Something is wrong with my Streamyx. I can't sign into MSN, and when I do, it keeps signing me off. Aaarrgghh..I just wanna check whether someone's online or not, that's all I want to do, and then hopefully do a little blogging and then I would just go offline. I think I'm going crazy if this connection gives up on me now..
Anyway, today, it was supposed to be a healthy morning, with a little badminton game. Apologies to Avi for having him to wait for 30 minutes before we arrived. Well, I had my reasons, but it's pointless to state them here, but just so you know, Avi, I did all my best to come, and play!
The game was a bit slow today. Probably it was my first badminton game to have the shuttlecock reach my place slowly, and I can actually breathe pretty well throughout the game. I missed the exhilarition and the "orgasm" the game gives me. And I miss the disappointments everytime I failed a match, or failed to hit the ball back to the opponents. I missed all those.
Which sorta led to how MeiLing and I used to stay behind during primary school, just so that we could get some coaching from the school team's coach. Boy, the training started at 4pm, and our school ends at about 1pm, so it was 3 hours of waiting just to play some badminton, the serious way. I missed the times, when there was badminton club meetings and we would go play some badminton at the open court back in high school. And if we were more hardworking, we were supposed to go for training in the ACS court for the school team players. Back in Form6, every Thursday, if I was in the mood, I would also stop by to play some badminton after school.
Well, this is the sorta thing you've gotta enjoy and give alil commitment and time if you wanna excel. Badminton really got me closer to someone, and just gave me the excuse to stay behind school to see someone running around the court. How we would hang out before the practice and gave me the excuse to see her smile..
So, maybe to some of you, it's just a game to shed some fats, or just to kill time, but to me, it was beyond them. It was probably my life, my reason to spend some time with her, and the reason for me to smile, at times.
I'm sorry if I suddenly took a breather in the middle of the game. It was because it reminded me of her.
Dad's been figuring where the money comes from. Mum's been asking me to save whenever I can. The friends? Aahh, the friends are either texting me the place and time to meet, or calling me straight to demand me to go out. The brother? He keeps asking me to drive him here and there. Me? Have you forgotten? I'm a people-pleaser. I have no control over what I do. It's all about pleasing the people around me.
So, after badminton, I got so physically, mentally and emotionally drained, I dragged my ass back to my home, and just sleep for an hour straight. Then, got this text from WaiYen, telling me that they are waiting for me in Parade, and asked me to come over asap. Reasons? Because she's crazy. Because she suggested to go for karaoke, and I thought it was just a pure random suggestion, HOW WOULD I KNOW IT WAS FOR REAL?
This past 6 weeks, I barely even have time for my own. It's either I'm stuck in the room, going online, blogging, or I'm out travelling, or with a bunch of crazy people. Goodness gracious! Now I understand why my parents are complaining. I don't even have time for my meds! I don't even wanna count the times I skipped taking my meds, because either I didn't have them with me, or I forgot that I was under medication.
I told her frankly, that I'm beginning to get dry in my wallet, and the savings account. No way I'm going to pay RM50 for a lousy karaoke session, just like the one I did, back in KL. However she assured me that it would be less than RM5.00 since we have our student cards, and the KBox member card or something. So, I went.
Even though I nearly slipped and fell in my bathroom, I went, because I fear to ffk WaiYen..Lol! (Later she put the tagline again..)
A glass of Incredible Hulk, which I'm guessing it's just a glass of 7-Up, with a few miserably pieces of jello inside.
Let me remind you again, I'm not exactly a big fan of karaoke-singing.. So, I was there, to just be there, because I don't want to ruin the fun. It was a slow karaoke session, with 3 hours to spare, and I was taking my time to actually browse through the selection of songs available.
I don't usually choose the songs I want because I don't know how to play with the high-tech remote control, and the usual thing I do is to wait for the rest to choose their songs, and pray I know how to sing them. OR just randomly ask the person who's choosing the songs to choose the song I want. Easy eh? So, it was my first time fiddling with the remote control today. Yay!!
Today, there were only the 3 of us in a small room.
3 of us drowned with our horrible singing.
and they were trying to 'camwhore' with my camera.. T_T
WaiYen and TzyYin
While singing, we can't forget the importance of taking pictures! They were worried that I have no blogging material, so they kept asking me to snap pictures of this and that. They even took the liberty to use my camera on their own..!
It was a pretty slow karaoke session. One thing I dislike about karaoke is that people tend to choose all the 'bei' songs to sing, which kinda brings back all the gushing emotions and it's either you control your emotions or you just break down in front of everyone.. Well, I'm not exactly the type of person to breakdown in the public, so most of the time, I tend to shun the bad feelings away, and pretend everything's fine with my life.
Well, WHO AM I KIDDING, at the end of the day??
Then, today, I felt like it's just so silly to waste my money then I started doing my stupid dance moves with the mic, and just begin to go down on my bended knees and started to sing jibberish..haha..
Then I got so hyped, I stood up on the couch..and sang!
whoa, I like this angle man! as if my fan-see was looking up from below the stage..lol!
Then I got the 2 girls to do all this crazy actions with me!
*I hope KBox don't blame us if they found a crack on the couch..hmm..
So, after all the hyperness, the hype finally died down, and
and thanks for the RM3.80 karaoke-session..
A day to reflect on my emotions, silently.
p/s: The 7th thing I hate about you, is you made me love you. Kan senang if I didn't meet you earlier? Then I don't have to go through all these kinda feelings..
I read most of them, and I found that the best way is to put salt and dab abit onto your ulcer. It would definitely stings lah, but it heals even faster! Can try lemon also wor..eitherway it helps..
So big already, sakit awhile nia... Hope you get well soon..and can stop spending an hour eating crap=oat..haha..
I did a whole entry about CLUBBING IN SINCERO and suddenly my Internet Explorer died on me. Now I'm alkfhqwihrf kjwbfkjesu yd gwiqojdpksdlknfbc hzsgefiwaupkdmlksdnhsg ud7w~~~!!!
Received a text while I was "wasted" this afternoon:
"Hey Bro, Tonight we drink till die,ok?.."
Uh-ok..I'm not going to refuse that request..
Well, to 2 of my friends, it's never an ending. Maybe, it's just a new beginning. To what? Hmm..a new beginning to a new friendship? a new beginning to a better relationship? a new beginning to life?
Maybe throughout this 6 weeks of going through pain, and all the secrecy of hiding the truth, I've sorta grew; physically and mentally. We've gotta learn to see the bigger picture.
Life is full of uncertainties. One day, they are a happy couple. The next day, they could be married and have kids. Or maybe they can break up. The other day, they might make up, and get back together. Life's just full of uncertainties, that no one can actually tell you what's definitely going to happen. No sirr,..not even the fortune-teller by the roadside.
Maybe the first hour, or the first day, or even the first month, it's painful. The lovely memories all come back at once, and you might feel that, the someone you've been having with you, is the best other-half you ever had. Then comes in the Second month, or third month, when you get yourself going, and busy, you slowly tend to see the bigger picture. And you start coping without this person, and you will breakdown once in a while due to his/her absence. After that, if you are strong enough, you will probably cope so well, that you would look back and laugh at him/her for leaving you. And then you will realize that maybe, the two of you just weren't meant for one another. And you moved on.
Remember that no one is indispensable. Anyone can replace that small place in your empty heart. And I mean ANYONE. There's no such person as "THE ONLY ONE".
See, if you've realized from my past entries, I've been coping with my heartache for the past 2 months. And this is the 2nd month, and you will suddenly zoom back to the past for a while, and you might feel what a waste for it to end. Then you will soon realize that one day, the tables would be turned. We've just gotta wait patiently.
p/s: Lotsa rest, sufficient water and salt, makes it all go away. Stop being an angry kid. Soon, I believe you can talk like you never talk before. Chill...
Tonight's connection is pretty smooth..I guess it's about time I write about the night we spend in Sincero, after leaving the readers in anticipation..trust me, the previous entry I wrote was abit more interesting till my IE crashed, so now, it's really up to my mood to write..
After the birthday dinner in MP, we decided to go for a 2nd round since it's like this "must-do-event": clubbing everytime the girls come home. So, we planned to do this time, in Sincero, Ipoh and when we left MP, it was about 11pm, and we were late since we also invited a few other people to join us for 2nd round.
Karmun arrived quite early and told us that the table reserved under my name is not there. Feeling slight curious, we thought it was because we were late or something, so they gave our table away, but nope, according to her, the place was empty, so it was probably that way that they didn't think it was necessary for them to reserve tables for us. Anyway, we told her that it's alright she can just book another table and wait for us to arrive..
There were 6 of us, 4 cars in MP who wanted to go for 2nd round. So, after doing abit of 'one-2-som', we decided the 3 cars to be parked at Crystal's, and we would take Yoke's car to Sincero. You can probably guess how our journey all the way back to Crystal's was like. We were having a mini-racing, since I pre-warned Yoke that I drive about 220km/hr on road..(ok, that's abit exaggerated, but heck!) We were actually even high without the alcohol..
We left for Sincero as soon as the cars were packed. All hyper inside.
This time clubbing, I've been pretty decent. No getting excessively drunk. No fags. No getting kissed by pretty girls..hmm..
When we were about to reach Sincero, we called Karmun to tell her that we were looking for parking space. The parking spaces were full considering it to be a Friday night, so we had to really fight for a slot. Then, the confusion begun.
Karmun: Eh? Why need to find parking space..? So many outside.. Crystal: Huh? Nolah..full jor.. Karmun: Wait..where are you? Which Sincero? Is it the one near RumJungle?? Us: EH???? THAT ONE IS SINCERO RIVERBANK lah..!! Crystal: So now how? We came here already lah..You come here and join us ok? Karmun: (tulan)..oklah..wait ah..we finished the drinks first..
No wonder they said they couldn't find the table reserved under the name "Khian". But it was a honest mistake. Oh well..it was just a minor setback..so, we quickly parked the car, and walked in. And we immediately found our table, just near to the entrance, with the name written "Ah Khian" What is this cina-apek punya fella? Must add the "Ah" in front pula..
No buckets of beers this time. We were trying to be decent-drinkers that night, so we ordered a bottle of
TeQuila Camino
I think we got addicted "opening-bottles" ever since we came back from KL. Suddenly we don't mind paying the price, since liquor gets you drunk even faster, compared to beer. However, this time around, each one of us had to pay RM31.00, and there's no kick in drinking..Compared to the time I got drunk in KL, it was only RM29.00 and I got to puke my guts out..hmm..
PhooiYee, WeiAi, Khian, SookMin
We didn't want to drink till so high because we had our virgin-clubber with us that night. It was WeiAi's first time stepping into a club, so we didn't want to scare her..See, SookMin's first time was in the Sanctuary, and now, she's loving the loud booming music and the booze!
Yoke and Khian Yoke's a clubbing partner lah..
Told you it was a decent night..hehe.. Khian and MeiYenn. She said tonight cannot kiss wor..because got obligations liao..hahaha!
That's Karmun with the peace sign, while the boyfriend, GinnYit checking out other girls..Hmm..evidence nih..
Karmun and Khian Doctor-to-be and an Engineer-in-the-making, hanging out in clubs..Apa nak jadi nih...
Khian and GinnYit. After the picture taken, straightaway Karmun shouted, "HOI!! DON'T TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND..!!"
=.=""
Well, being thrown into a club, it's not about picture taking also..it's all about drinking and dancing till the heart jatuh..
That night, the dancing was super hot. Despite the DJ was playing all the wrong songs, and the crowd was not as good as the ones during Ladies Nights, but we created the fun ourselves.. Especially Crystal and I.
Khian and Crystal. What is playing in her head??
Like what Yoke said, "Well, come to club, no need to do anything. Sit down and watch Crystal and Khian dance, enough already.."
I take that, as a compliment..
Crystal, Khian and Maylee.. The 3 gay-lous..and the gayness!! Indescribable!
Well, I have to say..next time clubbing, the clubbing kaki would be: Crystal, Maylee, PhooiYee, Yoke and me..well..I'm not exactly the type to club la..so..urm..tak payah lah yea..
It doesn't matter how you dance. Or how you can't drink. It's a matter of being able to live to the mood.
Khian and SookMin
CheeWai and Khian
Khian and SeongJee
Khian and Kyean
Yoke was "disturbed" for quite a few people. And Crystal and me were busy doing dirty-dancing..We were so high till I took her shirt off man.. And then, after that, only I realized why no one approached me that night.. because they thought both Crystal and I were an item..
hah?? Crystal, it's all your fault!! Now, how to cari makan??
It didn't matter that night, really. All eyes in Sincero were on us, but we wouldn't bother. I guess we made an impression enough..and I kinda like the attention..haha.. Best clubbing with no hesitation ever!
If there was a pole..haha..let us not even go there..
3 gay-lous..
Date for the night! Lol!!
The last crowd standing!
The only thing you've gotta be careful while clubbing is your drinks. Don't let people spike them, or else..god knows what's gonna happen to you..
We partied till they actually had to shoo us out..haha..technically lah.. and if you thought it ended there..so wrong okay..
Maylee and her Rihanna-look. I just realized she looks good in glasses..hmmm..gay-partner..no wonder we chose you!!
We went for 3rd round in McD! Because after all the dancing..and flirting, we had to replenish our energy cells..haha.. and so, we hung around in McD till 4am.
The initial plan to stay over at Crystal's was cancelled, because no one did. So I had to drive all the way back home, and guess what, I thought my mum wouldn't hear me, but she did..After I entered my room, she called, and asked me where I was..and then she gave me those warnings..the next day, she continued again, and dragged me for breakfast at 7am!! Not even time to sleep..!!
No regrets. At least I clubbed till I got broke..lol! Lastly, the famous gay-shot!
I thought it could be the heat, so I took my shirt off. And waited for my body to cool down. But I still couldn't sleep in peace. And I thought it could be the alcohol kicking in..and the allergy coming back, but no, no itchy neck, or rashes.
