I should be Linus.

Instead, I'm worrying about everything under the sun at the moment. Gone were the days when post-exams means hanging out with friends and fun. I foresee a gloomy next sem if Shim doesn't make it here.

Onto happier stuff, the bottom of the Christmas tree is getting more and more colourful and cluttered by the day. That makes me happy, although I probably just have ONE present. Haha. I love lights and anything that glows. And having Trinity tell me she wants to get me a present although I said she doesn't have to makes me smile. She doesn't think I'm a small kid anymore (took her like 10 months to realise that?) but instead calls me a teenager. AHAHA. Slowly but surely.

Since the whole Alexi Murdoch song only consists of 2 words - Shine and Love, that's the title.

Hello. It's been awhile.

Tonight I got a call from a bunch of friends, might or might not have been a drunk dial. But oh my gosh, they made me feel so bad, right to the core. A number of my friends are leaving for good, and tonight was supposed to be a farewell thingy for them. Problem is, while everyone has been off uni-duties for about a week now, I've yet to sit for my only paper, which is on Thursday. Tonight's bad storm is just another indicative sign that I should not be out bar-hopping merely a day plus before my 55%-worth paper.

I know I shouldn't be taking this so seriously, but there were just a couple of things that sounded as if they could see right through me. Reverse psychology and talks about "think it through, ask yourself if you're doing the right thing and make the right decision" made me wonder what I'm really doing. Do not make fun of my studying for exams and doing past year papers as "such an undergrad thing" though. Even after how I achieved realisation of what I've become, I still said I can't go out. Meh.

From taht call, I did realise that maybe I'm not quite myself. I probably haven't been recently. I'm usually the kind who'd have fun, but although I had 2 weeks to study, I've been saying no to outings and stuff for that long, and the 2-3 weeks before that when I still had my major assignments. I haven't been out on the usual weekend outings for more than a fortnight. The last time I was at a bar or the last time I watched my favourite Brissy live band was when Sal just got back after her Raya break. It's been THAT long.

Throughout the years, high school, college and uni, right smack in the middle of my exams, and I'd still drag someone out for a movie and stuff. I'd always thought taking a break off work for a few hours was fine and would do me more good than staying cooped indoors. So whatever happened this semester? My close friends are leaving for good, and all I want to do is stay indoors. Alone. I think I'm becoming a stingy recluse. And I don't think it's that temporary. Plus, I admit I'm quite bummed that I may not to keep my GPA and get that uni award I got last sem. It's no biggie, but I do get quite disappointed knowing this sem will probably pull my GPA down a bit even though its a bio-based semester, which is meant to be my forte. I hate competition. But without that I wouldn't bother trying so hard in UQ, would I? Especially since I already have a GPA score I didn't expect from last sem. The competitive streak in me keeps telling me I must maintain my grades.

I'm not exactly losing my mind staying home. That's new. I actually enjoy being home, on my bed, with the laptop on my brekkie table, only leaving the room for the bare essentials and to watch the simpsons.

And I must admit I haven't been publicly blogging for some time because I'm comfy being a hermit. I've had on and off bouts of minor-depression from studying, my burns, possible infections (which scarily look like ringworm now),  other long-term health problems, stupid doctors, not getting an doctor's appointment till end of nov, after-exam-party invites, my birthday plan for wet n' wild and gold coast which I might just have to cancel, and all the planning about trips and all when I'm back.

I think I've been drowing myself with work, work-outs, and just being in my rather-comfy room that I haven't realised that all the jacaranda and flowers are gone, and all the little stuff I'm so used to observing and finding joy in. I miss being truly happy, you know? I'm not exactly down in the dumps, but I do miss being genuinely smiley and happy. Right now, I'm just looking forward to the day I'm home. I can't wait to be myself again. I'm quite fed up of having work/study/money excuses for not going out, especially when the weather is currently so pleasant to be at the beach, barbies, picnics, watching the sunset on the citycat, riverside running, and everything I love. I guess it's a matter of finding myself again. I have to find what makes me happy. Am I going the right direction in life. Stuff like that. Me being pensive. Haha. Not sure if it's a normal thing.

