the guys, took like 5 minutes to arrange themselves and there were only like 7 of them.
We gave up after they took their shots. So, we asked them to stay put and the girls fill in the gaps.



I think everyone who was in the cafe got terrified with us. We talked as if we owned the place, shouting and yelling, even though we were just sitting right next to one another. And to be honest, this was like a gathering for Ex- Rangers and Scouts, and we are well known for our strong loud vocal chords! It is BASS okay..

At the end of the night, I got a massive sore throat, and a coarse voice.


SuLing and I

The whole night, been using her camera to camwhore and take pictures. Goh was smart enough to bring her pendrive along to save the pictures, live.

We planned to go for 2nd round in Kopitiam but then, we were too tired to drive and look for parking spaces, that's why we opted to stay behind, and asked the waiter to clear the tables.
We ordered a 2nd round of drinks.



I was holding a "Frozen Magarita" which has absolutely no alcohol at all. How I know? Because I didn't even taste the alcohol! However, Avinesh came to my rescue, by pouring me a glass of "Cranberry Vodka" with 39% worth of alcohol level, and dared me to down it. Oklah, he didn't exactly recommended me to down it, but because I felt like it, I downed it, and WAHLIAO..MADERFUCKER..IT SMELLED LIKE ANTIBIOTICS, TASTED LIKE COUGH SYRUP AND BURNED LIKE KEROSENE. I felt my throat sending a "SOS" message across the room!

The effect came almost instantly! Oklah, it took like a few minutes before I started feeling tipsy..


The girls.



Holding a "fake glass of vodka" and posing with MayLee. She promised to be my girlfriend if I happen to be lonely in the future. Alright lah, actually I forced her to promise me lah...hehehe..


SuLing, Tzy, Goh and mua.

The girls are getting hawter and hawter each time I see them..
And this picture was taken solely to test SuLing's camera..Lolz..


Wai Yen and I.
Sizzling man...So hawt..hawt..hahhahha..changed alot liao WaiYen..
Cannot comment banyak banyak, she comes to my blogpage one la..silent reader somemore..hehe..

And one last one before we left..



That day I was probably someone who was different. Though some things cannot be acted out perfectly, but I went through the night perfectly fine. Only my close friends know something was wrong, but I appreciated the fact that no one popped the question in the public.

So, another round of wishing you a very Happy Birthday, WeiAi!
And yes, Goh finally got the talk about wearing a skirt..haha, Goh, welcome to my life lah, they have been doing that to me, ages ago!

4 in the morning and I couldn't sleep..
lallallalalalalala...~~

:|

The pain is excruciating....T_T
Feels like crying, but erm...no point also lah..
The painkillers not working..

I shall go make some tea lah...

I think my blog horrrr...very popular lo...

When I started this blog, it was only for the eyes of my friends only..
Then the readers circle grew, because I took up paid posts and the proportion of readers divided to those who hired me for writing paid posts, and my friends.

Since I went into tertiary education, my circle of friends grew, so gradually, the amount of readers increased lah..
That is still acceptable right? I mean, what I write on my blog, I've already expected people to read lah..because there's no secrets in the internet..

However, this year, things took a different toll lah..The university's management was tracking down my blog, and I even have lecturers reading the things I wrote. So, ever since I got a warning letter from the university, I stopped writting about the university altogether, and focus on writing more about my feelings and the life I lead.

Then, I realized, some people, very mou liu...Eat rice already, sit down there, scratch lam pa...come to my blog, then wanna read the contents..after that, want to give stupid comments..which is unrelated to the entries..Want to comment something, guna kepala boleh??

You guys, who hate me, but still want to come to my blog page and read?? Memang no literature okay?
If not happy with me, then don't come lah..I didn't say "Welcome" to you also..Don't have to come..

Better don't come lah, okay? I don't want to wake up and receive hurtful comments lah...

Omg. Look what I found in the internet...

I shall write about it lah during my semester break..but seriously, this was great fun! And I couldn't believe this actually happened a year ago..

How much we've grown.How much things have changed.

Do you still remember?


A bunch of us, in Taman DR. An hour before we had to leave to Kg.Liman Kati.


The whole crew sweating it out, for 5 days, in St.John Hall for the preparation..Do you spot me?


Our last meal before setting out to KG. LIMAN KATI. That was really pure fun in Oldtown Kopitiam. I guess we stunned most of the other patrons in the cafe. Please note how thin I was, a year ago!


A picture of us, having to listen to a talk by a man. I don't know why, and I didn't understand. It was in entire mandarin.


During the preparation period, CheeHuey's birthday.

Those were crazy times. And I can't believe things can just change so easily. It was as if we live our life, as a lie..haha..but I really miss the times when we had to sleep on the dirty mattresses on the floor. And the minute we wake up, we see our friends right beside us. And we always have to prepare, and prepare and prepare for the rural services.

26 people were brought in together, with different backgrounds, different ages, different mentality, and a language barrier, but we enjoyed ourselves, and protected one another throughout the whole stint.
It's things like these, which reminds you how short and unpredictable life can be, and what we can do, is cherish what we have now, and not regret later..

So, do you remember?

Coughing badly at the moment.
I wonder what's wrong. Is it coz of the tall glass of Cola I had earlier?
Stop the cough, please. It's distracting.

The chest pains are getting frequent now.
I thought I might have boobs cancer..but chances are, the ribcage is slowly forcing my heart to move out.
Ok, don't give me that dirty look, I don't know what kind of things I am mumbling now..
I am no medic student okay..

