The me without reservations would have told him this.

...,

I hope you love me.

I hope you like the way I laugh.

I hope you enjoy my mood swings.

I hope you care.

I hope you realize that life doesn't seem such a waste when we met.

I hope you need me.

I hope you are dreaming to make love with me.

I hope you cannot imagine us  apart.

I hope you miss me.

I hope you are in pain with what we are going through.

I hope you want me to meet your mom.

I hope you will give me flowers when I am upset.

I hope you will write me a letter.

I hope you are excited to spend your days with me.

I hope you think of me.

I hope you are longing to kiss and hug me.

I hope you will ask me to stay.

I hope you can live without me but just don't want to.

I hope you will tell me more of your pain and happiness.

I hope you feel the same peace and comfort.

I hope that we have the same hopes.

loving you at this moment,

....

.. i never got to say them until it was goodbye.. i should have said it.. who knows, i might have changed his mind.. =(

I analyzed too much today and questions ran through my head which concerns what I want in life.

I realized, I never wanted material things or a nice paying job. All I ever wanted was a small house, a job that will sustain the needs and a tranquil life - nothing more.

When i had money in hand, I kept wanting more.

When i had two jobs, I didn't any time for anything else. I just kept working and working until such a time, I became workaholic - All I wanted to do was to work; I didn't want to waste a single minute of my life because time meant money.

Now, I'm back to schooling, trying to become a dentist, a doctor, but i never really wanted myself to be one. Just because I've started this course already, might as well get done with it or shift to another course yet again (goodness for the 3rd time around - i do not think so). I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe, at the outset, I can throw the blame at my parents for being too pushy, for having too much expectations on their kids, on me specifically. But for the most part, the major decision of pushing thru the course and get into the actual grad program was on me. I stopped working, packed my bags and zoomed myself back to Manila to finish schooling - thinking it was for the better. God, what was I thinking? I had a great... no, a good life back when I was Vegas. I was contented with what I had then. I was worry free. I was a free soul. I made the wrong move, I opted for the wrong decision because of wrong reasons. I realized only today that these reasons were selfish reasons. I am ashamed to admit I am a greedy, selfish, self-centered person. I really am.