How could i be this weak?

I tried to kill it. God knows how much I tried. But it won't stop.

I call your name in silence. I cry in silence. I suffer in silence. I miss you in silence.

Somebody save me.

Dear Mommy,
I can't believe I had that kind of conversation again with you, wherein I blabber, yeah, and then you are just facing the laptop screen without even bothering looking at me and try to look as if you are listening. I don't know what exactly hooks you up everytime you use your computer but seriously, tomorrow is monday and i don't have much time left before classes start. And by the time classes start, i shall be in this prison once again where i cannot freely do whatever i want as i am hindered by the monstrous assignments and reading materials i am supposed to finish in such a short span of time.

okay. i want to let you know how i hate the feeling of being ignored, not to mention, i really really really hate it when i am being promised to and then nothing happens and then you tell me we'll just do vacay some other time.

damn.
i can't believe i am talking to my blog and not to you.

damn.
i can't believe i can't even talk to you coz i'll be hearing the same crap.

damn.
why am i here again????

You see, I am a very very kind person. But, like many others I can be that bad individual you don't want to encounter with. So please, don't take advantage of me. Not because I look weak, or I seem to be the kind of person who won't step up for I believe in, then you are wrong. I am the kind of person who can shout at you in the middle of the crowd and tell you how wrong you are. And don't even go there coz I just did that already to a few people. I can be good. I can be bad - to the point of erasing you even if you are in sight.

Guess whose back? Back again, Avi's Back, back again!!(and I did not return from the dead)

Well technically I've been back every weekend, this was just to herald my return to the blogosphere, after a very very very very (you get the point) long hiatus/absence/inactivity etc etc etc...

Alrighty, let us begin, the semester started off pretty well, with me having only 16 units (credit hours) of subjects!! The subjects for this semester can be said, to be a little lighter, to a certain extent if weren't for the fact that my minor is in BM, otherwise, it would have been a stroll in the park (so to speak) but nevertheless, it was still fun, compared to my previous semesters.

It was more fun and at the same time an eye opener, to the Malaysian writing scenario. Previously, I've never given, as a matter of fact, any thought on Malaysian literature and this semester was a real eye opener, we, especially me in this case, who has been fed all the while with books from Tolkien, Susan Cooper, C.S.Lewis and so on and so forth, was quite amazed to the fact that our own home grown writers can actually write, of course the language is suited to a more local palate but then again, the plot, the drama and the sleaze fest, it was really enlightening. Especially when certain taboos come under the spotlight, melting away the facade that our society puts on to cover their so called 'shame' such as incest, pre-marital sex, transvestites. I know that these issues have been around, but how many dare bring them to the spotlight in the manner our Malaysian writers has done. But of course you need a sharper mind to spot them, and going by Malaysian reading habits...hmm i doubt many but a handful will be able to spot them. Many I know will either trun away in disgust and rather not address them allowing it to fester. Harsh as it may sound, but that is the reality behind the Malaysian reading habits. But those things aside, I now have developed an appetite for Malaysian authors, thanks to my course and it was also in this duration where I was lucky enough to meet these authors, and in all standards deserve the pedestal in which I have placed other foreign authors before, (this is of course my opinion, you may have yours but once again this is mine).

i learned that i can live without you but  just do not want to.

i learned that you are a beautiful blue sky in summer, untainted.

i learned that you are the wind that makes the brown leaves fall from their branches, gentle.

i learned that you are the silence of old corridor halls, full of memories.

i learned that you are the noise of children laughing, euphoric.

there is no point denying that i love you.

i learned that my love for you is beyond social expectations.

i learned that my love for you does not entail ownership.

i learned that my love for you transcends cliche.

i learned that being away for awhile makes me love you more.

i learned that i may get hurt in the process but will still persevere.

i learned that i love you enough to be there for you but will give you the freedom to be happy.

there are no more rules with how i feel.

i learned that you are the stories at the back of my heart, waiting to be written.

i learned that you are the unforgiving rain which i want to die with.

i learned that you are the only one person i would rather break my heart.

i learned that even if we are two parallel lines, i want to try to prove the equation that allowed us to meet.

these are my lessons;

but these are not enough to describe how you have changed me.

shit! i hate my job!

shit! i didn't even look up to see you eye to eye when our paths crossed this afternoon.

shit! i need a new job or else i might go back home..

shit! i fuckin miss you..

which is which?

but i really don't care whether i am lonely or not. I stumbled upon this interesting quote:

It takes a lot of frogs to meet your prince. - Angela Custodio

Microscopic Anatomy was the only class I was interested in during my first semester in Grad School. I opened the student portal [where students can view their grades and whatnot] and saw a flat one. Man, I am proud of myself.