I kinda like this picture of me.
Goh captured this moment for me.

Maybe to some of you, it's a happy Khian, with a huge wide grin. But if you look closer, you can actually see the sorrow in my eyes..And if you look even closer, that's me trying to tell you how I am actually feeling inside..haha..so artsy-fartsy suddenly..but I adore this picture..totally brings out the real me..

Read this from Yang's blog..and I find it pretty amazing that stories of such can be composed by someone so randomly..
thus, I am dedicating this story to you..and I hope, deep down, you are able to comprehend the meaning of the article and the real meaning I am asking you to understand..

My husband is an engineer by profession. I love him for
his steady nature and... I love the warm feeling when I
lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage,
I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The
reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into
the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it
comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the
romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of
sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic
moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that
I wanted a divorce.

'Why?' he asked, shocked.

'I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the
world!' I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep
thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased.

Here was a man who was not able to even express his
predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: 'What can I do to change your
mind?'

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's
personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in
him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: 'Here is
the question.... If you can answer and convince my heart,
I will change my mind.'

Let's say; I want a flower located on the face of a
mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the
flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?'

He said: 'I will give you your answer tomorrow.... '

My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a
piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a
milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that
goes....

My dear,
'I would not pick that flower for you, but .... please
allow me to explain the reasons further..... '

This first line was already breaking my heart. I
continued reading.

'When you use the computer you always mess up the
Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I
have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the
programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I
have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for
you.

You love travelling but always lose your way in a new
city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your 'good friend'
approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I
can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be
infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to
tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do
nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so
that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and
help to remove those annoying white hairs.
So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the
beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful
sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the
colour of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who
loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower
yet, and die ... '

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his
handwriting ... and as I continue reading... 'Now, that
you have finished reading my answer, and if you are
satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing
outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk...'

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face,
clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and
loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much
as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower
alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement
fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that
lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky
forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest
and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on
the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the
pillar of true love stands ... AND THAT'S LIFE

The happiest people in the world.... are not those who
have no problems, but those who learn to live with things
that are less than perfect.

I woke up, lying on the floor. Shirtless.

SHIT. What happened?

Must be the weather. It's so freaking hot, that sometimes, without me realizing it, I would take off my shirt during my sleep. Thank goodness, I was in my comfort zone last night, or else the roommate might have freaked out. Although it did happen once back in UTP, when the weather was so dry and hot, the next morning, I found myself bare-skinned.

I know, it's dangerous. Anything can happen, with me doing all that, subconsciously. But too hot weh..I also don't know how to control..

And the part, me lying on the floor. It's the umpteeth time I've been falling from my bed. Just one of these days, one part of my body is gonna dislocate or something..This time, it's causing me, an arm. I think I landed on it.

Gonna write about something [happier] later, having my fingers crossed. Now, I am just gonna get myself, urm..alil something something to drink..but what's that something something gonna be eh..

The Smirnoff? The Baileys? Or the leftover wine?

Hmmmm...tough tough decisions I have to make..

Waiting for the day when I can smile...again...

p/s: And to those who send me hate mails, yes, if it makes you happy, I am dying soon..
Alright? DYING SOOONNNN...

Subconciously you pick up the phone, checking whether there's a text waiting for you.
But there was none.

Every minute, you check your phone, the screen is blank.

You know the person you wanted the name to appear, is not going to text you. They are probably texting one another. So you waited longer.

You couldn't wait any longer, so you picked up the phone, and you texted the person you wanted to text.
Blatantly, you were shoved away, the person wanted no interference.

You tried being a little friendly, but obviously, the person just doesn't want to be disturbed.

You went despair.
But time is running out. The blood is drying up.
You wouldn't know when it's gonna stop flowing anymore.

For the first time, I feel terrified having to return to UTP.

I can't even bring myself to hold the wheel of my car.

I want to see you so badly, it seems like it was almost months since I last saw you.
You must've done alot with the other fella. Maybe that's good for you.

I just need to gather my courage and just see what happens tomorrow.

p/s: Is it possible to have two at a time?

How often do you lie to someone?

oH, c'mon..white lies are lies too okay..no such thing as lying to make things/situations go better..it's still points down to the fact that you lied..

I know how it feels to lie. I've done that a couple of times already, sometimes to squirm out of something, sometimes to keep myself away from troubles, most of the time, it's to make me feel better.
But let's not kid ourselves, how can lies make everything go better, or better still, the problems to go away?
They keep coming back for you, and each time you think you can cheat your way through, it comes back to you, bigger and bolder.

So, have you lied before?
Well, now now..don't lie alright..hehehe..

p/s: Have you ever tried coming up with lies to cover up the other lies..and then suddenly you realize you ran out of lies, and you just don't know how to come up with anymore lies...?

The sorrow in my eyes..It's still there...
How can I make it go away?

Trying to look happy,
but how to really make myself be happy?

p/s: Do I look like I'm dying soon? One thing's for sure, I'm gonna die a pretty girl..Good skin complexion weh!

Sometimes you do things subconsciously.
Though you know the other party is not going to appreciate or even understand what you've done, yet you still do it anyway.
Just maybe, people would say I am dumb, I am stupid, I am silly, I am useless, I am just getting myself into trouble, but to me, the most important thing is you are happy.
Or maybe I am wrong, maybe you just don't care about how I feel. Maybe you are happier without me.

Maybe I am just plain dumb.

One in the morning.
Someone I know is mugging for tomorrow's paper.
And I wished I know I have to start mugging as well..

