Guess where am I on a Labour's Day?
This is the first time I truly experience the importance of this day.

You have no fucking idea how much it hurts to hear what you've said.
You have no freaking idea.

Sucks when we made plans, and they are not going to work in the end.

Beneath this sexy exterior,

lies a

giant sized feet.


Clearly a reason to camwhore. on a Saturday evening.
Dratz, I'm back to shithole Bukit Jalil where I live with 2 witches bitches oh wait..women..

It's the weekend peeps! I can't think of anything to do, but sleep.

p/s: Call me, text me, do whatever!! Get me going!

To some, 1st of May is just another date in the calender.
To Carina, Jessie Kong, it's their birthdate.
To us, employees in Malaysia, it's the day we finally have a day off!

Working NON-STOP for the month of April, 1st of May was indeed highly anticipated.

And guess what we did on the 30th of April, after a day's work.

We made plans to have dinner, in FUN OK, located in Taman Connaught.
Yeap, as usual. I had to 'fight' my way to Cheras, using MRR2. I was stuck in the jam for good ol' 60 minutes, before reaching the destination. I was 30 minutes late, when I arrived.

Let's not venture to the food department, because FUN OK serves small portions, no-taste food.
But one thing on their menu which amused me was the "Go-Home-Fried Rice".
Translate it to Cantonese.

"回家炒饭"


Anyway, plans were quickly drafted out for the night.

There were suggestions to go to Quattro, Avenue K. Even to the latest PLU bar in town, DeBar.

But what was most important that night, was that all of us were in the mood to jiggy through the night. Nevermind the fact that Chris and Chloe had to wake up at 5.30 the next morning to head to Teluk Intan. Nevermind the fact that my parents were going to pick me up at 6.45 to go to Genting Highlands. Nevermind the fact that both Yenny and Viv were getting old for the night scene.

All we wanted was to "stretch" the weeknight, and have a little fun.

So, we headed to Cineleisure, to Scarlet. Soon to be one of the "usual-place" we would be hanging at.

Reaching the carpark itself, reminded me of the first time I made my way to Scarlet, with the Kapakia. Our very first clubbing scene.
Too bad we couldn't have Abbie and Michelle with us that night.

Chris, Sam, Khian (Please do tell that I look good!!)


As usual, the ladies were given free entry, so in we went.
The first hour, was kinda slow. Since Viv and Yenny had to go home and dressed up.
There I was, busy with my techie gadget: Handphone and Sam was busy drowning herself in Emo-mode. Chris and Chloe were busy.. Well, doing their kinda thing

Then the mood started to pick up when the DJ started to spin some good RnB stuffs.

Yenny and Khian. She's the one who keeps me accompanied during working hours on MSN. The time couldn't fly any faster with her online all the time.

Sam, Khian, Viv, Yenny


And the rest of the night, was simply blurry.
(which is a good thing after a night of clubbing!)

Sam, Khian, Chloe


I remember dancing with a couple of hot random chicks next to our table.

to which I now recalled, well, urm, they were not that hot afterall. Must be the Black Label's effect.

I remember that I was grinding against the bouncer in the club. He was tall, lean..and so SEXY in tie and coat!!

Just when I was thinking of skipping dinner last night, got a call from YeeJing to meet up for dinner.
So, went all the way to Midvalley, had Chilli's.

A quiet catching-up, and a session of well, urm, discovering new insights about someone..Hehhe!

Food pictures are not that awesome. Saja-saja take take because nothing better to do.

A brief dinner actually. We should do this more often yea?

Send her home to SS14. Not bad eh, for a first timer like me, I found Millenium Court!That's where she's staying temporarily.

I didn't know it was Millenium Court, coz all along she was saying she stayed in SS14.
Mana tau pusing-pusing like a million times, only she ter-mention it's Millenium Court.
Like diu..hehehe..

Oh nooo..I think I actually grown some meat after leaving NS 4 years ago..oh nnooooo...

::A perfect date is when two people can just hang around in silence without feeling awkward::

• Headache
• Sore Throat
• Coarse voice
• Backache
• High Body Temp.
• Slight cough
• Swollen, puffy eyes

All those above mentioned, all these on a Monday morning..
I'm so screwed.

It's up to a point where you have no idea what you're doing, where you're standing, who you're anymore. Because when you agreed to go with the flow, it meant GOING WITH THE FLOW, and no turning back. There's no chance of quitting the game because either,
1. You can't.
2. You don't want to.

Eitherway, you don't really get a choice. Which sucks.

And then all of a sudden, overnight, you became an extra. Then you go to sleep, eyes shut but the mind still wanders aimlessly. You simply get lost in those messy thoughts..

and

you wake up, having all the kinda 'shit' on a Monday morning.

Gloomy day.

