Dug up my baby photos.
and my brother is so cuteeeee..
Alot of photos of me, stealing a peck on his cheeks. Like char siew pao.
Hahhahaha..I tormented him, by texting him "Eh, you looked so cute last time, but now...tsk!"

We used to play alot, fight alot, broke a few window panes, furnitures and even a door was torn down..you wouldn't be able to guess the damage done, and now, when we are so far apart, I can only look at our pictures together. We no longer peck each other cheeks, but I know, he's there when I need him!

So cute can! Like char siew pao punya face!

Now, that's one thing out from the list-of-things-to-be-completed before moving on to finals.

International Business presentation, which I perceived to be one of the most "mo-wai" presentations of all. So many presentations this semester, including the upcoming FYP presentation. Well, on one hand, I wouldn't mind, if I don't have much presentation to do, but I have 3 this semester..and I am shy in front of the crowd..*Blush!*

However, complain-complain also must complete the task. We managed to finish up the slides in time, and got ourselves practising twice before heading to the meeting room. Mana tau the lecturer came late, and we were caught waiting for almost 15 minutes before relocated into another room.

Khian, TeeHooi, Harpreet, ShiouTing.
We worked on Unilever, as our company to be discussed.

and of course, the wait would make any one of us to go crazy..hence,

There were more, but best not posted here.

A very nice shot of me, presenting what was supposed to be presented.

A snapshot of us, tackling the Q&A session. The best, is to keep quiet, and let the experts do all the answering. Unless if you need goreng-goreng things, that's when I will step in.
and just a tip for all, if you want to ask the presenter's questions, please kindly make sure you have all your facts right before appearing stupid in the public. Imagine 4 of us, standing in front, trying to understand your question and then in the end, you kept talking about McD, McD. Hello, Unilever has nothing to do with McD.

Here I am, struggling with IB test in 4 hours time. 4 chapters to go, barely 1/2 a chapter read. I'm so screwed. So screwed. 3 tests consecutively on 3 days. I can die. Can die.com..

Craziness getting into my bloodstream!!!

Grand Prize = $5,000.

First prize (one in each category)
HDTV package - a $2,500 value

Second prize (one in each category)
The Flip UltraHD camcorder - a $199.99 value

How to win the above mentioned prizes?

1. Submit a video
Users make and submit a video in one of the following categories:
• “My contacts are getting in the way of my good time”
• “My favorite sport or activity would be so much cooler with better vision”
• “You should see life after the iLASIK® Procedure”

2. Then have your friends vote for your video!
Once users submit a video, their friends can vote on it. And votes are one of the key factors in determining which videos win a prize.

3. Wait for chance to be a winner!

And all these can be done here.

This iLASIK Video Contest is brought to you by Abbott Medical Optics Inc. (AMO), a global leader in laser vision correction, wants to know how better vision could improve — or has improved — people’s lives. AMO recently launched the “You Gotta See This” Video Contest, inviting entrants to make a video showing the impact of improved vision, for a chance to win cash and prizes. People have already submitted:
• original music videos
• videos on boxing and swimming
• videos that just show how their daily lives would improve

My brother, ze poser!

I actually stole this from his facebook..hehehe..kinda miss him lah..so long didn't see him..:|

p/s: I was actually checking his facebook if he has any scandal..but I think he erased all his "crime-evidence" before approving me into his list.

Yum~~~

My Sunday breakfast.
This is what you get, when you wake up, at your own home. Your parents get you, your favourite food of all times.

Salivate with me!

I seriously hate the fact how the coordinators work.

You don't post a notice, saying there's a talk/briefing on which-which day, a week earlier. You should've planned properly, give an early notice so that the students can plan their schedule out properly.

I checked the elearning today, to find out that there's going to be a talk next Tuesday. And it seems compulsory for us to attend. It sounds important. And when is the talk? Next Tuesday. And where am I? Needless to say. 

I am agitated with how things work, really. I reached here, yesterday around evening, when I got a call from mum, asking me to go home this week for dinner. Family dinner it seems. I contemplated but seeing how important the event was, I decided to drive home this weekend, with her, have dinner and head back to KL. And I thought, perhaps I can stay until the end of the week.

And then..

