You've sat and analyzed the situation, countless times. You've evaluated the late night calls, the once-in-a-while text messages.. And you sat and wonder, whether this all means something.
Maybe it's just sympathy. Or worried that people might be responsible for your well-being.
Sometimes, I would think..who's the bigger devil.. Whether there's a two-faced person..
I was told that I must be vary. The one that I think I can trust, can be the wolf under the sheep's skin.
I've never thought of that. How interesting, but how disappointing it sounds.
What if there's a bigger devil? Will I be able to handle the situation? Or will I fumble again?
I just wished I would not outlive this misery.
I can't sleep. Can't eat. Can't even drink alcohol. What is this?
I need to get drunk. I need to. I need the numbness. *Eewan, get your butt back right away. Chehsy said she had fun getting drunk. You had better come back soon.
p/s: I looked myself into the mirror, with an oxygen mask. It got my mum in tears. And my brother was speechless. Is that how I am gonna live my life, or whatever that is left of it?
He commanded me to take my clothes off and lie down.
He said, "Don't be shy. Come on. Take off your shirt and bra..Don't be shy..Lie down.."
I followed. I had no idea what was gonna come. I took my bra off slowly. And then my shirt.
I lied down.
He looked into my eyes, and then said, "Don't be shy. It's okay. It will just take a minute."
Then he used his hands, and cupped my breasts. He began to touch every inch of my breast. Moving slowly from the sides, then to my chest. He stopped once a while to look into my eyes. He continued pressing my breasts, as if trying to feel what's inside them.
What I've just written, is not a sexual encounter.
The first time I have my breasts touched by a stranger. OMFG. So rugi. But I guess, it was part of the procedure.
You know you are obsessed when you keep checking the same blogpage everyday..
Words can hardly explain how terrific my night was.. and I woke up, still smiling about it. Over and over again..lol..
But for now, it's battle again. Sigh, suddenly just by having someone saying this to you: "No, it's not that I don't believe you, it's because someone out there doesn't want you to die.." and then giggles.
Aah..that giggling. It's been ages since I last heard them and I hate to admit that I miss them. Hehhe..
and that made all the difference. And suddenly, maybe, I am just not ready to give up yet.
Not for me, silly. It's for you,my friend.
p/s: Hoping to see you again. A wonderful night it was, and I wished it didn't have to end. hahaha..
pp/s: MeiLing actually declared war on me, if I were to continue being so stupid. Apa ni..stupid pun kena..tak stupid pun tak boleh! But congrats, dude. Congrats for getting what you've dreamt for.
ppp/s: Fighting to stay alive each day. Told myself it's a bonus each day I open my eyes, and no! It's not breast cancer.
Oh no, we don't have that in Ipoh yet. I am talking about the one in KL. (duh...)
I can't understand why KL can be so big. Like it takes 45 minutes for me to get to Kelana Jaya to Wangsa Maju, and then another 45 minutes to get back to Kelana Jaya. That's 90 minutes for you, and don't get me started on how much you can do with 90 minutes in hand.
OK, so maybe it's my bad for travelling that far. But heck, I'm on a holiday, and meeting friends,accomplishing my missions is tops in my list. So, I guess I can't really complain about being stuck in the LRT, for 90 minutes each day. Alright, make that 2 days.
But today, was different. I was rushing to go back to Wangsa Maju, to avoid the rush hour. I quickly ran in, and waited for the warning sound, before the door closed. As I was waiting, I saw an old lady, staggering, trying to rush in before the door closed and and she has to wait for another trip. I looked at her, as she was wombling, trying to find the right steps. And then, the warning beep started to sound.
I was afraid that she might fumbled and fall. So I went towards her, and led her in. But the door was about to close when I finally got her in. Then the door closed, and I was left outside.
The train left. So much of doing something good. But I was rather concerned about the old woman who has to find her seats in the train.
So, I waited. For 4 minutes and 18 seconds. The next train came and I boarded it. I was on a holiday, I have the time of the world. Let the world beside me pass by quickly as I looked around. People who has earphones stuck in their head; Those who were already dozing off. People with bags behind their back. People with briefcase by their sides.
It was fun watching people, doing their thing.
I was struggling to keep myself balanced. The amount of fresh air in the LRT was doubtful. It was so packed that I barely had space for my boobs. Lol!
And then a men, with white hair came in. He was limping, with a plastic bag in hand. I smiled, though mum did warn me profusely not to talk to strangers. Ok, smiling and talking is different.
I was expecting people to stand up and offer him a seat. The seats were there for those who can't stand for long.
But none. None of them stood up to offer their seats. Not the young man who dressed so smart-ly, with his PDA on his hand. He was busy typing away. Not the teenager boy who had a comic book in hand. Not the lady who was clad in a baju kurung, and a tudung, with that sweet smile. Not that old woman who was dressed in the pasar malam clothing. Ok, the old woman can be excused.
The old man was left trying to balance himself by holding tight of the pole.
And people come telling me that Malaysians are considerate, and friendly? Ptuiii....
I can't remember the last time I love being stuck in traffic jams..,perhaps, last night was one hell of a night for me, but I assure you, that I enjoyed myself. very much indeed.
Dinner was terrible in Dragon-I, Pavillion. I thought it tasted good in The Curve, but then again, the food didn't really matter. The company was good. Imagine having a bloated stomach after eating, then being caught in a traffic.
And I wished the time would freeze. But too bad, someone had to rush home and do maths. Well, for a couple of times, I felt bad, wishing that we didn't go out, since it was a school night. Aaaaahhhh...
but this morning, I woke up by the sound of her voice,
"Eh, where are you? You see the red Myvi?" "Urm..yeah.." (what is this, everyone changed their car to myvi??) "Yes, I'm just right behind it."
=.='''
Maylee caught me smiling while I was sleeping, I think. Hahha..
Pictures to be posted when I'm back home. For now, just wishing that it didn't have to end this quick. and I'm hungry!! Shouldn't have drank last night... huhuhuhhhuhuhuhu~~
Thought that since I have a decent internet connection, I may as well write something in my blog.
Throughout my stay in KL for 3 days, Maylee has been a gracious host to me, offering me her mattress on the floor as well as her undevoted attention to me. She made sure everything was well with me, even making plans for me, fear that I might be bored.
So, the last night before I had to leave, we vowed to drink. and so we got ourselves..
Icy, chilled Corona Extra
Maylee, not wanting her picture to be on my blog..
I think this trip to KL this time, is for me to really relax and rejuvenate. Ask Maylee the duration of my sleep each day. I think by 11pm, I would be lying flat on the bed, and waking up as early as 7am. Very healthy indeed. And throughout my stay with her, whilst she was expecting me to be whiny, and in a depression state, I was in fact, pretty much who I used to be, before I left high school.
And I think I scared her.
Hehhe..
and just within 3 minutes, before even drinking, we went bonkers!!
Ok, we were infact pretty much gilerr...
and to top that, I couldn't even hold my camera properly..
and serioulsy, when was this taken also I vaguely can remember...
and I don't even remember finishing the whole bottle!
Oh yeah, Maylee told me, I drank halfway, and I felt asleep. So she finished mine too and went to sleep.. What is this?!!!
How come I cannot finish even ONE MISERABLE BOTTLE OF BEER?!!!!! Something is so wrong! I wanna get drunk!!
Got this from my past archives. Think I got it from someone's blogpage. I find it pretty accurate and true..so..
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you. Then, one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They didsomething dumb one day, like kiss you or a smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness. So, simple phrase like "maybe we should be just friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain."
and this is for the person that's lingering in my mind now..
I can't sleep. Just so many things in my mind, and my head is just so small. Wished that I could tell you what's inside me, but you've made it clear. All I want you to be, is just to be happy. So, I don't want to hurt you anymore, like how I did before. I shall wait. Longer, perhaps. But I miss you, yet I can't tell you.
Hmmm..someone played with my camera..Coz I don't remember taking this picture...Hurrrrmmm...
Anyway, I think JOGOYA is a little overrated.
Oklah, maybe I was alil too hyped about it in the first place, but after you've been there, you would probably understand why. The price I paid for, is certainly not worth every single penny. RM88.00 I was told, but at the end of it, it all sums up to RM101.20 per person. Ok, maybe that's the last time I'm going back there, unless, someone strikes toto and decides to give me a treat. Lol!!
It's not really a nice place to go if you want to impress your date in the first place. I really don't like the idea of having to walk all the way to get your food, and then go back to your place and sit while waiting for your food to be cooked. And the seatings are just not organized well enough.
Like how I had to walk about 100 metres away to get my drinks. It's not practical okay.
And I realized the food available is almost the same, only that the method of preparation is different. So, at first when I saw Escargo being served, I got abit excited. And then I saw Escargo again, only with different method of cooking, and then again..and again..Then, I knew, it was the same thing.
Cis. Like kena tipu, again and again.
But it was fun really. To walk around, with a friend, going for all the kinds of food, trying every single thing out, but I was full, even before reaching quarter of the food served. I felt like a loser.
Before I go on, pictures first!
I started with some fresh oysters, with lime juice, and a dash of tobacco sauce.
And then, it was the attack of the sashimi's.
So, throughout the night, she was looking at me, probably felt embarassed that I was busy snapping away, while she was busy gobbling all the food she can get. Ok, I told her my blog needed a revamped, and I need to bring in happier pictures!
Not only you eat the cooked food, you can also choose raw materials, and then cook them, with claypot, or just steam them. There's a clay stove available at your dispense. Neh, something like this..:
She actually brought two of these back okay..One scallop and one abalone..Guess who had to sapu half of it, in the end..haha..
and like I said earlier, you can also choose to steam your food..
and the end product would be...
and JOGOYA is also famous for its PAPER STEAMBOAT..so I was telling her that I actually took the effort to read food reviews about this restaurant, and she laughed..and I was telling her, this paper steamboat is a must-try lah..and so she tried lor..
I tried already, straightaway, felt like kena tipu..d*U...
Alright, we ordered TOMYAM soup base, but hello..no TOMYAM flavour also..deng... Like hot water, with a slight pedas taste only..hello, ni bukan TOMYAM k..dan langsung tak yum-yum...
But I must really give credit to the large array of desserts they have for us. Small, miniscule size cakes, and moshi available..
and the rest of the night was spend, having to taste every single ice-creams available. T_T
Hahha..felt like a waste of money only..go there eat ice-cream jek..
and yes, JOGOYA has cute coconut for coconut lovers..and I had TWO!, because I was too lazy to get hot water for Green Tea..
Before we left, we sapu-ed another round of sashimi..
Aah, her favourite. Salmon sashimi + Vinegar = Weird Combination.
So, to sum it all up..RM101.20, money not worth spending on Food. However, the conversations, the gigglings, the smiles, the laughings, the urm..ice-creams, the catching-up, I am sure they are all priceless.
Ask me again if I would go JOGOYA once more, and I only would tell you "YES" only if the person I'm going with, is the same one..Hahha..
and yes, a must-post picture..
That night, the heaven must have lose one of its Angels, because one of them went to JOGOYA! with me.. hahaha...
Next up, more pictures. More stories.
p/s: What is this..3 in the morning, and I'm still thinking of you?!!
It's disappointment over disappointment tonight. But I can't write the reason out, but I'm just a little disappointed. Thought waiting was the best option, but ah, it's not worth waiting afterall.
Since it was a holiday for Maylee, (wednesday she tarak class), she decided to go do one of things she must do in her list: ICE-SKATING! So, since I was bunking at her place, takkan I say "Bye bye, you go ahead lah.." right? I pun tag along lah..
(and I regretted)
First up, we had to take a cab to the Wangsa Maju LRT station to meet up with her friend, Anson. Then the 3 of us took the LRT all the way to Pasar Seni station to meet up with her other friend, Choy.
Slightly diverting from the story, for my 3 days in KL, to be honest, I've been travelling with LRT, everyday. And not short distances pulak tu..It's always from Wangsa Maju to Kelana, or Wangsa Maju to Taman Jaya, and back to Wangsa Maju. I can practically memorize the whereabouts of the station, or how long it takes for me to get to certain stations, or what I can expect to see outside from the train..etc. Yes, throughout these 3 days, I've been pushed around, standing, listening to my faithful iPod while waiting for the operator of the train to announce "Next Station...Wangsa Maju" then I would be delighted and just want to get out from the train.
And yes, from Pasar Seni, I learned the art of taking a bus with a "U" sign, to Sunway Pyramid. That's 45 minutes of Bus Journey for you, fellas! And I was telling MayLee, at the rate, I might as well be heading home! 45 minutes of Bus ride, 40 minutes of train..aahhh!!
We finally reached Sunway Pyramid about 11pm and set out to hunt for food! Subway. Both Maylee and I shared a foot-long sandwich with all the works! but it was agony for me to actually finish it. She was shocked to see that my appetite was so bad. :S
After breakfast/lunch, we then proceeded to the Ice-skating ring, after much persuassion from Maylee. Plus the last time I tried such dangerous leisure activity was when I was much younger, so I gave in.
I paid a total of RM28 since it was a school holiday, and then got myself geared up.
It's either I've lose my sense of balance or I've gotten fatter, because I couldn't walk properly with the pair of skates..Damn!! and see..how small my feet is..
And the price we paid, is inclusive of a pair of gloves, which cost us RM8.00. Freaking expensive.. Guess which is mine! Clue: Spiderman..Spiderman..
After putting all our stuffs into the locker, we proceeded to alil cam-whoring before entering the ring.
Maylee, my roommate for 3 days..Hahha..believe me, nothing happened during those nights..haha..even though she wanted, but I couldn't..kakaka..ok, jokes aside, Nothing happened!!
and this girl, is Choy. And boy, she's so friendly alright..I don't even know her yet, but she's already talking and talking non-stop..haha.. Look at me, standing like so yeng right..but actually deep inside, abit scared will fall suddenly..hehe..
After the picture taking, we were ready to enter the ring!
At first I thought, okay, it's just a pile of ice.How hard can it be..right? So, I stepped into the ring, while trying to balance myself..and then, "Shit!!"
I can't even lift my feet up..because as soon as I do, I find myself slipping..then I had to grab hold of the bar at the side of the skating ring. Then I tried again, but this time, it was harder because I saw Anson slipped onto his back! Like an over-turned turtle.
OMFG. I was cursing Maylee for bringing me into this. What if I fall? What's gonna happen to my back? And I felt like I was going to strain my ankle anytime, but I did tie my skates properly..but how come I can't move?!!
Choy, being the most 'pro' among us, gave me her hand, and started to coax me into moving forward. But I can't. As soon as I slide one of my leg in front, the other one would reverse. She tried explaining the mechanism to me, and I think she did, after the 4th time, I told her to go skate around first, I would just hang around..
5 minutes passed, yet I was not making any progress. Then Choy came back. She held my hand, and tried to move me. This time, tough luck! I fell, with a loud thud, causing Choy to tumble down with me. She got up almost instantly, whilst I was struggling to climb up, but I couldn't. Was it the weight?
I had 2 guys, holding my hands, pulled me up. Deng! So malu..
Then I told Choy, I give up. I don't want to take the risk. I'd rather lose the RM28.00 than risking my back and ankle. So, I left. As soon as I exited from the ring, I saw WaiYen, who was trying hard not to laugh. Deng, the fella was watching at the side all along!!!
Malu!!
So, I ended up, walking around and around the shopping mall for 3 hours, while waiting for Maylee and her friends to finish skating around and around the skating ring. (Fun meh??Like that also fun meh...???)
By 3.30pm, I was rushing Maylee to go home. I was so tired, and exhausted with the amount of walking..Even WaiYen was surprised to see that I got lethargic sooooooo easily..I was actually telling her that I've enough of walking! I was tired, so exhausted, and so not myself..coz the back of mine was giving way..T_T
Maylee understood, and we finally left Sunway Pyramid at 4.30pm. Her legs were as sore as mine. Hers was because of skating, mine was because of the walking. Lol..
All in all, I had a great time. Getting to know her friends, whom are so friendly..and when Choy held my hand coz she knew I was in fear, she gave me some sort of feeling that I could count on her..haha..and can see she is a good friend lah..so guys, Maylee's with good people in UTAR!
Then, from Kelana Jaya station, we had to take the train all the way back to Wangsa Maju. This time, it took a shorter time, because the 4 of us fell asleep as soon as our butts landed on the seats. Hahha..
and that's Anson..he's a guy by the way..hehe..
I really enjoyed this KL trip this time around..haha..and guess what, this is not the end..There's more..
Was having dinner with MeiLing, and we ended up talking about alot of things.
And then she said to me, "You know, those kind of movies..like the actor is gonna die soon..and he continues being happy, doing the same routine..and then leaves all of a sudden...you know, like he doesn't want to cause any worrying to the person he loves..you know? Is it something like that?"