I must say it's been good that I've been chanelling all these vented up energy through work-outs though. I've been doing push-ups, crunches, dips, lunges, running - all the usual stuff. I'm starting to get a bit of my arm muscles - biceps, triceps stuff again. Which is a good indication of how I'm back to my fitter self when I used to play tennis.

Also, music always helps. Thank you Queen. Thank you Beatles. Across the Universe always makes me feel grateful for everything I have and remind me that each and everyone of us is always loved.

And Jack's Mannequin too. Especially with songs like "Swim".

Hello everybody!

GUESS WHAT~?!

something SPOKE to me!

"Heellloooooooooooooooooo Junnnneee~"

and........all of a sudden !!!!!

If not.......................

lets allow Desmond's balloon to answer that...

toodles~

Tissue

GOOD OR EVIL?

.........................................

WHAT does Jay think?

no comment?

.....

Gosh...

that was a random post...

Junne, you're losing it.

I was seriously starting to crumble like apple crumble already.

Thank goodness for tonight. Riverside barbie, awesome weather, tonnes of sarcasm, people of different cultures and backgrounds, and new friends. A pre-exam stress reliever can't be any better. Well ok it could be better if we did have board games. Hahaha.

Chanel couldn't make it tonight, so it was 3 Malaysians, 2 Bruneians and an American. Very muhibbah. We had Malay, Chinese, Indian, Iban/Eurasian, and Maggie, the American, has Hungarian, Irish, German, Italian, etc. blood. Awesomeness. Too bad I got rashes tonight and scared some of them. A few of them insisted I put a bag of ice over the rashes. Hahahaa. It hasn't been that long since I had seafood, has it? =( I can't have lost my immunity towards seafood already! But then again, I had like 10 prawns to myself. Meh. Maybe that was a bit too much. My buttered grilled baquette went off the plates like hot cakes. I couldn't even keep up with grilling them in time to always have bread on the plate! AHAHAHA. =) Good stuff, eh? And Ish now knows the pain of me having to chop up raw corn cobs. There was also the must-have mushrooms.

The whole bunch of us clicked very well, for people whom we've never met before. We even witnessed some drama on the river where there were a few police boats which later had bigger backup police boats and stuff surrounding this boat in the middle of the river with no lights. We thought they caught a fugitive or someone died or something. 0_o Yeah, I know. Have a few drinks and I'm pretty sure all kinds of ideas crop up. Including finding the pink boat of that Jessica kid who wants to be the youngest girl to sail around the world. No idea what happened, but they towed the boat away in the end. A few party boats went up and down, but only one seemed lively.

I guess the best part was going home. Sal and I unknowingly finished up 3/4 bottle of a newly opened Bacardi. Surprisingly, I was very very fine. Sal got just a bit light headed for awhile. But it was the guys who were happy trippy. Who'd have thought that you'd get easily accessed drugs in some of the world's "strictest" countries? (I'm not saying we took drugs, and I don't mean Australia). Oh, back to the point. Lets just say it's a night Ish will miss for a long long time. I don't think I've ever seen him that happy or amusing. Haha. All of us got off at the Regatta stop, and they were playing "Girls just wanna have fun" at Regatta. Like damn it. I'm in shorts and sandals. But then again, hey girls get away with anything, don't they? HAHAHA. Nah, we didn't end up entering Regatta.

Oh oh. I forgot. Maggie and I saw a shooting star, and the 2 of us are like the only ones who've seen shooting stars and say they're pretty common. GEEZ. People, if you've never seen a shooting star before, you should go out to an open area with very little light. Like a beach (not at a resort though). Otherwise people just think we're talking crap when we talk about shooting stars. I've seen tonnes. And I still get excited everytime I see one randomly. Well, it was meant to be a sleepover, but none of us actually ended up staying over. Poor Bryan. We kinda spoilt his plans to camp out (with actual sleeping bags, camping gear and all) at the huge balcony under the stars, overlooking the pool and river. And he actually wore boardies cos we girls said before this that we wanted to swim. I reached and he asked "Where're your bathers?" Awww. We said that when it was supposed to be an afternoon barbie. I felt pretty bad. Not swimming, not camping out. He was like an overly excited kid. Awww.