Not up for it, yet I have no idea why.
Back are the days of being [emo].

Each morning I wake up, only to switch on my computer first.
Not brush teeth, not wash face, not go pee.
It's switching on my computer and connecting to the internet.

$#^&%^%$%$#$@##%$O(*)()(*&%$#@@%^&%^%#%$*^(&^^$#@$@!##$%^^&*^*&^&*&(*))(_)(_*(&^*%$%$$#$#$%&&###@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@##$$#@$%&*()_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#@#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

##say wanna see me for lunch worrr...c*bai...penipu...

This was seen in a blogpage of a friend of mine.

Only for Khian!

Sorry my dear old friend-Khian....

I didn't forget about you. In fact you were the first to wish me in your blog! So I sincerely thanked you too. My friend since Standard 2??? It's been a long time...but yet you still remember my birthday. You take good care of yourself alrite???

Thanks dear.. We've been through thick and thin..haha..remember Rangers? haha
Nevertheless, the friendship is still strong and I thank God for that...

I can't tell you how disappointed I am, simply because there's no word I can find in my vocab to express how disappointed I really am.
Right now, the head's doing its normal "drum beat", with its pounding, as if in my head, there's a battlezone, with war cries and drummings.
Ok, I am not making sense, but that just goes to show how efffffffinnnggg disappointed I am right now.

Stupid as I may sound,
but,
GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE, Custard.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....
Your smile melted my heart............
I can't stop thinking about you...............

Aaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....

I woke up today, feeling groggy..
The phone alarm didn't work at 5am, resulting the one which woke me up, at 7.15.
Then the phone rolled and dropped on the floor, causing the battery to be separated forcefully from the phone itself.
Diu~ but I was too weak to grab hold of it, so I left it on the floor.

The next time I opened my eyes, was probably 10 something, I saw my phone again, and felt a tinge of jab on my heart.
Was it because of the phone, or because finals gonna end, and things are gonna end there and then?
I don't know, and I wouldn't try say I know..
I just don't know what I am saying anymore.

Am having some people blogging for me soon, when I am no longer in the condition to write.
Time will tell, really..

Just not ready to lose anything yet.
Just you, maybe. Just not ready to lose you..

And to think everything went on well..
Who am I kidding?

AAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...it's killing me again...

p/s: the headache!!!!

Love the heart which hurts you, but never hurt the heart which loves you..

You just want to spend the last moments with the person you love, but you get disappointed at the end of the day..That's life, right?

Do not make promises if you have never plan to fulfil them in the first place.

Do not ask someone to wait for you, if you have planned to run away in the first place.

Do not steal my heart, if you have never plan to keep it in the first place.

Do not log onto the internet, if I have never finished studying in the first place.

*Lol. A little dry humour at the end of the note, it's getting bland these days eh?

TIRED
OF
INCOMPETENCE
EVERYTHING ALSO DUNNO..
WHAT YOU KNOW?

It was generally a good evening.
Impromptu dinner dates are always fun!
MayLee and Crystal were there to liven up the mood..

Then NgaiYoong and the rests were at Yeolde's to celebrate her 21st birthday.
So, brought Crystal and Maylee along to say hie..

Anyway, we continued our yumcha session in Shayo De Vin, I ordered a bottle of Heineken, and then, took a few sips. Had to rely on Maylee to finish it for me. First time yo! They were as surprised as I was, first time Khian said, "Nolah, help me finish can?"

Hehhe, then we went over to Oldtown Kopitiam's to meet up with the Form6AB gang..haha, not everyone recognized me lah..only a few..most of them were from PoiLam's.
Then "blow water" for a while, ordered "whitecoffee" to fill the tummy, when suddenly Crystal came out with this random idea to go for a ride.

So, off we went to Chemor, with Avinesh driving the 3 of us.
The whole journey, we talked about alot of stuffs, with me, randomly shouting at the passer-bys.
I was in so much tension and compression, that I felt like asking Avin to speed, but my rational side asked me to ask him stop driving recklessly.
So, the whole journey was slow and steady, with music blasted once in a while.
Avin should really get good speakers, with good subwoofers.

After that, we went drinking again. This time at Salam Corner, and I ordered Teh Ais, but couldn't finish. They were giving me the usual pep talk again, but this time, it's even harder to swallow their words.
Crystal saw that I was feeling abit dizzy, so she asked me to ask JiaLin to fetch me back. Deng! I was not even drunk okay..

On the way sending me to E-box to pick JiaLin up, we saw a police car, with sirens on, chasing after a 4-wheel. The 4-wheel sped, and even crossed the busy traffic, with the truck missing it, with a few inches, and then suddenly all the car patrols in the town came and surround Ipoh Garden East.
Hello, it was 2 in the morning, and imagine a whole bunch of patrol cars surrounding the area, it was as if something big was going to happen.

I wonder what the guy did.
Tomorrow must read newspapers.

The time I reached my room, was already 4.30 in the morning. Let's just say it has been a very long time since I came back so late, and am glad it happened.
I can't write about what happened, but you know, sometimes, we can only cheat our feelings once in a lifetime, but at one point, you just don't want to lie, and just be frank with what we want.

For the record, I was serious, am serious, will always be serious..
This I cannot lie..

Pictures to prove that I have very great friends!

That was taken, when we were in Oldtown Kopitiam last night. I felt like taking a picture, since I needed to write something good about them. Hehhhe..they've been there for me, ever since I was down a few months back. Only this time, when they came back to Ipoh, they've been 24/7 on call, anytime I needed a yumcha buddy, or just company over dinner, they are always up for it.