Hmmm...and I didn't know what to say..So I smiled to her.
Probably that's the best way to leave, I supposed. What is with all the sadness before you leave right?
I mean, you would wanna go with happy thoughts, rather than having people looking into your eyes, with that sympathetic look on their faces. I mean, what's the point?
Some might have tried to hint, but if people are not smart enough to catch the hint, then, whose fault is that? hehe..
Maybe some of you might not agree with the fact that you should be responsible to tell the people around you that you are having some sort of a disease and you might not be staying for long.Just so that they can prepare themselves mentally that one day you might not be there anymore.
Well, honestly, it's really up to you, like how you want to deal with your death. Whether you wanna announce it to the whole world beforehand, or just leave silently.
I would probably choose the latter. People don't necessary have to like you just because you are dying right? If they didn't like you in the first place, what makes you think by announcing your soon-to-be death would actually affect the people around you?
So, I pledge those who keep asking me my whereabouts. Even if you ask me a million/billion times, I would not answer you. I could be in the hospital. I could be at home. I could be travelling. I could be stuck in a hotel room. I could be anywhere. I just don't want to be alone.
So, quit asking me where I am. Because I'm not going to tell.
Anyway, my point is, if suddenly the person around you, started to act funnily, or differently.. like sending you a weird text message, or nudging you in MSN, or trying to spark up a conversation, or giving you an unexpected call; maybe you should stop what you are doing, and start caring more.
There might be something wrong with the fellow. Trust me. I'm already there.
p/s: So much to do, so little time left..Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh... Goh, if you're reading this, when's the yumcha gonna be? Naa back already?
Promised Avi to visit him, after his nose job operation, since he has been complaining about the bleeding nose, and the migrain..Aiya, but today, when I saw him, he looked tired, and abit older..Lol..he aged alil after the operation, I guess.
The 4 of us, tapao-ed KFC for lunch, and while catching up with him, we also took our lunch there as well. Luckily he was not tempted to eat any of ours, because I think he should have a diet that he should stick to.
And after that, he brought out the 'VOYAGER'-which is the name of the ACS's school magazine. As soon as I got hold of it, Maylee made a random comment: "Yalah, tengok siapa tu...."
Hehhe. Terpegang.. Even Avinesh knew whose picture I wanted to see..
But when I saw the person whom I wanted to see, it reminded me back in Form6. Hahha..
Maylee told me the person didn't look that bad last time..lol.. then I said, "Hoii!! now also okay..."
and then she said, "Yahor..keluar dengan khian punya mesti ok punya! Cun one..haha.."
=.=""
Then it struck me. I had the same pictures too..haha..and I found it in my wallet..haha..suddenly the whole day, lighten up already.. lalallalalalala...~~
now, I have something to look at when I miss you..hahaha.. I guess, I just have something nice to put in my wallet..
Today, I'm a happy person, and I don't care if I have to die tomorrow..lol..
Quoted Po, "Awesomeness and attractiveness has no price"..or something like that..haha..
"Love is only chatter,Friends are all that matter." (Gelett Burgess)
It is my presumption that the quotation above should aptly fit you my dearest Ang Khian,especially in your current state. For those of you whom are wondering what's wrong with this girl, has depression got to her head already that she is now using the "third person point of view" to write her blog, well my dear readers, the person who is writing this is not Ang Khian, but someone else ( I will reveal to you who I am in the end or you may take an experienced guess ). And I am doing this upon the request of her dearest, so please bear with me.
So now i begin my narration of how this particular being came to know me, another particular being. If memory serves me, I came to know her during the debate auditions which was held in our school, in order to select debaters to represent the school at some human values debate thingamajiggy. If I am not mistaken she passed it on, because she was supposedly leaving to UTP sometime soon (well she did leave by the way). I have also occasionally seen her in school as she was a probationary prefect, walking around and lording over us students (ok, i added that )doing her duties so to speak. So in my mind there existed a boyish looking girl by the name of Tang Ang Khian and she was in my school for a while, well after that she had already left and by that time form 6 life had already caught up to me and like everyone else I was swept away by the current (i survived though or else i wouldn't be putting you guys through this). Yeah so as i was saying, she left the form 6 scene and i didn't notice much, though i did hear the occasional mention of her name by our friends.
But lately of recent, especially at the end of form 6, I had acquired a pair of wings (it was actually access to the car since mom was not around) which enabled me to go for the gang's yum cha sessions and movie outings. There we met again occasionally and we did speak but it was more of the "hi & bye" customaries. But we really started to talk was during Wei Ai's birthday celebration in Breeze cafe, at that time the guys were challenging me to down the whole glass of vodka, bottoms up (which i did and i did not sway one bit). We started talking about liquor and some uni stuff and i was telling her to try the vodka, which she obligingly did so. After that, we met again the next day, at the cinema for Prince Caspian and there was when we exchanged our numbers and then we went our ways after the movie ended. Later that day, i added her to my MSN contact list but I didnt see her online till the very next day.
Our very first online conversation was an interesting one, and quite frankly i was very surprised that Ang Khian had willingly allowed me (at that time i considered my self to be a stranger whom she does not know quite well) into her world with absolutely no qualms at all. Her world at the time of my entry was in turbulence and chaotic with emotions running high and low. Funny actually, for i was not able to see the instability in her when we met earlier, probably because i did not know her well enough to suspect or detect the imbalance. So she graciously welcomed me into her world and told me all about herself, about her preferences and the current state of her mind and as well as the reason for that. I guess thats where you can say, i was inducted into her circle of close/good friends and later even i shared my sorrows with her and as well as some of my dirty linen. Then from there onwards I started PMing her to keep tabs and to check on how she is doing and she did call me late at nite wanting to talk to some one and we also sms each other too. There was also yum cha outing with me, 99 hime and her, just to teman her 'emo' and then there was the drive to timbuktu, had to turn back cos someone had to go back to campus and her exams were around the corner as well!
On a very personal note, within the past few weeks me being 'close' to her, i'll say that Ang Khian needs to learn how to let go of certain things for what is done, is done, whatever which has happened, happening and will happen is all happening for the best, so don't worry so much about others judging you and keeping away from you, especially about that girl who has driven you to the brink of insanity, leave it and let things be! Because in my eyes those ppl are just too blind and pitifully retarded that they are not able to see you for whom you are and to accept you for what you are, in the end its their loss not yours. SO JUST LET IT GO DEAR!!!
Sorry to have bothered you ppl with this entry, if you are wondering who this blabbering nut is, I am Avinesh Kumar, if you have a bone to pick with me ask Ang Khian how to get to me!HEHE!
Erhem...This feels rather strange..But anyways, I was told that I can write absolutely anything here.*smiling with cheeky face* haha..ok, I will not do anything of that sort.
I guess its back to memory lane then
Anyways, I know Ang Khian from High School. I think we started really talking in form 1 where she was sitting behind me. And I distinctly remember how I FOUND OUT ehrm..thats she's quite horny! haha...ok, i will not talk about that...anyways, form 5 was the time where we got closer and we sat together with Pooi Yeng in the front row having to endure our class teacher's(oh my,whats her name... i cant rmbr ady) loud shriek during sejarah period.
Well, the point im coming to is during form 5..Ang Khian wrote in my autograph book that we are different in a way that im religious and therefore that certain mistakes Ive made are better off corrected. (ive totally rephrase what she said) and yeah...In certain ways, you can see situations from that view but I think that you can be brought up in totally different backgrounds, have totally different opinions, tastes and whatever it is but in certain ways you share a similar strong feeling inside you(er, not towards each other of cos!).Sometimes when I read the entries of this blog, I look back at the way I was(maybe still am) and see the similar traits.(ok, now dont try deducing more than what im saying here). ANd being a silent reader of this blog(ok, not so silent anymore now) I think that certain negative opinions that people have of this blog or the person who writes this blog is perhaps bias in a way.Everyone is different and just because someone thinks and feels differently doesnt mean that they are any lesser than you. To be honest, I read this blog cause I find it real and filled with emotions that some people dont have the courage to speak out and maybe others have the courage but are unable to. Therefore, to openly express one's feelings can perhaps be considered to be a positive thing rather than seeing it as complaining or depressing emo-ing. Its like choosing to see the glass half full instead of half empty?
So, yeah...I dont wanna write what I think of the kind of person I think Ang Khian is cause then I would be judging and no one person in this world is perfect and life is about accepting each other and if you find you cant accept then, perhaps the wise thing to do is to leave.We make many friends, and very few will stay with you the whole time. I can't say that we've been the best of friends BUT I think we share a common thinking towards certain things(which I will not disclose) and perhaps sometimes, finding someone who can understand and can share that pain is worth more than any other friend you can find.
"Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise."
I've never said this but I think your great in your own way
Ok, enough of polluting this blog with my weird thoughts...
Yo! Wassup' man.. Kinda weird u asked me to write u this, but heck! u asked, jao give face lah..hahaha..
So, what do I think of you aa..AngKhian my man! ok, wait. u're a gal right? heheheheh..my bad. i always forget..
Anyway, I heard about what u've been going through, but seriously, what are u thinking man? She's not worth it lah! Not at all. Not even your cuppa tea in the first place. What's wrong with your taste dude??? Oh, is there gonna be a hell lot of people reading this? Fark it man, I don't give a damn. The gal hurt you so badly, she may as well rot in hell..
Maybe it's not her fault, But I dun care. She made u suffer for no reason, she should know what's wrong with you. I dun understand..WHY ARE YOU HIDING THE PAIN FROM EVERYONE?!!! I know something is wrong with you, but seriously, WHAT IS WRONG??
DUN TELL ME IT'S COZ OF HER, COZ I WILL BANG YOUR HEAD, AND YOU'LL DIE EVEN FASTER! not worth it totally.. Move on man..move on..there's plenty of love out there..you've just gotta open your eyes and see! If it's for an average-looking gal, man! you are dumb! (I'm saying this right at your face, coz dude, we are so best pals. ok?)
Before I stop writing, man, people in da houze, ANGKHIAN is someone you can count on! Anything, dial her number, she reach on the spot. Yumcha even fast.lol..So, dude, it's not worth dying for, if it's coz of her, and just coz she left, is coz she's blind. She cannot see you like how we see you.
You know we all love you aight? So, stay strong for us. We'll come visit you soon, so just chill~.. and yes, ask the gal to fark off..and you, fark off from the thoughts too. It's so SILLY..
dear readers, this entry,is not, 'The full-time blogger' angkhian.This entry is too by a friend, as requested(and forced) by the rightful site owner herself..
well, khian wanted me to tell the world bout' what i think of her or anything that i'll like to say to her.And truthfully, i'm aint good with words andi seriously hate commentin.Prolly thats a reason why i never updated my own blog?
So, whats it that i think of this girl?I've known this boyish friend of mine since primary, but we only got better acquainted in secondary,as classmates, in guides, rangers and in interact. She is definitely one of my wackiest friends. Though wacky,a little insane,constantly busy 'fishin' (if you know what i mean), gossipin..and yes horny, she's a very dependable person..well cept' when it comes to kebersihan duty.She had been a great support to me back when we were in interact, she was too a great guide and ranger and also a great, generous friend.Generous? yes. Generous in spreading good and true, long-lasting friendship.* she has a big heart =)* ..and generous in giving 'massages' ><.
In my opinion, khian dearie is usually rather cheerful,confident,zealous and living her life to the fullest..she would seem rather bold and strong..the sort of person who knows what they want in life...the sort of person who takes charge of their own life! And so she was!..*was?*
khianney dearie, i'm not seeing the famous 'tang ang khian' ..the confident, determined,strong-willed miss J tang..I know things haven't been going so well,but we have to accept what has happened and move on. When you've done all you could,and prayed all you can,there's nothing more that you can do to change the course of life.You asked me to teach you how to forget.But i cant. It's something you must figure out yourself. You have to take charge of your life once more.
I miss my old friend..the one that stood back up every single fall, the old that faced the world boldly. And yes, remember you're remembered. We love you.I love you!! *bulu roma i dah naik* Khian, you are one of the angels that God gave me, and I'll never trade you for another.
Khian, know that, I will and I would be there for you (and the others too, im sure) whenever i (we)could..may it be,..just to listen, or to wait around for hours at a mamak with you. Take care!! =]
Khian...hmmm....I have known this lady since we were 7..It is even harder to describe her when you know her too long..I dont really know what to say about her..I will try though..
Throughout our 14 years of friendship,we've been through lots of ups and downs.We didnt start off quite well but I think is now all well and our friendship is going kinda strong.Seriously, I think we've both grown more mature, maybe is me and not her. hehe..
I would say that Khian is a very romantic person,really.Not that she has been romantic to me but as a friend I see how she develope relationship with people and how she could changed them.She is really nice towards those she really cares for and she will do whatever to please them.Sometimes I wish that she would do the same for an old friend.*hint hint*.
When ever she is around I feel very comfortable.She will be the one who makes people laugh and cheer people up.She is such a great friend in many ways.Just that I dont really know how to describe it.You really have to experience it yourself in order to understand how I feel.But I think is really hard to experience that lately since she is in the mode of emoing.
Knowing that Khian is very depressed lately and knowing the reason behind it, I have mixed feelings. At one point I was laughing and at another point I felt pity for her.
I felt pity for her as she doesnt have many friends that understand her in where she is now.Knowing that your friend is really down and hurt,support should be given to her instead of keeping of a distance.I pity her for not having friends who know who she really is.If you listen to what others say and not experiencing it yourself,well,you are missing hell a lot of great stuff.
I was laughing hard knowing that university students are still so childish at times.Come on,grow up dont let your friend who is jealous manipulate you.Dont judge Khian base on what others say.Being in the 20s,I believe you should have your own stand.Sometimes I think people are not ready for something different.They just prefer to stick to the old way of thinking.You tell me how to be successful like that?
Khian is just such a good friend that could be used easily,especially to those whom she cares a lot.She get hurts easily too again by those whom she cares a lot.For me, I think Khian is one tough lady,but when it comes to love she is like putting chocolate on a hot pan.
Khian,is really great knowing you.I am waiting for the old khian to come back.I hope it will be pretty soon.I miss the old you.I really do.
You should really move on in life.No point hanging in there like that.It will bring you no where.Stop letting people manipulate and influence you.Once you get over it,everything will be smooth sailing.Trust me.Is better to have a hard life now than in future.No matter what you still have this old friend who will be supporting you always..Take care my friend,take care.
What you are about to read are facts disposed in truth , nothing but the truth.
Oh wells when Khiany ask me to write in her blog I started browsing through other ppl's comments and everyone somwhow touched on how they knew her. And it started me thinking when did I knew her. To me, it seems long but I have no idea when I really knew her haha so I sought for her help and asked her, she gave me a slight idea of how we might have met but ended up clueless as well.
Hmm to start off most of the Mgs ppl are from Kinderland Kindergarten for example Anita, Lai Lai, KAr Mun , Ang Khian , me , seong yoong ,is BAn Included ? no idea man , jeslin and many other more. Though we were never in the same class, somehow we found out that we were actually from the same kindergarten. We met again in MGS from primary all the way to secondary. I guess the first time I really met ANg Khian was when we were in Primary 5 Kenanga and 6 Melati. If my memory did not fail me we did so many crazy things like how these ppl blew bubbles into the secondary school's assembly session and got scolded from Puan Cheah. BEsides that, we were like having sales lah selling pad, notebooks and tissue in class. We were already entrepreneurs since primary. SHiok ah
On to secondary school, we were seperated into different classes and Form1 Cempaka was the only time that new kids from other school comes into MGS and one particular one was Michelle Lee.. I guess she was shocked by how corny and horny how AK was lah.. Anyway since all ofus knew each other and we were always separated I cant even remember was she in the same class with me In Form 2. But form 3, all of us were definitely in the same class again. CHoral speaking was something that bonded us all to come for practices and time off. OH.. something that I remembered very well was when FOO and the rest were late for Mdm Lam's class. ANd when were scolding them for being late, Dear Khian was smirking and smiling and Mdm Lam scolded her and she said her mouth was like that cause she was wearing braces at that time. Somehow her jaw kept opening le.
Things that I fondly remembered was how 2 of us were always together for Ms Dena's and Puan Marsiah's tuition class. That was the only time when we were real close cause before the other classmates joined us, 2 of us are considered the "old birds". Hey friend thanks for always being there for me listening to me complaining about guys and my problems. Dena How's classes are always fun though you never kena scolded for being noisy I guess every Tuesday was the only time we can catch up with each other.