As usual, the others have better pictures of the scenery and of us. I jumped into a few pictures tonight, not something I'd usually do. I'm hoping to get them from the rest soon. For now, this was the only picture I took from Oly while waiting for the citycat at Riverside. Story Bridge. I don't see how it's like the harbour bridge (the Sydney one), but apparently many people mistaken this as a mini version of the Harbour Bridge.

Today I said goodbye to a few friends. Friends graduating from Masters, some moving on to phd, some going back to work in whatever institution/uni that they're affiliated with, some giving their all to save the wildlife in their corrupted countries, some just pray for a job. Only 2 out of the whole lot that presented at today's seminar were not married/engaged. Am I that young, or am I that old?

"We'll be watching your seminar next!" 

Those words remain long after the crowd dispersed.

Yeah, it WILL be me next. Back at crossroads so soon? And I'm pretty sure I'll explode the next time someone asks me about my future plans, or why I'm not sure if I want to do my phd. Years roll by quickly, but isn't life a journey? Would being ahead of the "game" make me any happier? Don't these people ever stop and have a breather? Life, after all, is unpredictable and only that long.

Success!

Finished 20 pages of my major assignment, filled with lots of survey data, comparisons and philosophical stuff. I still find the idea of romanticism in conservation pretty awkward. Nature as purifier of the human spirit? Also turnitin-ed, and got a rather good score. Happiness.

A couple of years ago, writing 2,500 words was pure agony. Now I have to write 6,000-8,000 words papers, and I still go over the word limit at times.

Assignment completed 6 days early - that leaves me slightly over 2 weeks to study. Must study. Yay? "Do or do not, there is no try." Lets see who knows where that quote is from.

I somehow also managed to complete Hospital Hustle in one day. And won a few games of chess on chess titans. Go Michy!

Also, gang member #10, Mr Tan Yee Hou, got me a Twitter account without my knowledge. Like all of a sudden, hey, what's this twitter email notification with the right e-mail, username, and name? How bizarre! Haha. So yuppers, account's twitter.com/monitorlizzie , although I may or may not use it much.

Because my life has been so mundane lately, I consider this extremely interesting. Blog-worthy. Yeah what a loser.

Knowing the klutz that I am, I accidentally burst one of my oil-burn blisters while changing. =(

Before this, I wasn't nervous about the burn at all because I thought meh, I had this the last time. Should be the same. Boy, was I wrong. The thing is, I think my previous burn was so bad it totally burnt off the skin and probably the ends of receptors or something, because I didn't have a blister and it definitely didn't hurt. It was just really rough dark skin which eventually peeled off in a rather scary manner, and that's why I have a lighter patch of skin on my right arm.

This time around, I had blisters, and yeah since one of them burst, first thing that went through my mind was to wash the wound with anti-bacterial soap and use dettol. Oh my gosh. It stung like mad. Geez. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do that. Die la. My first-aid-knowledge is rusty. Le sigh.

Anyway, more dettol cream later and the pink raw patch doesn't hurt anymore. Googled stuff up and most sites say don't use any adhesive dressing. Use gauze. Unfortch, as a student away from home, I never had gauze. The last time I used gauze, I was 12 when my cousin pushed me to a sharp fence, which so accurately pierced my new BCG scar. It was so scary for everyone because it was gory and I had blood streaming down my arm. I don't remember much of it. I know I didn't cry. I was stunned. And I don't even remember who treated me or if I went to the doctors. Oh my gosh. I just realised I don't remember!

So anyway, I had to make do with a band-aid for now. Is that alright? I mean the center bit isn't sticky, right? Hopefully the center bit is large enough to cover the raw skin. And having something over it is better than leaving a raw wound exposed to infection, I suppose? I guess I'll leave it overnight and check on the wound tomorrow. Any suggestions from first-aiders?

I think this is the first interesting thing of the day. Or maybe the week.