"2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do"
-Only Love, Trademark

Work's kinda slow today. Hate Mondays.

I didn't talk to anyone at work today. They can't seem to hear what I have to say.
 

"I'm beginning to miss you.."

"What you mean you are starting to miss me? I thought you miss me all the time?"

"Huh..cannot lah..because I always text you, then how is it possible to miss you ALL the time lah.."

"Then how can you not miss me all the time, but you need me all the time?"

"Errrrr....I think you are the reason why I'm checking my phone every 2 minutes interval."

Try making your own story line based on the above dialogues.

Really shouldn't be blogging at work, it's unethical. But I'm simply too sleepy at work.
It's really bad, up to the state that my specs fell thud on the desk, when I slowly dosed off to dreamland, WITHOUT ME REALIZING!!

Trying to fill in the time. Completing my logbooks but things are getting so technical, and that sucks out the fun from life as well. So, here I am.

Did I mention that my 2nd visit is on the 18th of June? And no prize of guessing who's the supervisor.. hopefully he's not that strict on me. If he were to ask me, what beam what bar, I'll totally freaked out.
Anyway, any idea if we can cabut early from intern after the 2nd visit? Well, there's really no point staying any longer if there's no marks given right?
Ok, wrong! I think I'm going to miss coming to work, since I feel so grown up already. Taking the train, in office wear, queueing up with the grown-ups..etc..
And then after this, going back to selekeh look, school bagpacks, matrix cards..etc
Which also means no more random yumcha with the braders,..or the random Scarlet nights..etc..
Sigh..8 months, sometimes I wonder if it's necessary..

Well...
Met up with YiFang and YiLing over the weekend in Sunway Pyramid for lunch. It was very, and I mean VERY SPONTANEOUS because I so happened was online on a Sunday morning, and tiba-tiba YiLing pm-ed me on MSN. Asking me wanna go Sunway Pyramid not..so insincere..*merajuk!!*

But I went anyway..
Memang kao-kao kaki player..hehehe..

Surprisingly the traffic was smooth that day. People must've went back to their hometowns over the long weekend. Luckily I didn't take KESAS or else I rugi RM2.20+RM2.20+RM1.60 ooooo..
Hahhahaha..Ok, it's time like these, when money tak cukup, I have to be calculative okay?

We had lunch, YiLing's treat. And I bought her coffee.
Well, urm Starbucks wasn't good in Sunway. I missed Bangsar's.

Managed to catch up with YiFang, who came back for 3 weeks. Gosh, feel so out of touched with Ipoh peeps..when some of them mentioned about who who came back, I was like, "Huh?? how come I tak tau??"

This, my friends, is YiFang. My ex-school's head prefect.
(Itu macam also can become head prefect you asked? Well, urm..yeah..itu macam punya muka can become!)

And yeah, please look at the fingers closely..Her right hand (which on the picture is your left), depicts the number of singles left in our circle of friends. Her left hand (which on the picture is your right), depicts the number of those who are already attached.
Urm yeah..at the age of 22, it's about time the anxiety attack of getting your other half comes.
No price for guessing who's the two on her right hand.

YiFang and YiLing

Just too bad we didn't have a group picture..

The naughtiest girl in school and the best one. Guess which is which.

After YiFang left, guess what the 2 overgrown sized kids did.

"Eh, jom,let's go arcade..wanna play air hockey!"

Totally not me who said that lorrrr..

We did play 3 rounds of that. To which..yours truly..akhem, won!!

While waiting for my programme to be up-running, look what I found in my FRIENDSTER photo album.
Yeap people..I was THHHAAAATTTTT bored..

This, was taken wayyyyyyyy back in 2004. I look like a nerd wey!!

I love this pic wey! With Natasha and Akosua.
Taken back in 2nd Year 1st Sem, during our Charity Visit to Kg Baru with UCITY.
Racial integrity man!

And this..

are a bunch of Mafia-wannabe.
The Civil photo-shoot..during our 1st Year.

Gosh! I miss my "2nd home".

Today, I woke up, thinking that it's a brand new day. Everything should be how it is. That things should be happy and cheerful.

I woke up with a sharp jabbing pain on my back.
Excruciating pain for like a few seconds, then it was gone.
The pain was enough to leave me in tears, for a while.

Couldn't remember the last time I had one of those pain. Gosh, it was hellish, seriously. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I sleep on the floor. But it's sure goddamn painful.

I came into work, thinking of the pile of work waiting. Well, at least there's work for me, rather than waiting for time to pass by slowly. I waited for the software to run, and when my designs keep failing, I got all frustrated! It's just a simple design, why does it keep failing? I hate it when things don't go my way. And when I'm so amazingly dumb in the Engineering world..it's so frustrating! It's like I'm waking up each day, doing something which I'm not good at, perhaps for the rest of my working life!