Funny right? How sometimes you can be the mature and understanding one, and roles just change all the time?
But last night, I am seriously thankful with their companionship, or else, I would really get crazy, and don't know what I will do..

Thanks MayLee. And Crystal, thanks heng dai!

Oldtown Kopitiam was probably brought down my the ACS-ians last night. The Form6 gang was so loud, that everyone was staring. Though I am pretty sure that nothing could've competed with the gathering in Breeze Cafe.HAHHA,I think we chased the other patrons to nuts!!



Can you believe we actually had to take 4512931227361 3 shots before getting him to smile naturally?
Was never that close to him, but only recently, he kept nudging me on MSN, texting to keep me alright, and he even shared his dirty stories with us!!
After hearing those, I kept having nightmare okay...

But thanks Avinesh. I love the guys back at home. They don't look at you, like you are somewhat a retarded alien when you tell them the real you. Aih..guys lah..stooooopid ones...gathered here already..c*bai...

Looking forward to another splended time. And Avin, take care of yourself and good luck for the nose job!!

You know the flight tickets I mentioned about?

Yes, the one which I bought impulsively.

Yes, that one to Sarawak..

It's of no use now.

two more freaking papers to go!!!
so depressing one...
then I saw this picture of me..wahhhhhhhhhhhh....
so nice one...

It's getting tougher and tougher.
Whatever I do, it's not up to par.
Tired of doing anything anymore.
Just run.

I want to believe in the things said,
but sometimes, the reality is not what it seems.

What happens, after Finals?
I shudder at the thought of it.

THE THOUGHT OF IT IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

Heard this over the radio last night and had been looping it since.
Think it's a pretty good song to tell you how I feel..

Have You Ever
Brandy

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for the words to get to their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found that one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do anything to look into her eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed you eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What I gotta do to to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
'Coz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

Dedicated to all the lovers out there, appreciate them before you lose 'em..

Finals almost over, but why am I feeling sad?
The anxiety is killing me.

And I wished you would know.

At one point, I think everyone deserves one last chance.

As I was studying, for the last paper, though I tried very hard to put my thoughts aside, I find myself struggling really hard to concentrate.
My stomach is aching, but gawd knows what the reasons are.
And my heart's beating in a very weird beat, and it's acting as if there's a heavy burden on it.
I don't know what feeling this is, because this is the 2nd time I am having such a feeling.

I can no longer concentrate on my work at the moment. It feels like I am overstressing my heart.
It kinda hurts. My heart, that is.
Literally, Metaphorically, Physically.

I don't know why.
It's mind boggling, but right now, have to tend to my anxiety. It's like..aaaaahhhh...I don't know what this is..

It ended with a slap.
Ok, make that slapS.

Guy from Dubai asked me listen to this song, in the middle of me mugging.
Damn, made me emo only lah!!

However, this song, is a very good song I guess. For me, and a message for you.

One Last Chance
James Morrison

No, oh

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I lost my way, can't go back anymore
Once I had everything, now it's gone
Don't tell me again 'cause I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I give it a try

I got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I got one last chance to get myself together

Time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this I will lose my friends
Don't say that you have given up on me
Just give me the time and space to heal my head

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
I guess I'll give it a try

I got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I got one last chance to get myself together

Oh
And I don't want to be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good

Oh
Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I got
I got one last chance to get myself together
No I can't lose no more time it's now or never
I got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never
And I try to remember who I used to be
I got one last chance to get myself together

I got one last chance
Well you know it's all I need
Just one last chance

I hope this will end soon.
I am tired and scared of the irregular heart beatings. The feeling of "overstressing" the heart like what KeeHui said scares me.
Although I don't mind it stop beating once and for all, but this heart's condition is really killing me.
I can't sleep. I can't breathe properly. And I have this urges of throwing up most of the time.

What is happening to me?

And my mind's been running around in circles. I don't know what I am thinking anymore.
And the little actions make me jumpy and cautious.
Am I growing slowly to a state of depression?

I actually had to get the aid of sleeping pills because I had to sleep to gain some consciousness for my last final paper..
This semester, is the worst ever-screwed up semester I am having.
And is it worth it?, they asked.

Though I am not sure what to answer, but now, at this moment, I can tell each and everyone of you, my guts telling me to stay put and love more.

And yes, however stupid I may sound, I would wanna listen to my guts this time.

But the heart's freaking in pain!!

And it finally ended. The finals, I mean.

Well, nothing to cheer about, because certainly, I walked out from the examination hall, feeling half-alive.
It's not because of the questions because they were almost predictable.
It's not because of the endless packing I have to do before the holidays. (Yes, this part which I don't like at all!)

But because, in the middle of the exams, no matter how much I promised that I will do my best, the best just wasn't enough.
I broke down, emotionally, half-way.
With Prof Dr.Malay asking me, whether I was thinking about the solutions, or were my thoughts wandering somewhere..

I have to admit, my mind was not with me then.
Though I tried so hard to synchronize my heart and mind, they didn't come together.

So frustrating.

Your life, determined by a piece of X-ray.
which goes to show how fragile your life is, determined by a roll of film.

p/s: This "thing" which you publicly declared to return to me, is a person. Please respect this person, like how you want me to respect you. Throwing your tantrum in the public, is an act of childishness to me. So, whatever you've said, I am going to delete from my memory. Better think your words carefully, because this is the internet, and whatever that comes to the internet, stays in the internet. So, be wise with your words.

pp/s: Jogoya!! Jogoya!! haha..