Then I heard the thunder. And switched my computer off.. And lied in the darkness, trying to figure out what to do, to kill time.
Turning into an Insomniac.
I eventually dozed off. And had a weird dream. But you were in it. And no matter how weird it was, I know someone's being in my mind, even in the dreamland. But don't get me wrong. I love your presence. It's just the plot of my dreams. It's weird.
Woke up rather early this morning. 9am. Called the lawyer to confirm the trial tomorrow. Apparently the magistrate is on holidays, so they are postponing my court case till GOD KNOWS WHEN!!
What is this? What is happening to the courts? I want to get this over and done with, so that one less thing would be off my chest. and mind.
p/s: Not going to Sarawak anymore. Enough of deciding. It's the last RM400 I'm spending on a failed relationship.
pp/s: How are you feeling? How's the 5 ulcers? Hope at least one of them is gone..
Well, I'm guessing the pressure to update my blog almost every minute is coming from everywhere!
You know everytime I managed to connect to MSN, the offline messages are as follows:
"Eh, update!! update!!"
"Oi..apasal didn't write???"
"Gimme something to read man!"
"Why are you slacking off?? What's happening to your blog?"
Hey, people, chill chill..I know my blog's name is: 'Fulltime blogger;Freelance student' but I'm trying not to spend so much time online, (though I already am) but you know, I need to go out and entertain people also..right?
So, quit pressuring me to write, coz I'm running out of things to write..T_T and since everyone's leaving this weekend, I'm stuck at home again..sigh.. yeah, but the UK people are coming back also..wahliao weh!! my mum's gonna kill me! I've been out of the house almost every single night, and last night, when she called me at 11.30pm to ask me my whereabouts, I was at Breeze cafe, and she heard the singers at the background and she yelled, "WHERE ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN A CLUB? YOU FORGOT YOU ARE A GIRL AH??" Wahliao...erm...Breeze cafe, FYI, is pretty decent.. (shall write about what happened last night, maybe later lah..)
Well, that's rather inevitable eh, dear? People come and go, and to think you've already learned that by now?
Take me as an example. A 2-year relationship, when everyone thought we could make it, it ended as soon as she flew off. Another 3-month relationship, it ended as soon as she left as well. Another 10-month relationship, couldn't even last because of other temptations. See, no matter how prepared we are, people somehow learn to leave. One day.
It's not just about relationships. Your family. Your parents. Your brother. Your sister. Your uncle. Your aunty. One day, they will bound to leave. You have gotta learn to let go, and cope with the absence.
Sometimes, them leaving, will either make us more vulnerable, or it will make us stronger. We learn how to cope without them being with us. That's just how life is, either you leave them, or it's the other way around. After some time, you tend to learn, and then each absence you face, it's easier for you. I guess it kinda grows on you.
(What am I saying ni...)
I'm writing this entry, because TingYi, you asked me to write something. I'm still deciding whether to pack or not..hehehe!! Do you think I should fly off? and do you think I should tell her how I feel? Did she tell you about my problems? How I want to tell this person I like her? No names mentioned, unwanted watchful eyes..lol!
Just learn to adapt. Maybe a break would do you both some good. Then you will see the bigger picture. And then you will grow up, like me! Told you, kan bagus if everyone's single, like me! this world would be a happier place!!!lol!
Please..update your blog as well..because I'm running out of [EMO] entries. I'm still deciding. To pack or unpack..sigh!!! and the connection is a bee-ttch!! What is wrong????????
c*bai betul...
Quoted from Chesh's personal message: "The saddest thing is to love someone who used to love you.."
It was Ladies night last night, so we, ladies, are entitled to a free drink each. I chose "Dead Chill Shooter".
Testing the water...
It's a concoction of Kahlua, Peppermint and Gin.
It send Chills to my spine..definitely!
Hers was Brandy. Mine was Dead Chill. Both also bleerrrrkkk!!
Kaki Minums with our Heinekken! Khian, YokeMun and Crystal
And Crystal brought along a gigolo friend for me.. Hehhe...
Ah Kwek and Ah Khian
The entire night, I was this "Professor" majored in "Love Studies", giving him advices on how to deal with relationships and girls..haha..he was surprised that I have experience in dealing with relationships..little does he know I suck in this course..lol!! I personally know Kwek last year, during clubbing in TZ2. He's a big fan of Shakira okay..
And what do your parents say about drinking is bad? See, drinking brings alot of people closer..new friendships are formed.
After a while, YiFang and Avinesh came and joined the crowd..
YiFang, Khian, YokeMun. Gosh! This 2 head prefects!
::::ALERT!!:::: ::::::GAY PICTURES AHEAD:::::
Yes, Maylee, we missed you as well!! Trust me, even the photographer wanted to puke her guts out after we posed for the pictures!!
Maylee, where are you?~~
And then Yifang got jealous, and wanted to do her part too..
Aah..yes..yes..
All in all, it was really a good night out..Yoke Mun was a year younger, but Heinekken brought us closer!
*DISCLAIMER: BOTH CRYSTAL AND KHIAN DO NOT QUALIFY TO BE GAYS, IF MAYLEE IS NOT AROUND.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY STREAMYX? I think I've over-used it, but hello, it was off for 3 days now..even a girl would have finished merajuk by now.. stupid machine. stupid service. It's ruining my on-line life.
and if I get log-ed out before I click "Done", I'm going to screw TMNET's CEO..dot com. p/s: ANYONE WHO CAN SAVE ME, PLEASE DO.
pp/s: AND I'M MISERABLE, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING FOR 2 NIGHTS NOW. AND IT'S BAD.
ppp/s: AND I'M HOME ALONE TONIGHT. PLEASE, ANYONE, YUMCHA?
Text message received: "Oi, Khian, tonight yumcha ok?"
Text message send: "Can..time and place"
Text message received: "Breeze. 9pm."
What? Another night at Breeze? That'd be 2 nights in a row then! But heck, another night out, means a couple hours of running away from reality..so what the heck right? I agreed on the dot.
Well, no alcohol for that night. The company I had, was decent. Don't fool around with these people..I don't dare to.
So, all I had was,
Earl Gray Tea
and though I had dinner, I am so accustomed to having food while yakking, I ordered a plate of
'lamb chop cut' with mint sauce.
Yummy eh? Yes, say that to the calories and fat added onto my body tissues..hrmm..hrmmmm..
while the others were as equally decent as I was,
hot lemon lime? or lemon tea? or ??
and PooiYeng, as always, had to eat too..
TomYam noodles.
I remember, most of my friends commented that I take very good food pictures..and these are for you..
and it was just down to us 4 people last night..
KarMun, MeiLing, Khian, PooiYeng 1 doctor-to-be, 3 engineers in the making..hmm.. good prospects!
well, this is a must-take shot..since she's leaving next week to Australia..
MeiLing and Khian Friends since Standard 1. And yes, the story of us running away when we were 7, is still being talked about, over and over again..
and this,
my assistant ketua kebersihan..if there was this position available..
Told you, she would helped me do the duty roster, and I would go "collect information" from the other classes..and then I would give her the latest scoop..haha..this is call "System Barter".
and then, because we got so bored with only all girls, we called the "transex" to come and join us..
Alright, I was only joking. Avinesh is no transex okay..Transex cannot have so much bulu one..So, Avi is quite macho in a way lah..thehairy way..hehe..
Khian and Avinesh (psst..I look good with older men..)
and suddenly, I became Avinesh's other half!! apa ni..if Crystal and Maylee see this, they will kill you, Avi!!
Then Avi said, "It's alright, Khian..I'm here.."
deng...deng..!!
We got so bored, and we quickly called Jacq and Yifang..the 'pole-dancers' to come entertain us..lol!!
Jacq, YiFang, PooiYeng, MeiLing, Khian
I realized I have never taken an individual shot with Jacq, so I asked her to come over and we take lorr.. and then, someone said, "Eh, must kiss her also wor..coz last night YiFang kissed Khian already.."
Upon hearing that, Jacq ran out of the picture...
and after much persuassion, she came into the picture again...
and got herself too excited...geez...
I think Jacq's homo-phobic..hahaha..but it doesn't matter!!
Coz at the end of the day, I tipped her..RM1.20 and said, "Thanks for the night, Jacq!"
Well, then PooiYeng said, "RM1.20..RM1.20 these days, cannot even buy a condom lah!"..so..she did..urm..
gave Jacq RM40.00, so that she can buy the pills instead. (See, Jacq's so elated..haha!)
Verdict: It was a fun night also..no booze. No fags. Still enjoyable.. Must be the 'pole-dancers'. Nolah..coz got me mah!
*Disclaimer: Story may be exaggerated for reading pleasures. So, don't act smart, and don't be dumb.
It's Friday. what supposed to be a quiet day, I met up with WaiYen at Starbucks. then, continued meeting up with Eewan and Chesh after that.
Might be going to the movies later. Hancock. They said it's a stupid movie..hmm, like I always say, it's the company which matters. I'm the only girl who's going to be there. GREAT.
In the meantime, I'm abit off the mood. A little emotional at the moment.
Suddenly I don't know what to do. Should I tell you whether I like you? Or should I keep quiet?
Sigh. But I know you've changed. Sigh, sigh. How eh? It's kinda confusing..my heart's confused. My mind's confused. Suddenly I realized my life's confusing.
It’s late at night, and am trying to figure out what to do now. Just came back from Hancock with 3 guys: CheeWai, KamWah, WaiHong.. Well, what can I say about the movie; it’s all about comedy with the show, with a slight tinge of true love at the end. Made me realized that even though you were together in the past, that doesn’t mean you would still be together in the present or even in the future. Like how Hancock had to leave his wife, just to keep her alive. Well, made me realized that if you really love someone, you have to learn to let go.
J
I’ve learned that now.
Am blogging with Microsoft Office at the moment because the internet is still not back yet, and though I had paid the STREAMYX bill, I just came up with the conclusion that the connection is bad because I haven’t pay the telephone bill yet!! *shrieks!!*
So, the first thing tomorrow, is to pay off the bill and hopefully, it’s because I haven’t pay the phone bill. (Having my fingers crossed)
Didn’t get a reply tonight. Well, that doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Maybe it’s a sign that I should try again tomorrow. J and if I fail tomorrow, I will try again the day after. and if I fail then, that just means I would have to be a little bit more persistent. ‘Coz I would rather die trying, than not trying at all.
I miss you. Thank goodness I have “it” sleeping with me. And that’s enough to remind me of you.
edited: no, not because the bill is not paid. The line’s not even suspended. It’s just because of the line is “rosak”. deng..! have to wait till Monday nih….(that’s if I’m lucky lor!!)
p/s: Had a 2-hour sleep last night, must be the pills finally working..lol!
I'm tired, pissed, hungry, and it's a Saturday night!
First, am tired because I was out the whole day. And the past nights, I didn't have much rest. Which I think, that's why Eewan said "Hey, Khian, I think you need Anger Management classes.."
Second, am pissed, because as soon as my parents saw me, the first sentence my dad threw at me was, "Eh, you are not out meh.." with a tinge of sarcasm. Look, I wasn't the one who were away for the weekend.
Third, am hungry, because as soon as I came home, I tried to get some rest till 9pm, and then woke up, to find the house in pitch darkness, and my car keys in my parents room. And I haven't taken dinner. Which I told my parents, "Eh, give me my car keys, I wanna go out and buy food." and my dad said, "See, going out again..". Yes, with also a slight tinge of sarcasm, out to zha me.
Initially, there were plans to go out for a short wine-drinking session with a new friend, along with Eewan and Chesh. But I, being the thoughtful one, declined their offer because I knew my parents are gonna be home, and it's about time I stay home for the night.
I know I've been out, most of the time, but I spend the important meals with my family, for instance, lunch and dinner. If those of you would have seen me, usually when it's lunch, I would tell them I have to go pick my mum and bring her for lunch. And dinner, you would have to make early plans with me, so that I can politely tell my mum that I'm not having dinner with her. So, usually, the only time I would come out, would be in the morning, in between lunch and dinner, or after dinner, which is at night, AND I WOULD ALWAYS GO HOME BEFORE 12AM.
You can verify this, with those who I've been seeing frequently during the holidays.
Though I know what my parents said is true, like it's a waste of time and money to go out so often. I know it contains some truth, so it's hard to bear what I've heard. And I don't like it when I know what they said, is right.
BUT
Can't you see that I'm running away from something? Trying to go out as often as possible to avoid being stuck at home, to think of nonsense? I'm getting myself numb with all the countless bottles of Heineken, the countless shots of vodka and Tequila, the countless glasses of coffee, and the countless session of laughters. Can't you all see I'm just hiding from the reality?
p/s: The saddest thing is not loving someone who used to love you. The saddest thing is when you know you can't love someone who used to love you.
pp/s: I was introduced a psycho+pretty girl today. Lucky thing you have there, dude. A day, which was supposed to be a movie outing, turned out to be a day of eating and emo-ing.
Actually I heard this song over the radio alot of times, but find it abit slow for my liking. Then, the liking developed after a few sessions of karaoke, and I slowly find this song full of hidden meaning. even if you don't understand the lyrics, you can probably related to the MV..it's the exact same meaning, if you are smart enough to understand.
我希望你真的懂我心里要什么。。就不用多说了，应为我觉得你也已经懂了。
Not online this morning, and my connection is effing good at the moment. What a waste. What a waste.
p/s: Hungry, but you kept me sleeping beautifully last night. and that's something good.
This picture was taken in Midvalley, KL. We were walking around with our 'pride' throughout the entire day in Midvalley. Tzy's gift was named "Fluffy" and mine..urm..mine's better off not mentioned here..lolz!
We didn't care who stared at us. We didn't care then.
Aah, I'm beginning to miss KL. I'm missing the fun times already. Everyone's heading back to their respective hell-holes..my time, is coming pretty soon.