I feel like a dumbass.

Thank goodness there are those who keep me accompanied at work. We are always in a chatroom, busy chatting, all of us waiting for the time to leave work.
But today, my mood level is super low. I don't know why. I felt like crying all of a sudden. I have never felt this helpless at work. Never. 

Today Chris said something to me.

"You yourself let them step on you at your lowest point."

and nope, I'm not offended. It's true to a certain extent. Sometimes somethings I brought upon to myself. I hate to agree.

Some things, aren't explainable. Really. Like how Chris said, "I don't understand why you are still allowing yourself to be treated less than a human??"

When I read that, my heart fell to the pits below. Like how it felt after she said something to me. I felt disappointed, hurt but yeah, I'm not allowed to express my dissatisfaction, pain, anger because WHO THE HELL AM I to do so?

There are some things I can't let go, because I felt that things of such are worth it. I dare not say it's right or it's wrong, but maybe I'm under some spell which I do not know of. It's really scary that things have gone over my patience limits yet, I'm still smiling and responding.

Something's really wrong.

Just take my heart and GO!

If your intentions were to play with it all these while, please take it, take my heart and go. I can't play anymore mind games with you. I surrender. Really I do.

You hurt me multiple times. I gave in. I believe that ALL OF US misunderstand you. I gave you chances and chances that even the braders are upset that I'm being so stupid. I stood by you, with no request in return.
And this is what I get in return?

Please, don't do this. I'm weak. I can't play mind games anymore.

"All the time that you were gone,  'thought about how things went wrong.."

I set my iPod to Repeat Mode. Plugged my headphones deep inside the ear. Set my iPod's volume to almost maximum, and then scrolled to look for one particular song.

"Welcome To The World"

And then I clicked 'play', and tried to sleep. Images forced their way in, I tried to retaliate, by focusing on the song. Tried to do a little "shuffling" action on bed, to humour myself, but the idea itself backfired. Didn't know when I started to doze off, but when I woke up this morning, the same song was still playing. 

  "When there's a suicide you call it superstar...."

I had the same song played throughout the entire journey to work. Psycho-ng yourself can be pretty tiring. Images still play like a slow movie with old-film strips as the background. Yeah, dramatic. Though I must say that we didn't have that much of body contact, yet those were enough to be jumbled up into an hour worth of 'movie' played in my head.

Reached the office, switched on the computer, entered Meebo to activate my MSN, then I had to think of a good tagline for the day. Something not too upsetting, don't want to worry my braders. Something not too happy, because that would be teeny weeny fake. Can't put something too depressing either, because then, you would think I can't live without you.

So my tagline of the day is,
"Khian- smiles, yeah. Smiling."

Sometimes, a little white lie wouldn't kill.

"When it's over you'll know.."

please kill me.
and take my phone away.

please.

i'm begging.

And then it gets too painful that the wait seems bearable after some time.

Coming home for the weekend, has never felt better.
Finally able to catch up on the sleep.
And meeting up with Mel, after such a long time.
And having a proper meal with the grandparents and parents.
And to see my brother and talk.
Well, coming home has never felt better.

I'm still..urm, pretty much, ..affected somehow.

Got a text from Chris this evening, asking me about my condition.
Couldn't have received it, if I hadn't checked my phone.
It was such a pain to actually TRY not to checking the phone every 4 minutes.
I didn't know what to expect really.

For the first time, the phone's been pretty quiet.
I felt like chucking it somewhere. Like burying it.But....=.=

Yeah, so am off to like sleep now. So not in the mood.

There's a newly opened bar in town. Well, a PLU place.
Was a loyal customer of Enigma, but ever since I've mixed around with the braders, I've yet to go Enigma on my own. Been some time since I last sat at the bar side, and drink alone. I should do that, perhaps. One day.

Anyway, DeBar is a new place now, for the PLUs, on a Saturday night.
Which means, it's only opened for GIRLS/LADIES/WOMEN/CBs on Saturday. I was there for their official opening for both men and women, with Rachel and met up with Oscar and JY, who were the organizers for that event. Needless to say, I was late for the braders' steamboat, but that's a story which need not to be retold.

To make things up, we went to DeBar again, this time with the braders. The official lauching of DeBar for the women. Well, everyone got their rods/nets ready as soon as we stepped into the bar.

DeBar holds the same concept as Enigma. Except the fact that Enigma has a big pool table, and an opened balcony area. DeBar on the other hand, has this ridiculously big sized bar area, and a wine cellar-like area, and also a small area for Dart-playing.
I wouldn't say which is better, because this two hold the same concept in one area.
Which is they offer solitude to women, on a particular day.

Wednesday in Enigma.
Saturday in DeBar.