The semester ended, just like that.

Since I am alil free, (and happy!) I was just browsing through my pictures folder, and found some pictures locked up in EDX21. Since I was talking to TeeHooi earlier, thought of posting pictures of me and her during EDX21. The two of us were placed together, to work on FYP, and we had to tend to all the Final Year's demand. I think I mentioned this somewhere before, so urm..I just found this very random..



Trying out Fang Xuan's new camera..but no good one lah..coz blurry..haha..or was it the photographer's problem?


See, we were one of those popular ones, with people surrounding us..:|

But we do take breaks in between..



Our favourite activity would be camwhoring helping..giving information..to those who came and asked..

Though, it was actually quite an emo period, with the constant workload, and the edition database we need to come up with, in 3 days, it was a crazy time..juggling between assignments and tests, there was also EDX..


I think I zoomed out for a while..lol..
Probably some guy was mumbling away, and you know me, concentration span almost null..haha..

But you also know me..haha..I chill most of the time..The most RELAX one okay..



However, at times, life fucks you, and you've gotta fuck it back!


omfg. if my parents see this, they are going to kill me..haha..
and so many people wants to capture the moment I raise my middle finger..lol..and I guess, fangxuan's camera's shutter speed is quite good..lol..

However, fuck life lah..I don't really care anymore..I care more about myself..hahaha..



What is this expression you tell me? Tulan? haha..but nice hair..nice colour..nice facial skin!! lol!! and so fair..

So, currently, am high on "drugs"..haha..nolah, serious note, on medication, so all yumcha session on hold.
and yes, JOGOYA!! JOGOYA!! JOGOYA!! (Can't wait..)

He said,
"I miss you. I do, Lindsey. I love you.
Everyday I wake up, I have this ache in my chest and sometimes I just sleep in, because I know when I wake up, you are not going to be there."

And she replied,
"I love you too, Luke, you know that, but I can't be with you..We can't be together.."

And he stood up and said,
"We will be. One of these days, you are gonna wake up, and you are gonna feel the same thing in your heart, and you are gonna realize how much I love you. And whenever the day is, I will still be waiting for you and you'll come home to me."

One Tree Hill (Episode 13, Season 4)

and they said love on the tv set is not real. For once, I felt connected. so much connected.

##This is a very-very long entry..##

Look what I found, covered with dust..(ok, so maybe not dust exactly, but it was burried under a pile of books lah..)


I wonder if any of you remember these?

Autobiography books. Bio for short! You buy this new, thick, nice empty notebooks, and then you decorate it alil, then you declare it as a BIO book, and you go around asking people to leave you messages, or greetings for you. Very popular among the students who are about to leave high school.

Or is it more of a girl thing? Coz I certainly can't imagine guys doing all that. Too much ego, I supposed.

But like you see, I have 2. which automatically made me the most popular kid in school..lol..nolah, I have so many friends, that if I were to only had 1, it would take 2 years for me to get the book back. See, I was a smart girl back then!
Got system one ya know..

Anyway, just wanted to share with you about what people used to think about me. They are different from UTPians, in a way, that I'm glad that my high school friends never judge me. So, I'm going to write one by one, about what they had to say about me. It's a good time to do some self-reflection also..Bear with me if you want to, otherwise, leave, if you are judgemental.

I'm not going to write the whole thing, but just the nice important things lah..hehe..

(The chronology order doesn't matter)

1. KarMun

"Tang Ang Khian! (Such a famous person??) Indeed?? Hehe..well I kenot deny it..Ur indeed famous for ur popular acts of obscence and dirty stuffs.."

>> Karmun, one of the short nice friends I have..hehe..I still remember me, her, yeesan and puiyeen used to sit on the same lab table during Bio. Karmun and PuiYeen would be gossiping updating one another, and since I sat at the other end of the table, Yeesan would eavesdropped and keep me updated also! haha..

2. Sue Looi (AMC)


"You really are a very good friend. Actually I wanted to know you and talk to you long time ago, but you know lar..my English Language very bad..I'm really very happy having you as my friend and when you want me to write you and autobiography, my heart was overwhelmed with joy! You are very pretty, sweet and friendly girl."

>> One of the girls from another school. Knew SueLooi better from English Tuition with Dena How. She was in the Guides, so everytime there's a gathering, without fail, we would bumped into one another. A great girl indeed..

3. PooiYeng


"You are a great friend (ehem)..but thats e truth la..k? And it's fun sitting beside you except the time when you are having your "mood swings" la..hehe..You are the one who always teach me and tell me all the dirty stuffs also..I'll never 4get dat u always 'wan ngo ben' oso like e time when u ask me 2 help u do e duty list while u go somewhere else 2 '8'."

>> PooiYeng, a year younger than I am, but terribly smart. We sat together, during Form 5, along with ChehShing, front row. I was the "Ketua Kebersihan" then, so every morning, I had to 'cook' up a duty list, deciding who sweeps the floor, or who empties the waste paper basket, or who cleans the board, so at times, I felt lazy doing the board, so I would asked her help to do the duty list, and I would go wandering next door to see what's up with the other classes. Kira macam ambassador of 5Sc1 lah..hehe..

4. SuLing


"It was fun having u around..Well, u r one funny..I mean extremely funny n down-to-earth leng lui...hehe..ok lar..sumtimes can b quite doffy lar..Take dat as a compliment bcoz ur dogginess makes every1 around laff until roll down on da floor."

and she left this picture for me.