4 months with zero-gayness..sigh, I'm missing that..lol!!
"I remember date and time September twenty-second Sunday twenty-five after nine In the doorway with your case No longer shouting at each other There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special Something we'll never have again I know, I guess I really really know"
And then someone selected this song during the karaoke. I thought I would break down, but I did not.
Guess what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
p/s: Heng dai still haven't come. If they don't come any sooner, the remedy to my fever would be Smirnoff Vodka. and if you read this before you log off, I'm coming back online to talk to you. Missing you already..
Feeling abit tipsy at the moment. And I spilled a glass of Iced Honey Lemon..
They came abit late, around 10pm, and what we initially planned was to have coffee in Oldtown Kopitiam, but then, we bumped into a few people there, so we changed our destination instead. We then decided to go for beer in a kopi-tim nearby.
Well, the night was over this:
Trust me, it's only TIGER and Carlsberg. But right now, the effect is taking over..hmm..
Excuse the chan-ness, I'm having high fever..and the headache is still not going..
they said I look as red as a lobster..haha..
no, I'm not turning into an alcoholic. far from that!
and when we were about to leave, Chesh dared me to down the entire glass of beer.
Conclusion: Never ever down with beer. It leaves you an unsettling feeling after that, with all the gas.
p/s: I know why I can't pursue further. She already has someone else in mind.
They say, after drinking, the best thing is, you get to sleep better. Well, I did, and now, am wide-awake after the effect is gone. I don't know whether it's because I can't sleep, or whether there are some thoughts in my mind.
Flash back, flash back. 4 hours ago, the ex texted me, asking me how was I doing. But she's on a vacation, with her current, so shouldn't she be having fun instead? It's like rubbing the fact into my face that the RM400 is thrown out from the window. I'm still abit sore about the RM400...Sigh. RM400 okay, that, I can just go pay my debts..or even get myself a new watch from Swatch. Deng, it's been a long time since I bought myself something nice from Swatch.
I need to really get myself going. 3 more weeks before I go back to hell-hole, and it's about time, I study like a 3rd year.(that's if I pass last sem's final papers) Last sem was the paling crucial one.. and kinda silly also lah..not worth to screw my CGPA because of petty issues..and it costed me so much to realize that fact.
Apa nih..I seriously think people should start a blog, or update theirs, because I'm getting tired writing and no one's writing and I am left with nothing to read. and I'm always caught reading my archives, and wonder whether it was me who had written all those [emo] entries.. and then, I finally realized, I've grown up so much. Not good nih..I'm getting older..ish!
and I just realized, I've got a date with HJean at 9am later!! apa nih..macam mana mau tidur?!!
>> IF YOU ARE STILL IN IPOH, WE ARE MEETING UP AT 10AM, TOMORROW (7th JULY 2008) OPPOSITE MGS. (Then plans will unfold then)
My alarm rang at 8.30 this morning. And I put it on snooze till HJean texted me asking me whether I was already awake. Ok, it was 9.00am then. So, I told her I am still drunk, and I need time to get ready, so the time agreed would be 10am. She waited for 20 minutes in SunYuenLong. My bad. I'm sorry. Really a hassle for me to wake up this morning. So tired, and the head was heavy. Did I mention I threw up again?
Must be the beer. And the lack of sleep. Sigh.
" See you out with all your friends Laughing it up as you pretend to have a good time, I know cause I'm living the same life I'm about to got to say we can't keep living this same way so I'll be the one yeah I'll say it I'll say it I'll say it I'll say it again
Baby come back to me in my heart I still believe we were meant to be together so whatever it takes
Baby come back to me I should've never set you free love maybe come back "
I heard this song on the radio this morning. Baby, come back to me.
Hahha..I used to hate this song..but this morning, it felt so right.
I was told that I should probably understand that the deeper love you have for someone, the harder it is to let go..For me, the deeper the love I have for someone, the more protective I would get over him/her. Well, I'm possessive, I guess. Lack of self-confidence and trust. Man, this is weird.
And I think the more you miss someone, you tend to have images about this person. Like while taking a stroll in the shopping mall, you turn around and you find "her" standing there, and then your heart starts beating fast, and you thought you really see her, but when you double-checked, it's another person after all.
Or when you have a random drive in the day or at night, you find yourself always going to the same place over and over again, and you stop the car, only to look at the very same window she waves to you and then all of a sudden, you thought you saw her, but you know it's not possible.
And then you realized even though you are no longer in a relationship, you find each step you take, you tend to think of her before you do anything.
Everyday, my left brain and right brain debates about the same issue. Everyday. And night. Sometimes if I'm lucky, I have friends who come talk to me about the same issue. And most of them are afraid that I might get hurt, at the end of the day. They know, asking me to stop waiting, is a waste of their effort. They tried asking me to go for it, but they are also worried, if I failed, I would get emo, all over again. Thus, all the way back to square one.
Let's zoom out from my issues a second.
Let's talk about the more important issues I have in hand at the moment. The Engineering Team Project name list is finally out.
Ok, I know, those who are not from UTP, you might be blur-blur about this term. Let me remind you. I've been actively involved with the organizing of this event, for the previous 3rd year seniors. Let me dig out a few pictures for you to see..
EDX 18
EDX19
EDX 21
For a reason, I can't seem to locate pictures for EDX 17 and EDX 20..Nevermind that. Anyway, the point is, I've been doing a good service for EDX, for about 5 terms, and finally, it's time for me, to be involved in EDX in another form. Alright, I'm not saying that I'm going to be in it, but heck, the whole 3rd year is in the running for it, so I guess we all stand equal chance, up to this moment.
It's scary that finally, after 3 years being in UTP, after going through Foundation, 1st year, 2nd year, and the hellish lecturers, assignments, peer pressure, etc, it's finally our turn to be involved with the Engineering Team Project.
It seems so surreal all of a sudden. I remember when I read about this "course", it was when I was enrolling my course for 1st year. And 3rd year seems so far, out of reach, and blink-blink eyes, it's time for us to really do it.
and when the name list was out last night, my heart stopped beating for a second. The anticipation for the name list to load, is so overwhelming, that it's even worst than having to wait for the results to load. (which someone just informed me that it's gonna be out this Wednesday!)
WTH WTH!! I hate all this waiting game. I know I'm bound to suck in something. Tell me what it is!
So, I saw the names in my group. I'm in Group 73. Bad number. Bad omen. I couldn't even find the lecturer's name in the Mechanical Department. Is he a new lecturer?? OMFG. If he's new, what's gonna happen?
and I thought I was going to chill this semester for Engineering Team Project. I told myself not to get over-stressed with this "course" because I need to relax abit, don't get the anxiety, or else it's killing my heart. Well, that was just an excuse. But apparently, the chinese are being stereo-typed as "the achievers" in UTP. And they expect alot from the Chinese. Ok, that sounds so wrong, because I'm one of the low-achievers. Hey, I don't even know what I'm doing in an Engineering course, and now, they are expecting me to perform? and achieve something? Well, that's giving me a bottle of whisky, and asking me to down the entire bottle. It's flattering, but it's not gonna be done.
Well, I'm hoping that this weird combination of people in this group, will come up with something. At least we have something to present. A prototype of somesort. I don't know. I don't even want to know what's gonna happen once the semester resumes. I don't even know who my supervisor is! For the first time, I'm not looking forward to going back to UTP. For once, I'm facing this pile of obstacles, and I don't know how to go about it. I can't imagine if the Supervisor or the teammates ask me something, how am I supposed to answer them?
"uh--uh...I don't know what I've been doing for the past 2 years in Undergraduate.."
Great. Just a good impression I wanna leave before I leave UTP. What a way to leave a mark!
and yes, I just realized I'm the only Civil Engineering student in my ETP group. Yes, what a way to have fun! Now, it's bringing the meaning "Team Player" a higher level. Good! PR skills eh?
Some of my coursemates (i.e: Yasmin) asked me to try changing groups. Like going to the specific Supervisor and ask for permission to switch group. Well, I told her, "Itu rezeki Tuhan..I guess.." and what I can do is just rant here, and it stops here.
Anyone knows whether we canDROP ETP and come back to it later? Hehhe...
Aah, enough lah..enough..haven't try also don't know what's gonna happen lah, right? Gonna make the best out of it, I guess. Life's giving me lemons, ..time for lemonade!!
Back to my emo-state, what am I supposed to do nih? Wait? Stop waiting? Wait? Go? Green light? Amber? Red? Apa lights I'm seeing nih?
This morning, the first thing which came to my mind was, "Oh shit! ETP!!"
What a way to start the day eh? This is worst, more horrifying than a nightmare itself. This, is reality.
I need to make lemonade. make lemonade. MAKE ICED LEMONADE..!!
My headache is on and off. The fever is definitely back.
**Need to stay healthy for this Saturday's par-taee..hopefully a good one too.. **
A friend asked, "Why you chose her? She good meh?" I didn't know how to answer.
Another friend asked again, "Why her? Why?" I didn't know what to say.
A friend then said to me, "Maybe it's love. Maybe that's love. But for your case, I am not too sure."
Am I taking love and relationships for granted? Am I not appreciating my singlehood that I'm out hunting again? Or should I wait for the 白马王子 to come one day? Or maybe wait for the right girl to get the spark?
Hmm.. these are the questions I would want to know the answers. Do you know? Kindly tell me, please.
For every answer/reply/comment, I'm buying lunch/dinner/supper.
Think I'm beginning to be too attached to my camera..
Nah, I do not consider myself as a "photographer", a merely nobody, with a cheap camera, trying to capture every moment before I start missing them..
So, today, we all had breakfast at Yee Fatt, the small coffeeshop opposite MGS, famous for its curry..
They got my orders mixed up, so instead of bihun, they made bihun+mee for me.. Well, the curry tastes the same though.. I wonder if you people remember, or maybe those who were in Guides, St.John, GB; every Saturday, we had to go to school for extra-curiccular activities. Ours starts at 9am, but because we made a point to spend some quality time together, we always ajak beramai-ramai and hang out in Yee Fatt for breakfast before going for Guides activities.
There was once, we were too absorbed into our lil chatting, that we got carried away, and when we heard the COY LEADER blowing the whistle, which signals us to gather, we had to run all the way back to school to get in line. Yes, that was how committed we were to Guides (and terrified of the seniors!). Well, we were juniors then marrr...
That's abit of flash back for you..
So, after breakfast, we really had no plans lined up, and the nearest place to hang out would be school. We then had to coax Jacq into going back to school, because she has phobia going to school apparently.
Khian and YiFang, with the newly renovated main gate.
"Last time need to go school I also ponteng..now, don't have to go school, you want me to go school??"
Funny eh?
After a brief session, arguing and explaining to the security officer, because Shereen was in shorts and it's the rules that in order for the public to come into the school area, one must be decently dressed: long pants and shirt. Well, Shereen was not worried because she was friends with the current principal, long story made short, she went to see the principal, talked for quite some time, and voila! she was allowed into the school, no action taken.
MGS has history of over 100 years. Look at the structures!
Quite famous people we have here. WaiYen, Jacq, Khian, MeiLing
Waiyen, was no doubt, the Head Librarian. Jacq was famous for her rebellious actions in class, but also famous for her ballet skills. MeiLing, who doesn't know her? One of the top students, and quite well-known in school.
WaiYen, Jacq, Khian, Yi Fang
Need I say more? Yi Fang was the Head Prefect during my time. Tsk..tsk..yes..no need to say more right?
>> Ex-MGSians, let me take you down memory lane for a moment..especially those who had left school for 4 years and have not returned...or how about those who wants to know more about my high school?
Part of the school's field. Nice trees!. Alot of greens.. Mr.Wong, the teacher, not the gardener, has been doing a good job all these while..and so randomly, you can find 2 garbage bins out of nowhere..hehe..
Nice tree. This road. Yes, we used to take our time, walking all the back to class.. Sweet.. You see the benches at the sides? Aah, how we used to sit there, and just randomly bitched around..hmmm..
The pride of the school. Probably the oldest tree around? The Rain-tree right? We used to gather below the tree, for either PJ, or during marching sessions..I've seen this tree even when we were back in Primary 1..that's long ya know?
This is the KH labs. The place I used to make "Onde-onde", "Curry Chicken Capitan", "Nasi Lemak", err..all sorts of food lah..I missed cooking class leh!!...ish..although we looked awfully ridiculous in those aprons and head gears..hehe..but I really love cooking leh..
The Form4 and form 5 blocks. Well, for the art streams if I'm not mistaken.. See the drains (longkang)? I remember when I was in Form2, I always duduk tepi longkang with Penny during recess..and when Penny left, I duduk tepi longkang with May-may during recess..I guess, there are just so many drains in MGS..people tend to like duduk tepi longkang..hehe..
One of the oldest building in school. Kenyon Cottage. Used as the "art-room", better known as Bilik Seni. They said, this building got tunnel inside lah, but when we went to search for it, they said the school already filled the tunnel lah..locked it lah..then said got people die inside lah..sigh..So many stories, don't know the truth of it..passed down from seniors to juniors, and then from juniors to super juniors..hehe..
Don't know what that's called, but according to YiFang, it's called a "Pavillion". Ok, so, don't play-play, this is MGS's own pavillion..I think the First formers use this to wait for their assembly..or people just use that place to do something else..hmm..
Fifth formers block a.k.a SENIOR's Haven..This building is far from the principal's office, the staff room, and basically isolated lah..Do what also the teachers won't know..jump down also I think they'll receive the news 20 minutes later..hehe..So, all the science classes were placed here. 5Sc1, up to 5Sc4.. Imagine the condition when the teachers have staff meeting..this hallway like pasar malam okay..prefects also cannot keep us in placed..
Then, I missed this place. Some like to sit at the stairs, to talk, chat, or just chill..
Reminiscing the past..hehehe..don't get the wrong idea okay..I don't ponteng class one...I only chill here, when the class is over...