Anyway overall she is a good friend to be with. ANd having her as a friend is something that I must say I cherish forever. Though I may be somewhere far right now but we always have time to find each other and catch up
reading what others have written I am still confused by the motive but I don't assume it is friend promotion cause that is possibly the last thing u'llneed…so god knows what it's for..but here it goes…let's start with how I knew u..i believe from maziah…standard 5 or 6 perhaps??...but I knew u for sure..form 1 onwards..n then I couldn't get rid of u from my life ever since!! Even had to sit right infront of me in form 3!!! But gosh..this gal certainly knows how to lighten up the room except when she is drunk..but then again..she starts crapping so much that u start laughing ur head off…I love the way u r so straightforward n sarcastic….i love the way u hardly care what others think…I love the way u put on a strong demeanor but such a nice person inside…I love the way u try to break all the rules….i love the way u go against all the teachers…esp during the u know who encounter…apparently she reads blogs…so..better save our ass…I love the way u complain so much…I love the way u go crazy over things…I love the way u tease me with no ends….i love being around u…even after not seeing u for so long...i love the way everything is still the same despite living worlds…I love the way I know I can call u at any time n know that u will be right there…I hope…=P surprisingly I learn how much I love u from writing this…but without a doubt..u have been a great friend…something I would call awesome…n cherish always…
i need to run out now...sorry don't have connection till i come back...i'll write u something nicer after..
Well... this is a spontaneous request... Didn't have the time to really think what I should write but let's just start shall we?
I met her in UTP of course... if I'm not mistaken, that time I was with my roomie in front of Main Hall or going to Main Hall... when we finally spotted another Chinese girl... Well, since it's still quite earlier that morning... it's been flooded with only 'wan tan'... And I thought my roomie and me were the only Chinese... But at last... we saw her~!!!
Hehe... Let's be honest here la kay? No offence and no hard feelings ya? My first impression on her was she looked very matured and tom-boyish... because that time she was dressed in long grass green pants... and a grass green jacket... like those cool and rugged looks... Well, as she always said, "It's just a normal jacket and pants... But why only when I wear it people will think it's tom-boyish?" ... After some thought, I found that what she said was true... But somehow that's the image you gave to other... maybe your posture? Hehe... it doesn't matter as long as you're you...
After that, we all stayed nearby(next door or opposite) each other... She was my neightbour I think in Foundation 1... And that time namely the 'Antennas' were somehow formed... haha... You know who they are so I don't have to mention it here. We lived near each other even after moving to V1 block... opposite room. Back then I guess the bond was much closer...
Ever since in V5, the Chinese were somehow seperated... her gang and her on the top floor and 'us' on the 4th floor. Well, since we still have Civilians as housemates(and my roomate)... we still got see her around in our house....And also when playing 21...hehe... We have been through a lot of things... be it happy times or sad times...
In my view... she is quite a matured person... maybe because she mingle around a lot be it the elders or teenagers or kids... Of course there might be certain things she isn't too mature about yet(I don't know which area)... but no one is perfect =) ...Which is why sometimes she seek people for advise and views... same goes for me too...
She's an emotional person as you can see even from her blog... she's funny and hilarious at times... I guess we can say she's the most talkative la kan? Because she has a lot of things to talk about... haha... Of course, we enjoyed her accompany as well...
When she's in a mood swing... whoaaa~~... everyone stay clear of the way~!!! Just for safety measurements
hahaha... I think I haven't encounter that part yet... or maybe I've forgotten... Hmmm... Anyway, I think that different people have different views of you depending how close you are to them... and also how well do they know about you. True friends are hard to find... when you found one don't ever let go... because you wouldn't know when the next one will come by =)
Best of luck in whatever you do kay? Sorry I don't have 'much' thing to write already...hehehe... enjoy ya holidays~!!! And thx for letting me experience blogging in Tabulas =P
I’m diverting my attention during my study time to blog on my uber crappy internet connection. Tsk. See how much of a good friend I am, Khian? Nah, just kidding. I know I haven’t been the best of friends, and neither have I been good at keeping in touch. Not just you, but with everyone, as a matter of fact. I have no one (or nothing) to blame but myself. And not being within communicating radius with everyone’s rather sucky, as I usually feel so out of place and selfish. Reading high school buddies’ posts reminiscing about the good-old school days never fails to make me wish we somehow had this magical time-travelling device which could bring us all back to that period. Everything seemed so uncomplicated at that time. Unlike now. Except people like Lydia la…forever so happy and carefree! Hehe.
Anyhoo, this should in no way be an emo post. Hehehe. As Shereen mentioned earlier, I, together with a few others, were the newbies in MGS. 1 cempaka. How can we all forget that right? The “ostracized” newbies. Ahahaha. Thank goodness I met wonderful people like Shereen, AngKhian, Michelle Yew, Kelly Liew, HoiWan, etc. who were willing to take in the then-pimply (and still am), pre-braces me. How silly I must have sounded when I asked someone where the toilets were on the first day!! And of course then-goody-two-shoes me was totally traumatized shocked by the kind of jokes, which seemed oh-so-normal to my new MGS-mates. Culture shock la. I was from Marian Convent, where all we talked about was Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and N’sync. And all of a sudden, I was hurled into this world of dirty jokes, EPL, SMI guys I never knew, never-ending laughter, ticklings (what they used to called the “golden finger&rdquo till I turned tomato-red, 1st day demerit points, multiple silly nicknames and Westlife. Most of it thanks to AngKhian. Like what the hell. AHAHA.
Over the years, Khian has been not just a hi-bye classmate, but an awesome friend who always seems to know how to bring about just the right amount of fun and cheekiness into everything, no matter how serious, that we do. Be it classes, or Interact Club (I bet she doesn’t remember I was even a member!), planning lawatan-sambil-belajar (field trips), or movie outings, playing cho-dai-dee, or fighting for that stupid Heineken bottle opener. In fact, all my uni breaks are less dull only because of the rather-random outings I always have with Khian, EuQueen and Michelle Yew. Sadly, such outings are becoming rarer now. On my rather down, lonely days, I sometimes do wish I get those calls I used to get back home. “Eh, Michelle, are you free now? We’re outside your house now. Wanna go out?” Of course there are a thousand and one wonderful big things Khian has done (I don’t think we’ll ever see the end of that), but to me, it’s the small random things that never fails to put a smile on my face. Stay true to yourself, and keep on being the Khian I know of, yup? Speaking of meeting up, I'm meeting up with WaiZin and MichKoo around the 20th of June back in Ipoh. Hopefully a meet-up then? You haven't even met Shim!
Probably wondering what's with all the entries by the GUESTBLOGGERS?
WaiYen asked whether I was getting too lazy to even write my own blog..
To be honest, I'm beginning to lose touch of my senses. I can't type properly, not with the effort which is needed to type on the keyboard. I have so much to say, but all the words are just slurring in my mind, yet I can't bring myself to bang all the thoughts on the keyboard. Simply because, I'm beginning to lose my senses.
After reading all the entries, I'm glad that even after all the emotional turmoil I've been through, and what I have to go through in 2 month's time, suddenly it all didn't really matter. The funny thing is, not only I realized I've lose myself slowly, even those who were around me before, noticed the drastic changes in me. And for that, I'm touched.
I still get paranoid. Like feeling all heartache. But when you come to think about it, is it really worth the trouble? Like what MeiLing said, "Heck! There's a better one! For you, there's always another one.." Wah, you ingat I Mat Romeo?
This entry, is also to apologize to PooiTing, coz I practically texted her the whole day. (She's probably pissed inside..haha..though she didn't say it aloud, but yeah, she did hint) I hope I can tell her the reasons behind all these one day, but that one day's not gonna be so soon. So, yeah, SORRY lorrrrr!! Dinner also belanja already mah..'ying chao abit cannot?' lol..
Like I've said earlier, I'm losing my senses, slowly..I can't really type on the keyboard, without some help. So, bear with me..and hopefully, tomorrow I wake up feeling better. 'The bitch has gotta leave' - quoted from my uncle, mentioning about the female dog which came into their house that day. And my cousin said, I should probably use the phrase, somewhere in my entry.
So, the bitch has gotta leave.
I used to think it's my fault. Like whatever that happens, and the after-effect, but last night, and today, I felt like I've been mis-used for such a long time. One whole year, I've been used without even myself knowing, and I had to have a friend to tell me all that. Nevermind, coz I learned a lesson tonight. Because of what happened, I lose my friends in the university, but at the same time, I gained the most important things in life.
Four years have passed since we parted for different paths although we did meet up once in a blue moon a while. Sorry… I’m no good at keeping in touch or organizing any yumcha sessions. I’m usually the follower or just a tag-along. But, you can call me out for shopping and I’ll definitely be there right away. Lol. :p
My mind’s still blank now due to overloading of all the information that I’ve been trying to squeeze inside my brain for the past few hours. So, let me clear, rearrange them and then search for words to write about.
Well… you didn’t change a lot physically and externally. No taller. No shorter. Just a little ‘fat fook’ and hair colour changed from black to orangey-golden-blonde-copper-er-I-don’t-know-how-to-describe. But, you’ve changed somehow, from the Ang Khian with endless crappy jokes and cheerful smile in almost any situations to the current Ang Khian with something hidden somewhere in your heart and on your mind but still trying to fork out a smile. Maybe you’re afraid of letting it out or thinking that it might be a burden to those around you. I’ve no idea… just a random guess. Anyhow, hope you’ll be fine and able to manage them well. Go out and have fun. Do not always dwell in depression.
Time is running fast. From teens we are ‘til we enter adulthood. If I were to write in details one by one chronologically, it’ll be time-consuming. So, leave that aside first. Let’s dig them out again when our hair has become white and you, left with two teeth. :p hehe…
How people meet or how people become friends is not that important. What’s more important is how strong, solid and long-lasting is the friendship.
Anything… please look for a shoulder or a pair of ears. Don’t keep all to yourself. By the way, my ears and shoulders are available. FOC for you. *terms and conditions applied* hehe… So long… Take care.
Waiyen 11.45pm
*those underlined nid to be striked. tarak ini function here. so pls DIY k? u can edit if u wan. or ask me 2 re-do if not satisfy. coz me oso not reli satisfy.
I know I haven't replied your msn messages much, haven't been in much in fact. To be honest, I find this new guestblogging thing you're doing a little weird and disturbing but totally cute nontheless. A lot like the person whom this entry is written for. So despite me feeling awkward and totally disturbed, I'll still do this because you're khian and obviously you matter significantly enough *cough* hehe. Anyone else and screw them la.
I know its on my blog and my blog's a private blog so with this I'm allowing you to copy and paste this entry for the world to see... weeeeeeeeeeee..... wtf. Lol
Anyways Khian, this is going to be really short. I glanced through many entries and they're way too long for me to read and I want to be re-reading this=P
Khian will be Khian. I have long accepted that fact. In fact, when I did, I gained an amazing friend whom I know will stick with me through thick and thin, through meeting daily to meeting never, she'll never forget me. And lets be honest, who that has met her will have trouble remembering her? She has this thing about her that is quite infectious, in a good way. Humour, gossip skills, honesty, nice... yes, Khian's a really really nice person! Nice, fun and real. My kind of person =)
All I can say is, "When life gives you lemons... squeeze them in peoples' eyes!"
hahahha.... I read that off a t-shirt. Damn funny right? I would buy it for you if it didn't cost £20. Maybe in 2 years okay?
Don't be so hard on yourself. Stop punishing yourself for something that is beyond your control.
You know you have tonnes of people who love your company. Why be affected by the few who don't?
I AM supposedly to be studying for exams but how can I reject a request of a very good old friend of mine to guest blog (An excuse I gave myself for a break =p) I started of by gathering memories and thoughts of Khian and it didn't take a long time for all those to come by (Not suprising huh??? Who ever forgets about Khian??? )
Well, I'll kicked off by going back way back in time on how I came to know Khian. It was in standard 2 when I first met her though I can't really recall how our path crossed. I clearly remember her with her thick rounded specs, above shoulder length straight hairstyle, small and tiny??? Hahaha. (I still have pics to prove kay.) Probably we got closer when we participated in the chinese dance for MGS Centennial dinner (Imagine Khian dancing holding a basket of flowers or is it fan?? I don't know...and also wearing a supposedly "chinese" outfit.) and also tagging along for a ride home.
During High School, I was only in the same class as her once in 5 years! But it did not ruined or made us far apart. We joined Guides, Rangers (Hell lots of drama then) , Steven and Maziah's tuition (We were upgraded to seat mates along with Shereen and Kelly) Khian, remember how we used to take turns with Shereen to buy each other drinks in Maziah??? Till then, I haven't really got into any argements with her UNTIL the big hoo-hah in Rangers that tested our friendship. I haven't really get to say sorry to Khian about what had happened and yes, the incident had really taught us who are friends and foes. (Khian, sorry and you would make a very good U.L, seriously!)
Those time was when Khian was all ever bubbly, full of laughter, always joking around with dirty jokes and there is seriously not one single time that I did not enjoyed her company (14 years!!!) She was always there when I needed her and the only fair few who can understand me. She is the only few who will go all out for friends when you needed someone to hear you out and not judging you and will definatly end up cheering you after that. She is strong and never afraid of showing who she is and how she feels. I really admire her courage and her great personality and will never ever forget how great she is.
Lately, she does not seem to be herself! And it makes me feel sad seeing her go through what she does not deserved. Though I don't really have a clear picture of what happened but looking at her posted pics, she seem to have lost herself.
Khianster, I really hope you will find your way back and I will be all ears for you if you want to talk. I hoped this entry will enlightened you up and I feel that this is all I could do all the way from Aussieland to be there for you. Hope you enjoyed this and do take care!!!
Love and hugssss all the way from Sydney from Yister!
this feels like old times... the blog is like your autobiography book we used to have when we were young and me as a friend being given the 'golden opportunity' to pen a few words about the owner.
i remember we used to have phrases like 'friends forever/ lifetime/ eternity' etcetc, poems that go like 'a ring is round, it has no end, and that's how long, i'll be your friend' etcetc, a billion of adjectives to describe the owner of the book, etc. i'm not sure if most of us meant what we wrote but to have a friendship going on for 11 years... amidst separations and change of school and circle of friends, i think i did mean what i wrote.
the first time we knew each other was through std 5 kenanga being first-time classmates and librarians. the last time i met you was last week where you had to drive me around in my own (supposingly) territory making IC & passports (wtf, i know). you are one of the very few i've managed to keep in touch after leaving mgs and ipoh. one of the very few old friends i meet more than once a year, one of the very few who layan me everytime i drop by ipoh and one of the very few i will tell things to.
either i am an absolute hopeless in the keep-in-touch department or you're just someone worth keeping in touch with.
i can't beat the others to reminisce all the great things we've done together in the past cos i only spent 4 years with you in school but great memories are not measured by number of years. you are a great person yourself and i would sincerely like to see you achieving your dreams, not the dreams of others.
i wish us both many more years of friendship to come. i want to go steamboat with you when we're 35, 45, 55, 65, ... etc and we shall talk about things we did when we were young.
I know, it's about a few days since the big hoo-hah about the price increase of fuel. Coz I know many would write about it, so I decided to wait longer, and spark up the rage now.. I had plenty in mind lately, that I've decided to put on hold about what to write..haha..I can't really type properly on the keyboard, it hurts badly..
Anyway, when the news was out, about the increase of RM0.78 per litre, it didn't hit me, because I was in Kuala Lumpur, and I was not driving. And because it came no surprise to me, because I've people working inside PETRONAS, they sorta gave me a pre-warning that the petrol's price is gonna increase, maybe up to RM2.30, but no, it turned out that the prime minister wanted it to be RM2.70 per litre.
It didn't affect me in any way then, because I was tagging on people's cars, and I was using the public transportations, so it didn't hit me hard at all. However, being the kiasu one just like the other Malaysians, I quickly called home to mum, asking her to fill FULL TANK and wait for me to come home. What? Can save jao save lah right?!
then after I went home and pumped, wahliao..can really see the big difference...
So that night, was supposed to meet up with Angel for dinner, (after much persuassion!) lol.. She memang ada banyak excuses lah..first raining lah..this lah..that lah..but because she kesian-ed me..haha, then finally she agreed to come out..Aiyo..it didn't rain mah in the end..buat saya risau saja...hehe..
As usual, ada orang tak punctual lah right..haha..I had to wait quite some time lah..till someone had to call me and said, "Erm..you see the red Myvi..yeah, that..I'm just behind it.." Adoi..buat saya ketawa terbahak-bahak only...
We took a long time to decide where to makan lah..since she only knew how to get to Pavillion, so Pavillion it was! On the way, we were caught in the traffic, and she kept grumbling about her homework..and school night..and this..and that..haha..made me felt like I was a distraction..it was a school night afterall..made me felt guilty in a way..
posing testing her phone's camera quality..