Picture of the Guides, during farewell lunch in Crazy IceCream, right?

>> Hmm..Suling said something went wrong between the two of us during Form 3, but it doesn't ring a bell. Hmm, I guess it was nothing bad. She was in the same coy as I was, 1st Coy! and I am glad, the friendship is still working well.

5. Megalah


" Honestly, u r a very weird gal that I have seen. I wonder y they name u KUCHAI. Why? U know wat..u r a very special gal...coz..u r energetic n dirty minded. One thing I can tell u..u can pikat guy's wit ur innocence look."

>> Megalah transferred into MGS in Form 4. And she came into our class. She was quiet, and was always seen with Siveranjini, who also just transferred from RPS. I've not actually engaged into a serious conversation with Megalah before, but I am glad that I gave her the opportunity to write something down for me..and what is so special about being energetic and dirty minded, I wonder?

6. Yoke Yee


"Know you since I was std.4. Not really close-lar but still a hi-bye friend, didn't we? Now? Gosh..close till drop.. I remembered u knwon as the most dirty minded person in our form. Dunno why?? Everyone saying you that. The word 'PD' still in my brain floating. Muahahahha.. Eh, just wanna let you know that u are one of my coolest friend and I'm glad to know you. It's like a fate. We come from different classes every year and we still get to know each other. Rite? Rite? Rite? Aiya..what to do? You are like so damn famous of ya dirty brain. Next time after f5, brainwash abit lar..ABIT enough lor..Later we can't have fun as we used to be..k?"

>> Yoke Yee, ya hor..when she mentioned about it, I realized we were never in the same class, and we never joined the same curricular activities, so how did we know one another? haha..oklah, maybe I was over-friendly gua..any random people I also wanna talk to..lol..but Yoke Yee is still one of the people I can call and talk over TehAis..

7. Yi Fang

" Thanks 4 supplying all ur horny jokes and actions! I'm veli sure MGS WOULD BE BLOODY DULL WITHOUT THEM! hahha..Even though u din get any lucky draw prizes nor Miss MGS, rest assure that no matter what, I will "VOTE 4 ANGKHIAN" should there ever be a MISS HORNY MGS!!*ahem*, Bcoz u're worth it.."

and stuck this picture of us..



>> YiFang, the head prefect. We were fighting to be Miss MGS okay..haha..but she won not because she's pretty, she's smart, she's everything, but because she's the head prefect..haha..nolah! She's everything I am not..haha

8. Joon Kit (Sam Tet)


" U seem to be an egoistic person to me before I knew u. Later on, when we knew each other, u proved me wrong. "I think I'm wrong, she's not that kind of person, she's..she's great!!". I don't really know how to explain the kind of person u are, but I think 'exciting' may be the most suitable word to describe u. Believe it or not,,y are the closest girl to me ever. Hey, I'm serious. Although we've been friends for about 1 and 1/2 years, but u truly are closer to me than any other girls I've meet in my life. When I'm bored and need someone to talk to, u'll always be there."

>> Knew JoonKit when I was in Form 4, I think. I can't possibly explain what kind of relationship we had because his current girlfriend happens to be a very close friend of mine, from AMC lah..haha..Just regretted slightly why the timing was so wrong that time..haha..but yes, now, we are still friends, and I hope, even much closer.. I mean good, really good friends lah!

9. Michelle Koo

"Thanks for holding my anger at bay and for stopping me from making rash decisions. It's been a hell of a great time, working and playing with you. I've got faith that you'll make it BIG in life."

>> MKIV for short. Who doesn't know the 'great' things she have done in MGS? We used to be VERY close back in Form 2, but things sorta took a different toll when situations got ugly. But she's still the Michelle I know, and we even come out and yumcha once in a while.

10. Phooi Yee


"It has been a long time knowing ya almost 7 years aledi since Std. 5. Still rmb that time you like ppl call you leng lui but like to hear ppl call u leng chai. But now everything change, you change become more girlish d. I DO always RMB every single piece of advice that you give me. Ang Khian, you are a very nice friend and I lov ehanging around with ya but 2 bad ur so dirty minded."

and she left this picture for me.

omfg, not the best times of my life. I was beaming because I think she was trying to molest me..haha..This was taken in 2004 during Pn.Lee's retirement.

>> Phooi Yee, was from Cempaka all along until she came into Standard5. The funny, non-sensical jokes always come from her. We still hang out together, am just waiting for her Wedding invitation with Ah Tuck!..haha..

11. Cik Tengku Hasnah (my BM teacher)


"AngKhian yang cikgu kenali
 Sometimes:-
 > nakal
 > bising
 > suka melawan

 Always:-
 > sporting
 > ceria
 > rajin
 oooopps! tak boleh tulis banyak-banyak, nanti ada orang perasan.."
 
>> Cikgu. They always say I am a teacher's pet, because the teachers always talk about me, talk to me..haha..in fact, I spend half of my time in school, in the teacher's room, because I love talking to older men and women..haha..I always remember, everytime Cik Tengku comes into the class for BM, she would somehow always end the class by asking about me, asking what are my plans in the future, or when I am going to get married..And often, I would come up with statements which sengaja melawan..so that she doesn't continue teaching and the whole class can thank me. haha..