Back to my story, the opening in DeBar was abit messy. The person holding the mic was shouting so you could probably imagine the damage done to the ears. And the songs selection, played, was..erm..not to be commented. And the people were not friendly. Which is why sometimes, I appreciate going to clubs like Scarlet, because when you have a mixture of men and women, the situation becomes less tensed. If you get what I mean.

Well, the promotion for that night was 3 Jugs of TIGER for a price of RM120. I wouldn't say it was a great deal, but that's the price you pay in KL, on their opening night somemore. The good thing was they didn't bring 3 JUGS out at the same time, instead they gave us cards to redeem our drinks. So right now, we only have 1 Jug of TIGER unclaimed. We are looking for another round in DeBar then.

In conjuction of the opening in DeBar, there was a lucky draw.
Needless to say, all of us felt that we were going to win something that night. So when the winners got the consolation price such as "a bucket of beer", "a jug of beer", "a bucket of Kampai", we were a little disappointed but all of us were aiming for the TOP PRIZE.
And when they announced our number, we were in Cloud9, because the first prize was "a bottle of red wine".
-Which according to Nick, the boss, is a very good wine; all ladies would like it.

Well, hopefully. The last time I had red wine, was at Chris's place and I fell asleep halfway during our conversation. Bad sign.

Our sole picture in DeBar, with our prize.

Going to claim that this coming Thursday. Can't wait.
We should really get drunk, one day.

p/s: This is not an entry to promote DeBar. Just my opinion about the place. Need I remind you that I'm glad we won the bottle of RedWine? I'm estatic!

Had a nice chat with Mel last night. As always, my own personal psychologist. :D
I never learn. I never. Because the same thing always happens. THE EXACT SITUATION.

Well, this time she said, "Well, I don't see anything worth being sad over for.."

Which is true because there's nothing to let go, if there's nothing to hold onto, in the first place.

This should be easy to move on from, I guess.
If there's a need to move on from the first place, that is.

Come to think of it, there's nothing worth being sad for. The loneliness, it gets some time to overcome.
Oh, well.


"My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?"

- Nickelback, If Today was your last day

It was never a game in the first place.
It's either I was a very weak player, or the opponent was a good one. :D

If today was my last day, I would .......

Sunday night and I'm home.
Getting used to the tranquilty, the phone's nowhere at sight. Good, it may as well drop into the toilet hole. I don't care.

Again, browsed through my harddisk, found some pictures. Long overdue.

Yenny, Khian, Sam
a.k.a
Lolly Yen, Khian, Lolly Fon


I miss my old hair style. Looks more mature. I mean, not that I don't like how I look right now, (I look good ALL THE TIME, no?) but looking back at the old photos, I do look more my age, than how I look right now.

Why do I say so?

I was in Scarlet, Cineleisure clubbing the other night, with a group of ladies, of the age of 24. When one of them asked me how old was I, I answered blatantly, that I was 22. All of them were shocked. Ok, needless to say, they must have thought I was an underaged kid or something. Nevermind that.

Wow, this is the full picture of everyone. :D
We should've taken a GROUP PICTURE of everyone who attended the BBQ party. :D

I remember, when I first came to KL, I met with Michelle first. Then she introduced Abbie to me. Then comes Chris and Sam. We came a long way already. Now, with 6 more weeks for me to leave KL, I realized that friendships have their own way of being tested.   KAPAKIA..

Celebrated Viv's birthday in Steven's OUG. A change of location, from the usual Pandan Indah.
Met with a friend, who happened to be someone I've been talking to, online and texting, for 2 days now.
It was pretty nerve-wrecking, on the inside. To actually meet someone you've been talking to, all of a sudden, unplanned.
I guess, sometimes you have to believe in fate.
She told me, it was their first time there at Steven's OUG as well.
Well, alright. A good start, or a bad one?
I don't know, you've gotta tell me.

So it's a Tuesday night..urm, yeah..it's still early, 8.18pm to be exact. Here I am, trying to write about something decent after a long time now yeah..

Hmm, am usually either getting ready to go out now, or am usually already out. Tonight's a bit different. Dad's gone back to Ipoh for unforeseen circumstances. And I can't get anyone to go out for dinner with me. Well, then again, it's been some time since I last enjoyed some time alone, all by myself. (not that I'm enjoying this, but, I've gotta make do.. ) Scrolling down my phonebook, I realized that I can't find one single person to have dinner with, together. Either they already made plans earlier, staying in KL with their families which means going home for homecooked meals, having dinner with their spouses, or some, who doesn't want to eat at all. One can never expect to cook up dinner partners at the very last minute, because some just don't like to do abrupt plans. (well, me for one, wouldn't want someone calling me out for dinner last minute, but THEN AGAIN, it really depends on who does the calling.. )