The bookshop. I didn't see Mr.Lee, the bookshopman..Any of you remembers him?
editted: Just got the news, Mr.Lee passed away a few years back due to cancer.
Groundfloor: Canteen First floor: Secondary. During my time, it was for the Form 2 students. Second floor: Primary. During my time, it was for the Standard 6 students.
When I was in Standard 6, there was once, the students got crazy playing with air bubbles. You know the kind, you buy soap water in a bottle and you blow bubbles from the liquid? There was once, the students were playing and they blew the bubbles. One person blow, maybe the bubbles not so obvious. Picture if around 20 people were doing the same thing? Like it was raining bubbles only okay.. The principal then, Pn. Lily Chin caught them doing so, and called all the primary prefects to see her. She gave them a long lecture, and the prefects got the scolding. Immediately, everyone went back to their respective classes and that was the end of the bubbles.
Aah, this staircase. Highest floor is for the primary school kids. 5 Kenanga (my class), was situated at the end of the building, and we often melepak at the staircase, while checking out the seniors in Standard 6. For example, one person sees Wong Li Leng, (famous character back in school), one person shouts "Li Leng!!!", and half of the class comes out to see..=S
Sacred place. The school canteen. Shared by the primary and secondary school.
Our recess time? Uncertain. Why? Because there's no fixed time for us. Supposedly what time? 11.20a.m. for seniors. Then? We leave class at 11.10a.m., no face given to the teachers. Why? Did I tell you that seniors' block is located damn far away? Walk to canteen also need 5 minutes already. Can meh? Why not? Prefects can get 5 minutes earlier. We cannot meh? We want 10 minutes.
Don't ask me what time we go back to class. It's not fixed either. By right, we were given a 20-minute break, but it all depends on what kind of teacher we have after recess. If you get good, soft-spoken teachers, then you can enter the class 10 minutes late. If you get teachers who are strict, and fierce, then, you jap-sang, leave canteen 5 minutes before the bell rings..or else, you get scolding, and maybe have to stand at the corners..
Well, basically we didn't need recess lah..because we are always eating in class..especially after recess..ada kacang putih lah..ada buah lah..ada ini dan itu..how I know? Next time, check the waste paper baskets at the end of the day..hehe..evidence nih!!
Khian and WaiYen in the library. Ex-Head Librarian wanted to see how the library is doing..hmm..not good lah..not happening also..last time the library very happening one..I can go in AVA room lah..work room lah..no need to be librarian also..hehe!!
Shereen and WaiYen
Well, I missed school. I missed high school. No, I wasn't a rebellious student then. I wasn't one of the top students. Not even a popular one to begin with. Just a normal student, trying to make her way to a leaving school certificate at the end of her 5 years in MGS. However bland it was, I missed school. The memories, just too much. Too much to even list out here..
One reason I never use a handbag, not only it's not practical, it makes me look like a "si-lai".. but WaiYen's MNG back is really cool!!
Cik Lailatul apparently still remembers me. Well, she didn't really teach me much also..Moral was it? and..
Her: Wah, Angkhian lama tak balik dah...rambut pun dah tukar warna sudah.. Me: Ya, Cikgu..tak free...lama tak balik dah.. Her: Apasal? Baru duk kat Iskandar je...tak free.. Me: Aah..Petrol naik harga... Her: Hehhe..ni nak duduk berapa flight baru nak sampai Ipoh ni..? Me: Aahh..2 flight..tambang mahal ni.. Her: Adoi... Her: Cikgu tengok, makin lama, Angkhian makin cantik dah.. Me: Terima kasih, Cikgu *grins*
Wahliao, I was thinking, if now, sudah cantik, means last time, not cantik at all lor??
and bumped in Cik Tengku.. she always ask the same things..
Her: Dah ada boypren ke? Me: Dah..berpuluh-puluh...tak tau nak pilih siapa.. Her: Bawa mereka masuk sekolah..cikgu tolong tengokkan.. Me: Err..susah sikit lah cikgu..ni..kena guna satu bas ni...hehe.. Her: ........susah macam itu.. Her: Cikgu tengok..AngKhian tak tukar fesyen ni..masih macam dulu-dulu.. Me: Aah..entah le...
Too bad Cik Asma has been transferred away..hehe..most of the teachers are no longer around..alot of new faces..and they looked at us, like some sort of aliens coming back to school..hmmm...
We were so close to dressing in pinafores..hehe..(I doubt we can even fit in that anymore!)
p/s: I wonder when the next time would be, to come back to MGS again..
Crystal said, everytime I paktor with someone, I pak-ed my savings away too.
I'm basically a thrifty person. You see the clothes I wear, also you know. I wear the same kind of polo-shirts everytime I go out. The same kind of fashion. I don't use make-up, I don't use perfume. I don't put on moisturizers. To me, between Maybelline and Bobby Brown, it's the same. I don't use anyway. Maybe I'm a tech freak, but I don't spend money on buying clothes, shoes, like other girls do.
So, why am I always constantly broke?
If I'm on the verge of pursuing with someone, to me, it's only fair that I pay for meals, I pay for the things we do together, etc. Well, if get together liao, lagi have to pay right? I don't mind. Even if my friends actually told me that she's only trying to use me, or taking advantage of me, this and that, I don't mind. Because it's only right since I'm after her, and it's only gentlemen-like to pay for everything.
To me, money is never everything. You get money, you use it. There's no point saving a whole bundle of it, and then? keep for what? Since I don't use it on myself, why don't I splurge it on someone whom I like or love? Other than keeping them happy, I would get happy myself too, right?
Even if one day, I find that the someone I like, was trying to take advantage of me before, I wouldn't mind. Well, greed is one of the deadly sins. As long as you don't cheat my feelings. My attention. My time. If you are not interested in the first place, don't use me as some-sort of "atm-machine" to get the things you want, until the right one comes along for you. Just make it clear, I guess.
I was telling Crystal, "If I didn't paktor, I think, right now, my savings is enough to buy myself a car already."
Well, just too many times, either getting myself fooled with mirages, or am dumb enough to like someone who doesn't like me back. And this time, I know it's time to stop.
Coz I realized whatever I'm doing, not only I'm financially-retarded now, but I'm causing the pain unto myself, for no apparent reason. It's alright, I guess. You've met someone new, and you moved on.
That's how life should be right? At this hour, you are happy. And next, either you get happier, or you get unhappy.
**post-rejection*
I should have seen this coming a long time ago. Chesh told me to prepare for the worst. That the signs were all negative. Maybe I was too into this, that I kept giving (false) hope to myself. Suddenly, I felt like a big failure.
I should have seen this coming. I should have be prepared for this. But why am I feeling so sad inside?
This sucks man. This emotional turmoil. I can't take this any longer.
After MGS, we decided to just chill in Starbucks, Ipoh Parade, while trying to kill some time..
An array of pastries..
the usual. Ice-Blended caramel coffee, with whipped cream. Grande.
What? Add another RM1 to upsize? Don't want. On diet.
I was as usual, busy with my camera...
this is random. nice.
blur shot.
terrible cam-whore.
Someone was kind enough to treat us with strawberries!
Everytime we brought up this strawberries topic, MeiLing will always bring this story up..
"You know ah! AngKhian, very suka strawberries one!..I remember last time, all of us went Cameron Highlands..she sees strawberries, she like gone crazy like that! What kind of strawberries also she bought..! Strawberries with honey, she bought. Strawberries with chocolate coating, she bought. Strawberries with sugar coating, also she bought. Strawberries with whipped cream also she bought! I think she ate strawberries until full enough already..Go to the strawberry farm, like gone crazy already! Bought 2 big boxes of strawberries, eat till muak.."
Hahha..really..give me a box of strawberries, honey, whipped cream, gone! You can shut my mouth for as long as the supply of strawberries is there...
This is the generous fella, who treated us strawberries.. Camera-shy?
Was too busy with the camera, that I didn't have the time to order my own drink. Had to trouble MeiLing for that..
She knows. It doesn't take much effort to tell someone you like her, if she already knows. Finally, got this "rock" off from my chest.
I've been taking a long time, deciding whether to tell her or not. Asking for opinions here and there. Most of them told me not to say anything, if the outcome is already predictable. Leave myself some dignity, or what's left with it..hehe..
I was contemplating whether to let her know how I was feeling or not. And so what happens after I tell her? Everyday I get myself more and more confused with questions like these, playing in my head. I don't even know what I want. And it's not all about what I want, it's also what she wants. And what's more important at the moment.
Suddenly, I wonder what I want..
and this evening, after knowing something about her, I finally made up my mind to tell her. No matter what kind of rumours you hear about me, being a "casanova", a "player", etc.. It's never easy for me to say those 3 words. Yes, and all I wanted to say to her, was only "I like you." But it seems so difficult.
and this time, it's even tougher, when I don't know what's gonna happen next after "I like you..". I was not looking into a relationship. She wants a different kind of relationship. So, I guess, all I wanted to do was to tell her, that I like her.
and I mustered my courage and I told her.
For a girl her age, she's pretty mature in taking in the news. Well, like I said, she took in the news, and we got over the issue pretty quick. And I'm glad that awkward part is over.
What are my plans now, some of my heng dais asked.
Hmm..continue being a friend? The feelings just doesn't go away like that. I'm standing by, and see what happens next..and perhaps, in time to come, I would know what I want..
p/s: you should not. you deserve someone better.
pp/s: I like you. hahaha..it sounds so much easier telling the whole world, than telling you myself. How ironic.
Got 2 calls from friends, asking me about what happened earlier. And I thought it was obvious after reading the entry. I told them, "Sui jorr.." and laughed. Can hear from their tones, that they were obviously worried about my current condition. Hahha..but I'm alright.
No emo lah..Don't worry lah.. Very sensible and rational this time lah.. We can't really predict what's gonna happen also right, as long as live life with no regrets jao can already! As long as I told what I wanna tell, then whatever happens, happens for a reason lah..right?
After dinner, met up with a couple of friends for 2nd round dinner. For some reasons, I didn't want to stay alone at home. I know I promised not to be emo/sad but you can't help what you are thinking also right?
We had japanese.
my favourite. Seaweed salad. (RM6)
Not much appetite. So I had california roll.
looks yummy eh? it is.
We had dinner at Sushi East, in Ipoh Garden East. Limited choices of sushis and japanese cuisines, but one good thing I like about this place, is that it's economical. Favourite students word: CHEAP and also AFFORDABLE. I used to go to this restaurant, almost every weekend in average. Sometimes I go there with someone special, (think I spend my Valentines day there this year), sometimes I go there with a bunch of friends, and most of the time, my parents and I would have our meals there. Affordable prices, so why not?
Shereen and MeiLing
A very brief dinner. Alot of reminscing done.
Psst..alot of cam-whoring too..
Guess who?
I don't think I'm self-obsessed. I just find myself looking into the camera too much.. Well, you can't help it I guess..You've gotta keep getting the right angle..
and I think I look nice..*beams*
awww..so ccuuutteeeeee~~
A picture of us, before we left Sushi East..
Forever the same joke will pop up every time we meet.
Teacher: AngKhian! Why are you smiling?? Me: Err..my mouth is always like that...
I miss high school. So many things I've done, and I don't remember ALL of them. I didn't even remember I 'sexually assaulted' Chesh back in Form 1, with a ruler, and gave her a trauma until now. Heck! I don't remember that.
I don't even remember the fact that I 'sexually assaulted' anyone back in school. Mana ada?
When Shereen bought up what happened to me back in Biology lab, I didn't know it happened to me..apa ni..memory loss nih..sad sad.. and I wished I can turn back time.. Then I would have spend more time fooling around with my friends..
p/s: It's hard to pretend that everything's fine, when it's clearly not. :|
Tidak dapat tidur semalaman. Texted HwanJean at 11am, asking her to come out for the last time, since she's flying off soon. Will write about that later. (Not important for now, lol!)
Sometimes, I am amazed with myself. I have my own problems, own dilemmas, own emotional crisis, yet when I am out with people who needs the same help, I can tell them exactly what to do. When I look into the mirror, I see a weak self, staring back, and I don't know what to do.
Yes, this is another emo entry.
In response to TingYi's entry, people tend to hold onto something abstract. For example, the past. Well, it's what that makes the present.
I know how it feels, dear. I know. I tried calling her yesterday evening; long distance all the way to Sydney, but hehe, I got cut off because Eewan and Chesh were there already. I didn't call her back. Sorry Ting! I called, because I wanted to hear a familiar voice. I wanted to see how you were doing. I wanted to tell you that it's not the end of the world.
Of all people, I believe in karma the most. I treated people badly in the past, which most of them reckoned I deserved what happens to me today. Well, it's not the end of the world. Do good now, and in the future, you get what you would deserve then.
TingYi, I believe it takes two to tango. Maybe taking a break, is the best for the two of you. The best for you to chill and do some reflection of the relationship, and ask yourself, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT..I believe, if it's fated for the 2 of you to be together, then, the two of you would eventually be together. Take this period of time, and tell yourself, that the relationship just needs a break. Stay strong to your feelings, stay true to your heart, and one day, if God prevails, he/she would come back, somehow.
How would I know?
I see her smile, and it brought me back to the point when I first saw her walking in. And then, it reminded me the reason why I fell for her in the first place..
Just stay strong. It's winter now eh? Keep yourself warm, and one day, soon, you will know what you want, and then, make your decision. It's all fated.
Guy in Dubai: Woei! Why you blog so much one?? Me: Huh? Guy in Dubai: Yalah! 2 weeks I haven't been reading and now I can't catch up already... Me: =.="
Me: Sien.. Chesh: Go blog lah you.. Me: Huh? Don't want lah..just blogged not long ago.. Chesh: WHERE GOT ??!! Me: Got lah..Chill.. Chesh: Nowadays I go to your blog, there's nothing to read already.. Me: =.=""
When she left my house this afternoon, she left with a statement, "Eh, no present ah? Why no present one?"
and it left me with a grin, the whole day.