We finally found our way to Pavillion when Si Ganas tried to do a Mat-rempit stunt..haha..it was funny lah..to get caught in the traffic and seeing her tension..haha, that way, she managed to get herself hungry lah..
Then the biggest mistake came. I thought she never tried Dragon-I before, so when she wanted to walk in, I agreed because I've been there, and I didn't really think it's that good. But since she wanted to try, so I just went along..and straight after we got our seats, she immediately exclaimed she's been there a couple of times liao..
HAH?!!
We wanted to leave, but aih..nevermind lah..so we were stuck with not-good-punya-chinese-dishes, and it was a terrible dinner, minus the company I had. I was practically trying to stuff all the beancurd, the bao's in..and I felt awful..and bloated..
We left straightafter dinner, because she was starting to miss her assignments..haha..and we thought we could reach about 15 minutes and just go pump petrol in her car since her tank was running low on fuel. TAPI, we were again stuck in the traffic, but the opposite lane which we used earlier was clear. Apa ni??
So, we were stuck, and she was busy looking for a gas station.
And FINALLY, after gawd-knows-how-long we were stuck in the tunnel, we finally reached PETRONAS. Can you imagine, I had to endure about 2 hours worth of EMO-music in the car? And she had to amplify it by singing again? (ok, not that i'm complaining lah..she was the Choir President for a reason lah..boleh dengar lah jugak..)
So, we finally reached PETRONAS and there was another queue! swt..
What would you do if you are stuck in traffic, not willing to listen to sad,love songs and you have a 3.2MP camera phone?
First round, with flash. Tuan Punya Camera marah habis-habis sebab ada flash.. =.=" She said make her look fair.. double =.="" (dia punya camera ada flash itu saya punya salah ke??)
After much commotion, 2nd round pula..
ini, dia kata muka dia tembam.. =.=" (salah saya lagi??)
Since the queue was still there, we snapped a few more shots!
and then we realized we were sitting in the wrong position! I told her my best angle is on the right..and she said hers is on the left.. We were so close to changing seats, but my rational side told her not to be silly..hahahaha..
so, last one, I find it pretty pretty..so..
Urm..if you are wondering why Angel looks familiar..because Angel is Pooiting..Yeah..with a new haircut! Shorter hair..(like kid) So,maybe, Pooiting, not that Angelic afterall huh??
What would you do if you dream about the same thing, over and over again? And when the memories are too painful to let go? And when the memories are just too much to forget? What if I'm thinking of you? (when clearly you are thinking of someone else?)
The 3rd night I couldn't sleep. I would be rolling on the bed, waiting for the time to pass, so that I would have excuse to wake up. And if I finally able to cheat myself to sleep, I woke up, feeling nauseous, and then threw up again. It's the 2nd day I had to clean the floor of my bedroom.
Looking at the yellowish liquid on the floor, made me feel sick all over again. And then I threw up even more. I swear if this continues, one day, I would see redish liquid instead.
But how can I stop this from happening?
I can't tell my parents this, because there's gonna be a big hoo-hah again. The last time I told them about the heart condition, they've dragged me to endless doctor appointments, and even got me admitted into the hospital. I can't imagine what's gonna happen if I tell them that now.
Was supposed to do a blood test some time this week. But the lack of sleep I have this few days, and I'm guessing it will show somewhere in my test results. So, been procrastinating, and mum's been grumbling about me not doing what I'm supposed to do. But I can't tell her what I'm facing. Of course then, it will be the big hoo-hah all over again.
What's happening? Why is this happening now?? Suddenly it's so confusing.
I'm just a 21-year old kid, and I don't want to die so soon. Ok, maybe I did want to die earlier (and Kenneth told TzeYang that he thought I was going to commit suicide) yes, I did want to die earlier because of the problems I was facing.. BUT Now, it's really happening, and suddenly there's so much to do..I'm running out of time..So much to do!!! I'm not ready to leave yet...
Everytime the night comes, I shudder at the thought of it. It's the time when everyone is supposed to go to bed. I'm supposed to recharge. BUT I CAN'T!! This is such a stupid fucking feeling.
I'm so tired, freaking tired, but I can't sleep.
It's those painful nights, make me just wanna start crying all over again. Fuck!!!!!!
Watched TLW, season 5. Shouldn't have. Shouldn't have!! Used to be her fav, but I guess she doesn't need to watch anymore.
Fuck!! I want to sleep. Dream about you. Dream about JOGOYA. Dream about nice dinners. It's so painful to stay awake!
This time I am smart. I've prepared empty plastic bags by my bed, then tomorrow I don't have to clean the floor again.
editted: Was browsing someone's blogpage, and reading her archives, and I saw a video which she posted months ago. Ok, it was so funny, that as soon as it was played, I was laughing non stop.
Brace yourself for this k.. She was a mascot for a milk company. So, obviously she was the cow! It's really, really funny..
And if you are reading this, it was really funny. Months since I last laughed till I fell off the chair. And yes, GUESTBLOG!!
I was watching a movie about a captain in the US military which was charged with sexual misconduct for homosexuality, and she had to attend the military court to see what the judges had installed for her. So, before that, she was caught with this girl, Alice in some horse-racing event, and then you know, those guys who saw them, went and reported this captain, Tasha to the authorities, hence the judgement. Then, there was this emotional turmoil between Allie and Tasha, until they had to break up, even though they were still in love, but because Allie loves Tasha so much, that she self-sacrificed for her. Uh-huh, something like that..
Till the day, when Tasha was supposed to defend herself, she said,
"One of the things that is asked of us, when we go to the front lines, is that we be prepared to be separated from the people that we love. And we asked them to, asked them to let us go and fight for freedom, maybe they never come home, and when we do come home, we feel blessed. It seems so wrong now to have my personal freedom denied to me within my own country. It seems wrong to watch the person you love being interrogated, like a criminal when she did nothing wrong."
and she won the case.
How true it is, that sometimes people think it's wrong for homosexuals to love one another, freely.
I, for one, have a mum who thinks gays and lesbians are abnormal. And she felt very strongly against the idea of girls getting married (yes, recently there's one couple who got 'married' in Ipoh!) or guys holding hands in the public. She thinks it's abnormal.
I don't really blame her, because if I were to be one of the 'normal' ones (as claimed), then I would probably view the matter from a different point of view.
Before I go on, I would like to stress that I am not GAY. Maybe I was involved in a few relationships, both men and women, but I am not GAY entirely. I'm just looking for the right puzzle to fit into the missing piece in my heart. So, technically, I'm scouting for an open relationship. I think most of my friends, they know about this, and I am glad none of them judged me for who I choose to be with. Some, who would give me their undying support, knowing what I do is what's best for me. Like what Maylee had said earlier, that I'm someone who takes charge of my own life. I don't care what the rests think of me, as long as I'm fighting for what I believe in.
Psst..and let me tell you a secret. Some of my friends, are secretly involved in a homosexual relationship too, but are afraid to let the public know, because they are afraid of being judged, and not accepted.
*horsefeathers!*
Maybe we are different. In a way, maybe I'm different. I can be more comfortable with girls, then being with guys. Because guys smell..Hahha..nolah, maybe I was from an all-girls school, that I felt safer being with a group of ladies, than being with a group of guys..But honestly, no, i'm not guy-o-phobic..because I have a handful of good guy friends, but maybe, just maybe, the right guy hasn't come along yet. I wouldn't know right?
I'm just sick of the people, whom PURPOSELY get themselves stuck with the other gender, JUST BECAUSE they refused to fall in love and admit that the people they love and want, are those who pee like them.
The biggest question is: "WHY?"
Why afraid to admit the truth? Don't you think it's way easier than to lie to yourself, your friends, your other half, your family, your circle of people? Ok, maybe I'm a coward. I can't sacrifice myself, just because I think my family wouldn't accept the fact that I might be happier with a girl. Or maybe I choose not to succumb to the public pressure just because they think a girl-girl relationship is weird and abnormal.
Don't you think being forced into a relationship, is way abnormal and weird?
In life, we only get to live once. You either choose to live what you think it's the right way to live, or live your life like a puppet, controlled by the society's thoughts.
I've already made up my mind. I want to live this life, filled with true love, and honesty to myself. No point lying to the whole world about what I am not, because that's not how I wanna live my life anymore.
So, if you are reading this, make up your mind. I know most of my friends who are involved in this relationships, they come here and read, because I don't lie. I have nothing to hide. If you are reading this, do you still wanna be a hermit and hide under the shell? Or you would wanna love your other half, like any other "normal" couples?
So I was talking to the patient sleeping next to me. Her name was Linda..or Ling Jia..or something like that..I couldn't catch her name. We weren't in talking mode, especially since I didn't like having to share the room with someone I barely know. Plus I was always in front of the computer, so we felt no commitment having to talk to one another. So we did not.
But that day was different. Something was wrong with my Maxis BROADBAND USB modem, and I couldn't connect to the internet. So, I ended up, lying on the bed, staring at the hospital's ceiling. And then I looked at her, and to the other side again. And I looked at her, and I think she caught me staring.
I felt it was only right if I were to, at least said hi, instead of just smiling back to her.
So, I said "Hello..I'm Ang Khian.. and you are..?"
She was probably startled. I think she was beginning to think I was either dumb, or not friendly at all. The only people I talk to, is the doctor, and the nurses who come in, check my pulse, blood pressure, etc, and yes, the makcik who sends me my food.
Smiling, she said, "Hie..Linda (or Ling Jia)."
And so, I tried being friendly and coaxed her into talking to me. I was bored. I knew she was in because she was suspected to have a heart failure. Such a young age. I didn't ask about her age, but I'm guessing she's about 30-35 years old. And to top it up, she was a successful Insurance agent, (or was it a bank officer??), and apparently she told me that she appeared in the newspaper a couple of times..Hmm..how interesting.
And then she asked what I was in for.
(censored)
Seeing that the conversation could take a different toll, I proceeded to telling her about my recent heartache. I find no problem confiding to strangers, which can be a good thing since strangers, they don't know you, thus they can give better opinions. So, the story ended in 15 minutes, with me telling what I've been through, this and that. At the end of the story, I heaved a sigh, and asked her whether she was judging.
"Oh..no! I used to have a girlfriend myself too.."
"HAH??"
"Oooh, yes..I had one before. I guess each and everyone of us have a dark secret which we either choose to bury deep down inside, or we choose to face it. In my case, I was afraid then, because back then, people can't really accept such relationships."
And I asked,being kepoh, I asked, "So, what happened? If you don't mind me asking? "
"Oh, she met someone else, and I guessed we grew out of the relationship.."
"Don't you think it's such a waste? I'm sure it was a beautiful relationship..don't you think it's hard to let go?"
She smirked. "Nothing is hard to let go. We've just gotta learn. And about your story, it's disheartening, yes, but if she fails to see you, the way you want her to, then what's the point of holding on? And since the day you came in here, does she even bother to drop by and see how you are coping?"
I smiled. And god knows, how much I felt like crying then. Linda (Ling Jia) was right, somehow.
And she added, "Yes, how come none of your friends came to visit you? Where are they? Don't you have friends?"
What a subtle question.
I told her that none of them knew what's wrong with me, never intended to let anyone know.
"Not even her? She should know..before it's too late?"
"Well, like what you've said, if she cares, she would have come. But it doesn't matter now. She's better off without a burden like me. She's happier with the guy.."
Then I showed her my blogpage. And the guestblogs.
And then she told me about her current condition. And how's her working life. And how she finds me studying in UTP can provide me a bright future. And how she finds people who studies with a scholarship tends to excel better. And how I can never finish my food.
And psst, between the two of us, we didn't like the sisters who came and tried to tell us that Christ can help us..this and that..
About 12 years apart, yet we can talk like we've known each other for a long time. I guess, it's when you are nearing the death's door, you won't see the difference anymore.
And to you, Linda (or Ling Jia), if you still read this blog, I hope your condition is getting better. And the heart's healing.
Think everyone's parents are complaining about their daughters and sons still going out melepak, despite the fuel price hike. For me, my parents weren't the one who complained, it was MeiLing's sister who told her that I have unlimited supply of fuel. Because everynight you would either see me out roaming with a group of people, or you would see me out roaming with a group of people. (unless I'm stuck in the hospital, otherwise I'm always out till late at night)
I wasn't like that before. I don't go out yumcha unless someone calls, and I would never initiate a yumcha session, unless I'm really really bored.
But I guess, these few nights, I've been running away from reality. Trying to get myself numb, by drinking. And then when you think I could forget, the unhappy events get stuck in your brain, and then instead of getting numb, you get all upset all over again. That's the suckiest part!
And worst still, with a bunch of friends that barely know me, I can't tell them about my problems. In fact, I have to force a smile, talking like nothing was wrong even from the beginning..It's sound so hard to be me, eh? Yes, it's even harder in reality.
Long overdue pictures.
English breakfast How ironic, to have English breakfast at night.
Walnut-something-something. Cost me RM8.50, yet I hated every single bite of it.
And then I felt like eating more.
Jacket Baked Potato, with Roast Chicken.
I ended up over-eating. Think that was the part the doctor tried to warn me about.
Then, group pictures!
Weird combination.
PooiYeng reckoned I looked thinner. And pale. And sick. And not myself.
If you remember the entry I did about Biodata in Form5, remember our seating position in class during Form 5? How much did we change?
The full group, along with Michelle's boyfriend.
Indulgence. I believe it's overrated, but every couple would go there, let it be their anniverssary, or special dates, such as Valentine's. But I brought her there, a couple of times. Not special dates, but just any random day which I would thought of bringing her. Because she's special. Special enough for us to go to Indulgence, at anytime.
I wonder if you really appreciated it. Because I visualized us, sitting at the very same table, sipping the same tea, eating the same old cake. It felt like it never ended.
p/s: Something is wrong with the USB modem again. Keep disconnecting. Fucking shit!
I initially wanted to record this video and showed it to you, and really tell you how much I missed you before. But then, things didn't go as planned, but still, since the video has been taken, and before I delete it, may as well, you know about it..
Kenangan Terindah - Samsons
Aku yang lemah tanpamu Aku yang rentan karena Cinta yang t'lah hilang Darimu yang mampu menyanjungku
Selama mata terbuka Sampai jantung tak berdetak Selama itu pun aku mampu Untuk mengenangmu
Chorus : Bila yang tertulis untukku Adalah yang terbaik untukmu Kan kujadikan kau Kenangan yang terindah dalam hidupku Namun takkan mudah bagiku Meninggalkan jejak hidupku Yang t'lah terukir abadi Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
An hour worth of conversation. But I still can't sleep, guess you are sleeping already. Thanks. And keep what I've told you to yourself, till it's confirmed. I don't want to get the whole kampung worried for nothing.
Ok, first thing's first, I wanna thank ChehShing's dad for the free consultation he gave, regarding my spinal cord, and the backache. Apparently he said, it's nothing serious, and still can be controlled. I think the term would be Mild Scoliosis. So, anyway, it was good for a 2nd opinion from one of the famous doctors in Ipoh. Alright, so one thing down. I need to go check up on the other things, maybe later.
Secondly, wanna thank Jacq and Chehshing for their time, for breakfast this morning. It was good, not the food, but it was good time. And I know Jacq was getting worried about my depression, and the moving on part. Yes, that..
Third, I got my bus tickets for tomorrow already, but suddenly someone said she couldn't make it. Aww..now I'm thinking whether to go or not. Aaahhhh..and I thought I was lucky to get the last seat in the bus..Aih, should have texted her before I bought the tickets. Now, I'm contemplating whether to go or not... Hmmm...faster change your mind le...
Anyway, woke up feeling slightly better, considering I was so hooked on the PSP, that I only managed to get some rest at about 6am, then having to wake up at 8. Aaaaahhhh!!
They said I'm too nice. Why when I am disappointed, angry, hurt, in pain, I can still think about the other party. How they are doing. How they are coping. How would she feel. How's she. How is she doing. How is he doing. How are things going on. These are the questions which are constantly playing in my head. Each day. Every morning when I wake up. Every night before I sleep. Every time I go out. Everytime I drive. Everytime I eat.
“ 难道你要他们开心，哪你呢？”
Don't worry about me. Tonight, I'm on the run again. Maybe one of these nights, I can sit quietly in my room. And then, perhaps, that's the night I'll be fine. So, before that day comes, I'm on the run again.
Parents sensed something's wrong with me. Am constantly on the road nowadays. What is this?? I wanna stop running around, wanna stop driving for once. It's not my fault. Why am I running away?
Michelle and Karmun thinks I should get Barbiturat. For those who are clueless, barbiturat is an anti-depression medication. They think something is going very wrong with my emotions. Barbiturat? You think can buy off the racks? Where to tipu the doctor?
p/s: Should I go tomorrow? Always also like that. Bought tickets already, only decide..aahhhhhh..there goes my RM400..fuck you lah!