So yeah, I foresee dinner alone, so I left the office a little later than usual. 6pm. And since it was raining earlier, I got stuck in the office lah. Anyway, as I was leaving the office at 6pm, my other colleague saw me and told me to wait for him so that the 2 of us could walk to the LRT station together. Well, afterall we were heading to the same direction. For the 30 minute worth of journey, it was great to talk to someone, I would say catching up with a colleague, since I don't get the chance to do that in the office. I wonder what was in his mind when he decided to accompany me for the ride, because usually if I see him at one end, I would immediately hide and embark on the other end. However, today's different. We talked, while being cramped inside the train. Nothing special in particular, just casual conversation.
This made me realize how little body contact I've made with random strangers for the past on trains. I remember when I first came to KL, took the train, I managed to make aquaintances with random people on the trains that some, even took the liberty to save me seats in the morning.

However for the past few months, I've turned into someone who kept to herself. Nodding and smiling to acknowledge, but didn't bother making small talks, because I was always having my iPod plugged. And I was always seen with my handphone, anticipating every texts which comes in every morning when I go to work. I still do meet the aquaintances, just that we never talk much. Just a smile to start the day. Well, this reminds me to start making small talks starting tomorrow. =)

We got out from the train, and went separate ways.
As I was walking back to my condo, I was still deciding whether to skip my dinner, or to take the effort to drive to Sri Petaling for KFC instead. It's upsetting to actually think of having dinner alone. Usually I wouldn't mind having meals alone, I'm independant in a way, but after all that's happened recently, eating alone may not be the wisest decision made. And then I saw a stall, with this aunty selling what I assumed to be Fried Kuetiow then, and proceeded to just tapao instead. And so I did. I've actually not much appetite to consume solid food, but because the idea of going to bed early to avoid the hunger pangs was kinda depressing, so I did alil preparation and bought food home instead.

And I bought myself a bottle of Soya Milk with Gula Melaka, just in case. What was funny then, that I took the time to sit down by the road side to chat with the Soya Milk seller. He was quite an old man, probably in his early 60s, and he reminded me of the people from Ipoh. So as soon as I ordered, a bottle of Soya Milk, he immediately asked whether I wanted the original one, or the one with Gula Melaka. Being a curious food lover, it amused me that there's actually Gula Melaka flavoured Soya Milk. So I asked him how it would taste like, and he tried to explain. My heels were killing me then, so I grabbed one of the stools prepared by him, and just sat down, while listening attentively to what he had gotta say.

And then, he got me a bowl of Tau Fu Fa, with no charge at all. And he asked me to try, and see whether I would like the taste. And well, who would ever resist a bowl of free tau fu fa..right?
And there I was, while slurping, I was talking to him, smiling. When I told him that I was already working, he was dumbfounded because he thought I was merely fresh from high school. I had to explain to him that I was undergoing my internship, and how UTP, is a university in Tronoh, Perak..and why my internship period is 8 months. And why I'm doing Engineering and not Medicine..Yadda..And most of all, can you believe that I was at the TauFuFah stall, for a good 20 minutes, before heading back to my own unit?

This reminds me of all the goodwill visits I made to Old Folks' Home. How they would enjoy seeing a vibrant young person talking about her dreams and plans. How they would enjoy someone appreciating what they do, and for this case, I'm sure he was estatic about the fact that I enjoyed his bowl of TauFu Fa.

And for the first time, I did not dread having to have dinner on my own tonight. Because usually, I would have left the office at 5.45pm sharp, and would not have the opportunity to catch up with my colleague. I would have zoomed past everyone in the train station, and would have not stopped to talk to the Tau Fu Fa uncle. I would not have been able to sit down here, write an entry about my thoughts for the day. So, today, having dinner on my own, seems to provide a form of solitude to myself.

(Then of course, I can't deny the fact that I feel kinda lonely, like right now.)
And how sometimes, my weak self would have wanted to dial her number, and listen to her voice. How I would want to call all the way home to tell mum that I missed her. How I would want to call Penny and asked about her, because it's been some time since I last heard from her.
And to know that of the 432 people I have in my contact list, I couldn't find someone to have a decent dinner with. That really explains what kind of friend I have become, over the years eh.

Then, that's something to expect, when everyone has their own commitments as they grow older. Sigh, the feeling of being alone, really kills.

After all that kinda writing, best to end this entry on a lighter note. (No, I'm not emo, but feel free to give me a call to ask how I'm doing.. )

It was Viv's birthday last night, and we threw her a birthday surprise by getting her a surprise cake. We did it in Steven's, OUG.

A picture of 2 people who shares one heart.
Viv and Yenny, with the latest addition to the small family, Fifi the dog.


And

a picture of the people who were there last night.

I'm sure you people are pretty curious why there isn't a picture of me since I'm this vain person right? Well, coz I was so nervous last night, I didn't feel like taking any pictures. That should really mean something no?