She is finally flying off tomorrow. After breaking the news to me a couple of months back, she's FINALLY flying off tomorrow. Her flight would be at 9pm. And she's off to Adelaide, for her degree.
No, I'm not going to be the 'someone' sending her off in the airport. I'm not planning a surprise for her. I do not have anything for her. In fact, she's just one of the many that I have send, or I would be saying goodbye to, in Ipoh.
Who is she?
Aww.. this is cute.
She's probably gonna kill me after this entry.
Alright, a more decent picture then.
Let's guess her age, should we? If I tell you, you'd probably freak out..
Let's just ASSUME she's my junior..(oklah, memang she's my junior back in high school lah)
I've known her, ever since I was 12. Quite famous back in primary school..Adoi!(for the wrong reasons)
Well, I guess we, especially me and michelle, had always 'tortured' her back in Guides. We weren't exactly torturing, but we kinda made life hard-er for her. Lol! There are just so many events which happened back in high school, and even though we were a year apart, yet we clicked pretty well. We were always 'arguing' with one another, and though all the verbal 'friendly' arguments, yet I'm proud to say, she's probably one of the closest junior I have now.
Everytime I see her status on MSN which states: "I'm EMO", I would just drop a message saying Hie and ask her what's wrong. And surprisingly, I told her my issues too, though she always say she doesn't understand the attraction between the same genders, yet she keeps those nasty comments to herself. Well, I had my share to be her listening-ear as well, so I guess it's a give-and-take thing.
And she was always there. Online when she's in KL. Out with me when she's in Ipoh. Especially this semester break, when I had to deal with my recent breakup, and was abit emo during the first few weeks of my holidays, I would always call her out for a drink at night, or for breakfast early in the morning.
She never says no. In fact, most of the time, she had to wake me up in the morning, only to find that I had a hard time waking up.
Today, knowing that she's finally flying off to Adelaide tomorrow, I wanted to see her, one last time before she really leaves. Coz earlier, we kept saying it's the last time, it's the last time, but today, was for real. It was really the last time for us to meet up casually.
We promised to meet up at 10am for breakfast, but because she had a hard time sleeping the night before, she could only wake up at 11am, just in time for me to meet her in Oldtown Kopitiam for something light.
We had 2 glasses of white coffee, a bowl of Assam Laksa, and a piece of garlic bread. And we killed 2 hours, just mere random conversation, and she told me something about her soon-to-have-love-life.
She said to me, " You know, if there's an award for the worst senior, I would definitely nominate you! "
and I doubt she meant it that way.
This is the kind of girl which I can be pretty good friends with, and still not fall for her. Hehhe.
Sometimes the way she talks, would really test my patience. On the other hand, sometimes, I find her way to mature for her age.
After spending 2 hours in kopitiam, we headed home, to take this picture.
Khian and HwanJean
and I kept asking her, "You sure you cannot like girls ah?" Lol!!
When she left my house this afternoon, and said, "Presents leh? No presents geh?..So sui.." I told her "No. Don't have." but inside, I was struggling with ways to say goodbye, take care, have fun, come home.
I guess I'm just an ordinary person, and I find it hard to deal with goodbyes.
and HwanJean, this is my gift to you.
Good luck. Take care. Be well. Stay strong. Don't get homesick. Stay true to your beliefs. Stay true to who you really are. Don't emo-emo.
p/s: Come home, remember buy alcohol from airport for me!
I'm drowning myself with [Air Supply] now. This is definitely a wrong night to go all-emo for nothing.
"I wish I could carry your smile in my heart For times when my life seems so low It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you I know you were right, believing for so long I'm all out of love, what am I without you? I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home Away from these long lonely nights I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too? Does the feeling seem oh so right?
What would you say, if I called on you now Saying that I can't hold on There's no easy way, it gets harder each day Please love me or I'll be gone... I'll be gone"
-All Out of Love, Air Supply
"If I had to live my life without you near me The days would all be empty The nights would seem so long With you I see forever oh so clearly I might have been in love before But it never felt this strong Our dreams are young and we both know They'll take us where we want to go Hold me now, touch me now I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought to know by now how much I love you One thing you can be sure of I'll never ask for more than your love Nothing's gonna change my love for you You ought to know by now how much I love you The world may change my whole life through But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy Our love will lead a way for us Like a guiding star I'll be there for you if you should need me You don't have to change a thing I love you just the way you are So come with me and share the view I'll help you see forever too Hold me now, touch me now I don't want to live without you"
- Nothing's Gonna Change my love for you, Air Supply
Don't know which is keeping me awake more. Results coming out tomorrow..or something else.. Darn, suddenly felt that all eyes are reading this blog, and I can't blog about things anymore.
MeiLing told me that I'm just this one big confused kid. Hahha..confused, yes. Kid, no.
I wished I would just wake up and know what I want. Just maybe, give me a light, someday, soon.
I can't stand the sleepless nights anymore. I can't stand the nightmare. For once, I need to know, to get back on track.
Waiyen: Eh, don't hide-hide lah..spill! Me: Nothing lah..not hiding anything.. WaiYen: Then? Me: Do I look like I'm hiding something? WaiYen: Don't know. Probably you are a good actress..?
I wished I was a good actress. I wished I was good at lying to myself just like I do, to the others. I wished I was that good. I wished I was happier. Life was so much easier then, did I just make it more complicated?
"This was never the way I planned Not my intention I got so brave, drink in hand Lost my discretion It’s not what, I’m used to Just wanna try you on I’m curious for you Caught my attention I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it"
-I kissed a girl, Kate Perry
The weekend is approaching. I hope tomorrow's night gonna be a hot night. And perhaps, scoring for good? Lol!
I wished that there would be two less lonely people in the world, tonight.
L, is for the way you Look at me.. O, is for the Only One I see... V, is very, Very extraordinary.. E, is even more than anyone that you adore..
and
Love is all I can give to you.. Love is more than just a game for two.. Two in love, can make it, take my heart and please don't break it.. Love, was made for me and you..
Yes, this entry is response to Chesh's 287th entry on LOVE. (well, because I asked her to blog, and now, I've to write pula..)
So, I guess I'm just going to touch abit on L-O-V-E.
(Suddenly, this reminds me of Ashlee Simpson's song: "L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E!" ) [yes, stupid song, but catchy!]
In her entry, she mentioned, that usually, you won't get to be together with the person you love most. And I dare say it's pretty true, because the experts say, you would always end up, getting married with the person you might not even love very much. So, what happens to the fairy tales like "Cinderella" with its happily ever after? Or "Rapunzel", who waited for her prince charming to come rescue her from the tower, and then live happily ever after?
Have we been poisoning our children's mind with all these fairy tales, which in reality, doesn't even make sense in the first place?
I guess I've long given up on Love. Whatever fireworks which comes along with the spark. I've given up on all that. All of a sudden, I don't think I'm even strong enough to utter "I love you" even if I really feel that way. Because "I Love You" is a very strong, and impactful phrase, that if you used it too often, it would lose its magic. I no longer use this phrase because I know, relationships are just a mirage that we choose to fool ourselves, until they come crashing onto you, and then you get depressed all over again. And the whole cycle repeats itself. And, truthfully, I'm sick of all that!
Love, I've learned, (for the past few weeks), is not about having him/her as your other half. Love, can be seeing him/her, happy with the right person. Love is not about grabbing him/her, stuffing him/her into your pockets and suffocate him/her with your unconditional love. Love is about trusting one another, in doing the things he/she is happy doing. Love is about letting him/her go off, and then slowly reel them in, bit by bit. Love is about making sure that he/she is living fine. Love is about making sacrifices for the happiness of the person you love. Love is about making dreams together, and then hope to live in it together.
Honestly, Love is when I see me and you. (Hehhe..)
There's no exact way to define LOVE. Love is just a mere word, used so explicitly, that it's so confusing. LOVE is just a 4-letter word. What's important is, you will know when you see the right person in front of you.
Most of my friends, are currently facing LOVE problems and dilemmas. I guess, it's the season now eh? Well, LOVE thyself..most importantly.
p/s: Each day, I spend a few minutes talking to you and that's enough to make an impact for the whole day.
I'm not upset. I'm not disappointed. I'm not angry.
I'm just depressed.
For a personal record, the GPA dropped. To compare with the others, we all dropped the same way.
The point is, I hate comparing. I hate this kiasu-ness you people instilled in me. I hate the fact that I'm slowly turning into this kiasu who's constantly being reminded that my results are not good, which resulted me into seeing my results like a total horror.
I quote MeiLing, "I wished I can go back to high school's time."
and I wished I could.
Those days, you can study the same subject like the rest, and even if you suck in your results, people generally don't care. Though you are in the top class, the people in it, took studying lightly, and we managed to excel. But now, things are different. If you don't excel, means you don't graduate nicely.
So, yes, this is an entry, signifying my drop in my GPA. Leave me alone. Let me think what to do next.
After dinner in Sushi East the other night, we planned to meet up for yumcha, since
Yeesan just arrived in Ipoh
Yi Fang's last day in Ipoh
MeiLing is flying off soon.
Eewan, Chesh haven't meet up with Shereen
I would be leaving soon.
Well, basically we don't need any reasons to meet up lah, saja lah, wanna be dramatic kan..
Like what Chesh, (and most of them said), I'm always this mediator, which does the calling, and texting and bringing people together. (Cis, when will it be my time to leave?)
We went to a place,..
the only cafe which serves TAU water..TAU water is imported tau..RM8.95 for one bottle..hehe..
We went to FRIENDS' CAFE, a few lots away from Sushi East. I was pretty decent that night, though I was abit [emo], yet I didn't order any alcohol drinks. In fact I was so 'guai', I ordered something healthy..
it's screwdriver, minus the vodka.
While waiting for the crowd to come, I ajak-ed Shereen and MeiLing to do funny pose with my camera..
awwwww....cute cute!!..(me lah!)
hehe..!!
Then Yeesan finally make it..
Khian and Yeesan. (didn't change much)
Singapore. Tronoh. London Shereen, Khian, Yeesan
Finally, everyone made it. Hahha.. Nothing much to write about, basically. It was either because I've been meeting Eewan and Chesh frequently, or I've met up with Shereen and Meiling earlier for dinner, and Yeesan, I would call her at times when she's in London, YiFang and Jacq? We met a couple of times already..
So, there's nothing much to talk about lah..except those who have not met up with one another yet.
Usually people would ask me the usual question, "Hey, so AngKhian..how are you? Are you ok?"
My answer WOULD ALWAYS be, "Eh, you never read my blog meh?"
Then most of them would say, "Ok, next time come out don't need to talk, read blog enough.."
Wah..joking only also tulan meh...
Khian, YiFang, Shereen. Yes, is this the person you wanna send your kids to, for early education?? (YiFang)
Trying to do the-KLCC. Khian, Eewan, Chesh
Khian, Chesh, Eewan, Shereen, Yeesan, MeiLing
Climbing high up. Forever the mischevious one.
Don't know when would be the next time we are able to meet..hmm..it's hard for the UK people and Aust people to meet up, since they come back during a different time..
p/s: Keep those nasty comments to yourselves. The whole world doesn't need to know them. Just because we chose to keep it inside, doesn't mean we don't mind.
pp/s: Worst clubbing night ever. I really missed those times when I clubbed with Crystal, Yoke, Maylee, and the rest. That was the best.
ppp/s: Don't give me shit about culture shock! I don't care. Just because you are "katak bawah tempurung", doesn't give you the right to ruin other people's lives.
*to a dear friend, I'm sorry I threw my temper on you. It's not even your fault to begin with.
I guess the smarter you are, the lower EQ you have. I am just disappointed. Why some things still do not change?
Steamboat dinner with a couple of friends. Was rather random, and we didn't have it in the usual MP restaurant. In fact, we went old-school, and went to this really old restaurant in Ipoh oldtown.
Restoran Sin Yip Hing.
Pretty cheap, since it's an old shop.
Cheh Shing and I were the ones who arrived the earliest while waiting for the rest to come. The usual things we do, while waiting..chat, catch up, bitch..and...
lately been doing the same angle..hehe..
khian and chehshing
About 8.15pm, everyone finally arrived. Then the gas got started, and the soup started boiling..and it begun!
Yeesan, HoiWan, Karmun This shot is pretty good, considering everyone's having a fun time, enjoying!
That's Eewan and Yeesan.
Jie Yi and Chloe. We don't really know them, since they are Eewan's juniors back in AMC. New friends made, though I suspect they must felt pretty awkward being with a bunch of loud, noisy people.
Shereen, dealing with her food.
Oh, I thought I must state this here. Shereen's one of the bahagia-est girl because I peel the prawns' skin for her..damn, even I never done that for my girlfriends okay..hehe!!..
Chesh and MeiYenn.
A proper shot with Yeesan, HoiWan and Karmun.
The bigger picture. The whole group.
A night worth of funny annecdotes.
We had an after-party after dinner, in Sincero. Shall write about it later.
It was not really a crazy night, in terms of mood and company.
Well, most of us who were there, were pretty hard-core drinkers, but when we came together, it was a weird combination. I had the most magaritas and vodka lime that night.
Think I had 3 magaritas and 2 vodka limes that night. And still standing strong at the end of the night.
It was like a free-flow party, because my money kept flowing out..haha..
Imagine magarita costing me RM25.00..hmm...
You do the math lah!
My first drink: Vodka Lime.
Pictures of people.
Shereen and Khian. Shereen's first time with Khian in a club..Lol!!
MeiYenn and Khian
I was telling her, everytime I go clubbing, MeiYenn's always there..hehe..so I made a vow to take pictures with her everytime we club together..as a memory..then we can count the times we go club together..lol!
Khian and Chesh
Khian and Chloe.