Someone, or rather PEOPLE went and disrupted the whole plan, because they suddenly felt like having a talk on our supposedly "study break". I know it's our fault, to 'cabut' on an academic week, but we have no classes already. And all I want is just to escape and hit on my books. And SUDDENLY!, SUDDENLY, out of nowhere, there's this talk out of nowhere.

Eh, all I can say, f*ck you lah!

p/s: FYP presentation seems tedious. It seems like we have to present to the WHOLE Civilians. I am not sure about the details, but from what I understand from the notice, it seems so. Bodoh lah! 

Spending the study week away from IRC, is a bold step for me.  I have never left the campus, especially during the most crucial week of the entire semester. What's more, that I've been missing most of the classes this semester. Partly due to me doing a MIA most of the time. I did try making up to classes, and most of all, appreciate the times when my group mates would back me up during certain times when I failed to understand our lab work. I guess, being away from studies for 8 months then, really changed the way you look at books and assignments. One part of me would be regretful for not spending much time for my studies back then when I was in my 1st years or 2nd year. This impact could be seen when I got an A for my Internship, with 14 credit hours worthy, and there was a slight increase in my CGPA, barely noticeable, I can tell you. Another part of me would know that none of the education I'm getting now would do me great deal as I pursue my career, which by now, I can see a bleak future, IF I were to work as an Engineer. Doesn't matter if I'm in the construction field, being a consultant or even if I were to be lucky, to end up with a good developer company, I still don't see myself being an Engineer. Well, enough of ranting, really. 
The weekend here, was a great one. We had our hair-cuts together. For the first time, we did this together, because usually, she would be the one waiting for me to get my haircut. Didn't do much though, besides that, because money was an issue. Didn't even have enough for food. Hoping to spend the weekdays here, trying to read as much as possible.  

I'm still around!!
My whereabouts are pretty clear, where else can I be?

Ever since she shifted, or rather 'we' shifted to her new place, we've been finding suitable pictures to be put up into frames and hang around her room. However, unfortunately, we couldn't find anything suitable (or rather 'decent' enough..*wink! to ariff!* hehehe!) thus, the idea of getting our pictures snapped at her new abode.

I kinda like this one. I'm used to camwhoring, thanks to the 'experiences' with the civilians during class.

and this, almost perfect!

Looks like we owns the place right?  

Joshua and I were having a serious conversation last night when we talked about getting married before 25. I honestly think he WANTS to do so, ..not too long now boy! 2 more years for you! But I told him, that unless the government decides to legalize gay marriages, I think marriage is nothing but a mere dream. And I pursue to tell him that, in the gay context, getting married is really unnecessary, well, at least I would say for myself. Marriage is just a way the couples tell the public that they are hitched, legally. And if anything happens, well, in this case, a divorce, both would be protected legally. In this case, if there's any assets purchased, both would perhaps get 50-50 from the damage done. Well, I'm not saying that marriage is a total waste of time, money and energy, (perhaps it is!) but then, it shows how much you love your other half. And how far you would go to proclaim your love. 
After all that, I would say I know of people, who are never 'legally married' yet they trust each other so much, that they don't really need a paper to entrust the bond. Assets purchased under the name of the other half, even though they risk having to debate who gets what at the end if there's a squabble. We have to learn that getting married doesn't mean your relationship is insured. It only means less headache when it comes to separation later. And that's what I think. 

I should really get back to work.  

MaSCounting down to 5 days before the first paper, I'm actually starting to get nervous, get all panicky, and most of all, because it's the final semester, you really don't want to screw things. Yeah, you would say "Shut the fuck up, and get started already!". It's easy to say so, but come to my position, you would realize the ke-tensi-an after being away from books such a long time. Anyhooo..

It was just the right time for me to spend a week here in KL. Since it was Yenny's [insert right number]'s birthday, it was only right we gather to celebrate her birthday. A few calls were made, and there we were, gathered at Marketplace, one of the hyped gay place in the city. First time Joanne was in a "gay" club, but sadly, because it was a weekday, there was no crowd. In fact, we were the only ones in the club. It felt like we actually booked the entire club. 

It was a great excuse to come out and meet, and most of all, partied in a subtle manner.

Sam, Ferrari Low, Her friend, Cherrie, Yenny, Viv, Khian & Joanne, with her Choco Banana birthday cake. Which Viv actually insisted on getting her that particular birthday cake. I don't remember the exact amount of times she reminded us to buy chocobanana for Yenny, but yeah, it was uncountable already.