That's about it. That's my thoughts on a Tuesday night.

One day some of us would wake up and wished that we aren't alone in this world.

It's hard to sleep, thinking about you.
Even harder to wake up, not having you.

I'm a MAXIS user.
Ever since I went into UTP, I've switched to MAXIS.
From prepaid to postpaid, my number remains the same.
I set my credit limit to RM150, so that the calls cost can be controlled.
Then I came to KL for my internship.
And subscribed to MAXIS BRoadband, for RM118 per month.
Needless to say, the bill comes up to about an average of RM250 per month.
The credit limit has automatically changed to RM600 then. I didn't bother changing it because it was a hassle.

And, 10 minutes ago, my phone couldn't make any calls anymore.
Apparently it's barred.
Good. Now where to find RM600?

*runs off to look for harta karun map*

Well, we were on the phone, for 3 hours plus, till 5 something in the morning.
Should've just went straight to her place instead, would saved me lotsa $ without calling.
But then again, I wouldn't deny the company. The last time I was caught up so late on the phone..was like probably months ago. I guess, last night, I slept, a happy person.

Today, I'm ON LEAVE.

Packing already. Heading somewhere.. Where to?

Just got back from a 2D1N trip.
I'm dead tired.
3 days in a row, sleepless nights.

The night before the trip. We went for dinner and then to DeBAR to collect our 1st prize. The bottle of red wine.

Abbie introduced 2 new girls into the group. =) Funny girls they are.

This is Christle. Looks so much older than me, but just 20 years old. Gosh.

And the other is Susan.

A great night out. =)

Short entry, because I'm tired. Shall write tomorrow.

Memang nothing to do mah!

p/s: PRESENTATION IN LESS THAN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!! 

Meet the chipmunks!

Ain't we cute? Sooooo kiiiiuttttttt....

I apologized for the brief hiatus (which is actually for ONE day-lah). Many has happened over the weekend, one which was a Brader-hood trip all the way up hill to Genting Highlands, on a Friday. Don't ask me how I did it, but I did it anyway. No ethics, yeah, screw ethics! I have no work in the office and I desperately needed a break. So I applied for leave, no, I did not play truant! I applied a day off, and headed up hill on a Friday.

I would love to write about the whole ordeal, but I'm running out of time at the moment. I need to head out in 10 minutes, so here it is, a picture of us in our Family Suite, in Theme Park Hotel. There were 2 beds available, but in the end, all of us ended up sleeping on the floor.  

Ooo boy, it was indeed a much needed vacation, even though I was running low on cash. But..well, sometimes, money is not really the key issue..I think..hehe..! 

At the end of the day, the pictures taken shows how happy we were, during the 2D1N trip uphill. :D

The happy note aside, I have already selected my majoring for my final year in UTP. Read that, to those who thought I was moving to another university. Nope, have decided to just stay put in UTP and annoy you people (and some, as well!) for another year before leaving my tertiary education for good.
I didn't know that it was already my turn to select my majoring, until last night, Zareina asked me whether I have decided. Now I know why I kept getting online messages asking me whether I have decided my majoring. And even text messages!
Wahliao, is my decision really that influential? Lol!

Anyway, what's done is done. I've chosen mine. Have you registered yours?

Am happy happy happy!!
19th May 2009. *beams*
It happened, so naturally. No sign of awkwardness.
In fact we both wanted more, but to know when to push the brakes, would prolong the smooth ride.
Can't wait the next time I would get to see you.
And then perhaps..
Yeah, perhaps..=)

I am bored at work.
Still pretty much stuck with the logbooks.
Realized I haven't been writing decently.

Think I'm deprieved of sleep ever since I came to this big city. This neverending night life. And working day life. At the end of the day, I'm not sure the objective of such activities. Am I trying to achieve something?
I can't imagine myself coming to work everyday, just to sit here, and wait for the time to pass.. It's pretty depressing, really.
But then again, I can't imagine myself going back to UTP, away from KL, which has almost become my home now. 7 months, alot has happened here.

Today, was talking to a couple of people from UTP. Many were discussing about our different majorings. And how some of us chose the "seem-to-be-interesting" module, or some of us would choose the "seem-easy-to-pass" module. For me, the majoring I've selected, it seems nothing now. I don't even know what I have to face. And for some reasons, this majoring selection process HIGHLIGHTS even more, that I know nuts about Engineering.

Bummer!

Bringing someone special to meet the braders this coming Thursday. I hope they like her as much as I do.

This morning, it started off abit gloomy.
I woke up late, did not hear the alarm go off. Something's wrong;either with my phone, or myself. Hopefully it's the former.
I went to bed late last night, it's been the same routine for 4 nights now. Only managed to sleep at 3 in the morning. Last night was different though. The conversation ended not pretty good. 5 text messages of apology was unreplied. Suddenly I felt bad inside.