Whoa, this girl. This girl! From AMC one, knew her barely one week, already given me high blood pressure! No words can describe this girl lah..i really..sigh..ran out of words already..
Then someone decided that there's no kick in magaritas and vodkas, so she ordered 3 tequila shots..
3 of us took one each. No kick.
I went home sober that night. Really no fun okay. First time go clubbing, go back still sober..WTH!
I kept recalling why that night in the Sanctuary, why I was gone so fast... Haih..buat malu only..
trying to create a "mabuk" effect..lol..
Group picture..
decent picture eh.
Yeah, it was a fcuking decent night. No fun!! No fun!! but the girl was stunningly hawt..hehe!
"oO, boy..I think you have alot of anger inside you.."
Yes. I know. I know. I don't know why.
The only time I'm neutral, is when I had that few texts with you. And that was enough to keep me happy for a while. Now, I'm back to being an [emo] kid. Really.
"I'm all out of love. What am I without you..."
"I want you to come back, and carry me home.."
We often find it's easier to ask someone to wait for you, rather than waiting for him/her instead. But I shall wait. I shall wait silently. And then you wouldn't even know the agony of me, waiting.
Like making an effort, but it's not giving any positive results. Sigh. This is like doing a lab experiment, but you know the results are going to be negative, but you still do it anyways. Why?
I also don't know how to answer lah.
Another unreplied message.
Hrrrmmmm....
Try again tonight lor..what to do! Have to smile ge lah! Needs alot of effort, so this is one of it ge lah..
jia you!!
editted: saw this quiz at Chesh's blog and hand itchy went to do it..
You are 61% Emo
You are pretty Emo. You like the music, styles and way of life but it doesn’t really control your life. There is more to you than just another cute Emo face.
well well..this is for the people who say I'm always [EMO]. Please..baru 61% only okay..if always [EMO], then it would be 100%..and..huh..cute EMO face huh...CUTE..CUTE!! CUTE weh!!
This is like, urm..testing my patience.. Suddenly, feels like a fool pulak..sigh..
"忍"! I have this chinese character poster, hanging on my wall back in UTP. It doesn't seem to work, maybe I'm not much of a patience person.
Mel just confirmed yesterday, that I really need Anger Management classes. I'm like this really angry person out on the loose, everyday. So, right now, she's out looking for such classes, and I hope these classes doesn't cost me a bomb. Or else I would get even angrier..
*whistle*
Met up with Mel and Shereen yesterday for breakfast. Then, to Jusco to buy some..urm..private stuffs..which cost me about RM250..whoa~~ even my mum got so surprised..hehe..
"Eh, so sexy, you wear or not one...."
=.="
Mel and Shereen
Not that we wanted to dress so casually lah, but because the initial plan was just to have breakfast in a chinese kopi-tim, but see see, we ended up shopping in Jusco. Still decent apa...
khian and mel. Looking very angmoh-ish..haha..
Khian, Mel, Shereen in front of Jusco.
When I asked one of the security guards to take a picture of us, he gave me one kind of antonishing look. It's like saying, "Eh, bukan ke awak selalu datang..apasai mahu tangkap gambar??" Hehhe..cannot tangkap gambar isit?
omg omg..should I buy this pair of Espirit cargos for RM269.00..?? It's like so nice to wear..and so nice okay..aiyer..I wanna buy..dotcom..wanna buy...
Then, the purpose of me going to Jusco, was to meet up with Kumitaa and Lili. Both my 2 years senior back in MGS..hmm..important people lah.. I was just telling them, their batch of people, quite smart ah..considering they like to study..and they excel..hrm..hrm...
Kumitaa and Lili.
Some things never change one lah...haha.. Think I rarely talked to Kumitaa and Lili back in high school, but yet, after graduated from MGS, we still meet up..and can talk..good woh..
Kumitaa, Khian, LiLi..
Told you it was a long day. After meeting up with them, barely an hour, had to pick my mum for lunch.. and more pictures lah...
Did I mention that I got a parking ticket, somewhere near Padang Ipoh, some time last week?
The story because that day, I got very [emo]-ish, so I called Chesh and Eewan to come out yum-cha.. Dunno which chicken suggested Padang Ipoh's Oldtown Kopitiam, so we all went there to meet up lor.. Maybe those who are not from Ipoh wouldn't know, but those who are based in Ipoh, that place, is jinxed in the afternoon. Not only it's crowded with cars, but because all the banks are located there, and the offices, so people tend to go there for lunch. So, in short, it's crowded lah.
Normally, if you get a parking space, then you must lottery already, because certainly, that day is DEFINITELY your lucky day!
So, that day, I reached Padang Ipoh lor..quite early, and I was circling a few rounds and then I saw this MyVi, reversing from its parking space..So, I pun gembiranya, put my signal, and waited for it to come out lor..and told myself, wahliao, so lucky, no need wait..and quickly parked my car lah..somemore that place, damn shady area, cooling, not that hot..so after parking my car, I went and got myself a table in Oldtown Kopitiam.
I waited for 30 minutes, still no sign of Chesh and Eewan. Then, they called, and said, why don't we change location, because Chesh needed to rush home. I said, "No.." because I waited so long already..they must come.. So, they came in a hurry, and they should have reached earlier, but because the short-cut they took, ended up becoming a long-cut, they got themselves lost.
=.="
Came, barely for 30 minutes, Chesh had to leave..and I have to fetch Eewan home. Went to get my car, and saw this BIG PARKING TICKET on my windshield!! OMFG! And I also scratched 2 parking coupon somemore, and also kena saman!!
It turned out that the place I parked, was a place for MBI parking ONLY. Fucking shit! I got ticket for parking at a non-parking space. Nevermind. Thought it was just a RM20 summon, and when I checked, RM40!!!
RM40!! Can pump petrol half tank! RM40, can eat 3 days! RM40!! Can belanja minum, 1 bucket! RM40!! Can buy medicine liao!
Padang Ipoh
Wisma Taiko
PTIC. Located beside the stupid MBI building.
Then today, I decided to pay my ticket lah, since I'm going to go back to hell-hole already. I went yesterday one, thought can minta rayuan, ask to deduct abit, but the officer not in. So I went back again today..
Chicken, wasted my petrol!!
By the way, to pay your parking ticket in Ipoh, you have to go to this building, located opposite Ipoh Parade.
Nevermind, today I went there in the afternoon, in a chill-chill mode, I went in, and asked for rayuan. BUT I stood there, for a nice 5 minutes, yet the clerks, and officers were inside, chatting chatting..didn't even realize I was there..monkey!! I stood there, nicely, yet they were still talking, about nonsense! Not even work-related.
I tried to make myself noticable, but hello! I was in the middle of them, yet they still cannot see me.. BERUK! BERUK BETUL!! So, I quickly faked a cough, and said I want to minta rayuan. Then this stupid man, gave me this pissed look, and deducted RM10 from the amount I have to pay.
CHICKEN! RM10, MY PETROL GO THERE ALSO MORE THAN THAT ALREADY OKAY!! PLUS WHO THE HELL KNOWS THAT PARKING SPACE IS FOR MBI! NEXT TIME WRITE BIG BIG!! FUCKING SHIT!
I smiled at him, said thank you..but inside, feeling all boiled up. RM10, I stood there, my time wasted for 15 minutes, just to pay..PETROL GO THERE, ALSO RM20 already!!
PLEASE LAH, PERAK GOVERNMENT!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WORKERS LAH!! Not efficient somemore.
So smart give parking ticket! Get smarter people to work in your offices. Don't get those beruk uncles and aunties work for you..no wonder we never improve!
I'm so angry!! RM30.00 not worth paying also!! May as well give charity. At least for good cause! So smart give saman..
Jinxed area, with free wifi
Old heritage buildings. Don't want to go there already in the afternoon! Sial betul!
And the yumcha cost me less than that okay!! RM30 fly for nothing!!!!!
Been seeing Mel, 2 days in a row. and yes, thanks to Shereen, I had a free supper. (Singaporeans can be pretty generous..hehe)
We wanted to have 'tong sui' at TongSuiKai, but it was closed for some reasons on a Monday night, so we went to Yeolde English instead. Pretty decent eh..
peppermint choc moouse cake (Shereen complained that I love peppermint too much!)
Yeolde's cakes look nice, but bleerkk! as soon as they go into your mouth..tastes like cardboard..:S
Earl Gray tea. Warm, coz it was blardy cold at nights nowadays..
Besides these, I had a plate of spagghetti too...hmm..*guilty* because it all adds up to the kilos..
This was what Shereen had..
Mixed Fruit Ice-cream. Wth! Not nice one...
I was smart enough to bring along my mini tripod, so it was easier for us to take group pictures. Didn't have to rely on random strangers to take our pictures..and I don't really like the idea of strangers holding my camera also..
And when we were trying the first shot, both Mel and I were waiting for our cue to smile at my camera, when suddenly this waiter approached us, and said he wanted to clear the table for us. It was very obvious that we were waiting for the cue, but he still insisted to clear the table.. and this was what happened...
Mel: Can you see the hair?!!!!! Khian: What hair??? Mel: Armpit hair... Khian: What lah....! Mel: Yes..and you are under his armpit.. Khian: What the...!
So, we tried another shot..
and she thought that was the last of it..but "Mel ah..., cannot lah this angle..." Mel was like, "OKlah oklah..come, find your angle..we can take until you are happy..."
So, I tried another angle lah..and set the timer mode.. and told Mel and Shereen to quickly get ready..and look at the camera..
*chak!*
what is this..wasted my film nia...
So, we tried another time..this time, made sure all of them were ready..and
*chak!*
memang waste my film nia...(Shereen was busy with her starfruit...what to do..in Singapore, this fruit is imported, you know!)
this shot is good lah..i like this angle man..but..
Finally a more decent shot...
looking our best...less troubled...
hehe..this one..:D
think someone spiked my Earl Gray tea...
this one..definitely..definitely...errr..I think I get high with tea...(aww..so cute....)
**whistle-whistle**
p/s: Ask me the story of charsiewpau and mantou..So Funny, can?!!
"I've made up my mind dont need to think it over if i'm wrong i am right dont need to look no further this ain't lust i know this is love
but if i tell the world i'll never say enough cos it was not said to you and thats exactly what i need to do if i end up with you
should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere, or would it be a waste even if i knew my place should i leave it there. "
'Chasing Pavements' - Adele
So, the biggest question for all of us would be, ''Should we continue chasing pavements?'' Well then, even if we know it leads nowhere? Sometimes I find myself trying too hard..and then, on the brink of giving up, I stopped and think, "What if this is the last thing to do?" and then I continue trying even more harder.
We all have our own 'pavements' to chase after. And between the 3 of us, 1 of us is not making it afterall...
Told Chesh, I have so much to tell, yet no words come out properly.. and she told me to quit trying already.
Yet, I smiled. What if this is the last thing to do?
"If what you said, it's intended for me, then I already got the message."
And I thought today was a happy day. I was wrong.
I hope I can just move on with life, ignoring the message, pretending that it was not intended for me..but I can't. Somehow I felt that it's written "Dear Angkhian.." in an invisible ink, which only I am able to see..
I wished it didn't have to end that soon. You are still young.
I couldn't sleep the whole night. Chesh, if you hear the reason, you would probably sigh for me too.. The sentence, kept haunting me the entire night. I swear I could hear the actual person saying it to me, straight to my face!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
plus today, I need to drive long-distance to Kuala Kangsar and back. What is this?? Now, I don't even know I can even drive back to UTP to meet up with them.
and the temperature keeps rising. Gawd! Why did I get myself so upset the night before?
Sometimes we wished that people would know what we want. It tiring to have to voice our what you want, everytime you want something..=.=''
Chasing pavements? Well, suddenly I feel scared of running..I'm thinking of just sitting by the pavement..and hope it's happy..
If you think I'm back in hell-hole, YOU ARE DEAD WRONG!!
I'm back, after a 3-hour driving journey. Shall harp more on that later, for now, I need to get ready for dinner with Yoke Yee.. I'm dead tired, but because I'm also dead hyper..I need to get rid of my body temperature at the moment. I'm burning..
As I was driving from UTP back to Ipoh today, I had this song looping for a reason..
"Theres a mountain between us But there's one thing i'm sure of That I know how I feel About you
Can we bring yesterday Back around Cause I know how I feel About you now I was dumb I was wrong I let you down But I know how I feel About you now
All that it takes One more chance Don't let our last kiss Be our last Give me tonight and I'll show you"
One last night, before heading back (this time, it's for real!) to hell-hole.
Dinner with Yoke Yee last night, was interesting. We had 'nga choi kai' for dinner, and it was really funny, that despite us, being truly iPohians, I never personally have 'nga choi kai' for dinner, unless I bring non-Ipoh friends around. Well, we went to Onn Kee, which is like our favourite, even though most of the tourists would prefer Lou Wong.
No pictures of the food, because we would look like sakai-s, coz obviously we are from Ipoh.. and pssst, between you and me, the boss of the shop knows my parents pretty well..So, I didn't bother taking any.. or I was too busy catching up with Yoke Yee..hehe..
Well, I've been seeing her a lot lately. Like how I called her for yumcha when I was driving back from UTP, just a week ago? Was very random, because initially I wanted to ask her join me for breakfast coz initially I was on the way back to UTP and would pass by her working place. However, she was busy with work, and she couldn't make it for lunch. So, on my way back from UTP, I thought of meeting up with her for yumcha instead. Her current working place is just 30 minutes away from my campus leh...hehe..
Considering the fact that we were never classmates, I kept wondering why we can communicate so well, with one another..hmm.. It's like we have alot of things to talk about, and her company, is one of the many which I enjoy.
and I still feel bad because according to her, Friday is the time when it's reserved for the boyfriend. (and I took her away)..shytes..the boyfriend must have cursed me..adoi..