Marketplace is located near Jalan Yap Kwan Seng, offers fine dining as well. which explains the amazing nightview we managed to capture.

Coughing ridiculously. Non stop. Feels like my lungs and throat are burning inside.
--Must be the weather.  

I am...
(so not used to being back here, in UTP, I mean.)

People should learn how to give up being so discouraging, over and over again. 5 months ago, when it started, people came with their "wise" ideas, poisoning her mind, that such relationships are nothing, but mere mirages. A short-lived one, in fact. Nonsense about me not being able to provide, give whats and what-nots. I listened tentatively, agreed to some point, that I may not be able to provide certain things, yet at the same time, doubted that maybe, this relationship of such kind is indeed a mere mirage. We decided to ignore, give things a try, trying to prove the people out there, that we might be correct.
For 5 months now, I've learned enough. I am learning still. The ways to love properly. The ways to prove to the people out there, that there's really no point to hide behind the closet. I opened up. No more nonsense of being scared. No more nonsense of not owning up to who I am with. I changed. People around me saw the changes. I was happier. I am happier. I have not been so comfortable before until now.
I have friends and aquaintances around me who knew about my sexuality before. And now, it's more clearer than ever. One thing I've learned, that I need to stop taking into account of how people would view me. Too many opinions, too hard to please all of 'em. Thank goodness none come to me and say such horrendous things like, "You sure you can ah?" or "It'll not work at all.". Well, undeniable, some would try to steer me to the "right" path. Asking me straight to my face, "Your relationship can work meh?" or "You think 2 girls got future meh?" I would usually be polite by answering them nicely, with a smile.
Well, to be fair, I have my share of doubts as well. Being with a girl, is against the law, against the norm of nature, against the beliefs of my family. With all that said, such a path is difficult to take. And I'm one person who likes nothing, but going against all odds. And my boldest step was to bring her to the recently organized Prom Night. To an event where the crowd are 'straight'. To test the waters, taking a little off the limelight, giving her a chance to meet some of my friends.

I have a large group of supportive friends. They would sometimes drop a message, asking me to bring her along. They would love to meet her. And, I would hope that her friends would cut her some slack.
And to the guy who brain-lessly shared his point of views about me, please, I would love to prove you wrong.
 

Look what I found........

- Trip to Genting, 2007.

The one-week worth of "study break" was obviously not fully-utilized otherwise, I would not be struggling to complete my International Business text book now. My final paper for this subject is due tomorrow at 2.30pm, with only less than 18 hours in counting, would I be able to finish this book? I have not been sleazing in fact, I did read a few chapters when I was down in KL but sadly, with this bad memory of mine, and such low capacity I have, I can only shamefully admit that I have to re-read everything again!

Reinforced Concrete paper today. No words can describe how I feel, really. Was it tough? I wouldn't say so. In fact, it should be one of my upper hand this semester, but you screw your life when you are not focused. That's all I can say. Classes have been skipped, paper already taken. There's no point to being regretful. Just felt slightly irritated. I'm sure the outcome would have been different, if I were to be given more time. Alas, more time means more time to be wasted. Sigh. Humans, we ought to learn to be more contented.

I am blabbering. In need of a friend to talk to. It's hard to connect these days. In dire of human attention.

Looking all sweaty, because we were near the BBQ pit. Her mode of house-warming was to have a BBQ party. Well, her sister, and a few kids were simply excited with the idea. I can't remember the last time I attended a BBQ party, and seeing that I missed the recent one at Avinesh's, this is an open-hint for you guys to organize ANOTHER BBQ party and this time, I should be around! From what I gathered, this year could be the last year which everyone would be heading back the same time. Otherwise, it's graduation/convocation next year, and for all you may know, I might not even be in Malaysia! Well, slight exxageration, but who knows? Better not take the risk, eh?

I have so much to read, and here I am. Can someone tell me what's important, and what's not? I have this silly tendency to chew and gnawl on the book now.

The tomato-faced me you see, it's me, after 3 cans of beer. I get this blush very easily, and please, I wasn't drunk. People tend to misunderstand the tomato-face as being drunk already. PLease! I know when to stop if I need to. And the rest of the people you see in the picture, are her friends who came for the house-warming. Funny, entertaining friends, I would say. At times I would wonder why it's so difficult for us to get along. Is it because of the discrimination? Or is it just me being overly-sensitive?