No idea what's wrong. Don't know how to fix the situation. What situation it was, I'm not sure about it too. I'm an ass, really.

Listened about one's future plans, can be inspiring, or demoting.
And while I'm happy about the fact one can be so certain of what they want, I, for one, am still pretty clueless. And by that, how can I even promise anything to my potential partner? 

I was told to quit Engineering school, 3 months after I started off with my foundation. I was told, again, to quit Engineering school, when I stepped into Undergraduate studies. And here I am, still enrolled in the Engineering school, 4 years after I was delighted to be able to leave Form 6 and embark into the Engineering world.
And it crossed my mind, million, or wait, make that zillion times, to just quit Engineering and do something which I like. But what?

Sad to say, at the age of 22 still, I'm still uncertain about what I'm good at, or even about what I want. Which is why, every once in a while, you can see me ranting, about how I don't fit in, in this Engineering world. I'm not someone who can figure out what forces acting on which part of the structure. I'm not someone who can visualize whether the building would collapse at certain load application. That kinda thing, you know.
But here I am, undergoing my 8-months internship. Almost nearing the end. Going to pursue my final year. And trust me, the almost-alike content entry would again be written here, about how I misfit I feel here.

Sometimes I don't think I push myself enough. Like fight for what I want. People-pleaser, yes I am one. Not willing to go against the parents. Not willing to fight with my inner self to search for what I'm really good at.
Suck, really.

I should really write a book about "The Thoughts of a Failed Engineer". I wonder if that would sell.

Back to how this inner-struggle started, I'm kinda upset with how I made her upset. Such an ass. Me, I mean.  Yes sayang, I think I'm in deep shit now.

Dinner, get-together to say bye-bye to her..

We had western, instead of the normal chinese food. *Sorry Mel!*

Khian, Sarah and Mel

' I can't be happy, if one of us aren't. '
This goes to all my friends.

The first time we met, was at Steven's Corner, Pandan Indah.
Since then, whenever we said, "lao di fang", means it's automatically in Pandan Indah.

From 5 Kapakia, became 6 The Lollies.

Sometimes, you either really have to believe in fate, or you have to just believe in fate.
Great company.
Though we couldn't get back the ORIGINAL place that night, it was quite a night.

Lolly Yen, Lolly Khian, Lolly Chloe


Don't ask me why on earth are we called "The Lollies". It's a long winding story.

We've done a lot together ever since. Like our weekend movie night to watch Angels and Demons, which of course a must to end our night with a few glasses of Ais Kosong in Steven's Corner, OUG.

No pictures were taken.

And to think that it's down to the last 30 days in KL.

Trying to make the remaining 30 days as memorable as possible.

Meet, 'Lolly Jo'

Woke up this morning, contemplating whether to get up for work. The usual, it's Monday.
The excruciating pain, from the tummy and the backbone. And the constant sudden urge to throw up.
I woke up anyway, bathed and changed. Then, I felt the sharp pain, on my tummy, caused me to sit on the bed longer. I felt my head swirling inside. Was it because I had insufficient of sleep?

I texted dad to tell him about my condition. He said it's up to me, if I want to skip work.
But I was worried. I just took a MC last Monday too.
Well, I was in too much pain, that I decided to just unchanged myself and crawled back to bed.
It was too painful, I couldn't even get any decent rest.

Dad came by, right after he reached KL. To the same poliklinik I went to last Monday. And to see the same doctor.
He did the usual checking, not a friendly doctor I must say.
All I had the chance to do was to tell him I woke up feeling nauseated, and he just asked me to lie down to check my tummy. And that was it.

I managed to squeeze in one question: "What's wrong?"

"Sounds ok. Food poisoning."

That was it. Not a friendly doctor, at all.

It's been about 6 days since both of decided to give it a try. Boy, I didn't know that time can pass that quick, because it felt like we've done alot since. Pretty attached I would say, and I'm not allowed to write about our ordeal online.

She would say, "Eh, you buat announcement again ke?"

That cheeky smile, it always melts my heart. Would love to bring her out some time, only the Lollies have met her. Oh, tonight would be Crystal's and Maylee's turn. I know how Yiling have always complained not meeting any of my "special" friend. Maybe a dinner date sometime?

There she goes, "Well, who are we meeting this time, dear?"

I pre-warned her earlier. That my social circle is so big, that the next time if we decided to go serious, we have gotta plan a "dinner-party" to make 'the announcement'.

 

"Urm, aren't you two afraid how people would look at you if you two were to display affection in the public?"


Hmm..interesting question.