It's usually these late at nights that I go searching for the past memories, and the other time I found the autobiography books, this time I found the pictures during high school.
The pictures are captured again with my camera, because last time, I used camera with film, didn't have digital cameras then.
Yeesan, Mel, MeiLoo, Me and PooiYeng. With Shereen at the back. Think this was taken during the last day of Form 5.
A big group. Yes, the prefects are crazier!
Did Dai had a thing for me? Hmmm...lol..
We were really a bunch of wackos!
And we kept taking more pictures...
Then, we didn't know we were going to be Engineers one day. Hahha..the only difference is, one's gonna build buildings, and another, building aircrafts!
Disappointed with 5Sc1 not being able to win "Kelas Terbersih". So, went and curi the trophy..haha..
Did we change much??
I guess I was pretty much a popular kid! Lol..red gang also ngam, blue gang also ngam..haha..
Used to be a happy kid!
Sometimes I wonder, which category would I most likely fit in. I looked a nerd, (with the thick specs) but I was never top in class. I was never a prefect, nor a librarian. Definitely not an influencial person. I was never an athletic, because I hate Sports Day practice. Hmm..who was I back then??
Sarah Fong..It has been a long time since I met her..haha..
4Sc1 class photo, with Cik Asma.. See the amount of prefects and librarians we had. And we were the most un-disciplined students..haha.. Trust me, the teachers could even hear our voices, even from the staff room. Ok, when we were in Form4, we were located 3rd floor above ground and still they could hear us..haha..
5Sc1, maybe not the best class in Form5, but we were the most popular ones!
Sorry for the delay for this guest blog post as I wasn't feeling quite well for these few days. So let's see, how did I get to know Ang Khian? Was it in Pn. Maziah's BM tuition during Form 1 or 2? I used to refer her as the MGS girl sitting at the next row on the right who wore specs, short hair, and ah, of course, her mum is our teacher in AMC. I could remember her not only because of her mum, but also because she was quite active in class. Who can ever forget active students in tuition classes right? Typical Malaysian students will just sit quietly and absorb what's given on the board haha. But when you're different, you stand out. And that's her.
Later on, I stopped taking tuition from maziah's. I guess we never met each other since then, till somehow, we got in contact through Friendster and msn. It's weird how msn can be of such good use. I never really take the initiative to keep in touch with any acquaintance through msn, but I guess ang khian you made a good effort in keeping in touch with me haha. We have a lot of friends in common ie Ee wan, so we starting going for some yumcha sessions together, though I must stress here it's very rare because they always go out at night, and I have "curfew". Yaya, I know -.-
To me, she is a very initiative (that's how we still keep in touch till now), but a very pessimistic person. Sometimes I just wish I could open up her brain and brainwash her. But I can't. I can only advise her as a friend, and hope for a change in her. She's been through a lot lately, more than I could ever imagine. I feel so helpless sometimes because I don't know how to help her. I just hope that she'll get well soon physically and mentally.
Eh btw, I just realized we never take pictures together lor. When Ee wan's back, we should. Haha.
Today I woke up, feeling slightly dejected. So many thoughts in my mind, and all the depressing thoughts swarming in it.
So, I texted ChehShing, PooiYeng, HwanJean, Jacq, Wei Ai to go for breakfast. At least just take a couple of hours away from this room, but all of them had plans beforehand. Aaah..so I was left alone again.
Then I thought of going to sleep, but then, when I thought I had a long slumber, it was only for 10 minutes, then I had to wake up again. This time, I think I stood up too fast, I collapsed on the floor. Think the blood didn't travel properly. My bro had to come in and get me back on my feet.
Still, that didn't change my mood even abit. I asked Jacq whether I should text. But she said no. It would only get myself more upset. So now, I'm typing this entry to divert the attention, but I doubt it's gonna work for long. Every entry has to end somehow. Just like my friends, can never be there for me all the time. I understand, but today, I feel extra dejected.
Let me share you a good news today. I didn't throw up today. I think it's recovering. But there's nose bleed. But not heavy flow. I think it's just a sign I'm getting all heated up inside. I don't know. All I'm glad that the throwing up stopped. It's tiring to have things coming out from your throat. Daily.
I still don't know yet. Has been 2 days since the throw-up. Let's just see whether it comes back tomorrow or not.
Yesterday I woke up feeling dejected right? The whole day I was stuck in front of the computer, striking up conversations with any random people. However, the ones who were stuck with me for quite some time was WeiErn(who was constantly replying late) and Angel(who was on the verge of completing her assignments at the same time)
Was "trying to flirt" with WeiErn yesterday, but she said she's penebat elektrik wor..cannot absorb..I would love to paste our whole MSN conversation here, but she said it's private. Aahh..and if you think me and WeiErn have a thing, no sorrylor..WeiErn not my cup of tea!! haha..but the flirting energy level was high, she was my only outlet..haha..(eh, I made this all up okay..but the flirting part..hehe, according to WeiErn, it's private and personal, between the 2 of us. So I shall let your imagination run wild okay?)
I think I must have bugged Angel the most yesterday. Out of the blue, I would insert this --> in our little conversation. And kept telling her that I'm depressed/dejected/all the negative words I could thought of, to describe how I was feeling. Think I was talking to her online the whole day, except the time when she had to go something but other than that, I guess she was trying to make sure I was alive.
However, these people I would like to acknowledge, because God knows, what I would have done instead, if I was not in front of the computer.
And yes, Avi, sorry, coz most of the time, when we talked halfway, then I would say "Sorry, no mood to talk.." then the conversation between us would end so abruptly. Not even with a proper goodbye. And Jacq who has to talk to me everynight before I sleep, to check whether I was still alive. Lol.
Somehow I think it's time to really stop emotions from taking control of my life.
Thank you for the phone conversation, up to 4am. Actually, hehe, I was sleepy too, but ah! I'm not someone who would say "BRB" to people, so ah! thanks for the mood boosting.
You know how sometimes you can get really really "high" without being on drugs? Like listening to someone's high screeching laughter over the phone? Or giving you the latest gossip over the phone? Or just keeping silent because he/she ran out of words? Yeah, I guess my mood took a different toll last night. And I managed to sleep through the night.
Today, I woke up. Not really HAPPY but not really that dejected either. I guess, at a point, if the other party doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore, then perhaps, it's time to move on, and "wear eyes know people" next time. Don't let your feelings get cheated out of the blue..hehe..
Tip of the day: Do not get yourself drunk in front of your family members and relatives.
Today's Father's Day. The usual family dinner is a must have! With the grandparents. This time around it was in Maria's.
I thought I would order the usual Machiatto Mint blended, but the lack of alcohol in my body system triggered me. I proceeded to order a glass of Bacardi White Rum with Cola. Mum gave me the do-not-drink stare. Dad didn't say a word.
I finished the glass of rum, in 15 minutes. Then another one came. And another one. And another one.
Before the appetizer came, I already down 4 glasses of rum. Mum warned me that was the last of it. I relunctantly agreed. Then proceeded to order a glass of vodka lime.
Hey, vodka's not that strong ya know? With lime somemore..can one lah..right? So I took 2 glasses of those.
And couldn't even finish my main course, which was quite a waste. It was some Australian Lamb Shank.
And I cried. All of a sudden I just cried. Like really cried? So embarassing. The lady boss had to come over and check with my dad, asking him how was our food.
I ended up going home with a beet-root reddish blushed face. And the whole appetizer in the toilet bowl.
Guess who just got herself grounded? (from alcohol that is) and her bottle of Smirnoff and Henessy taken away?
Oooohhhhhhh...please guess...please....
Hwan Jean, if you come across my blog (which you randomly do!), do you remember this picture we took in Ranger's Den?? Lol..and Ting Yi, do you miss our Guides days? Minus the drama?? I just remembered that we used to go back to school during the holidays to practise marching..hehe.. 10 of us, practising the formation..and you remember the "pyramid"?? *So, if you are free, write about your Guides experience, then we can laugh about it!!
I remembered how we used to enjoy going to Spastic Homes, to do what we would love to call "Charity Work".
Maybe we were not as noble as those who really do alot of voluntarily work, but we were only 16/17 then. We could only do what we thought could ease the lives of a few children for a couple of hours. No, we cannot change their lives, but yes, we could cheer them up, for at least a couple of hours. Something, at least.
And in the pile of pictures, I found this:
along with the other pictures of us, cleaning the floors, wiping the fans, teaching the kids to sing, doing funny attics, but this one, this one caught my attention. Not because I looked so freaking young then! I almost couldn't recognize myself!
Suddenly I miss being a part of those "Charity work". Though I joined Rotaract in UTP, yet because of work commitments, most of the activities they organized clashes with my schedule. The only project which I was able to follow along was the Orang Asli Project.
So, you understand why I miss the times when we would appear in front of the children's home/ Old folks home, with our little backpacks, with some grocerries for them, and we were off to do our charm!
I dare not say I have changed people's lives. I dare not say I made theirs a little better. But I'm glad I was able to do a small part for the society, and for that, I thank God for granting me a good heart.
People do not understand why unhappy things often happen to me, but little do they realized I always managed to squirm out of troubles most of the time. And this time, I'm running away from trouble because I haven't been a good girl since.
Please grant me the strength, and the ability to think straight. Give me no evil thoughts because I know nature will take its course. One day, they will wake up and realize it was all a mistake.
and I miss high school loads. And the Rangers uniform! How I missed those days which I could don a skirt so confidently! And still look 'yeng'. lol..
I miss winning trophies. I miss the exhiliration. I miss the times I am hardworking enough to finish my work. I miss the times I can never obey the school rules, yet managed to scheme my way through it. I miss the times I stay behind in school, just so I could let the juniors check me out. I miss the times I can be who I am. I miss the times before I met you. And those were happy times.
Abit of translation lah..kesian those who cannot read Mandarin..hehe..anyway, I was only saying, that day, someone came and questioned me about my blog, why is it written in Mandarin..and I told her, it's because some entries I would only want to write for certain people..If I use English, then the whole community would know what's happening. I still recalled that day, when I was harshly interrogated by a few friends of mine, who kept questioning me about what's really going on, and I don't really intend to spill the beans, just yet.
I was browsing through my documents in my laptop, that I found this folder labelled "Nokia" pretty interesting. FYI, "Nokia" was the type of phone I used to use, before Sony Ericsson came into the picture.
Inside the folder, there were a couple of other sub-folders. The one which attracted my attention was the folder labelled "Conversation". Hmm, what could that be? I clicked open the sub-folder, only to find 27 sound clips in it. And my mind frantically searching for the answer of what could the sound clips be. And I played one of the files. I hear a familiar voice at first, and then an even more familiar voice: mine. And then I remember. Conversations. Our phone conversations. I remembered I did record some of the phone conversations, and when I listened to them, suddenly I felt joyful again. Like I was sucked into this time-hole, and was brought back to a couple of years back. I miss you. I miss us.
So, the whole night, with nothing better and constructive to do, I listen to our voices, over and over again. Recalling the past memories that maybe, one of us was trying so hard to not think about.
Today, oh wait, I mean this morning, like any other mornings, I would greet the morning, by staring at the ceiling, wishing that it was night time again. I can't remember the last time I had a decent sleep, except the time when I was sleeping with Maylee in Genting Klang. Lol! So, this morning, I got myself up, and changed into a nice piece of t-shirt and shorts, and went jogging with my dad in a nearby field.
Random? Yes, I know. After 2 rounds of jogging, I had to head home, get a nice shower, and then change into another new piece of sports clothing, and sped my way to Stadium Indera Mulia;to the badminton courts. This morning, got a call to have a friendly badminton game with MeiLing, ChengChien and a few other PoiLam people. As soon as I reached, I was called into the court.
Chewah..like professional player like that..hehe..
If you think I am, maybe you are wrong. The first 15 minutes of the game, was the worst performance ever. I got so exhausted that I didn't have the energy to run for the shuttlecock. I had my legs rooted to the ground, while asking the opponents to hit the ball directly to me. Yes. The first 15 minutes, I was already panting, and gasping for air. I had to retreat from the game to catch my breath and drink lotsa water.
I thought it could be because it has been a long time since I last got myself into the court. The stamina is gone, that I understand. Because the last time I went to the doctor's to check my lungs and chest, after conducting the test, they found out that I can not breath properly. I run out of air easily.
So, after catching my breath, I entered the court, feeling slightly psyched up. And was confident that the strokes would get stronger.
I was fucking wrong! I couldn't hit the cock, often missing the target, and can't even reach the ball even if it's just a few steps in front. Fuck! What was wrong with me?
To top it up, my back was killing me all of a sudden! With a sudden jab of pain, I thought it could be a mosquito bite or something, but the pain prolonged. I continued playing, seeing that it could be my last time, playing badminton. I didn't want to miss the chance to experience the exhiliration again. So, I stayed, even when I was losing, and sucky (and I hate losing!)
Where has my confidence go?
I finally left the game, an hour after. Got myself a can of 100PLUS and gulped it down. Then I went back into the court. This time, more refreshed, and a stronger come back. But ChengChien thinks it's cause there were some pretty girls across the court!. HELLO, mana ada leng lui I asked her, and I think the girls heard me. Oh well...
It was a morale-depleter (if there's such a word) game today. I guess when you have backaches, you are not supposed to go play like the normal kids, but hello, no playing, means gaining more fat..
Ever wonder why suddenly I asked some of you to write guestblog entries?
You know the word 'eulogy'? Most of us leave this world, not knowing what our eulogy will be. We do not know what our friends/family would say about us. But thanks to your "sincere" entries, I somewhat got some ideas what mine would sound like..
"She's always on my mind From the time I wake up, Till I close my eyes. She's everywhere I go She's all I know.
My friends keep telling me That if you really love her, You've gotta set her free And if she returns in time I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start 'Coz it's breakin' my heart Don't wanna let her go
'Coz heaven knows Why I live in despair 'Coz wide awake or dreamin', I know she's never there And all the time I act so brave, I'm shakin' inside Why does it hurt me so?"
It still hurts until now..
Quoted from what Jodie said to Bette, "Fuck you. I never wanted to love someone this much.."
I lied on the bed, counting one to ten, then fell to sleep. The pain is excruciating. I can't stand the pain. I told her I feel like pulling the plug, but just so much unfinished business. The painkillers aren't enough to sustain the painload anymore. What is this?? I couldn't get a proper rest, with the pain jabbing from everywhere.
My 2nd injection this month. I do not want anymore of those.
Aahhhhhhhhh..what can I do to take this pressure off my chest? and mind? I was only wanting to kill time, playing some flash games online, yet the thoughts are still swimming as I clicked my mouse. How long can I pretend to be fine?
Faiker 教我听 EMO 歌，让后摊在床上，眼泪就会制动流出来的。 还没式过，应为我觉得有一点无聊.所以如果你认识我，你就会懂得我从来不听慢歌，而去逼自己哭出来。 Hahha..让我记得，在吉隆坡时，有人知道我不能听emo歌，就快快换另外一首歌。 Unfortunately her player only has Emo songs.
I was contemplating whether to post my NS pictures up in the first place, because then I looked so much different compared to how I looked back in high school, certainly much different compared to how I look now! Anyway, I finally decided to post some because I bet some of you might have heard about me, constantly talking about me being in NS, but without pictures to prove my stay, I can be talking bull-stories, and none of you would have believe that I was in there once.
And because I've done a long entry before, and suddenly my Internet Explorer decided to give up on me, I have decided to scrape off the entire entry and just merely post pictures. Malas aku mau tulis sekali lagi!
I think NS really gave me the opportunity to see so much things which I know I won't/I can't. Like visiting the army base camps, or visiting the navy, or firestations, the kelapa sawit factories..
Don't play-play k..Chilling in the helicopter...
Even a free tour in the battleships..
and we were a bunch of camwhores..after visiting the firestation, we got ourselves relaxed in a nearby playground..and started getting busy with our cameras..
At the end of our physical trainings, we were send to the nearby campsites to battle for our camp's honour. We sharpen our kayak/rowing skills, and then we learned war cries, and then we dine in hell! compete among the 3 camps!
Underneath the tent, waiting for the games to begin!
Me, YeeThin and Snow. The first few friends I made just after I stepped into the hostel, with 33 other bedmates in one single room!
The Chinese were pretty much united..
These were the few who were pretty much distant..in their own world..
Was an active trainee back then..see the medals also you know la.. I went home with 8 medals okay..6 gold, 2 silver..lol..
Hmm..I wonder whether you would come here before you log off. So if you do, I'm sorry I bothered you while you were trying to complete your work.. so I'm saying goodbye here..Don't want to annoy you with the orange-blinking light taskbar..hehe..
The throwing up didn't go away. Because I had durians earlier, what came out was a glob of mushy yellow what-zis-name..yerr.. I will never see durians the same after today.