I'm having blurry vision now. And now, back to my book, before I black out. I don't have time to black out tonight. Let me tell you what I'm reading at the moment..

"Developing effective pricing policies is a critical deter...zzzZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Sigh..*folds paper planes*

It's a slow night...very slow indeed...

p/s: Remind me to make an effort to make human contact.

Do I have this frown all the time? I can't help it. I always try to pull a smile, but I can't.

It's nights like these I dislike.

For 3 nights in a row, I've been rushing to finish what's not been finished, for the finals. Having a day gap would only mean adequate rest before pursuing the next subject further. But I can't do so!

Tonight's slightly awesome though. I managed to chat with Mel a little, and Joshua..and Chin Leong. So random chat list I have tonight, but yeah, you don't get that often here. I mean, I don't really get anyone to talk to me online, or maybe because I don't fancy online-chatting most of the time. Well, unless if I'm doing my work, or watching some show online, otherwise, I wouldn't like the idea of typing away on the keyboard. I'm weird in a cute way, ok? I like to multi-task. I just hope that many would talk to me, at times. Ping me sometimes. Well, to remind me that I'm still noticeable, at least.

Such an attention-seeker, I am.

I left a message on Julia's wall on facebook to me. It was so random, and to add on to the randomness, she replied saying that she had a dream about me the night before. That was very weird ok, because it has been 6 years since we last had contact with. And we aren't really close then. Only hi-bye senior and junior. That one also she can dream. Wahliao..

So now, Ariff's not replying my text. Sigh. Is that why I'm getting all excitable and not being able to sleep. Sucks. Awww!! Sucks!!

Finally decided not joining the rest to Langkawi next week. FYP's uncertain. So, making plans for her to come down to Ipoh instead. At least there's some company next weekend. Parents off to Ho Chin Minh, and the whole house to myself. I can feel a party warming up now..Lol!

Oh yeah, those who are interested in meeting her, she would be in Ipoh, next week. So, please, let me know, and we can come out yumcha! So no more excuse of me keeping her hidden in the closet, alright?

Some things bugging me.
Can Structural Dynamics be completed in less than 24 hours?

By the way, what's the fundamentals of a relationship?
If your boyfriend is able to provide for you, be there 24/7 for you, does that make him an A-class boyfriend?
Is that equivalent to love?

I'm going to share something personal here. (Well, not like I don't do so anyway..haha..)

I know of couples, where the girlfriends are still pursuing in their studies when their boyfriends have already graduated and joined the work force. That would be pretty normal right, especially if the age gap is not too big. 2-3 years, it'll only be normal if one is still in the university, and the other is working. Well, in that case, I guess it's acceptable still because the guy is supposed to be "providing" and the girl is supposed to be "provided". But let's turn the tables around. What if, situation's reversed. The guy is still schooling, but the girl's already out in the working society. Does that mean the girl has to "provide" the guy in that terms? Well, I'm not even talking about the age differences. It's just a matter of one out in the society, and the other, still pretty much burried under books.

Ok, let's be more specific. So when you are in a relationship, does that mean the dominant one would be paying for everything, whilst the other would always be at the receiving end? Well, in most cases, it would always be the guys doing so, but then again, in a 'normal' relationship, things would be much easier and less complicated. To what extent should the boyfriend be providing? Wouldn't that be a risky investment, if you are someone who goes by the statistics? You are actually investing in something, without knowing the percentage of return. Well, the circumstances would change if she's your wife. In that case, like I've written before, you are bound by the legal force.

Anyway, my problem begins (actually it's not really a problem to me, but it's bugging me, for no reason..) when friends of hers kept harping on the reason why she chose to be with me. One thing that made things difficult was because it was an "abnormal" relationship, (again, wtf is with people these days..what's actually normal, you tell me?) and secondly, I'm still in University, not being able to provide and to make things worst, my University is so far away, thus lesser time spent together. So, with all these reasons they came up with, they concluded that this relationship is nothing but a mere experiment.

I can actually write a book on "What the fuck is Wrong with People?" with all these build up.

First of all, when I was told of this, the first question I would always ask, "Are they Chinese Educated?"