A nice night, though a short one. But packed with alot of anecdotes, and also catching up.. Well, since I'm based in Tronoh, and she's in Ipoh, I guess we would be meeting up pretty often..
p/s: woke up this morning, and the throwing up is back. :|
I joined this Rural Service (下乡) team a year ago. The thing is, the 26 of us went to this new kampung: Kampung Liman Kati, in hope to instill the importance of education in the kids and the villagers. The 26 of us were send to 26 different families. We went back again, our 4th time.
The main mission would be: Decorating and Improving the school's library.
We also took the opportunity to rekindle flames with our families, as well as take advantage of the durian and mangosteen season.
Teehooi, Chee Huey and Hwei Yee
That's me! Engrossed with work..lol!
Alot of hardwork and effort was put in this time. Albeit the small library, yet alot of work had to be done to 'save' it..
One of our tasks was to decorate a new notice board for the library. Being engineering students, with the least artsy instincts, we came out with the most engineering based decoration. The Solar System. It was rather predictable actually..
I secretly think that the teacher was not happy and satisfied with our hardwork..hmm..one can never ask alot from a voluntary job..
After doing a whole day's job in the library, we were finally free to leave to our respective homes to meet up with our foster families..My house is located not far from the school, I remember how I used to have to walk all the way back, with the risk of meeting stray dogs..or Peichie was kind enough to send me back with her foster family's motorcycle..hehe..
This time, my old house has been demolished, and my family build a bigger house. Whoa! 6 rooms in our house okay..all marbled..and each room has an aircond.. The room which they allocated me with, even have a personal bathroom okay..even more luxurious than my own home..
This is their study room..
That's my youngest foster brother: Kar Weng..(so cute can!!)
That's the 3rd sister, 10 years old..looking mischevious...
We were trying to camwhore..lol! That's almost everyone..except for the 4th sister, who was sick that day..not in the picture.. pssst...I cannot remember the sisters' names...lol! bad bad memory..
I didn't take any pictures with my foster parents because they don't really like cameras..I did ask once, but my foster mum was abit camera shy, so I didn't pursue further..Some people really pantang camera one okay..especially the older generation..
I don't really talk much to my sibblings..I'm more comfortable talking to my 'mum' because mainly of the age gap with my sibblings..The eldest is in Form 2, which makes her 14..hello, that's like, 7 years gap..I can talk more with my 'mum'..hehe..I don't know why leh..女人杀手..hehe!!
I really enjoy this Rural Service, because back in my own family, I'm the eldest, with only one younger brother..and I can't really experience the feeling of having many brothers and sisters..This family is just the right one for me! I mean, being at 'home' is really interesting, because they always have stories to tell..this and that..really very busy one..
At least you won't go home to a quiet house..
Though in this foster home, I'm still the eldest, but my foster 'sibblings' call me "姐姐" which means (sister) in cantonese. It makes me feel superior in a way..hehe! Back at my own home, my brother calls me "AngKhian" okay..memang..useless fella!
I'm glad I made the right decision to join this programme a year ago..No regrets lor!.. Even though this time around, this time going back, it's abit different compared to the rest..I thought I was going to break down..but erm..I guess, I did, but it was a silent breakdown..and I'm glad that my teammates didn't make it tougher for me.. I appreciate it..
That's me with the youngest sister! Sharon..hehe..cute eh?
And at night, we went to 'Dang Gei', which is a lepak place for the villagers lah.. We sat there, together with the kids, and talked..Most of us were busy catching up, after the 2 months semester break..hehe..
Part of the team.
not so clear...
The next day, we had to return to the library again..to finish up the work..as well as the new tasks given every minute to us. There were a few moments that we just wanted to abandon our tasks, because there were just simply too much for us to accomplish on time..but..err..we joined this programme for a reason..so.. *bertahan je lah!*
After this programme, I was simply too tired, because I was the driver this time..I had to wake up early to drive them to Kuala Kangsar and do the same amount of job..and didn't sleep well that night, because I couldn't sleep, and had to resort to my iPod for some entertainment..And the next morning, woke up early to finish the tasks in school..and had to drive them back to UTP, before going back to Ipoh myself.. Sigh! Even typing it is tiring enough already..hehe..
But it's all in the name of volunteer work and fun!
CheeHuey, Khian, Teehooi.
I'm glad that we all could blend in together. All 26 of us came from different backgrounds, yet, the first time we joined the programme, we took care of one another, throughout the 1-week activity..And that's experience no money can buy!
Khian and Pangkor. This man made it all happened, as he was appointed as the team leader for this time.. EXCUSE my tired and sampat face..hello, didn't sleep is like that one de...
Teik Hui, Khian and Khaloon. These 2 are the only old hags around for this time..
All in all, like I've said, this is an experience that money can NEVER buy!
p/s: Counting down..Less than 24 hours left of the semester break!
pp/s: Stop avoiding. Avoiding it, doesn't mean it's not there..
ppp/s: I can never deny the feelings, just too strong..
It's about 11 in the morning now. The usual me would be estatic to go back to hell-hole, busy packing.. But this time, the bags are unpacked..I don't even know where to start..
Luckily I went back 2 days ago, to bring some stuffs back, as well as clean the room a little.
I'm beginning to feel the fear of going back. What's installed for me this semester? Would the taunting and humilation stop this semester?
And to add up with the previous dramas, is it a good idea to go back in the first place?
It's about 11.30am now, and I should be packing already. But maybe that would have to wait. I think I'm just going to go lie down. The pain is unbearable for a reason. The temperature is like a roller coaster, back and gone in a second..
No, and it's not because of the homesickness. This is something else.
Couldn't sleep well yesterday; keep waking up every hour to check the time. Excited? Perhaps.. Worried? Probably..
Well, like what Chee Wai told me last night, sooner or later, I've gotta face it. And wouldn't it be better if I face it earlier, which also means it would end earlier too..when I thought of that, it's true in a way. I love how guys think at times. They can be so objective, and sometimes, it's better if you put no emotions in your thoughts, things would be much simpler in a way..
When I told [the guy who WAS in Dubai] that I don't feel like coming back, he said I'm just running away. And for that, I'm a coward. Wooo..well...I admit I was only running away, because I didn't know the best way to deal with stuffs. I mean, I'm just too scared to think of the consequences..
Yes, I know. This is not the Khian we know..
Anyway, the last meet-up I had was with Mel, Jacq and Shereen in Breeze Cafe.. This was a day before Shereen had to leave to Singapore..
Though Breeze Cafe is well known for its reasonable price for alcohol, yet I was decent that night! I ordered a Freeze Mint..which well.. pretty decent..
A basket of Onion Rings..
Everything was paid by Shereen that night.. Mentang-mentang she orang Sing-ka-Poh..hehe..transfer rate higher!!
Shereen and Khian
(Suddenly why I find myself so yeng one...*droooollsss)
Jacq and Mel.
Jacq's leaving to Columbia soon..
And the famous angle..
yang tak jadi....T_T
So, this is the first day for you.. 8am woke up for class, but the lecturer didn't turn up..I have an 8-hours break till the next class, which means, finish up my chinese drama..
Yes, first day, and we already planned to go down for dimsum..Well, a good start..
I'm gonna keep walkin Though it may seem far I'm gonna keep reachin When life gets too hard Not gonna let you bring me down I'll take the high road
I'm gonna get by on the high road"
-The High Road, by Jojo
Thanks for all the phone calls and text messages to check on me. I appreciate it, man! I'm glad that people actually cared enough to see whether I made it or otherwise..
I've been looping this song on my iTunes and iPod ever since..Thanks Chesh for the song..made me realize I've gotta be the bigger person.. No matter how painful it is, I've gotta smile the pain away!!
I could curse; I could shout, but I'm gonna take the high road..
Someone said to me last night,.."Don't waste your life away...please.."
It's 2 in the morning. Supposedly the beginning of the second day,but my first class begins at 2pm. So, I'm chilling chill..
Peichie called about 12am, to go for a chat and also a walk around the campus..haha, in the middle of the night.. It has been a long time since I last walked around in the campus..can see alot of couples walking around.. Well, it was nice catching up with her, ever since she has left to Germany for her internship. Alot of topics were discussed..and I saw plenty of security guards on duty, probably making sure that no one had discipline misconducts during the first night..
I'm glad I chose to take the high road..suddenly felt that it's not a big deal afterall..As long as you are happy jao can already..
Tomorrow need to wake up early lah..need to work already.. Now, going to sleep. A serious case of insomnia last night..so hopefully I can recover tonight..
The last night before I had to come back to hell-hole, I received a text from KeeHui, asking me whether I want to join them for a round of shopping, a movie, and dinner. But it was a weekend, so dinner was most probably with the family, plus the only movie time available for Dark Knight is the midnight show, and shopping? was probably the last thing I have in mind.
So, I told him I would be joining them for supper instead.
Being an iPohian, I felt obliged to bring my friends around, though it's no longer necessary. I missed being called, out of randomness, to just give directions to friends who got themselves lost in the middle of the city..But now, after being 3 years here, I bet most of them already know all the main roads to places..
So, I met up with them in Oldtown Kopitiam, Ipoh Garden East branch.
No, they came up with the place, I just followed suit. Nothing to do with me, trying to promote kopitiam..
SomPhong, Dody, KeeHui, Ching Shearn. Apparently, if the news is right, these 4 are bachelors still..hehe.. So, erm..Engineers-to-be somemore..BIG BUCKS, you know...any takers??
The whole night, was spend cock-talking..checking out hot chics, hot dudes, hot aquas..and even there was a table of gays beside us..hmmm..an interesting night indeed..it was like there was a gay parade nearby, because suddenly, all the hot looking guys were in tights! and gay clothes.. [no offence to gay people,really]
Picture of us, added me and TeeHooi. KeeHui was MADE the cameraman..
Well, we sat and waited until their movie time..and we bid goodbye..which means, I HAVE YET TO WATCH THE DARK KNIGHT. I remember, last time, when I want to watch something, all I had to do was call, and then I would have people accompany me..
This morning, I woke up, went to read blogs.. and I saw this dear friend's entry..
Point Zero.
The title caught my attention.
According to her, at one point, she feels weak. She would take her phone, and wonder whether she should text her loved one. But in the end, she knows she can't. She feels alone. Her loved one used to talk her out of her confused mind but because of her recent breakup, she has to face the difficulties all by herself.
Sometimes I felt like I can relate to her entries..
Well, sometimes I find myself, holding my phone, wondering whether I should text you. And when I gathered all my guts, and actually text you, it was either there was no response, or you responded days after...It was disappointment after disappointment, that sometimes I felt like I'm just wasting my time, thinking about the past. But you were a great friend, even before we got together..and you were a good listener..and a good friend to either share a movie, or share thoughts with, or just have a short chat over a glass of teh halia..When I was down, full of problems, you would be the first one to talk me out of such negative thoughts..You would be the one to hold my hands to walk through the cold darkness..You were just there. However, things changed so suddenly. I can't even cope at times. There were so many times that I was feeling low, and all I wanted to do was to call you, and talk to you, yet I know I can't. It's difficult to cope nowadays. And you can't help feeling weak, no matter how many times you ask yourself to be strong. And when you know you've gotta just move along.
Well, TingYi, even if we are miles apart, one's in Sydney, one's back home, yet we face the same difficulties. In a way, this might make you feel better that you are not alone in this.
We've gotta learn to take the high road. All of us have to.
I can't help but wonder, would you miss me, the way I miss you?
I went for a short walk around the academic blocks this evening, while waiting for my appointment with my ETP supervisor. As much as I was abit worried, I also love the way I had breeze blown against my face while taking a slow stroll.
I had Adele's "Chasing Pavements" on, on my iPod. And I teared along the way.
p/s: running late for a meeting tonight. write more later.
Everyone's scratching heads, trying to figure out which subject to take, best. I've already made up my mind, no turning back. So it's the hard, difficult road for me, I guess. But aah! Life's too short to keep harping on one issue, so I'm taking the high road, which is to do a very difficult subject..:|
Plus, I kinda have a strong feeling that I'm gonna screw ETP somehow. All of us are just clueless where to take the first step. Well..it's kinda like the blind leading the blind..
The 3rd day. And when I thought I have finally settled down, I got my eyes sore again. Well, metaphorically. Eye-sore. But I'm not going to use my page to promote anything or anyone for that matter. So, let it be me, cursing the thing silently..hehe!
I had a funny, caring conversation with a friend this morning, over Gtalk.
Sheateng: Waaa..u sick so long.. Me: Why kenot sick so long ge meh.. Sheateng: cannot lor..i sakit hati ma. Me: Wahsei..in kl so far also guan sum me..i love u ah! Sheateng: love u too..(menjijikan!)
Well..it was a short conversation to keep me smiling for almost half a minute. By the way, she's currently doing her intenrnship in KL. One of the kaki-clubbers, so now, since she's gone, means I won't be seeing the clubs for a very long time..T_T
Today also, as I was online on MSN MOBILE, I bumped into Angel and sorta talked for a short period of time. Apparently her long hiatus on her blog is because she's sick..lol! Take care ooo, if you are reading this!
Have ETP briefing later, so I am praying for the best. For now, I've gotta take a short nap, and hopefully the fever will be gone by then.
ETP briefing was err..worst than lecture. Imagine cramming almost more than 500 students in our old lecture hall..And in 10 minutes, people were already getting restless..and you can probably understand why.
It's only like the 3rd day of the first week, and it was held at 2.30pm. Afternoon, hmm..nap time? A wrong time to hold any meetings or sessions, don't you think so?
But don't get me wrong, some of us were attentive. I got myself restless halfway, but ah, that's how it's supposed to be. I was busy with my phone, dealing with my work, as well as Huiching and I were 'flirting' along the way..Hahha.. That's Huiching for you, I guess..hehe..
And no, we are not emotionally-involved!
Well, I had Aiting sitting on my right side, and KeeHui on my other side. So, in the middle of the briefing, I was like, "Eh, Aiting, jom camwhore.." and she was like, "Huh??.."