The pain is excruciating.. And traumatising.. I was lying on the bed the whole freaking day.. Couldn't eat a single thing. It kept coming and going.. and wouldn't leave me alone.. And now, after being bathed in cold sweat for almost half a day, the pain finally subsided.
I fear tonight. Is the same thing gonna happen too??? I don't really enjoy the pain. Can anyone of you make it go away?
One thing I like about friends in KL, they wouldn't mind splurging on their friends. For instance, I'm the type of person who would give a treat (at times) if it's not too costly. I mean, most of you might think that it's my parents money, and I shouldn't waste it on people, but I think it's rather nice to give treats to random people at times.
Well, it doesn't have to be expensive meals, it can be even as cheap as a cup of Kopi O in a Chinese Kopitiam..You know what I mean?
So, the last time I went down to KL, I met up with Yiling and her boyfriend, Calvin, since she needed her friend's approval kononnya lah..but usually if I'm in KL, we would usually meet up..and if she's back in Ipoh, all she had to do was just call, and we would usually hang out somewhere..
This time she brought me and MeiLing to Ole Ole Bali. You can read her food review here.
I had this:
It was a big portion..and at that time, with my small appetite, I really couldn't finish half of it. I ended up wasting food..
Read more about what the others ate in her blog lah k..
MeiLing said I looked like a nerd with specs on!
Hahha..I was unhappy..but ya know..who cares right? Pictures do lie..
"It's the way she fills my senses It's the perfume that she wears I feel I'm losing my defences To the colour of her hair
And every, little, piece of her is right Just thinking, about her Takes me through the night"
For a moment, I thought I have lose you.. Phew..thank goodness...I was wrong.. Just don't walk away, don't walk away anymore.. and I will wait..I told you I will wait..and I will wait.. I'm here, everyday, waiting for the right time to tell you what's inside me.
Can you see what's beneath me?
I've told you most of my stuffs, which just shows how much you mean to me. I won't force you. I won't rush you. I will wait here, sit here and wait, for you to turn back.. I will wait till the day you would believe my words..
Would you wait for that day too, with me?
If you can't hold on, I'm here to pull you through...
The moment I open my eyes each day, I would be thinking of you. The moment I close my eyes each night, I would be thinking of you. Little did I realize, that slowly, each day, you are suddenly becoming a part of me. And it scares me that I have to agree.
You know how I always carry your pictures in my wallet? and you are my pride. I showed your picture to my friends, and all of them said, "Not pretty also..she's not as pretty as what you think.."
Sigh. Some people can't appreciate beauty. But don't worry, the pictures of yours are still in my wallet, and most of all, your image is locked in my heart.
The one thing I'm really proud of myself, is the ability to be able to mingle with just any crowd in a big room. So, like what I've mentioned, my parents are kinda worried at the rate of me going out almost everyday..meeting different types of people. Some, whose names they haven't even heard before.
A group of people whom actually changed my life back when I was 15, are the ones who attended ATAN tuition with me. Imagine, the 10 of us, being thrown into a new world, with absolutely no idea how good (or bad) the teacher is gonna be. New friendships were made. And they last until today. Yes, we were a bunch of whackos. Immediately took us a few lessons to go crazy together. We came from different schools and education backgrounds. The only people whom I know best were MeiLoo and Goh who came from the same school as me, the rest were just strangers to me, then.
Now, please, everytime come back Ipoh, surely, one day is allocated to meet-up, or just come out for dinner. And if time permits, our annual event would be BBQ which we only managed to organize 3 times only. But the point is, we barely knew one another then, but look how far we come to, today.
So, today, since only Goh and Jin Naa are in Ipoh, whereas Judy is in KL, MeiLoo in KL, Elaine in KL, the rest sudah hilang, we decided to meet up anywayz because God knows when the next time is gonna be.
We had lunch in 大树脚,the favourite famous fishballs, fishcakes, and noodles in Ipoh, and then proceeded to yumcha in Oldtown Kopitiam.
We had fun, over a cup of Fresh Lemon Tea (maybe not so fresh), Enriched Oldtown White coffee gao, and something else..hehe..
with
We usually have the usual topic of conversation. But we never get tired talking about the same thing all over again each time we meet. I guess that's what makes us clickable, ya know?
JinNaa got tired of me trying to flirt with the waitress who served us. But well, was I even flirting in the first place, Goh? No, right? it was only exchange of words, and smiles..(plus, she's not even pretty..lol!)
Anyway, we really had fun. I had fun. Being around people who grew up with you, they really know who you are, and everytime when we talked about what we did in tuition class back then, it was as if it happened a few weeks ago..
Good friends are hard to come by. Whacky friends are even rare! So, Goh, please tell JinNaa to appreciate me! Lol! and if it's possible, we have to do this BBQ thing lah..this year..
See, the waitress not worth flirting with lah! Cannot even take pictures properly..!!
Then we gave up and tried doing it ourselves..
Goh said this picture made her look gigantic..and tsk! JinNaa, why AMCians always like to show peace sign one??? Lol..(kutuk kao kao today!)
and finally one last angle..
You know, last time when we were way much younger, the 3 of us were alil tomboyish..See, how much changes those 2 have..Goh with long hair, JinNaa with 3 quarter pants, girly slippers..and me? I guess I don't really like changes..I'm just who I am..So yeng one?!! Hehhehehe..
Someone saw the pictures and immediately knew something was wrong with me. Hahha, look pale meh? Nolah..fair isit??
"I had a beautiful dream about you last night. And honestly, I hope we could do that, some day. But for now, I'm just gonna look at you from afar, and wait patiently for the right time to come. "
>> I'm on the run today. Where will you be? Already starting to miss you...Aaaarrggghhhh!!
Tonight, I learned the ways of getting numb. I'm so sorry that I had to ruin the evening. It was my fault. Thank goodness I've a group of friends who were there, and they understood the pain I'm going through, though they don't really know what's wrong.
I can't tell them exactly what's wrong. I guess the night sorta took over my emotions and feelings.
I wanted to tell you how I feel, but I guess I was still a lil sober to not ruin anything.
Hope to see you tomorrow, perhaps one of the last times we can actually spend some time together.
I had the most miserable night. Out of 14 sticks, I actually left 4 at the end of the night.
Sometimes I wished the drive wouldn't end so early. I wished we could be on the road, almost forever. But one can only hope, for the things we hope, will never come true.
p/s: Still feel like throwing up, but it's not coming out. What's happening?? This is the first time I'm going through hell. And thank you, for being there..
Woke up with a slight headache this morning.Whatever that happened last night, still fresh in mind though. Sigh, just so many things I wished to dictate here, but there are just so many watchful eyes around.
How can I tell, suddenly things are getting more and more complicated.. I really want to know how you feel. What is in your thoughts. Your actions are showing that you care, but beneath it all, do you really?
They told me to be wary. That you were only trying to be a good friend. But I want something more. The past is still haunting me.
How are you feeling today? I have to resort to 'public affection' because I don't seem to grab your attention anymore. Regretting every second since we got apart.
"I didn't mean to let you down You have to believe it I don't know what went through my mind But now i can see it
That I waited too long To tell you how much it matters Just to be right here with you But i couldn't think of anything better I should have told you so
Baby open your heart Won't you give me a second chance And i'll be here forever Open your heart Let me show you how much i care And i will make you understand If you open your heart To love me once again I'll try to make it up to you I want you to know Baby i swear that i'll be true And never let go
We could relive this pain and sorrow But we better do it in time Start over here and save tomorrow I wanna make you mine"
We went for throat-massaging session last night..and Crystal picked this song for me to sing. She hopes one day, maybe I would be brave enough to sing it out loud, but for the moment, I only have balls to paste the lyrics here..
Shall write about what I've been doing over the weekend. One of the best, and hopefully, not one of the lasts..
Had the worst sleep the night before. Imagine having to drink a quarter of virgin whisky, feeling slightly high and warm inside, then having to share a single bed with someone who's not even close to the word "pretty"..aahhh!! (why is my life so miserable?)..Hehhee..
We've yet to decide whether to stay or leave. Okay, maybe I've yet to decide..because simply, it's such a wonderful place to runaway and hide in this huge place. Being away from home, gave me the time to forget, and think properly, and my health, is getting slightly better. At least I don't have to wake up, and throw up. That's definitely one good part!
I stayed awake last night, long enough to think about you. Still thinking of ways to tell you. Some suggested to use my eyes do the talking..Lol..I've squinted eyes, I doubt that's gonna work..
Or should I wait? But for how long? If you would just give me a sign, and I will do so.
Just don't ask me to stop waiting..that's all I'm asking..
Just in case if some of you didn't realize, I was away for the weekend, and am back home now. Trust me, tomorrow morning, I shall be on the run again! Hehhe..I'm going crazee, that's for sure! And please, I will update you about what happened, from last Friday onwards, but bear with me. I hope I'd be able to write all of the stories out by tonight, depends on my packing and unpacking speed, and also whether the pictures have reached to my hands.
For now, please tell me, how much does one of this cost in the market?
Honestly I don't really know. Because I don't really drink Yeo's. But I'm guessing, the price should be around RM1.20 to RM1.50? Around there?
So anyway, when we were waiting for the bus to depart, a man was holding a box of packet drinks, with a choice of Soya Bean, and Lychee. He stopped by each row of seats in the bus, and asked which flavour we want. At first, we thought it could be complimentary by PLUSLINER..(mana aku tau!) So, the 5 of us decided to take the packet drink.
I bluntly said, "Saya mau itu Soya..", which he gleefully handed it to me.
After going all the way to the back row, he suddenly exclaimed, "Minuman dua ringgit, siapa mau burger? Siapa mau burger ayam?? Burger empat ringgit!! Empat ringgit!!"
I then looked across to my friends' expressions. Our jaws dropped instantly. DUA RINGGIT? what? ingat Soya bean itu emas ke?
So, the 5 of us decided to just return back the drinks, since it was our mistake to think it was free. Since one of us asked whether it's percuma, but the man didn't answer her. She asked for 5 times, but the man, (think he pretended) didn't answer her.
He came, wanting to collect our money, and I told him, "Kami mahu pulangkan..tak mau minum.."
Which the asshole replied, "Tak boleh, sudah ambik, tak boleh pulang.."
Huh?? Our jaws dropped the 2nd time.
It's not about the RM2 actually. What is RM2, you tell me? After the amount spend for the past few days. But this is broad daylight extortion, you know. However, because it was only dua ringgit, we decided to just pay him, so that he would leave us alone.
Lua linggit, lesson learned. Now you understand why when we were younger, the parents taught us never to take from strangers?
Kan dah kena?!
And look what came home with me..
I named it. Okay, the name was agreed by them too. They said, this could remind me of you.
So, I guess, tonight I'm sleeping with 'you'. Lol..
"Eh, stop taking my pictures lah..it's scary.." "Yalah, I know it's my phone..but later surely you take one..." "Stop lah wei...stop taking already.."
After snapping gazzilion times..,
"Hehhe..nice pictures.." "You should really be a photographer lah.." "See..I knew it! I knew you were gonna take the pictures.." "No, cannot take!!"
The subject, taken with her 3.2 MP camera phone.
I kinda like this picture lah..and sorry I took it..Not coz it's you in it leh..but coz I really like the feel lor!! You should really put this as your display picture..Really damn feel leh..
pssst..between you and me, not fat lah k..cannot see the fat also...
and yes, I'm still waiting for the pictures to come, to write about more interesting things!!
Today's PooiYeng's birthday! Baru 20th so don't have to celebrate kao-kao..small celebration also enough already.. June babies are just too many, cannot do grand celebration..or else all of us pokai..
Anyway, we headed down to Jusco, just for a small gathering lah..
Me, Chesh, PooiYeng and Karmun.
This taken before their movie starts.. So paiseh take pictures in shopping malls...lol..
Then, after their movie, we went for birthday cake-eating in Secret Recipe..
The birthday girl, holding her birthday present from me!! (pokai also must buy something...)
We still look awfully kiddish..
Gosh! We bumped into a few juniors, and I sorta looked at them in a weird manner. Because simply, if you were to compare us to them, people would tell you that we still look like high school kids..haha..something wrong with the way we dress? or the way we can bring down the house?
Everyone ordered a slice of cake each.. Mine's espresso cheese..
and Dai said I'm self-obsessed!.. Hmmmm....I don't really agree with her...
Cannot see the difference meh??
Like this also call self-obsessed??
By the way, I realized I dress up very "peh", and that's the time I bump into most people! But they reckoned even if I "peh", still look damn yeng..lol!! yeng okay!?
Still cannot notice the difference??
Aiya, nevermind lah..
Chesh can't stop taking pictures of me... A picture with my own cake..we are pretty liberal..everyone can choose the type of cake they want to..haha..
Chesh thinks I look like some gangster.. but to me..like very sexy wor..wah..sexy+yeng = khian!
SMS: "Eh, khian, this Friday, jom KL, Sunday Genting. Ok? " Replied: "Ok..just buy tickets first lah. Confirm later."
Thursday night, still deciding whether to pack my bags or not. KL? I just came back from there, a week ago, and now what, heading down south again? But tickets have been purchased. Aiya, just packed bags only mah..probably the last time you can ever hang out in a small group and go to different places.. Kantoi also kantoi only lah! So, memang kantoi..we took the 8.30am bus and headed to the city of night entertainment..
Reached KL and the first thing we did was to go to SookMin's to put our bags. And since someone wanted to "have western", we decided to head to Chillis in Midvalley for lunch. Don't ask me what the person ordered in the end, but the point is, she cheated ALL OUR FEELINGS because she didn't even order "western", and to top that up, she didn't finish her portion of food!
ja dou..
MayLee and I; sitting partners
Then we were introduced to SookMin's roommate. A very sweet girl who keeps smiling..haha..
I will always remember what she told SookMin.. and everyone was so worried that my next 'victim' would be her..Eh, hello..you think all also I want isit?
After lunch, it was shopping time..! The girls went for the 50% MNG sales, and so did we..haha..oklah, all of us also went lah, and we tried on so many things..hehe..there was this jacket, which cost me about RM98.00, haha, but in the end, I controlled myself and put it back on the racks..sigh..
Someone anti-s TOPSHOP now..
After much walking, our crazy self, or rather my craziness took the better side of me, and we decided to get tattoos!
okay, maybe not real tattoos just yet..for now, it's only some sort of henna..haha..ok, that phase got over pretty quick..
After that, we decided to try out the "fish spa", with RM38.00 for 30 minutes. Kampung girl must try okay..
For the first 5 minutes, we were laughing non-stop because the fishes tickle our feet. Damn..so geli ya know?!
Imagine having a school of fishes swimming past your feet..damn..geli betul! and I was cursing Crystal for dragging me into this..haha..but soon after, they nibble your feet..and wahliao..syok! but still geli.. Apparently the fishes will nibble your dead skin cells..and at the end of the session, we checked our legs, damn..really smooth okay..
waiting for them to get ready. Deng..
So, that done! We walked around more, to cool down..
showing our undesired love to Maylee..see her doink face!!
Initial plan was to sing Karaoke, but the shop closed down..so abit of walking around, and then PhooiYee and her guy came and join us..and we went off for dinner..
We had dinner. Japanese to be exact.
And then we headed home.
We thought the night's still young, so after we bathed, we planned to go for a lil yumcha session in SookMin's nearby mamak stall..but see see, so tired, all of us climbed to bed early..
There was a short crying session;heart to heart talk..and we stumbled to sleep.
BUT, I couldn't sleep the whole night, because the mosquitoes were everywhere over me. Then Maylee made a confession that she attracts mosquitoes, which made sense because she was sleeping next to me..so Crystal kesian-ed me, and switched places with Maylee, and then, miraculously, the insects were gone! But it was about 7am then, so it was pointless for me to get back to sleep..aah!!
First night, and the misery begins!!
That's day 1 for you..Day 2..coming real soon..maybe minutes later! lol..
When I broke the news to them, I should have expected such responses from them, really. It was rather cliche..
When I told them who's giving me the recent heartache, their jaws dropped almost instantly.
"Huh? What? I thought that was ages ago punya story?" "What is this? If it hadn't work before, what makes you think it's gonna work now?" "Haaaahhhhhh?!!!"
None of them said a word since. Probably they didn't know what to say. Most of them know what kind of person I am. 'Never say cannot, never say no.'
Everynight I waited. Anticipated. And then got myself disappointed. It's the same cycle each night, but without fail, I waited every night, just to receive a harsh reply, or sometimes I don't get that either, but I still waited.
It's driving me nuts, and up the wall. Yet I'm still waiting.
Till last night, while I was talking to one of them, she said the chances are slim. It's not going to work. She has probably moved on, ages ago..and what, now you want all the pieces to be placed into the exact place. Impossible! You and I know that's impossible!