12. Mun Yi


"Tang Ang Khian, how can I ever forget u. I mean, u are so famous for being the girl with the 'dirties mind'. Well, not much that I want to say to you actually. You've been a really fun girl to be with. U're funny, energetic, noisy and playful. I appreciate ur presence in class cuz u always brightens up da class (especially when u start talking about obscene stuffs). Ang Khian, u r a very special girl..u r.. Work hard for ur ambition. If u wanna be a 'tai tai', be the best tai-tai' (sokongan moral). Make sure u give me a call and ajak me somewhere. (P/s: I only go to high class restaurants) Remember to call more friends..cuz my 'keselamatan tak terjamin' when I'm alone with u.."

>> MunYi was always seated at the back of the class and you know how I am, I always wander around lah..and I would stop by at the back row and catch up with them. Mun Yi was always full of laughter and would make fun of me. I know they were harmless jokes though..

13. Renukha


"Actually u r very playful, funny, smart and kinda pretty 2. Ur presnece in class really makes me feel happy. At times, I do enjoy ur dirty jokes."

>> Ok, where's Renukha now? Can anyone tell me?

14. Crystal

" Yah, we known each other for really quite a long time..of coz, i knoe who is "TANG ANG KHIAN" lar..since primary d lor..juz tat we seldom talk only.. Thanx 4 being such a great n wonderful fren to me.. n oso all ur 'hamsup' jokes. yalah.. who dunno "angkhian's famous with her dirty minded le'..btw, thanz a millin 4 being thr when i need a fren..reli appreciate it lotz.."

>> Crystal..haha..when come to think about it..from her girly long hair, she changed quite a lot! Now, she's this macho looking girl..and she's still the same. More self confidence than before. So, I guess people should just accept her for who she is, and never judge her. She has become a better, more confident girl than she ever was. Thanks hengdai..thanks for being there..

15. Jacqueline Thong


"A great friend and an absolutely great person to have fun with! Not forgetting ze very perverted side of you! Lolz,..but deep down inside I think you're a very caring person. A person with loads of confidence.. Oh yeah..I like calling you kuchai..don't know why but it's nice, kuchai! Well, well..you're a person who knews exactly when to have fun and when to work! A perfect mix makes you just a perfect person to fit into this perfect world!"

>> Jacq, who doesn't know Jacq? Hello, she appeared so many blardy times in the papers, with her ballet and dancing..and lately, she seems to be interested in venturing out to Pole dancing..hmm? haha..I made the last part up..but what I remembered about her is, she was in the same class as I was, back in Form 3 Cempaka, and sadly, she was the ONLY prefect in class..So apa lagi, the rest ruled the class lah..haha, kesian her she can't do anything, but she was not really bothered. So, she joined the bandwagon! hehe..

16. Ting Yi


"Firstly, I wanna tell you dat DON'T ALWIZ TOUCH TOUCH ME la..The girl who is famous of..dirty jokes and molesting ppl.Will neva forget that. I just wanna say thank you for all your advise and company and of coz your ever happy attitude which sometimes really laugh my pants off...V known each other for 10 years I guess.."

>> TingYi, guess what, we've known each other since Std 2. which makes it, 13 years!! haha..where do you get such friendship I tell you?

17. Kelly Liew


"Just be the girl that I know and you will do great things. Being around you really can brighten my dull day. You are energetic and fun to be around with. It's really lucky to be your friend and to have a friend like you."

>> Kelly got transferred to MGS in Form 1. And we were not really that close friends, but we went to the same tuitions and we do talk. And she recently just graduated from Diploma..I heard.

18. Shit, she didn't leave any name..

"Although I've known for just a couple of months, you have been great to me as if you were my closest friend. I am sure it's because you are a very friendly person and someone worth knowing and having as a friend. According to most of your messages from your friends, you seem to be a dirty-minded person..hmm..kinda surprised, I guess because I've never know your dirty jokes before..hehe..Even so, you will always be the friendly, hyper, cool and birlliant Tang Ang Khian that I knew. Thanz a lot for greeting in the morning (especially during the times that you were late for school). My friend, do not change for other people, always be yourself. Never give up hope no matter how many times you fail because remember, nobody is perfect. Stand up for yourself and never give way to those who despise you!"

>> Ok, who wrote this? I thought it's MeiLoo because I always see her jaga pintu when I was late..but she mentioned we only knew one another for a couple of months, which is not true..because I knew MeiLoo wayyyy back then already..so who are you, mysterious person?

19. Cheh Shing

" I find you kinda horny..Other than that, you are okay..A very down to earth and gila-gila person"

A picture of the 3 of us..studious girls!


I'm starting to think I looked my worst back in high school. The dark wrinkles, the glasses..omfg..haha..but u know..the 3 of us..FIRST ROW somemore..can't believe it..

>> Chesy..haha..I know, at times you randomly drop by..you were a great friend, and I still remember the nasty things which happened back then. But now, here we are..You, doing fine, me..doing urm..ok also lah..do u still remember?haha..

20. WaiZin


"U are always famous for your GATAL hands and dirty mind. Thanks for being my friend and fighting with me in class especially in form 4."

>> Waizin, always wanted to be my masak-masak lou po..haha..nolah, but I always like to kacau her in class..and she would laugh non-stop..=.=""

21. Izzat


" ok ape nak cakap ye..like others aku pun rasa ko ni dirty-minded..aku dah kenal ko dari std2..and we have been in the same class for 5 years in primary school..remember..from lengchai to KUCHAI..I still can remember how you try to convince everyone to call you 'lengchai' and it turn up they call you kuchai.."

>> Izzat, one of the longest MALAY friend I ever had. Probably the only one kot..Every RAYA, without fail, tak payah call also I will be in her house, eating rendang and ketupat!..haha..cun beb!