I've always been pretty 'closed-up' in the past relationships. Coming from where I grew up, in a small 'town' where everyone goes to Jusco to hang out, I couldn't possibly risk being spotted being too close to anyone in fear that I would bump into any of the 'yi ma gu chehs'. (Need I remind you the damage that could occur if the 'yi ma gu chehs' decide to meddle into your family's business..?)

Yes, I write about it, from time to time. And I'm pretty sure, 3-quarter of my HUGE social circle reads my blog, including those I've never even talked to..and truth to be told, at times I still mind how I'm being viewed, by being different in a way. No, don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of who I've become, but I was brought up by strict parents, telling me that it's wrong to bear feelings for the same gender. (Mum's a school teacher in AMC, you get the flow. )

Anyway, this entry's not about how uncomfortable I am, being attracted to the people the same gender. But how far would I go, to 'look attached' to my other half, in the public.

I've always felt uneasy, how people would perceive me, that's why the hands-holding, the cheek-pecking, the etc..etc..would ONLY be done indoors, when there's only the 2 of us. It used to be that way.
But ever since I came here, I mingled alot with the people like us, or rather, I found myself belonging to a certain group of people, that I slowly find myself actually comfortable and at ease in the public.

I know, sometimes, I still get the ocassional stare, especially with the new haircut. (I know how drastic it is, since Maylee kept insisting that I've became more leng zai..hehehe!) And how I would get all nerve-wreck to try to understand what people would think about me. So whenever she holds my hand in the public, I won't deny that I would flinched a little, before holding hers back. It's just a reaction that I can't control.

But when you are really in the state of "in love", trust me, you have less control over your mind, and extra control over your heart and soul. Sometimes I find myself staring into her eyes, find myself wrapping her around my arms, find myself giving her a small peck on the cheeks, and an ocassional soft kiss on the lips, find myself holding her hands tight, finding ourselves entangled in a wrap..all these, in the public.

My head's in a mess.
The backache I woke up with, this morning. I was so close to thinking that I have appendics because I could hardly walked with the pain in the tummy.
And I left my wallet in her handbag, and drove all the way back. With no IC or driving license or whatsoever. Thanked my lucky stars that there was no roadblock last night, it was afterall 12 in the morning.

Had mamak with the Lollies. Said something unintentionally, utterly idiotic. Didn't even bother to defend myself.

Came home, freshened up. Caught myself on the phone with her. Until FIVE am. 5. I'm not kidding. Woke up 2 hours later, was a drag to do so. I'm aging.
Surprisingly we have a lot to talk about, even though we spend time for dinner, in the car, mamak..yet we hang on the phone after that.
It's good start, but I reckoned we should stop going over the limit. 2 hours of sleep isn't enough, for the two of us.

Imagine Khian, nearly falling from the office chair, at work.
Yeap, that's not a joke.

I think we should only work 4 days a week. That way, the weekends would come much faster.. (I'm not kidding yo!)
You know why?

I've been taking MCs for the past 2 Mondays, and guess what, the secret to having the weekends come much quicker, is to NOT work on Mondays. Then, the weekdays pass by faster, and voila! see, see, it's already Friday!

Okay, I slept early last night. (needless to say, because I was exhausted as soon as I got out from the train..) Had dinner with dad, since it's the 'Bak Zhang' festival, and we don't want the old man to eat by himself, don't we? Hehhe..so I suggested for us to eat crab. So, the 2 of us, ordered 1 kG worth of chilli crabs, and enjoyed the dinner, despite me, feeling all tired..yet, the oooompphh! of the crabs..kept me awake for at least good ol' 20 minutes during dinner.
Then, dad told me he had to go back to the site to collect his stuffs, so we had to go back to the city while I was dead asleep throughout the journey.

He did ask, "I see you always so tired. What you do at night ah??"

It was a question, not meant to be answered. Well, not with a honest answer, at least. So I pretended that I did not hear him, and continued sleeping..hehehe..

Reached home, got showered, and dropped dead on the bed. She came around 10.30pm, just to drop my wallet. We hung out at the bus stand for awhile, before she went home. Believe me, I was already wanting to faint then. It was a struggle to stay awake, but as soon as I saw her, it was like there's an extra zest in me! Oklah, for that 20 minutes when I saw her..then when she left, I had to drag myself home..changed and dropped dead till this morning.

I woke up, feeling slight cheerful that it's a Friday. And guess what, I felt like drinking+dancing all of a sudden. It didn't help when my iPod decided to randomly play clubbing hitz in the morning..so..urm..*fingers crossed*..Hopefully the Lollies want to go..hehe..

Oh wait..we are going to PD tomorrow afternoon..!

Counting down to the end of Week 26: 1 hour and 10 minutes left.

I love the weekends, now even more. Especially when I know I'm going to see her for dinner tonight. Yay!

How's everyone doing? What are your plans for tonight?