Well, I should've seen this coming. This pre-rejection.
The friend asked how was I doing. Whether I can move on or not..
Hahha..what to do..already see the warning signs..takkan still want to proceed right? Like what to do, if the pieces just don't fit anymore..but I'm still having my fingers crossed..
Because I believe if it had sparked before, it could spark again..
but for now, it's as if I'm playing a game of chess. I don't know what cards you are playing, and I know this set of chess is being played by the others too, but I'm still waiting for the next move, and I hope it's real soon..
At the moment, I'm still looking at you from afar..because I still fear of rejections. I don't care what the others say about you, because you've just stolen my heart..and I don't want it back.
Day 2 was spend in PJ area; oklah, 1U to be exact.
We planned to move out at 9am, but due to the lack of sleep, we only left the house at 9.30am. Ok, why do I put such a stress in time, mainly because we are pretty punctual people actually..and I think the country ruined us..Lol! So, we finally reached 1U, about 10.30am, which is pretty early..so we went hunting for food!
I've been in 1U gazzilion times, never thought of taking pictures in it..haha..1st time!
Yes, pictures were taken in every corner...=.="
There you go..do we look like a couple?
After a bit of walking around, (honestly I was getting tired of shopping malls!!), we decided to stop for a movie: 'Made of Honour', and now I know why I still can't get gorgeous guys! Because you can't compare the guys I know to PATRICK DEMPSEY! *drools*
Owh, this I must include..hehe..we managed to scout this tall, slender girl buying popcorn at the snack counter..and whoa, the 2 of us were staring and checking her out..damn!! somemore so kaya, and pretty..sigh!! We were looking at them until way passed the movie time okay..haha..but it was worth it! and to know that they were also watching the same movie as us! haha..damn!
After the movie, we stopped by DOME to catch our breath, when MeiYenn came and joined us.
that's me with my big chocolate cookie!
the 3 gay-lous..haha..nolah! the 3 blind mice..haha.. maylee, me, and crystal.
maylee, me and whoa! MeiYenn..she was with her high heels, so damn high..that she could cat-walk in it..Impressive!
We then proceeded to our original plan which is to THE CURVE, and the 11 of us, which included WaiYen, SinKheong, PhooiYee and Tuck Fai, walked all the way to The Curve. Damn, thank goodness TuckFai was there to help me carry my heavy backpack..or else I would need to crawl all the way there!! It was as if the 11 of us were on a trekking trip, doing headcounts in the middle of the journey.
We reached THE CURVE, sweaty, feeling hot, but excited.
A walk around the mall, and yes, the girls again went inside MNG for their 50% discounts, and yes, they came out with things in hand..=.=" A round near the flea market..and I went to check out sweaty, hot chicks, because FITNESS FIRST was having some sort of charity thingy, and they have people working out upstage and downstage..
The 11 of us! sakai to the max!
I love the way I look..like damn yeng..
And then, how can the night ended so early right? We booked a table in THE SANCTUARY and partied..
There was abit commotion before that, because we were worried that some may feel left out because they don't drink..haha..but it turned out that, those who claimed they don't drink, they kept adding Bacardi into their mixers..those who were said to can drink, was drunk by 11pm. Guess who got drunk..
a picture before everything got blurred. this shot was taken after my 1st bottoms-up.
My only regret was I didn't take anymore pictures after that.. coz I was out, sitting, chilling, and then threw up..eeww! and the songs were amazing..but too bad, I couldn't sit properly on my seat..It was my first experience getting drunk, and being so unsensible..even Crystal was fed up with me, suddenly getting drunk..sigh..
I also don't know why I got myself so drunk..the reason is just too obvious if stated out.. Thank goodness Maylee and Angel were there..haha..Angel lah..teman me go toilet..hahha..even I couldn't walk a straight line,..and I had to assure her that I was fine..
The feeling of being "tipsy" is that you know what's happening around you, but you can't control your movements at all..it's like your vision is blurred, you can't seem to stay put..haha..and you keep wanting to throw up..and that's sucky!
My advice to you: DON'T GET YOURSELF DRUNK! THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING EVER!
Before it all happened...
my girl friend..enjoying the kiss eh?
Did I mention I bumped into Derrick in the club too? He saw me, think probably he was surprised..haha..that I was seated outside, all tomato-faced..and I told him I was drunk..lol.. but he texted me the morning after, asking me to go again..wahliao..
I was out from the club for quite some time..sitting on the ground..haha..freaked Angel out I supposed..sorry I didn't give you a good time..haha..told you to go right back inside..I'll be fine lah..
Sigh, but thank goodness we had someone who drove me and Maylee back. I seriously can't imagine myself having to take the taxi and then the LRT back to Genting Klang..omfg.. looking back, WAHLIAO..drank so irresponsibly..first time..first time.. no more...NO MORE!
"Eh, come lah..come with us lah..to Genting..breathe in some fresh air.." "Err..see how lah..busy, alot of work.."
7.35am. (next day)
"Eh, really don't want come meh..." "Yeah, safe journey...alot of work.." "Long work, long life do!..come lah.." "cannot lah..alot of work..." "aiya..crystal ajak right? come lah.." "errr....oklah...wait for me kay.."
7.45am, Maylee walked in, all prepared. I broke the news to her that we have an additional friend coming with us. She was like, "Huhhh??" Die. Confirmed die.
Quickly call SookMin and the rest who were rushing to Terminal Putra to purchase tickets. 9am bus habis. Gone, next bus 10.30am. Ok, at least there's something..So, both Maylee and I had to rush to Terminal Putra so that she could get into the 9am bus, and I could go collect my tickets from them. After that, I had to rush all the way back to Genting Klang to get the friend, and go back to the Terminal Putra. Phew! So much of travelling done in one morning.
Gan Jeong even early in the morning weh!
And then to realize she brought her laptop to Genting to work..haha, lagi abit ja dou..but kesian her, with the heavy laptop hanging by her shoulder..I did offer, but she's so certain to hold it herself..Probably worried that someone would snatch it from me..like what she would say, "Vaio je ma.."
Finally boarded the bus at 10.30am, and someone nearly cried during the journey up hill..Funny betul.. By the time we reach the Skyway, the crowd was huge, so we had to wait for quite some time before we managed to board the Skyway. Aaahh..someone nearly died on the way up too..
We didn't do much lah..The rest were out in the Theme Park. And I was stuck baby-sitting someone who's older. She sat down and finished her work, and I sat down there, sipping my Ice-Blended Caramel, waiting for her to complete her work. Deng, her work took barely an hour to finish, and there, she dragged her computer all the way up to do her work..hrmmmm...
I managed to meet with the rest for lunch, while leaving her alone to complete her work (or whatever she was doing with her computer lah..)
psst..honestly I don't know what she was doing, because when I went back to 'collect' her, she showed me a page of "Seks", and all the obscene words..Urmmmm......
Then she decided to leave Starbucks and we went walking around..damn sien okay..like what Maylee told the rest, "We don't have to worry about Khian;Genting's her 2nd home! You all want to know where to go, ask her only.."
Ja dou..
The 2 of us; one limping, just went for a walk around Genting. I guess I was beginning to bore her.. so, urm..don't know how we ended up going out for real fresh air...and err..she came up with the idea of camwhoring..=.=""
wait ah..I found one picture in my folder..wait...
Gosh! This was taken way back in 2005. Damn...luckily I changed, when I looked back..omfg, look so not yeng also..damn! luckily now, look more yeng..haha..
Someone got hungry..because her theory of being in a higher altitude (cold place) is to have to eat alot to keep herself warm..and now you wonder where all the fat came from, right? Lol! and yes, my first day in Sushi King, and can you believe that I had Sushi King for 4 days in a row?!!
It was a rather short stay for us, since we reached the peak quite late and we had to catch the bus at 6pm. This was taken in the cable car, before someone got really sick and kept quiet..haha..
This was taken, because I realized someone's feet's so huge..man!!
We were even experimenting in different angle too..It takes another self-obsessed person to 'click' with another..
Ok, we found the right angle and position to camwhore at last!!
p/s: I know some of you tried to do something for me..but it's not that way I want it to work..ya know?
Khian, Angel, Crystal
One last picture for the road..
The big group!
Thanks for having mercy towards me. Till now I still feel bad and guilty..sigh.. but I hope you enjoyed the Green Tea Blended I bought you..it sorta pays it all right??
pp/s: If you think after Genting we went straight back home, then you are dead wrong!!
We went out for family dinner. Daddy not around, so we brought Aunty along..
Aunt, Bro and Mum
Bro and I.
Please don't give me shyte, saying that he's more lengchai and how we don't look alike! For goodness sake, we can't really look exactly the same right? One has to be lengchai, and the other, has to be leng lui..~~
Dinner was at Oversea's Restaurant because yours truly love the prawns there!
The only thing worth recommending. The rest is just normal food.
You know how busy I can be. Come back from dinner, then straight to another meet-up. Main purpose would be because YiFang is back from Down Under..hehe..
This is YiFang..omg..what's with that smile?
The whole night, they have been trying to pair her up with me, since the 2 of us are single..but ya know, even if she was the Head Prefect, a ballerina, a kindie-teacher in the making, hot, beautiful, pretty, but sorry lor..I'm looking for a lap-dancer leh..tarak fit into my qualification..
0% alcohol level, yet it's enough to make me 'high' and excited. Out of randomness, shouting and talking in the highest notch..we managed to bring "Horoscope Cafe" down.. By the way, I had Blackcurrent Lemonade Soda. Not recommendable..
Always out of place..this is supposed to be a 5Sc3 gathering..but aah! Karmun and I are out of place man!
Wei Ai and I.
Then Wei Ai and the rests were meeting up just around the corner;Salam Corner, so I asked them to come drop by for a while..hehe.. mana tahu she brought along PhooiYee and Avinesh..lol..
"Eh, just confess lah..if she doesn't want you, then just move on, and grow up. Live life with no regrets. At least you've tried."
"Eh, you sure you wanna do it ah?? It's pretty obvious that she doesn't like you lah..why do you still want to risk it all?"
"Eh, you not worried about losing her as a friend? Isn't it better that now the two of you can still talk like friends, joke around, why do you want to risk it?"
"No risk, no love, bro.."
They said, she probably knows that I have feelings for her. Well, in this case, you probably come across this blog once in a while, so I'm hoping you would read this.
I am still not sure whether to open my big mouth and tell you that I might have slowly fallen for you. Remember the analogy that I've said about a set of chess? Yes, and that I was going to wait abit longer for the next move? I woke up today, in fear that someone else is gonna take this chess set away, and I begun to panic.. The whole day, I was stuck on bed, because simply, I don't know what to do anymore. I felt like texting you, but obviously the cold and harsh reply is enough to remind me that I'm losing somehow. I saw you online but I fear to leave you an online message because I know, you wouldn't even bother to reply.
There were so many times I chose to put the feelings away, because I was uncertain about them myself. I can't say "I love you" because it's scary to develop such feelings for you in such a short time. But I'm really sure that the feelings never really died before, that it was just swept under the carpet because the 2 of us refused to think about it. Or maybe it's just me, who's afraid to think about it. You've probably moved on ages ago, and yes, the feelings that have been bottled up inside me, is finally errupting now.
It feels weird. And when I felt that I had to tell you how I feel, my senses told me that the answer would be a solid NO.
My friends told me to just confess lah..Nothing to lose also..
But you've been a great friend. Well, at least to me I think..and risking the friendship is not what I have in mind, though I don't really want any rejections. Which explains why I'm hesitating to tell you the truth, and the feelings are still bottled up inside.
And now, I'm being pathetic to write it all here, because I hope, your female instincts would tell you that it's you, I'm referring to. And because I'm so afraid of being rejected, I'm telling you and the whole world that khian has fallen for you.
After coming down all the way from Genting, another wild plan was already on the way.
"Eh, Pooiting ah, can you jaga AngKhian for us ah? At least 3-4 hours only..after we finish sing K, we come back and collect her lah..ok? You don't have to worry about her, just ask her help you do your laundry, or give her your computer, then leave her alone only..ok or not??"
I was like, "Eh, hellooo..you ingat I ni, tugu?wahliao weh.. kena abandoned.."
"Ya mah..you also don't like sing K, what for..you go play with her lah!"
After we reached KL, I send Angel back to her condo, then contemplated whether to take the train to TimeSquare. I walked around, trying to think of things to do, to kill time..when finally I decided to just fuck it and board the train to TimeSquare. Mood level was down to negative then, because simply, there are so much freaking nonsense in my mind..and I thought, maybe Karaoke would do me some good.
NEWAY is freaking expensive! For a miserable 4-hour session, we paid a total of RM52.00 each, of course, we were entitled a free buffet dinner. WHAT FOR!!??
That night, it was my worst karaoke session. Because we had to rush for the last train back home, so, the only time we were allocated is only 2 hours. We had to leave at about 10.30pm.
Can you imagine our current state then?
Part of us were trying to stuff as much food as we can inside to get the money's worth. Part of us were selecting all the type of songs to sing, to sing until we wear out our vocal boxes. It was the most miserable singing session I ever had.
Picture this:
It was so stressful okay!
Once we entered the room, all of us had to choose 2 drinks of our choice. Then we had to attack the food while Crystal went to choose the songs that we were supposed to sing. After gobbling all the food, we had to sing..by the time we finished singing, the food that we took earlier couldn't be eaten anymore.
Maylee, Khian and CC
Singing at our worst!
Honestly, you people have to tabik us, English educated, that we know how to sing Chinese/Mandarin songs also okay..with no pinyin to help us, yet some of us knew Jay Chou's/Leehom's songs by heart! SookMin can even do the raping part of Jay's so perfect, that you wouldn't know we came from MGS, Ipoh. And some of us, can even read the lyrics off from the chinese characters okay..
now, cepat tabik hormat!~
This was taken when we were singing 爱错 by LeeHom I think. An emotional song. I guess this month's a pretty depressing month..haha..and see, this proves I have broad, reliable shoulders weh!
If you've known me for quite sometime, I'm not so much of a karaoke person. I never see the point of paying to go sing, you get me? I'm more of a dancing person, who enjoys music in a different way, like chilling in a club, or driving while having loud music in the background, but karaoke? it was never my cuppa tea. Alright, I've gotta admit I'm slightly tone deaf. Yes, true, I play the guitar, I play the piano even, but when it comes to tones, I'm practically a deaf person. I can differentiate between a high key or a low key. To me, it's just a key..oh well..now the years of playing the piano just went down the drain eh?
That night, was different. Told you I'm more of a people-pleaser, so I didn't want to be a party-pooper..decided to just go along with the plans..
Both MayLee and I, trying to hit the high note..
There are reasons why good karaoke places, provide sound-proof rooms. If we could just take a step back, and listen to our singings, we can really boost the ear plugs business.
Alright, so how do I know that? Coz Maylee recorded all our singing, and the next day, when she played it again, I was rolling so hard on the floor! Gosh! Embarassing!!
For 21 years of my life, I've only been singing 3 times. And my verdict? We never sing with the mic. We yell at the top of our lungs most of the time!
But like any other activities, the best thing which always push us to do stupid things, would be the company. I can never imagine myself going karaoke-singing with this group of people.
Whoa, singing until damn feel..hahaha..
I think we were singing 彩虹 by Jay Chou. Lol!!
Like I said earlier, this was the most miserable karaoke ever! We sang alot of songs, but at the same time, none of the songs were finished! Before we could get ourselves immersed to the feel of the song, we had to move on already! Deng..imagine singing "Forever Love" by LeeHom, and then before the tears can drop, some of them would exclaimed "飞" which means skip the song!
damn! cannot even 'bei' for long!
oh man, I just remembered, we didn't even sing Jacky Cheung's songs!!
So, at the end of the day, it was either I was too tired from the high altitude, or my inner self was tortured by the horrifying singings, or because I was too full with food, my body gave way.
It was gonna be our last night in KL, or was it?
p/s: no alcohol was involved, but ah! the miracles of getting high with no booze!
You know I'm going to write about what's gonna happen..lol!
"Eh, still not brave enough to tell her ah?"
"diao lah..no balls..."
Maybe not the right time. Not the right time. Not the right time. Let me enjoy the friendship abit longer first.. Tonight's not going to be a wasteful 40% night..please... and I wish you have a good weekend yourself too..
and they say Pisceans get hurt in love easily..haha, and sometimes you've gotta just believe in fate.
Awesome 40% night last night was!! It was mind-crazy, already high from the first partae, so when it came to the second part, we were already feeling so hawt..
At the end of the night, I told Crys, "Eh, tomorrow night, TZ2 ok mou??"