No one can ever resist the opportunity to camwhore right? So, urm..
Aiting and Khian.
I think I actually get fatter in UTP, rather than during my holidays.
While TeeHooi and Jiamin were also trying to do the same...
See who 'ruined' the shot!
And then, we extended the cam-whoring..hehe..;P
TeeHooi, Aiting, Khian and Jiamin
That got us laughing for a nice 15 minutes..haha..but then again, I really miss Foundation studies. That was when I wasn't that screwed up..:S Well..3rd year already, and here I am, thinking about how happy I was 3 years ago..hehehe..
On an unrelated note, I remembered my Gtalk tagline that day was "Someday, someone will find out. Paper can never wrap fire".
and I believe it's true.
In our lives, are you really sure that some part of it ain't built with lies? Sometimes, we lied because we thought that we could squirm out of some troubles easily, but come to think of it, wouldn't the lies haunt you for the rest of your life? You think you might be able to runaway from reality now, but it will catch up on you soon after.
So think. Cut it loose now, before it's too late. Paper can never wrap fire. 纸不能抱火.
Note to self: Quit Running away. AND THIS LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICE IS FOR YOU TOO.
Everyday I come up with a new entry. This time, it's for a good reason.
I CAN'T SLEEP, AT ALL!!
I wonder why the insomnia during the first week. It's always like that. When I actually have ample time to rest and sleep, I can't sleep at all. But when it comes to tests week, assignments due dates, meetings, then that's the time I feel exhausted and would wanna sleep during work time. It's so ironic, eh?
I don't care. All I want to do now, is just get decent rests, and move forward. The backache is getting worst now. Day by day. I'm getting sicker than ever. Sigh, and all I can do is laugh the pain off. It works, at times. But most of the time, it's only me who knows the pain..
Arrgghh..and now..it's early in the morning, and I find myself typing this meaningless entry.. I need a break from all these lah, seriously..
Someone made me smile last night, when I saw her tagline on gtalk,
khooiyee: i luv angkhian!
Well, I love you too hooiyee..hehe..I will try..;P (siao..HanSze will kill me if I try..lol!)
oh man..I miss Ipoh lah! and you guys...!! gay partner, gay partners sekalian...
I wished I can smile everyday lah..baru 4th day, I'm feeling blue already..
p/s: I hate the way you mess with my head. Memang fucking betul!
The sun is breaking in your eyes To start a new day. This broken heart can still survive With a touch of your grace. Shadows fade into the light. I am by your side, Where love will find you. -What About Now, Chris Daughtry
Had an hour break today, so went to chill in IRC. Some of them went to read newspapers, I just went to enjoy the cooling air-conditioner..
As usual, fiddled with my phone..
Hehhe..*self-obsessed!*
Clearly nothing better to do... Sometimes I find myself, not looking like a 3rd Year... More of a new foundation kid, obsessed with the library..always taking pictures...hehe..
Looking for the right angle most of the time..hehehe!
Just came back from a short mamak session with both PeiChie and SanNien. Though it was a light drizzle, yet we still made our way to my car. Well, what can I say..alot of personal attacks..but they were all harmless..
Shouldn't be affected with what you do. Shouldn't be sad when you are not. Shouldn't give a damn when you don't even care. Shouldn't be crying when you are happy. Shouldn't be loving you, when you are no longer mine.
I woke up early this morning. These few days, I have been having sleepless nights, as well as unsufficient sleeping hours. And everytime this pair of eyes of mine closed, my mind somehow generated images or "movies" which constantly played itself automatically. This, which everyone would called, as dreams. To be honest, I've been having the same dream, for 4 nights now. And it's not only during the night it's being 'played', when I take short afternoon naps, the same dream came to me as well. The more I try to avoid something, the more it's coming back to me. Why?
I feel troubled inside. Suddenly the changes, I cannot take.
Everytime I wake up, I have cold sweat all over me. And the fear of seeing the real thing, is overcoming my confidence. I tried to strike a smile each time, but everytime I bump into reality, I turned into a heartless, emotionless creature, couldn't even bring myself to acknowledge her. It was as if I was trying to make her go away, by trying to make her invisible. But who am I kidding? Everytime she walks away, she leaves my head in a mess, and when clearly I know, that was the end. The end begun ages ago, and here I am, stuck midway.
It's easy to just move on, when you are happy. What about the one who's stuck midway? Who's clearly struggling to move forward? Who's not able to be OK about everything? What about dealing with questions from strangers? From close friends? What about me, who's constantly awaken by this dream, which is no longer only about you and me?
I had Japanese with 2 friends of mine on the 2nd day of this week.
Sharon and Carina
We went to Kintoki, located in Menglembu. The food was slightly overpriced, and the food was not really that great.
They both had
a UNAGI BENTO SET each. Cost about RM25.80 each.
and I had
a BEEF SUKIYAKI set.
I saw this on the menu, which quickly reminded me of her. She used to order Beef Sukiyaki everytime we go for Japanese. Well, it used to taste really good, until now, it's no longer taste the same without you..
This is for you.
I missed having a close friend. You were there, most of the time. And you are now taken away. We are all praying hard for you. Just don't want you to be victimized somehow.
Salmon handroll. Yum?
What can I do?
You touched my life with a softness in the night my wish was your command until you ran out of love I tell my self I'm free got the change of living just for me no need to carry on now that you're gone
Knife cuts like a knife how will I ever heal I'm so deeply wounded knife cuts like a knife you cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend when I smile to fool my dearest friends I wonder if they know it's just a show I'm on a stage day or night through my charades but how can I disguise what's in my eyes
Oh oh oh oh oh ...
I try and try locking up the pain I feel inside the pain of wanting you wanting you
You know You have alot in mind, when you use your hair wax as hand cream..=.="
I woke up with the same dream again. Sucks. and the backache is unbearable this morning..
I've made up my mind..
Walk away if you want to. Its ok, if you need to. Well, you can run, but you can never hide From the shadow thats creepin up beside you.
And, theres a magic runnin through your soul, But you cant have it all. (whatever you do) Well, Ill be two steps behind you (wherever you go) And Ill be there to remind you That it only takes a minute of your precious time To turn around and Ill be two steps behind.
-Two Steps Behind, Def Leppard
I've vowed to make the best out of myself. Be a good friend. Be your good friend. I want to stop dreaming, for good. I want to stop being upset over nothing. For once, I want to smile, for real.
8 o'clock on a Saturday morning, 2 hours before Internship briefing, I got a text message from Yiling saying that she's on the way down to Ipoh, for a day trip. I had initial plans with the UTP-ians for a day shopping as well as catch "Dark Knight" with Avinesh and Kyean. And my whole day was booked, since I was supposed to attend a family dinner the very same night. However, Yiling came from a 2-hour ride away, and I felt that no matter how busy I was, I had to make time for a good old friend. Plus she's with Calvin, so nevermind lah..I slotted them in..lol!
Long story made short. We met up for lunch, and brought them for a walk, near the old town. Something which I would never do, unless I was bringing some friends who are not in Ipoh.
Khian and Yiling; with the famous ice-cream float.
editted::
p/s: I miss my long *yeng* hair! (Now it's short liao!!)
and seriously, Ipoh's really small! A friend of mine told me that she's busy on a Saturday night, so I went to meet up with the UTP-ians in Oldtown Kopitiam, Ipoh Garden East branch. As I was drinking and half chatting, I turned my head and saw someone looking similar to my friend. I thought it was my tiredness which caused me to hallucinate.. However, I confirmed with her today, and found out that it was in fact her! Lol! Ipoh's really really small..haha..
The only time which I feel a sense of confidence in myself, is when I'm behind the wheels. As ridiculous as it may sounds, it's when I'm driving, I can think rationally and in a more mature way. I can leave all my emotions behind, and just concentrate on driving. I love racing in high speed, and overtaking cars. Yes, typical Malaysian driver, but a driver who loves driving too!
I came home on a Saturday, and leaving on a Sunday is not exactly what I had in mind. One night back home, mana cukup? Even my parents also asked me to stay behind one more day. This morning, I woke up as early as 6am, to drive all the way back to UTP. The early morning breeze, and the scarce amount of cars on the road, made the driving slightly boring, but I didn't hesitate to step on the pedal.
Oh yes, recently I've developed a love-relationship with my mini kancil. Though the family has already added a Honda to its collection of cars, I still love driving a small car around town. I cut overtake anytime I want, and anywhere..hehe! Honda is a big powerful car, but it's not feasible in Ipoh town..hehe!
And now, I came all the way to UTP just to attend a 2-hour lecture, now, already goyang kaki! Sigh, regretted coming back lah! I wanna go home! Homesick to the maximum! I'm considering to stay put in Ipoh and drive to-and-fro to campus each day, so what is RM2.70 per litre?? Lol!
Good seafood!! I wanna eat leh!..sigh... Should I go home now, and have dinner at home? I am free from now till tomorrow's 2pm..
Should I? Should I?
Steamed Chi loh, then dip the meat with their special sauce! Yum!!
The Praying-mantis prawn. Lai Liu Ha..steamed with soft eggs, and slight tinge of alcohol..
The meat, is very sweeeeeetttt!! and juicy..and tender! And when you bite and chew, the juice slowly flow out, and fill your mouth. You can actually taste the freshness of the prawn..Yum-yum!!
*Peekaboo* Can you see the meat beneath the shell?? Yeerrrr..I can actually taste it right now....
Emotions gushing out of the blue. And all of a sudden, my defence have fallen. I'm back to being vulnerable to your emotional-attacks. I saw bottles of 100 plus. I saw the purple bottle. And then, I see you.
What the hell.... This is almost one week of dreaming the same dream, over and over again...!! Even when I'm sleeping, everytime I wake up, I feel so tired, emotionally!.. I wanna die lah!
Everytime I want to go to sleep, I ended up feeling scared of shutting my eyes, yet I can't bring myself to face the reality either. So I chose to sleep. Then again, someone up there must really hated me, because as soon as I shut my eyes, my worst nightmare haunts me. What is this? Can't I runaway from somewhere?? I feel so trapped, from myself even. I can't tell no one, because I am supposed to be strong. To move forward. I'm supposed to forget.
But I can't. I just can't.
And it feels so hard to push myself. Just when have I gotten myself this weak?
One of these days, if I can't take it any longer, I'm gonna whack you hard. And if I can't do the job, I'm gonna hire a hitman, even if it takes my entire savings. Fuck! I have enough of mental-torturing!
I think I am weak. Well, to everyone's surprise, I turned down a mamak chit-chat session, and turned in early last night. I climbed onto my bed, at about 10.40pm, and slept through the night. And to my antonishment, I had no dreams last night. I was probably too tired. Plus the backache is back. And the body temperature keeps climbing. AND I SWEAT through the night.
I woke up about 5.30a.m., rolled for a while, and dozed off again. Till finally, 8.00a.m., I managed to wake up, after 9 hours of pure-sleep. No crying in the sleep, which is good.
I'm glad TzeYang's back for a reason. Now, we all converse in English. So no more mixed canto-english for me..hehe..Good. In a way, I feel like I'm back home. Well, no offence though, I enjoy speaking Mandarin and Cantonese too, to certain people. Like how I speak to Teehooi in Mandarin, and Cantonese to Shiouting, and both Cantonese and Mandarin to Harpreet! (No lah..joking!)
Well, this is a definitely good example for the phrase: "见人讲人话，见鬼讲鬼话"
You see the people you like, you tend to talk to them in a cheerful manner, and the things you speak of, doesn't hurt their feelings. On the other hand, if you see those whom you don't fancy, the ones that give you headache for no reason, you tend to talk to them in a harsh manner, as if they don't matter. Their feelings don't matter..Well, in another words, you are simply being ignorant!
Ignorance, is a high level of skill which only certain people can practise. I can't even do that. And some people think they can live their life being ignorant all the way, and so if you think you can, you can live better off, without me. I can't tolerate mindless people, and just because some of us chose to keep quiet about you, doesn't mean it's not affecting those around you.
p/s: I cut myself, across my shins. It bled for a couple of good seconds, and then it stopped. For certain reasons, it wasn't painful. In fact, the blood reminded me something. My period's about to come!
"Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out I laugh myself to sleep It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast Just to feel the danger I wanna scream It makes me feel alive
Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out And leave me here to bleed Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life I'd rather be anything but ordinary please"
- Anything But Ordinary, Avril Lavigne
So explains my life right now..sigh! Today's a busy day yo! Shall write about it tonight, if I ever come back.
"You were everything, everything that I wanted We were meant to be, supposed to be But we lost it All of our memories so close to me Just fade away All this time you were pretending So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there Thanks for acting like you care And making me feel like I was the only one It's nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done"
-My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne
At this rate, I'm considering Avril's concert in KL! I wanna go......
Imagine having to sit in a big field, all on your own... Having a can of beer in hand... In the early mornings, when everyone's sleeping safely in their beds... You are out in the dark, drinking to your sorrows... What do you think?
"I'm still your friend. The only thing is we can't be as close as before...."
"You are a good person, and I want to grow old with you..as a friend.."
And everytime the words ring in my ears, I can actually feel the heart ache. I hate having my life ruined, in such a way. "Khian,Let go lah, be happier that way.."
Posted by khian at 01:44 AM on August 1, 2008 in .
He said I'm brave. He said I'm just plainly loyal. She said I'm just dumb waiting. She said I'm emotional. He said I should move forward. She said it's just a phase. She said to wait longer. He said I'm a good person. She said I deserve better. She said I should grow up and never look back. He said I'm brave. He said I'll be fine. She said She's gonna be there. She said to take care of myself first. He said remember to eat medicine. He said don't forget to call him. She said she's checking on me soon.
>> They said so many things. And I know they just want me to get better.. Maybe sometimes I wished I could..and just wake up, feeling much, much much better...