I am not being stereotyping, but from all these years of experience, I find that those Chinese Ed finds it hard to accept such abnormality. In fact, only last night, a friend of mine kept saying that I'm not gay, and I should turn back to being a "girl". It amuses me, really. They try so hard to shape me being a "girl" when they don't realize that I'm actually still one. I HAVE NOT UNDERGONE TRANSGENDER OPERATION, FOR GOD SAKE. I'm just comfortable in what I wear, in this case, casual. Secondly, me, being a year younger, and still studying is one of your reasons, really makes me laugh. One thing, I'm doing a degree which requires 4 years for completion. And the thing is because I'm still studying, that makes me not being able to "provide". People like these, have to understand one thing. Being in a relationship, doesn't mean you have to "provide". Typical chinese mindset. There should be a thin line, separating your assets and her assets. Who knows what's going to happen in 3-4 years' time? Let's not even go so far. You don't even know what's going to happen the following day, and you already want to talk about "providing".

And to the guy who said that I'm not even half of the person he is, I'm sorry, yes, he's right. I'm not even half of the person he is. I don't even have what he claims to be "his asset". Sorry to say, I can't even give a decent 'wedding' to whoever my life partner is going to be. But if being a relationship, means going straight to the wedding bells, sorry to say, at this age, it's too early to decide. There's more to learn in this "abnormal" relationship and one thing she has to learn is not to get affected with what people have to say about her.

People and their ungodly tongues. The only way you can control them, is by cutting them, but if there's nothing you can do, then do nothing.

It really amuses me when people say I can't provide anything. Hello, please. Look at your field, and mine. You are only going in circles. I can go out of the box.

Certain sacrifices have to be made. Afterall, it's worth it.

In the midst of thinking of something smart to write..

Menyampah...
Menyampah aku melihat muka engkau. Babi sial.

Each and everyone of us has a role to play. Whether it's the role of a daughter, son, parent, grandparent, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, student, lecturer, etc. You get the picture. With the given role, we are all expected to perform to it maximum and play our part, well. In most cases, such roles, come with rules and regulations, whether we like it or not, we have to obey them. For most cases, rules are broken, thus the issue of compatibility in role-taking.
A mental note. Just remember the role you are playing. Because there will be a day, people will get tired and thus, your role will soon be redundant. And you shall be replaced.

-- Told a friend, it's a risky investment, and from the looks of it, the stocks are going down. Time to scout for a new one then! 

I stayed awake the whole night. Perhaps it was a good excuse to "de-rail" from my final, final paper. Must be the 'hypertension' I've been having lately, due to exams, due to external factors, I've been feeling off-track lately. As I'm typing this, I've just forced myself off the bed, taken a quick cold shower, and instead of mugging the last minute, I thought it was best to do some theraphy here before facing the paper later.
I think exams change a person's mood, emotion and attitude. I really do. Either you turn into a giant blob, which goes on sucking and sucking in what's written on the books, and you become oblivious to your surroundings, OR you become like me, uncertain of your emotions, what you've read, what was been done and all you want to do is just lock yourself in the room. You'd prefer the darkness. Isolation.
I remembered when I first got into this relationship, or rather for a couple of my past relationships, MeiLing & Mel would ask, "Are you sure this is what you want?" and obviously, at that point, it was only the starting of the race, and with excitement, I would always say "Yes!!". And then Meiling would do her signatory saying which goes like this: "Just make sure you treasure her." with a smile, of course.
I've came a long way now. From beautiful relationships which I've crushed with my own bare hands, and to not-so-beautiful relationships, which I've abandoned. And last night, was perhaps, the stupidest decision I've made. I know, there's no reason to utter anything mentally-abusive when you are in an argument, especially when you come to think of it, perhaps, at some point I overreacted. I admit that. I tend to get slightly over-posessive sometimes. It's something you have to take in about me, if you want to be with me. I tried not to bring this negative element everytime I start a new relationship. I suppress my emotions. Acting all cool about what or what not that was done, until at some point, the pressure has turned tooo intense.
At one point, I remembered someone telling me not to give my 100% when I start this new relationship, because if you give that much, and when it ends, you get twice the pain. Obviously, I was stupid enough to have ignored his advice.

Ego. Oh, sue me, please.