22. Dahineswari



>> Dai, she said alot of things in my bio, but none of them sounded nice. So tak payah write. Her last words to me.."Your butt is not sagging!" Is that how you want me to remember you, Dai? She was the Asst Head Prefect and always tak bagi orang makan in class..Cis!

23. Kiranjit


"Don't worry, I'm not gonna say that u're dirty minded - to me you're "open-minded"! I hope to get extra service from you in any hotel next 10 years"

>> Just to clarify matters on the extra service, well urm..I told some people that I might be going into the field of Hotel Management.. and they suddenly roared into laughter. Because of my dirty reputation, they thought my hotel's gonna provide those (18SX) services, so I guessed, Kiranjit was in need of those services. Lol..she's one of the best buddies you can have. Joking yet being serious at times..haha..

24. Lydia


" Know you since f3. Alwiz polishing the teacher's shoe..sitting in front doing all the homeworks..in charge of the toilet..go around loooking 4 plastic bags..oh kesian..but you make a great friend..carving a smile on ppl's face."

>> Eh, this Lydia, damn rebellious back in high school. All the 'tak-boleh' stuffs, she did all already..haha..but who cares, we often go out yumcha also..now since she's so busy with her Xcapade lah,..daki here and there lah..swim to the selat melaka lah..cycle here and there..she doesn't want to come back to Ipoh anymore..so didn't meet a long time already..

25. 4Sc1/5Sc1 monitor


"I really have got nothing much to say about you. The fact to the matter is I have never knew you long enough to really get to know you personally..I have always though of you as a very eccentric person. You are extremely odd and weird...In case you didn't know..I'll try to limit my brutal honesty about you! I guess writing in a bio book means giving some compliments. I believe you have a reasonable amount of confidence and presence in you. It gives me great pleasure to hang around you and laugh at both you and your jokes. It appears to me that is both a privillege and honour to meet you and know you! It would be my sincerest hope that you make it through life with great successes along the way. I have always have a sneaking suspision that you'd make it big in life."

>> Coming from a sarcastic debater cum monitor, I guess, it's a compliment (in a way?) Hehhe..

 If you think this is all, You are wrong.

Part 2 is coming up soon. Oh wait, maybe we'll need a Part 3 and 4 too..

With nothing better to do, I've decided to google and know more about JOGOYA, before actually stepping into it..haha, don't want later like J-A-K-U-N like that..at least you know what to wear right?
(anyway, gonna decide on what to wear later..)

It's quite a posh place really, considering the amount of money people would pay, just to eat.

Speaking of the wide range of food, I think I have to work out on a plan, to really taste every single thing they have in the counters.
I would wanna get my money's worth right?
I'm just worried about my appetite which is not so big nowadays..aahh..T_T

Well, I guess the strategy is to sit down, from 5.00pm onwards to 9.30pm..haha..that's the amount of time they allocate for dinner. Almost 4 hours for you to sit, eat, digest and eat somemore.

Oh, have to fit in photo-taking in between, because it has been a long time since this blog has some happy pictures. And food..

Can't wait, really. It's just a few more days, and I will be eating like a king.
The appetite has to come back, like really quickly.
Really really quickly..

Often I get weird questions from friends/strangers/other members of the extended family.
And often, this would pop up.

"Why urm, your mother teaching in a Chinese school, knows Chinese, and what you doing in English school?"

So, actually, my usual answer would be,

1. "Dunno lah..my parents made the decision..that time, I was too young to decide. Or rather, my opinions did not matter then."

2. "Coz my dad came from SMI, and my mum from AMC right? So, one child goes to English school, another one goes to Chinese school lor.."

3. "Aiya, English school better mah..no meh? More classs.."

Ok, above is only my opinion. So, don't come leaving weird comments, because heck! you don't know what you are talking about.

Let's face it.

Which is better? AMC or MGS?
Of course MGS right?

Lol.On a serious note, after coming from an English school (or rather Bahasa medium school), I dare say I would definitely send my children to an English school, compared to a Chinese one.
*Hey, don't give stupid comments, because (BOLD) MY CHILDREN, so you have no right to bising-bising..

Honestly, I have friends who come from different education background..and yes, the differences are obvious at times, but yet, we can still be very good friends. However, I dare not say much about their perspectives in life, and how they view certain issues.

First, the students from Chinese education background, are expected to memorize and 'vomit' an Essay in tests. We, proudly announce, that we were expected to come out with one. Original. So, can I conclude that we were trained to think OUT OF THE BOX, compared to the Chinese schools.

Well, our mindsets can also be really different. Like how they can't accept homosexualism, or some other issues, because I have friends who have difficulties trying to cope with the fact of having 2 guys being together. We, on the other hand, just chuck the idea away, thinking that it's human rights, and it's their choice afterall.

I can't deny that Chinese schools, especially SamTet and AMC in Ipoh, produces brilliant and smart students every year. But basically, let's face the fact lah, who can survive better?

I am not generalizing the whole Chinese education or English education background, because there are a few rotten apples in a basket. But, when you have such people around you, you can't help but think, how true it is at times. Don't get me wrong, I have GOOD FRIENDS with Chinese education, and they can think outta box so perfectly, and they understand and accept things as how it is, but along the way, I've also met with a few bad apples, which leaves unwanted comments, and they judge so superficially.

Tsk tsk..I hope this entry would create a stir, because I realized if I write something nice and sweet, no one bothers to leave comments, but if I write something mean and nasty, people beratur wanna leave hateful comments.

How funny right? You don't want to know whether the people who leave hateful comments are Chinese educated or English educated meh?