Then I kena diao..teruk-teruk, because all are broke already.. "Can, can..next sem lah...sem break.."
This morning receive a text message,
"Eh, Khian, jom..tonight, clubbing..we already book your place already..ok? must come, no excuse.."
Deng lor..how to tell my parents leh??
Last night one group, tonight another different group..luckily weekends not long, or else I pokai straight...
Aaaahh!!! Still deciding leh!! how how?? to go or not go lah?! Go on like this, before I die, my kidney already malfunction jor...
p/s: later only write about what happened last night..see, now afternoon, plans already lined up already..haha..
pp/s: sigh, don't know how to tell you le..suddenly miss you lah..getting myself numb with all the companionship I can get from friends..
Just a quickie before I go out for dinner. JUSCO, Ipoh is packed with so many people today. Managed to even bump with the South Africans: Akosua, Natasha, and even Mesh with his girlfriend..lol! A small town I would say, or rather Jusco's the only place with unlimited aircond supply with the current hot temperature in Ipoh.
Watched Doomsday, and when I thought it was just another random "I-am-legend" movie alike..it was action packed, with all the gory scenes, just enough to make oneself hide under the jacket most of the time! and the actress is super hot!
Shall post picture of her later tonight..
p/s: bumped into yeewan's brother in jusco, and I think he recognized me. he's the only one in the family who knows about us, and was very supportive..
editted:
This is Emma Cleasby, acted as Katherine Sinclair in Doomsday(2008). I have never seen her in any movies before, but she fits perfectly well for this character in this movie.
Stunningly hawt!
I shall spare you the sypnosis of the movie, but it's worth every single cent. Nice plot, but ridiculous story. You've gotta watch to get what I said.
I love the driving scene as well..
Ooo..and trust me, I thought it was going to be the same old plot, but ah!, this is different..
Gosh! I've so many long overdue pictures to post lah! so I'm just going to speed up the process and write about DAY 4 in KL..as briefly as possible okay? or else what happened this few days will be stale news if I write them later..
Anyway, when I thought we would be leaving the next day after Genting, I was totally wrong. The next day, Crystal called about 10 something, and asked me whether it was alright to stay for another day. It was funny really, because she called Maylee instead of calling me (for whatever reasons) but Maylee was too tired to even hear the phone ringing, so I picked up the call instead. The night before, Maylee stayed up for the Euro match, so she only managed to climb into bed at 7am. Poor thing, so she was slightly agitated by the phone call at 10.
Crys: Eh, angkhian..if ..erm..err.. Me: What? Say properly what you want to say.. Crys: Err..errr..what if we want to stay one extra day..ok or not?? Me: Huh?? I almost finished packing already wor..really? can or not? Crys: Yea..we were thinking of staying one more extra day..you need to ask your parents not?? Me: Huh? No need lah..can one..no curfew.. Crys: Oh, great! we go Time Square k..later after Maylee wake up, you ajak her go also okay.. Me: Time Square ah?? Oklor..
We left the house at 2pm, and the whole journey, both MayLee and I were like zombies. Okay, to be even more accurate, the 2 of us were angry zombies.. Lack of sleep okay..We arrived for lunch in Sushi King (yes, my 3rd day of having sushi) and things went slightly better after food.
Throughout lunch, we were discussing on how stupid we were, to have sang Karaoke like mad the night before, and now, we have the whole day free to disposed..hmm..but bygones are still bygones, so we compensated by going on a shopping spree the whole day.
I, being the thrifty one, did not like the idea of shopping so I just tagged along lor..
Maylee and her stupid expressions..
and this is supposed to be my emo shot! darn you Maylee!!
I don't really like walking aimlessly with no cash, so I got this amazing idea: To cut my hair! At least I can kill sometime, and I get free seating while the rest can go hunt for more bargains!
and Maylee suggested KimMarrie..
With a price of RM25, you get a senior stylist to do your hair. Well, want a professional one? Okay, RM48 lor..so, RM25 to kill time, is more economical..
and I ended up with this:
I was horrified at first.
and Crystal told me if I were to don a skirt, I would be a very pretty girl. Heck! I don't want pretty, I told her I want yeng!! sigh..
and this is me, with my dinner in Gasoline.
I felt so uncomfortable with the haircut lah..damn..and they kept scolding coz I still look the same if I were to comb the hair myself..diao..
see, Crystal and me..wtf..
SookMin, Tzy, and Khian, in front of TimeSquare
After dinner, the rest needs to go home with Cc's brother, leaving me, Crystal and Maylee to go back to Genting Klang. We planned to stop by at Pavillion so that Crystal can really see how it looks like, and the 3 of us had to walk all the way there, from TimeSquare. It was a nice, cool night walk after a heavy dinner.. and yes, there were so many temptations at the Bintang Walk, which includes Maylee's favourite:
Lecca-lecca
She said it's her favourite, so she decided to buy us a scoop each! Yay! We stopped by 'oasis', and chose our flavour. I chose the safest among all: Coconut!
me, and my scoop of ice-cream, compliments of Maylee.
and this restaurant is famous of its shisha. They kept coaxing me to try, but whaliao..RM35.00 wor..mana ada duit kan?
Maylee said I looked bad, with the tattoo on..:|
After the ice-cream, we walked across to Pavillion, and my 4th time there already..
I seriously think Crystal is a bad photographer! This picture of me, is taken by her..and please compare my picture and hers..
eh, the one I take, can see the whole PAVILLION word one okay..memang lah.. rosakkan my picture nia you..
We hung around in Pavillion for quite some time. Long enough to take a few pictures..
and the next day, we really had to leave KL, for good. Trust me, both Crystal and I were still deciding whether to leave or not, even when we were already in Pudu, waiting for our bus.
Aaah, KL is just too much fun, even if we spend almost a rm1000 each, but it's worth it lor!
still didn't want to leave. Remember I texted Maylee, and told her, we are still deciding, at 3.40pm, when our bus is scheduled at 3.50pm. Speaking of persistence..
However, we left in the end, because Maylee shoo-ed us home, and so we left KL with a heavy heart.. Lol! (dramatic benar!)
Chilling in the bus~
Throughout the 4-day trip, it was a blast..something which we can find chance to do again, in the near or far future..lol.. and because of this, the 3 gay-lous were formed! (till now still joking about it..memang not sien..~)
Now, there you go. End of KL trip, and time to write about what has been happening in Ipoh..!
I'm getting excited to write about the night we celebrate PhooiYee+FooYine's 21st birthday, and also the after-party in Sincero. But because the pictures are yet to be finalized, so I've decided to just post some pictures we've taken last night in Yeolde English, Greentown, Ipoh.
Last night, was alil health conscious, so the yumcha was over a giant glass of
umbra juice. less sugar.
Topic of conversation would be the usual, random kind. While both me and Crystal were doing all the gay-talking, and Maylee was sorta a victim in our gayness.
*Disclaimer: Both me and Crystal are not gay. Well, at least we do not gay together..lol!
In case you guys didn't already know, Michelle Koo is back in small ole' Ipoh..
Khian, Michelle, Maylee
Well, at least if you don't have any business to come home, then don't. Scared you bump into her pulak..lol!!
That was a sarcastic joke,alright?
Well, we were there for an hour or more, then some juniors came running towards us..
WanJing, YokeMun, Crystal and Khian in Purplish pink.
How funny that we've left school for about 4 years now, and we still pretty much practise seniority over the juniors? Which kinda explains how much respect we get from them? Ok, HELLO, last time, we see seniors, we kao tao respect them one okay..now, the juniors can sit together with us one table, kira baik lah tu!~
One person was missing then. HwanJean. This group of juniors were the ones closer to us lah, since we were in Guides and Rangers in the past.
Can you guess who's older?
You know when we used to be in high school, there used to be this foster kinda thing? Well, many of you were wondering whether I had one, or we are still one..so I guess we still are lor..since Michelle kept amplifying the matter..sigh..
Anyway, meet Fanny, whom err..we were 'fosters' since I was 12? Lol..so many things happened in between, but now, it's more of a friend kinda thing lah.. I guess we grew out of this 'foster' thing lah..haha..
Plus now, people so mature already..can exchange roles man.. working in Singapore..part-time studying and full-time working..wahliao..I sure cannot tahan..
A small group but definitely the loudest in the crowd.
I tell you, so many people were looking at us alright?? But I guess, after the scene we made in Sincero, it was kinda normal for us already in the public now.. hehe..I can't wait to write about what happened that night..lol!
So, before we had to leave,
Crystal (which I think has slightly fallen alil for me..hehehe) decided to take a "gay" picture with me..
See her face, I wanna smack her already!
But ah! of course, we wouldn't want Maylee to feel left out right..since she's always "in between" the two of us..so..ahh!!!
Khian, Maylee and Crystal (Maylee's enjoying it so much..and we even named our child to be either "Khian-tal" or "Crys-Khian")
p/s: Yes, the holidays are driving me crazy and wild! and it's doing me good with all the recovering and healing. Updated news: 3 days since I last threw up! well, the drinking factor doesn't count~
It's raining cats and dogs. Any of you heard the loud thunder last night? It scared the hell outta me, and it bothered me till today. and am missing you..
At one point, you've just gotta see things in a different light! Like how my ex called me last night, and both of us were on the phone for almost 2 hours straight. And yes, like what most of you would tell me, that I'm being taken advantage of, I'm actually glad she called. Well, I'm not going to write about what happened, but you know, it's kinda pleasing to know that someone actually thought of you when she's in trouble. Which kinda makes you like a superhero, of somesort.
Now, am up awake, because I couldn't sleep. Not because I'm disturbed after the phone call, but more of like what my friend told me, "You see me good, I see you good".
How often we thought that people are in good shape just because they put on a mask each day, but deep inside, they are just so burdened with troubles, just like everyone else is. Ivan told me to stop being too emotional, go out travelling and maybe I will be grateful of the things I have now. Hmm, travelling? I've been doing so much of that, ever since the semester break begun.
Well, a note to some friends;
"Do not be afraid of your past. For it's not something which can be erased, or swept under the carpet, like it had never happened before. If the present can't accept the past, then perhaps, the best thing to do, is to leave everything as it is, and then hopefully, the future can be better! Never be ashamed of the past, or the things that you do, because it's the past which makes us who we are now. LIVE LIFE with no regrets, because regrets is the only thing which sets us back. Move on..and live life! And be grateful that it happened, because everything happens for a reason.."
Aah, and Jacq asked whether I can do something like "Couple Engineering" or something..
(well, unless you choose to isolate yourself, then, it's another different matter..)
We celebrated PhooiYee's and FooYine's birthday last Friday in MP. Yes, the last time we had MP's was before they had to separate into different paths in life, before leaving to their respective destined public universities. It's no wonder MP is always the choice because of the large space available and the open space, with a wide range of ala carte.
No, this is not an entry to promote MP. But rather, on the downside, because it was a weekend, the place was full, and the lack of waiters and waitresses, ruined our nice and quiet dinner. The cutleries came way later after the food was served, which resulted me having to do a self-service, and the food arrived way before the drinks do. And the drinks which came, was either send to the wrong place, or it never came at all.
Albeit the sucky service, we had our share of fun.. We tore the place apart, humilated ourselves, with the whole crowd looking at us, we jumped around, shouted names, made fun of one another, yet at the end of the day, we went home, feeling satisfied and happy.
The birthday girls. Seated: FooYine Standing: PhooiYee
Well, of course, a successful birthday dinner is because of the successful organizer!
WeiAi and Khian
It's not easy to bring about 20 people together, just to celebrate someone's birthday! Heck, some of you might not be lucky to even have that amount of people to chip in and buy you a birthday dinner! But heck, WeiAi's a one hell good organizer that everyone was there, though some were missing due to obligations and unforeseen circumstances. A job well done, I would say!
Despite the running around I had to do, like getting them cutleries, chilli sauce, collecting cash from them, paying the bill, I had fun because everyone else is having theirs too..
We just came back from KL not long ago, and are still so hyper!
I think I look like a nerd here..(not good weh!) Khian, Yoke, Birthday girls
Aahh..
Did I mention that all eyes were on our tables that night? We were the noisiest bunch then, and we sorta freaked the people next door.
Well, ah..erm...what to say? MGS is already famous for its noise, plus if you were to combine with ACS, wahliao weh..what can I say?? Enough to bring the house down..or in this case, the entire MP restaurant!
Khian and the boysheng dais ji muis.. Kenji (CheeWai), CheeQuan (Ah Pak), and Kyean (my brader)
OMG, a perfect wedding shot! Lol! next time if you need to do slide show for wedding, remember put this picture okay?
and what is this? mentang-mentang boyfriend not here, wanna seduce me pulak??
haha..sitting on my lap..apa nie..
Biggest mouth ever! I heard rumours that he can finished the MEGA BIG MAC in 10 seconds..hmmm... and always either he bullies me, or the other way around..
Miss MGS? You do the math, this is only about a quarter of the group.Lol!!
and what you've just read, is only the FIRST ROUND.
SECOND ROUND is even more interesting, and like I said, it was a 40% night! so, haha..I shall write about it..next entry..!!
Today, like any other random Mondays, I would wanna sleep through the day, and hopefully wake up just in time for lunch. But no, because a plan popped up suddenly, that I was told 4 of us, which includes me, would be heading back to MGS for 'nasi lemak'. Then, a even more coincidence surprise, HwanJean told me that there would also be 4 juniors heading back to MGS for 'nasi lemak' but they were uncertain of the time.
So, it was down to the 4 seniors: Crystal, Khian, WeiAi, and YenYee
and 4 juniors: HwanJean, Fanny, Kah Ling and Yoke Mun.
*Sorry I had to differenciate seniority between us, because then, it would be too confusing! Lol.
Anyway, the seniors planned to meet up at 11am, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I woke up at 11 sharp, just in time to get myself ready, and to find out that WeiAi and YenYee cancelled the plan last night. However, Crystal was already waiting in front of the school's main gate at 11.20am, so the only sensible thing to do is to get my arse over to MGS asap.
So I called HwanJean, asking her whether she was good to go, but no, their plan was still on-hold. Apparently they have to wait for the big boss (which happens to be Yoke Mun) to wake up and then the plan would go on from there. So, I told HwanJean that it's alright to tag along for breakfast with me and Crystal, since then, it was already 11.45am, and they were planning to meet up at 1pm. When we were talking, she was still on bed, with her pyjamas on. I dragged her up, and we were at "大树脚" for breakfast.
I shall skip the part where there were miscommunications, and plans were changed 180 degrees.. Until the point which I got fed up, waiting under the hot sun, and I just decided for them, there and then.
I still don't get the point that they don't have an exact time schedule and their theory is to just wake up and wait for calls.. Hmm..weird for me, but if it works for them, then it's fine. So, the 3 of us spend almost 2 hours, with the heat, finishing our food and drinks, while deciding what the next step would be..
fiddling with HwanJean's big-eye shades. does it look good on me?
Anyway, after a much long-dragged-multiple phone calls and text messages, we finally agreed to abandon the idea of going back to MGS and just go straight to Jusco to yumcha.
Khian & HwanJean, who keeps wanting to cook breakfast for me. And is flying off to Adelaide soon! Boo-hoo..
Michelle Koo came and joined us in Jusco.
In McD, Jusco.
I had a small cola, a large packet of fries, a sundae cone Vanilla. Then, I received a call from WaiYen that the others are meeting up at McD, the 24-hour outlet near Jusco.
=.="
Abandoned ship, and said our goodbyes, since Fanny's leaving to Singapore the very same night. And sped all the way to the other McD where the rest were waiting for us.
When I reached that McD, I was too sick of McD's food, that I just took a sip from WaiYen's Regular Cola. Hahha..too cheap to even pay RM2.00 for a small Cola..haha..RM2.00 can buy petrol already okay..
The usual "blow-water" session with the usual small ACS gang. When the others arrived, it was time for me to leave already.
WaiYen and Khian (Always say I ffk her..padahal..no time for friends..always with the boyfriend..lol!!) and omfg, why so short one? Eh,..I just realized nia...
5 of us, whereas the rest were guys!
I've enough of McDonalds for a day. Enough of french fries. Enough of onion rings. Enough of cola. But never enough of companionship! So, yes, call me out, since the time is running out soon for most of you! and myself too!
p/s: It triggered my emotions for a while. Benci padamu kerana kulemah tanpa genggamanmu.
Well, since it's still quite earlier that morning... it's been flooded with only 'wan tan'... And I thought my roomie and me were the only Chinese... But at last... we saw her~!!!
Hehe... it doesn't matter as long as you're you...
in our little conversation. And kept telling her that I'm depressed/dejected/all the negative words I could thought of, to describe how I was feeling. Think I was talking to her online the whole day, except the time when she had to go something but other than that, I guess she was trying to make sure I was alive. 
